Amnesia

Chapter 7: A Special Case

Despite not having to be at work until later, Ino got up at the same time as usual. A part of her was slightly sad that Sakura had moved out – she was going to miss teasing her best friend – but she was nervously excited that with a little bit of a push, Sakura had found her apartment.

Ino had still promised to monitor Sakura's health, and was invested in doing so, but a big part of her just wanted to see Sakura be happy. It wasn't fair to see Sakura, someone who was so independent and work-obsessed, be cooped up in a room or watched like a child.

Ino knew that the girl needed some progress because she was beginning to get agitated with her life schedule. Also, now that Naruto was away, Ino knew she needed to keep Sakura even more occupied or else she would get totally restless. It was fun to spend more time together, but it was also bittersweet. There was a part of Sakura vulnerable and so unsure of herself. It really was like they had gone back ten years in time.

Sakura was amazing, but she didn't know it. It wasn't Ino's style to say that out loud either. She would if it was necessary. She knew when Sakura needed it. However, it meant a lot more to hear from someone who didn't usually give out compliments – and that's what their friendship was. They were all banter and jokes. And at this point, Ino was fairly sure she had already lost a lot of her friend's respect.

That's why Ino wished Tsunade got a bit more hands on with Sakura. Ino knew how hard this was for the Hokage. She also knew just how much work the sannin was putting in to monitoring Sakura's progress behind the scenes – they talked about the situation frequently – but Sakura was completely unaware.

They were all following rules when it came to Sakura's health. They had conversational topics to avoid, places to steer the amnesiac away from, questions to sneak into everyday life. It was somewhat annoying that Ino found it so easy to do. Sakura, while usually easy to tease to a certain extent, would always identify that something was going on.

But Sakura was naive. She was lost. And it was frustrating to all of her friends. Ino was enjoying her time with her best friend, but her smile often fell as soon as they went their separate ways for the day. They had made no progress on the memory front. But they were not going to give up.

Sakura was about to find out that Ino had a key to her apartment. Ino entered Sakura's room in the morning to find that she was still sleeping.

An evil idea crossed her mind.

She snuck towards her friend with the intention of making her jump. As she was about to pounce, she paused, noticing a photo frame on the opposite pillow. Sakura's Team 7 photo...Ino hated seeing it. She hated Sakura staring at it even more.

Straightening and walking around to the other side of the bed, she picked it up. She studied it a little closer and saw there was a small circular mark on the glass of the frame. It looked like a teardrop… Rubbing it away with the bottom of her shirt, Ino glanced at Sakura. "Wake up, Forehead."

Almost straight away, Sakura opened her eyes, before blinking a few times. "Hey, Ino."

Ino smiled at her best friend. "Good, it usually takes you hours to get up."

"I thought I sensed something," Sakura mumbled and sat up, leaning against her headboard. She spotted the blonde holding her picture but wasn't embarrassed to be caught sleeping with it. She had woken up as somber as when she went to sleep.

Ino handed over the photograph and Sakura placed it on her lap, holding it in both of her hands, she looked at it again. She'd had a dream about her team as children, but…it didn't quite feel real, it was a little bit sketchy and incoherent. It wasn't just the events, mashed up dreams were normal, but the fact that she couldn't even picture her friends' faces properly made her sad.

"You are such a pose in pictures." Ino broke the silence with a teasing smile.

Sakura smiled and threw off her cover to hop out of the bed. Putting the picture back on her dresser, she replied just as jokingly, "I'm sure you're worse."

"I do take good photos," Ino mumbled, tapping her chin in thought.

"Of course you do." Sakura shook her head, unsurprised. "So what are we doing today?"

"Well my shift at the hospital doesn't start until later, so we could head out for some lunch if you wanted?" Ino suggested.

"OK." Sakura smiled. "Just let me get ready."

"Bathroom's the room to your right." Ino signalled.

"Thanks."

It was strange being told where things were in her own home, but hey, at least she had one now. She would need to make an effort to keep her chin up today. A little bit of independence would certainly help with that.

