Amnesia
Chapter 13: Ten Minutes to Live
After two minutes, Sakura was still staring hopelessly at the table of ingredients. I'm going to die, she thought, come on stupid brain, help me out here, I'm in life threatening danger.
"All right, you proved it," Sakura spoke aloud. "Tsunade-shishou, you were right, danger doesn't help me unlock my memories. I can't do this, I... I don't know what any of this stuff does."
She swallowed and looked down at the poison in a jar in front of her. She picked it up to study it closer. It was a light purple, like nothing she had seen before. She undid the lid and picked up a syringe, extracting some of it, she then squirted it on a Petri dish. It was thicker than she would have expected it to be. Was that a good thing? She had no idea. Tsunade said it had a simple antidote - if you had the knowledge of it.
Well... She'd just have to mix the grass with the leaves... And then pour it on the purple stuff and see if it did anything. She sighed. This was useless. There was a pestle and mortar... Was she supposed to grind herbs up or something? A lot or just a little? Some of the ingredients or all of the ingredients? She was finding it hard to believe that at one point in her life, she had a knack for this stuff. She was starting to assume that everything these people have been telling her was just made up lies. Maybe she was just some science experiment, not a ninja or a medic.
No. She shook her head. She wasn't going to spend the last ten minutes of her life questioning her existence and those she cared about the most. Naruto wouldn't lie to her. Ino... Ino would lie to her, but she'd hope not on something as important as her entire life story. Then again, it was Ino... She smiled and shook her head. It had been an interesting last few weeks that was for sure, dramatic, fun, scary, very confusing. According to everyone, she'd already done a lot for this place... If that were true, then she had no shame in dying right now.
Regrets? The last thing she did concerning Naruto was do the opposite of what he wanted her to... Before that she told him she just wanted to be his friend... She didn't want their last interaction to be that... He told her to be safe. She couldn't even accomplish that.
Technically, this was Tsunade's fault. Would her mentor really kill her? As the clock ticked down, she was expecting the sannin to jump in the room and laugh - for it all to be a joke, punishment for entering the Forest of Death. Why save her there just to leave her to die now? Maybe Tsunade had given up because she'd been disappointment after disappointment.
Well then you had better hope danger is the key to bringing back your memories. You're different, Sakura, you're not the same girl that is my apprentice anymore; I want her back, not you. If this is the only way to succeed, I will try. You have ten minutes before you lose consciousness.
Not the same girl... She was just a shell of her former self. Why bother trying?
You're a popular medic ninja with extreme strength, everyone loves and respects you, you have tons of friends and you're the prettiest girl in the world.
She smiled at the thought of some of the things Naruto had said to her... She wished she'd said something similar back to him, explained her true feelings, not her first instincts and how she felt towards him after feeling like she'd only just met him. But how she felt when she knew him. He wouldn't expect her to sit here and wait to die, her friends would expect her to at least try and save herself.
Looking back at the ingredients, she stared again, hoping some kind of brainwave hit her. She couldn't even name these plants. She frowned before looking up at the clock.
She only had four minutes to save her life.
She looked around the room before walking towards the cupboards that Tsunade had got the herbs from. She knelt down and found several trays of herbs. She smirked when they were all labelled. She searched for something familiar. 'Black Cohosh' was one of them. She'd read something about that. Was it linked to poison? Maybe. If only she had read a book on herbs already - she owned plenty, but at the time that didn't interest her as much as the other books.
She walked back to the table of plants and herbs to find Black Cohosh was also in the selection of possible ingredients. She picked it up and studied it. It wouldn't work on its own surely, she'd have to mix it with something. She sighed and placed it back down.
Sakura looked around the room again, she was cheating really, looking for something that might give her the answer. On the far side of the lab was a book, interest peaked, she briskly walked over and picked it up.
'Konoha's List of Herbs and Cures'
She smirked and opened it quickly. Surely this would identify the poison and antidote she needed. Why would it be left in the lab? OK... Probably so medics could use it, but she doubted Tsunade wanted her to see it.
Her eyes widened as she turned the pages and found her own handwriting. She flicked through more pages, some had a mixture of other people's writing too, but on some pages it was all her. She found Shizune's name a lot, as well as Tsunade's. In fact, this book looked quite old.
At least she could cure herself now. But when Sakura looked up, her breath hitched, the second hand of the clock confirmed she had ten seconds to live... She didn't feel any different, she was fine. Still, the panic returned.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
She shut her eyes, expecting to suddenly feel pain and drop dead, yet the clock kept ticking. It was the only sound in the room, loud and never wavering. Time kept going and she kept living.
She opened her eyes slowly and watched the second hand tick, before looking at the lab door as if to say 'Well? Is this some kind of joke?'
Nobody entered the room and she returned to the table of ingredients. She pulled up a lab chair and began to flick through the book, scanning the descriptions for this poison. She smiled to herself. She didn't need her memories; she had a brain and could work through this logically.
Still, she kept glancing at the clock.
Eleven minutes.
Twelve minutes.
Then, Sakura's smile fell. Her vision began to sway slightly and the words on the book pages crossed over and became a blur, she dropped it, unable to look at it anymore. The plants on the tables were not much better; they merged together into nothing but blocks of colour. She became drowsy, dizzy, the room began to spin.
In a desperate attempt to do something, Sakura grabbed at where she thought the Black Cohosh was, feeling its leaves between her fingers. Then her hands slipped to the edge of the table. She gripped it, closing her eyes tightly.
She didn't want to die. She felt like she'd barely lived.
Tsunade watched as her apprentice slipped off the chair onto the floor and then the older medic sighed.
"That was cruel, Lady Tsunade." Shizune frowned. "Making her believe that. I know you want her back, we all do, but worrying her like that surely won't help."
She snorted. "Do you actually think she believed I'd do something to kill her?"
"You're a convincing actress."
Tsunade sighed again as the younger medic entered the labs and headed towards her apprentice. Maybe Shizune was right... Maybe Sakura wasn't the only one getting desperate. She was about to turn away, when Shizune called to her.
"Lady Tsunade, I think you'd better see this."
Tsunade raised an eyebrow and entered the labs. She looked at her apprentice before muttering, "What?"
"She's using medical chakra!" Shizune exclaimed.
She was indeed, Sakura's hands were glowing a faint green, the scratches up her arms were slowly healing.
"And? We knew she'd healed herself in her sleep before."
"We assumed she healed herself before, this is proof, this is good," Shizune insisted.
"It's still not going to help her whilst conscious." She frowned.
"But it's not a bad thing," Shizune pointed out.
"Get her to a hospital room," Tsunade ordered. "Give her something so that she wakes up from the sleeping drug sooner."
Shizune sighed but nodded. "Right away, Tsunade-sama."
"I'll carry her there." Tsunade grumbled. "You make the antidote."
"I wonder if she would have got it with a bit more time." Shizune picked up the book that was open on the floor.
"She was looking for poison cures, she wouldn't find it." Tsunade shrugged before looking at her apprentice. "She's going to want to read that book now, isn't she?"
"I assume so." Shizune smiled as she reached for the necessary ingredients to counter the sleeping drug.
As Shizune administered the antidote in the hospital room, she stated, "We could have let her wake up naturally, it would have been broken down harmlessly in the system."
"I have work to do. I don't have time to wait all day." Tsunade hummed.
"I think you both need a bit of patience and positivity." Shizune smiled and placed the book that Sakura had been reading on the bed.
"That's not supposed to be out of the labs." She frowned.
"Come on, Tsunade-sama, there's no harm in her having it, she enjoys reading. It's not like it will be missed for a while. If there's not some kind of pandemic or a new poison about, you won't find anyone else but the three of us in the labs."
There was a small silence before Tsunade asked, "What effect do you think ECT will have?"
Shizune raised an eyebrow. "On Sakura?"
"Yes."
"She's not depressed. Electroconvulsive therapy isn't a treatment that's used on an amnesiac."
"It has interesting effects on the brain..."
"It causes short term memory loss." Shizune frowned. "It's an experimental therapy. You can't use it on Sakura. You don't know what will happen."
"But the patients usually get their memories back," Tsunade pointed out. "Perhaps Inoichi could look at her brain again."
"You've been testing and following everything else about her, we should have conducted more tests on her brain activity," Shizune mumbled.
"I know." Tsunade frowned.
"Still, we can't do anything that might affect her negatively-"
"I know," she repeated.
It was very true. All the things Shizune said about today. It was annoying. She wished she could do more, but ultimately there was no cure for amnesia and it affected everyone differently.
"Slowly and gradually, Sakura has been showing signs of improvement, personality wise, skill wise, and now even memory wise. Although it has seemed random and both well and poorly timed, we can only hope that one day it will all come back to her."
"Just like that? It seems unlikely considering she's already shown signs of fighting it." Tsunade hummed.
"Of course she's fighting it." Shizune smiled. "It's Sakura, but she's effectively fighting herself."
"It's her body versus her mind," Tsunade stated.
"And her heart," Shizune added with a smile.
"I think I've been going about this all wrong." Tsunade realised.
"Making Sakura believe she was going to die was a bit of a desperate move. Are you going to apologise for that?" Shizune asked.
Tsunade frowned. "I was disproving her danger theory. Ultimately I'm preventing her from getting hurt."
"And letting her go into the Forest of Death?"
"...I was curious, I'm just trying to make a sure cause and effect link here between events happening and Sakura recovering temporary abilities or memories."
"Naruto's also been going on some well-placed missions."
"He wouldn't allow her to enter the forest." Tsunade shrugged. "I've also been studying the difference between him being here and not. Up until this flashback, Naruto has been involved in all of the recovery events."
"No wonder your paperwork has suffered, you've been spending all your time concentrating on this." Shizune smiled before standing up and heading towards the door.
"My paperwork has suffered because my apprentice hasn't been doing any," Tsunade replied dryly.
"That too." Shizune laughed, but then she paused in the doorway. "Just don't overcomplicate this Tsunade-sama."
Tsunade sighed for what must have been the tenth time that day. She picked up the book Shizune had left and began reading it while she waited for Sakura to wake up.
She smiled. Sakura had added a hell of a lot of information to it since the last time she read it. Not that that was too surprising.
Sakura awoke slowly, she mumbled, "Am I dead?"
"Nope, alive and here with me, unlucky."
Sakura opened her eyes to pout slightly at her mentor. "It's not nice to poison your apprentice."
"I didn't." Tsunade shrugged. "It was just a drug to knock you out. You didn't think I'd actually kill you, right?"
"Yes, because I'm not the same as I was and not your apprentice if I can't find antidotes," Sakura replied.
The sannin sighed. "I had to say something to make you believe you'd die. Otherwise I wouldn't be disproving your danger theory."
Sakura thought about it before asking, "So we're back to square one. We don't know why I get my abilities back temporarily?"
"I wouldn't say we're at square one, we've ruled out a response to danger. I now find myself wishing I'd poisoned someone else and got you to try and find the antidote then," Tsunade admitted.
"Why?" Sakura frowned. "That's not very nice."
Tsunade smiled. "Because as good as you are at surviving, you're lousy at taking care of yourself when someone else needs you. Your survival instincts are sharp, but you'll pick the moral high ground, even if it could possibly hurt you. You'd work overtime, morning and night, if it meant ensuring saving a patient's life."
Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Who wouldn't?"
"You'd be surprised." The Hokage hummed. "It's easy to pass the job onto another medic. It's easy to leave the work until the next day."
"What does this have to do with my amnesia?"
"You're a stubborn girl, a stubborn medic and a fierce friend," Tsunade began. "No matter what condition you were in, you wouldn't allow a patient to die on your watch. You'd try your best even if it was inevitable they would die. You have an obscure sense of morality when it comes to protecting others, especially your friends. It didn't matter that you couldn't physically remember how to heal. You wouldn't let even brain damage prevent you from saving Naruto's life, no matter how much stress or strain that could have put on yourself medically."
"So instead of jumping off cliffs I need to push other people off cliffs in order to save them?" Sakura grinned.
"You wouldn't take that chance." Tsunade shrugged.
Sakura sighed. "I know...but your explanation only explains how I healed Naruto."
"I'm sure you believed strongly in bringing Sasuke back," Tsunade mumbled. "Something stirred up enough emotion in you when you barged into my office and as you went trudging through the Forest of Death."
"...Naruto," Sakura voiced her thought aloud.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow.
"If you're really telling me something as corny as my love for other people brings back my memories, what do you expect? Me to go around Konoha dating every guy I see?" Sakura grumbled.
Tsunade smirked. "That's exactly what I'm telling you."
Sakura was not amused.
"All right, that's not what I'm trying to say." Tsunade laughed. "I'm just saying that when you get so emotionally flustered or are morally challenged, it seems to cause a response. Mentally, you're not giving up either because of the fact that you heal yourself in your sleep and use medical chakra, which I assume is connected with REM sleep. When you dream, there's a part of you unconsciously fighting for you to remember all the time."
Sakura nodded slowly. "I could get my memories back through dreaming?"
"Maybe some, but it's unlikely you dream ten years of your life over the course of a few nights." Tsunade shrugged.
"Even then, if I somehow get my memories back over the years through lucid dreaming, what about my abilities? How do I morally and emotionally challenge myself permanently?" Sakura questioned desperately.
Tsunade shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sakura, I do not know, but the fact that your memories are possibly obtainable, surely that is better than nothing?"
"I guess," Sakura mumbled.
"If you had your memories you would know me a lot better." Tsunade snorted. "You would have been able to sit and discuss this with me for hours on end. We've grown to work well together over the years, as well as with Shizune... You would have known I would never poison you and you would have known that you injected yourself with a knockout drug, as well as how to counter it, along with every other drug in that God damn book you've been working on for years. With your memories, abilities or not, you're still one hell of a medic."
That was true... If she just had her memories she could still do things like bandage people up and treat poisons, prescribe medicine... She could still be some kind of asset to her friends, who she would be much closer to. She smiled at her teacher, feeling a sudden wave of affection. "Thanks, shishou."
"And you'd be able to do my paperwork," Tsunade added.
Sakura laughed. "Sounds fun."
"Remember paperwork skills soon then okay? You can get back into doing it for me," Tsunade replied seriously.
"That'll be the first thing on my unconscious memory desire list." Sakura nodded, grinning.
"I should hope so, after all this help I'm giving you." Tsunade frowned.
"You have a weird way of helping."
"Don't complain."
"I wasn't, heck, if it might help me get my memories back, I'll try experimental surgery." Sakura shrugged.
Tsunade was silent for a moment before she said, "Would you be up for some mental tests then?"
"Sure." Sakura nodded enthusiastically.
"Nothing dangerous," Tsunade reassured her.
"Good... Morally challenging and heavy emotionally traumatic though?" she asked.
"I'm afraid not." Tsunade smiled.
"Darn." Sakura grumbled.
"Naruto is expected back today by the way." Tsunade stood up.
"That was quick." Sakura's eyes widened.
"It was only a short mission." Tsunade shrugged.
"That's good. I think I made things awkward between us, I should probably clear that up..."
The sannin shook her head, unsurprised.
"All this time, I've been trying to avoid any feelings I had for him to concentrate on trying to get my memory back... When I would have likely done better if I'd just accepted my emotions?" Sakura questioned.
"Sure."
"Think he can help me remember things?" Sakura mumbled.
"Try it." Tsunade shrugged.
"You don't sound too sure." Sakura frowned slightly.
"Just done overcomplicate things, Sakura." Tsunade smiled. "Try whatever you want, but don't be disheartened. It's not exactly a loss. You'll be enjoying time with Naruto anyway right?"
"It does feel like a loss sometimes though." Sakura frowned. "Being with him and not knowing what I want to is the most frustrating thing. It's like my memories are right there, but they're intangible. I feel the same when you tell me I can't do something. Everyone else tells me I'm the same, or that I can do this, Ino even tells me I'm better now, but you tell me I'm different and that I can't..."
"As a medic who understands your condition, I know just how unlikely it is that you can do it." Tsunade headed for the door.
"But do you really believe I can't?" Sakura frowned. "That also frustrates me. I want to prove you wrong."
Tsunade smiled, with her back facing away from her pink haired apprentice, she replied blankly, "Good luck with that."
"Wait, shishou."
"What?" Tsunade looked back.
"You said I'd last a maximum of ten minutes before I passed out, but it was over twelve minutes, why was that?" Sakura questioned.
"Perhaps you were unconsciously fighting the drug." Tsunade smiled sweetly.
"Really?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.
"I may have also injected you with it before, so there may have been some naturally immunity you built up."
Sakura shook her head, unsurprised, before she asked, "What did I do to make you knock me out?"
"Nothing." The sannin shrugged. "It was just a test."
"Did I pass?"
"Yes, you found the antidote in two minutes, twenty-five seconds," Tsunade answered.
"How long ago was that?"
"Three years."
"You still remember the time it took me?" Sakura's eyes widened.
"Yes," Tsunade replied before leaving the room.
When the Hokage had gone, Sakura stared out the window, trying to sort it all out in her mind. It was so complicated it gave her a headache.
She looked back on her bed and picked up the book she found there. This was the herb book... She didn't really need to be in this hospital room, but she had nowhere else she had to be. She opened the book and began reading it, interested but annoyed at the same time. She was trying to envision herself writing these notes - in a lab, discovering these antidotes.
She closed her eyes and sleep eventually took her.
When she opened her eyes, she found Lee was sat on the stool by her bedside. He looked at her in concern. "Are you all right, Sakura-san?"
"I'm fine, Lee." She smiled and rubbed her eyes, trying to remember if she'd dreamt of anything.
"I brought you this." Lee held up something green.
Her eyes widened. "What...is it?"
"A uniform like mine." He grinned. "It will drastically improve your performance in training!"
She studied the green jumpsuit before awkwardly answering, "Really?"
"Yes!" Lee insisted. "If you wear this when we train together, you will unlock your abilities in no time!"
"Umm," she mumbled. "That's a very kind offer, Lee, but you don't have to give me one of your outfits..."
"Nonsense! This is specifically designed for you! Gai-sensei tried to give it you years ago but you would not accept it," