Every time Jane walked through the doors of the Dirty Robber she couldn't help but wonder why she even kept coming here now that the Robber's dirty days were over. The answer, of course, was the answer to all of her questions these days: Maura. Maura with her exquisite palate and excitement for all things fresh and organic. Maura with her fancy wines and soy burgers. Maura, who had always made the Robber a lot less dirty. What was she doing here then, anyways? Show her new colleague the reunion of all the hipsters of Boston? Or was it maybe her secret hope to meet Maura and all would be well again in the land of Jane Rizzoli? The voice(s) of reason in form of Frankie and Korsak were slowly creeping back up in the back of her mind: would trying to talk to her former best friend be the right thing to do after all? It had never been much like Jane to overthink things but this time she couldn't help but wonder about all possible consequences of all possible ways such a conversation might, would, should unfold. All her wondering and worrying was in vain, however, as Maura was nowhere to be seen.
"Let's sit in that booth ever there", Jane pointed in a direction opposite where she would always sit with Maura, "It's totally not your style, huh?"
Judith laughed as she took off her jacket and sat down across the table from her colleague: "Well, what I was actually thinking is how the hell this could be your style. Even without knowing you, I would never have expected this to be your go-to-Saturday-night-place. No offense."
"None taken. And you were absolutely correct in your judgment of this book's cover", Jane grinned weakly as she pointed at herself, "I guess I'm used to coming here because of a friend… a former friend, to be exact. Old habits die hard and whatnot."
Perhaps Lewis was not only trained to judge the covers of books but also read between their lines; in any case, she didn't press Jane to explain herself any further at that point. Instead, she reached for the menu and studied possible solutions to the problem that was the hunger after an anxious first day at a new job: "You gotta be kidding me. Nothing with meat? No actual burgers? I mean, I am not exactly a meat lover, but come on…"
Jane studied her colleague's face for a moment, unsure whether she was just as innocent as Maura about sexual innuendos or whether the ambiguity of her words was intended. Could any other human be quite as oblivious to such things as Maura?
"I have experience with the soy burgers and super-green salads around here. Let me order for you and me and you will see how I can manage to minimize the permanent damage to your grease-loving stomach", Jane smiled and waved at the waiter as Judith nodded in agreement.
Ten minutes later, as their beers had finally been brought to their table, Judith raised her bottle and cleared her throat theatrically: "To a new job in a new city; oh and to super hip beers!" As they both laughed and made their bottles clink, Jane caught a familiar face from the corner of her eye: Maura had walked in.
"Hey Doctor Isles! It's nice to see you again. Come, have a beer with us", of course Judith was already waving at Maura, gesturing towards the free seat next to her. How could she have known about the explosion of awkwardness that was about to ensue?
Maura, being the ever polite Maura, walked over, smiling at Judith while simultaneously avoiding to give Jane as much as an accidental glance: "Oh hallo, Detective Lewis. That's a really nice offer but I don't really think I can…"
Every word that came out of her former best friend's mouth was like a tiny stab in Jane's heart; a fact she would never have admitted to in a million years. Instead, she covered up her sadness and lack of understanding how all this could even have happened with a sudden outburst of anger: "Holy crap, Maura. Just sit down. Lewis is new in town and would surely like the company."
Maura stared at Jane for what felt like 10 minutes; opened her mouth, closed it again; opened it again, looking awkwardly at the new detective: "Sure. I would love to get to know you a little better over a cold Feierabend beer." When both women seemed confused at her use of foreign languages, she managed a smile and explained: "Feierabend is the German word for the time after your finish your work. It's a very useful word that the English language lacks, don't you think?"
Jane sighed into her beer and still avoided to even look at her former friend. Of course she would overcompensate with her mauraness for the awkward mess that this dinner had turned into. She smiled as she finally raised her glance and looked directly into Maura's eyes for the first time in what had felt like forever: "Feierabend sounds like something you spend with your friends." It was her desperate attempt to reach out to Maura, all that she could give at that very moment.
"Or with workplace proximity associates, yes.", Maura replied rather coldly and for an instant, Jane hoped it had been a clever reference to one of their favorite shows, and a reference to their underlying friendship. It rather felt like being shot down, however, and Maura didn't so much as smile as she gestured towards the waiter to bring her a beer.
"You're having a beer?", Jane asked in disbelief, "since when do you order beer when you could have a glass of cold white?"
"Well, Jane. There is a lot you don't know about me", Maura said and entire steaks could have been cut with the following silence.
Judith looked from the medical examiner to her fellow detective and back, before getting up to go to the restroom: "Uhm, I'll be back in a moment." Jane had the strong feeling they had made Judith uncomfortable; at the same time she couldn't bring herself to care about that right now.
"Maura. I'm glad you decided to sit down with us. Can we please talk for a minute?", Jane actually crossed her fingers under the table. Begging had never felt right to her under any circumstances but there was always a first time for everything.
"Okay, Jane. You have the amount of 60 whole seconds. Say what you have to say to me."
How could she possibly say everything that she wanted to tell her friend in just one minute? The seriousness of Maura's face showed her that was really all she would get, though. "Alright. I guess what I want to say is that I am really very sorry for jumping off that bridge. I know you are mad at me because of that incident and I have wrecked my brain thinking about why. I think it's because I left you behind. I jumped to a very possible death without so much as thinking about you. I will admit that it was pretty stupid of me, but it was my job. I had to save the guy, he fell. He was innocent. I protect the innocent. And believe me, I wish I had protected you from fearing I had died on you", she used all her strength to look Maura in the eyes and not cry in public. The only one in front of whom crying was almost an okay thing to do was Maura, yes. But only Maura, not the staff and guests of the Dirty Robber.
Maura sighed: "Thank you for apologizing, Jane. I appreciate the fact that you have made the effort of thinking about my feelings. This new insight of yours comes too late, I'm afraid. I cannot be your friend any more, Jane. I wish I could, I really do. But I can't. And please don't ask me why because I can't explain it to you, alright? Not here, and especially not now. Maybe someday I will have found the words to express what cannot presently be put into words. But not right now. Please accept my decision and let me be. I can't do what we have been doing any more, I do not have the strength." Before Jane could ask the inevitable and forbidden question (why?), Jane tossed a few dollar bills on the table, got up and left without another word. Only the full bottle of beer was a sad reminder of how her old Maura had apparently disappeared forever.
"Where did Dr. Isles go?", Judith's surprised voice kept her from either starting to cry after all or running away without neither drinking nor eating nor paying. She sat down and looked compassionately at Jane.
"She left", was all she could answer, shrugging helplessly.
"Again, I don't really know you yet, Jane, but can I say one thing? Man, break ups are the worst. I am very sorry I invited Dr. Isled over. I didn't know…"
Almost falling off the bench she was sitting on, Jane stared at her colleague. Break ups? How could Judith possibly think they had broken up… a relationship?