Sakura walked with Ino to the hospital after they had a relaxing lunch. Her thoughts had been pre-occupied during most of their meal. Hopefully Ino hadn't noticed her lack of active responses – if the medic had realised, she hadn't said anything and was as talkative as ever.

"What time do you finish?" Sakura questioned, breaking the short silence that had spanned between them.

"Seven," Ino answered blankly with small shrug. "What are you going to do until then?"

Sakura thought about it for a moment before she asked, "Do you think I could work at the hospital?"

"I don't know, Forehead, you sort of have to be trained," Ino replied slightly awkwardly, as if she didn't really know what to say.

"But I was trained," Sakura pointed out with a pout.

"If you can't heal, you can't heal." Ino smiled back.

"Can you teach me?" The pinkette looked hopefully at her friend.

"I doubt it," her friend shrugged, "medical chakra is complicated."

"What's chakra?" Sakura frowned.

"Exactly."

"But what is chakra?" Sakura repeated.

"Chakra is the energy we need to perform jutsus, body and spiritual."

Sakura nodded seriously. "And what's medical chakra?"

"Don't even start thinking about that." Ino smiled. "To learn how to use medical chakra you first need perfect chakra control."

Sakura was silent the rest of the way to the hospital, once again lost in her thoughts. She wanted to help people like she used to. Both Tsunade and Naruto had told her that she used to be a very successful medic. Surely she could be so again.

"No," Ino's voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?" Sakura frowned, concentrating on the conversation again.

Had she missed something? Or spoken aloud?

Ino noticed her confusion. "I can see that look on your face. Whatever you're planning, it's most likely silly."

"It's not silly," Sakura insisted as she followed her friend up the path and in through the hospital doors. "I want to learn to be a medic again. I used to be, why can't I try now?"

"You trained for years," Ino explained, slowing down to look at her seriously. "It's not as simple as just picking it up again. You don't even know the basics."

"I can learn," she argued weakly, knowing nothing of what training to be a medic actually entailed. She was in the mindset that if she did it once, in living memory or not, she could do it again. The need that had built up within her in the recent few weeks was unreal. She was getting restless. She wanted to do something useful.

"Sakura…" Ino sighed. "If you want my advice, don't be a medic. Come and work with me at the florist shop or something. Pick an easy, civilian job… If you wanted, you could get away with not working, you could appeal for benefits after your accident."

"Why would I do that?" Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't that mean everyone else has to do more hours at the hospital?"

The blonde smiled warmly. "Because you can. I know you have a high opinion of your skills, but you don't make that much of a difference, even if I do seem to be working double the hours."

She shook her head, determined. "I'd like to help people. I'd like to give back to those who helped me while I was unconscious."

"They owed you, believe me," Ino mumbled.

"Still." Sakura frowned.

"You're so stubborn, Forehead." Ino laughed. "Even if you wanted to be a medic, it doesn't mean you'd actually succeed in doing so."

"Who do I go to, to train?" Sakura asked.

"Tsunade has to approve all the new medics, her or Shizune usually oversee the training," the medic informed her.

Ah. Tsunade hadn't seemed keen on letting her do much at all after her accident - although she did give her the opportunity to find her apartment… But Shizune seemed a lovely woman, surely she would help her. Smiling, Sakura decided she would go to Shizune. That was her best bet.

"Good luck with getting either of them to help you," Ino said with a smile. "You will be the least-trained, under-experienced person to ever apply to work at the hospital."

Sakura frowned at her friend, irritated, even if it was the truth.

As if on cue, Shizune came rushing around the corner with a serious expression.

As Sakura was about to say something, the medic signalled to Ino. "Ino, come with me, we're needed in the emergency room."

"Right." Ino nodded smartly before running after the older medic.

Sakura went to follow, but the blonde shouted over her shoulder, "See you later, Sakura! Don't do anything rash while I'm working. My house later for dinner, OK?"

Sakura paused and the medics soon disappeared down the corridor, she lowered her head. "But…"

Ino and Shizune were working hard in the emergency room, Naruto was on a mission, all her friends were doing great things for Konoha and she was doing nothing.

With her mind made up, she headed to the Hokage's office, ignoring Ino's ideas for her future.

Tsunade smiled at her as she entered the room. "Sakura, find your house?"

"I did actually, thank you," Sakura replied.

The Hokage raised an eyebrow. A look of mild surprise crossed her face. "Really? On your own?"

"Well…Ino came with me," Sakura answered awkwardly, shuffling from foot to foot.

The sannin frowned in reply. "I said she couldn't help you."

"She didn't, she just walked with me," Sakura informed her. "She found me at Naruto's apartment."

Tsunade smirked. "You tried to get into Naruto's place?"

"Yes."

The Hokage laughed.

Sakura crossed her arms, annoyed. "Is that amusing?"

"Yes. Why did you go there?"

"It felt familiar, almost as familiar as my own apartment," Sakura mumbled. "Did you know I lived in an apartment building?"

The blonde nodded.

"That wasn't very fair. All the doors looked the same." Sakura frowned.

Still amused, Tsunade smiled. "I didn't think you'd find it in the first place."

"Well I did, so I'm living there now," she announced, unprepared to be told she couldn't. "Ino woke me up really early this morning."

The Hokage raised an eyebrow. "You're not a morning person. She managed to get you up?"

"I thought I sensed someone come in my room." Sakura shrugged. "I was pretty awake when I opened my eyes."

Tsunade nodded. "Is that all?"

"No." Sakura stood tall, trying to seem proud and presentable. She swallowed her nerves. "I want to be a medic."

The sannin leant back in her chair. Crossing her arms in her lap, she asked, "Why?"

"I want to help people like I used to." Sakura looked at her mentor. When blonde didn't reply, she added, "Everyone else is doing all these good things and I'm doing nothing."

"Why be a medic? It isn't the only way to help people," Tsunade answered, tilting her head to the side to study her.

Why was everyone questioning this decision? What was so bad about her wanting to be a medic, wanting to give back to her community? Surely they would like to have more medics. Unless she really would cause that much more work and hassle for them.

"It's what I'm good at," Sakura mumbled, "or what I used to be good at."

Tsunade hummed. "Do you want to be a medic because you're trying to be who you used to be? Or are you just trying to remember?"

"I wish I could remember, but I can't. I see these images of my team, of my childhood, but…it doesn't feel real." Sakura sighed. "It's as fake as the visions shown to me."

"Sakura, you have a second chance here, to be whatever you want to be-"

"I want to be a medic." Sakura met her mentor's gaze, adamant about her decision.

"Well…" Tsunade began slowly, no enthusiasm for her plan at all. "It's not going to be easy."

"I know, I've been told. Why does nobody want me to be a medic again?" Sakura was both annoyed and confused. She wasn't even prepared for a logical answer to her question.

"Amnesia is usually unique for each individual, but it has its patterns… Your brain damage is certainly a strange case."

Sakura waited for further information, trying not to worry until she heard the whole story.

"Amnesia is split into two kinds," Tsunade explained, "anterograde amnesia, where you can't form new memories, and retrograde amnesia-"

"Where you can't remember the past?" Sakura chipped in.

"Yes, that's what you have," Tsunade confirmed.

"But I remember my early childhood," Sakura frowned. "I've not forgotten everything."

"The amount forgotten usually varies from person to person, as well as if it's temporary or...not."

"How long is temporary amnesia?" she questioned, slightly hopeful.

"It depends on the person." The sannin sighed. "Weeks to years… It can take the number of years you can't remember to remember what memories you can no longer retrieve."

"So ten years? It could take up to ten years for me to get my memory back?" Sakura grumbled. "That sucks."

"Sakura…if it gets to that long, it's unlikely you remember at all."

There was a long silence.

Sakura looked at her mentor, her hope crashing and burning into ashes at her feet.

Tsunade lowered her head, avoiding her gaze. "I was hoping you'd show signs of improvement by now. It's been over a month, the way it's going…it looks like you'll never get your memory back."

Sakura closed her eyes tightly. She didn't want to hear that. She couldn't handle it. Despite no progress, she was grasping at invisible hope, and she knew Naruto and Ino had been doing the same. Her best friends had moments of stretched silence and Sakura watched them when she could get away with it.

It was becoming clear to Sakura that the people around her, as lovely and supportive as they were, they were sad. She caught them when their smiles wavered, to their credit it wasn't often. Yet these amazing people still loved her and helped her and they had lives of their own that they managed to keep going through all of it. Sakura didn't want their hope to be wasted. She couldn't bear to see it wasted.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes to study her mentor, who had looked back up and was watching her with a solemn expression. "But there's still a chance? It could be up to ten years, or even longer, but I might remember?"

Tsunade gave her a small smile. "Yes, there's a chance."

That's all she needed to hear, that was all she needed to know to rekindle the small fire of hope in the ashes of her disappointment.

Sakura smiled back. "So what's so special about me? Why is my ten years of memory loss strange?"

"It's not so much the time…" The Hokage shook her head. "It's what you can do."

"...What I can do?" Sakura repeated, confused.

"Along with amnesia, it is common for the patient to lose certain skills. For example, you've damaged your procedural memory, which is your memory for skills, knowing how to heal or fight," Tsunade elaborated.

"Right." Sakura nodded.

"Wrong," the Sannin corrected with a smile, "you've not lost that completely."

"I don't remember how to heal or fight…" She trailed off, losing track of the conversation.

"Your ninja skills are still sharp. You sensed Ino this morning? It takes a ninja to hear a ninja. You heard Naruto shuffling outside your hospital door, when he was eavesdropping on you," her mentor explained. "He was barely making noise."

"How'd you know he was eavesdropping on me?" Sakura frowned.

Tsunade cleared her throat, stiffening in her seat. "He told me."

"You're a terrible liar." She smiled, easily spotting the fib. "You were there."

"I'd like to say that was your ninja ability to pick up lies, but you were never very good at that." Tsunade smiled.

"So you are a terrible liar." Sakura laughed.

"I was eavesdropping for medical purposes only," the sannin insisted. "That's not important now… What I'm saying is, your implicit memory is still good, meaning you can do things without conscious recollection." Tsunade studied her desk before picking up a small, but heavy notebook, launching it at her apprentice, she shouted, "Think fast!"

Sakura's eyes widened as the book approached her face. She took a step backwards, but was unable to dodge. The book hit her on the head and she was knocked to the floor, dramatically landing in a startled heap. "Oww…" she whined, rubbing her forehead from where she lay.

The Hokage peered over the desk at her apprentice. Sakura sat up and continued to rub her injured head and Tsunade tried to hide her smirk. "Sorry…I thought your reflexes would kick in and you'd dodge or catch it."

Sakura grumbled to herself. Book in hand, she pulled herself to her feet, stepping forwards until she reached the desk, she handed over the object that had struck her, still frowning at her mentor.

"If your implicit memory is good, you should still remember all of your ninja skills, but you can't heal and you can't fight," Tsunade explained, "not consciously."

"I healed Naruto," Sakura pointed out.

"Yes, you healed yourself in your sleep, you healed Naruto and you punched Sasuke by channelling chakra." The Hokage nodded.

"So that's good?" Sakura questioned hopefully.

"It's no good if you can't do it consciously." Tsunade shrugged. "The point is that you shouldn't be able to do those things, but you can. While it's not going to help you remember, it might save you one day if you're ever injured or something."

Sakura narrowed her eyes in thought. "Why does that mean I can't be a medic?"

"You don't remember healing yourself, you don't know how you punched Sasuke, you remember nothing of healing Naruto." The sannin sighed. "You remember less when you do these things… We're worried that you can't consciously learn these skills again, that it might only do more damage to you… A writer can get brain damage and forget how to read, an artist can lose their perception of colour. You're a ninja. When patients get brain damage, it often affects the biggest part of their lives and their best skills… You had perfect chakra control, my theory is, that you will never be able to physically control chakra again."

Sakura swallowed as she took in the information, not liking it one bit. "...But I did," she argued weakly.

"You were not aware. You were put in a very stressful situation which made you have to. I fear without that stress that you can't do it," Tsunade explained. "I'm sorry, that is why we don't want you to be a ninja or a medic again. If creating that stress is the only way you can perform, it might have further negative effects on your brain. You might end up developing a mental disease."

"What if your theory is wrong?" Sakura asked. "What if I can learn to be a medic again?"

"I'm not taking that risk."

"But I want to." Sakura frowned. "I'd rather die trying to be something better, than to not try and be half of what I could be."

Tsunade didn't reply.

"You said I'm a special case, that amnesia is unique to the individual. I might be able to get my procedural memories back if we try," Sakura stressed, increasingly desperate.

"We?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

Sakura's eyes widened, before she lowered her head. "You're a really good teacher…I guess I hoped you'd teach me again."

"You always had a keenness to learn." Tsunade smiled. "Before I agree to anything, tell me, Sakura, when you healed Naruto, did the blood not bother you?"

Sakura shook her head. She hadn't even thought about that at the time. All she knew was that Naruto was badly injured, dying right in front of her.

"While your just above average medic could have healed that injury, it would have been fatal if it was left unattended to… If you had no knowledge of your medical past, you'd think a messy wound like that would bother you."

"I guess I was more worried about Naruto." Sakura shrugged, remembering how distressed she had been, thinking that she would be the reason that her friend did not survive.

"So large amounts of blood didn't affect you?" The Hokage hummed.

"If I say yes, will you train me?" Sakura asked hopefully.

"I'll tell you what," Tsunade smiled back, "if you can learn to control basic chakra, I will teach you to use medical chakra again."

"But you said you don't think I can learn to use chakra." Sakura frowned.

"If you can't, you can't be a medic," the Hokage stated flatly.

Sakura nodded, determined, she replied, "Well I will."

"Then good luck."

Sakura turned to leave, but then paused and asked, "How do I learn to control chakra?"

"I'm not helping you. That's not part of the deal." The sannin smirked.

"That's not fair, just point me in the right direction," Sakura pleaded.

"Maybe you should start at your bookshelf," Tsunade suggested. "Or ask the medics around the hospital, you helped a lot of the younger ones when they first started, perhaps they'll be prepared to teach you back."

Sakura nodded. That was one question out of the way, and the second she had just spurred on an idea. "When's Naruto home?"

"In a few days." Tsunade smirked. "Why? Are you going to get him to teach you?"

"Why not? I'm sure he would." Sakura frowned over her shoulder.

Tsunade grinned. "Oh I'm sure he would try and help you, but he hates the learning process himself. Good luck with that."

Sakura left the room. Ino had already dismissed the idea of helping her learn to be a medic again, but Naruto seemed like a skilled ninja, surely he'd be able to help her with something as basic as chakra control. Perhaps she'd have to try and learn as much as she could before he returned to Konoha.

Author Notes:

I apologise to anybody that I lost during that dialogue. This story is inspired by real Psychology. Amnesia was a topic we covered in college (the last two years of high school). Therefore, with this story, I'm trying to keep it realistic. Sakura's case is a mixture of fact and fiction, perhaps not too farfetched, we don't know much about the brain and how damage can affect each individual. I've finished college now and typically, Disorders of Memory never came up in my exam.

This chapter was a struggle to write. The chapter before was the point at which I didn't have any more pre-written chapters to upload, and it had a gap of months between writing most of chapter five and this chapter. This chapter was more me getting back into writing it, which may be another reason for its lameness, it was also very conversation-heavy (totally one of my weak points). Even rewriting this, I struggled adding extra details. Sakura is confused and she won't have much to say about complicated terms she's never heard of before. Saying that, on another rewrite run, I added that bit of Ino's thoughts at the beginning and it really shaped the chapter in a new way for me.

This was the first time I sat down and wrote just a single chapter, noting where to end it. I also kept an eye on the word count as I went along – if you write yourself, I recommend trying to resist doing that, as tempting as it is. This un-edited chapter, shorter than usual, took me about 4 hours to write.

Thanks for reading :).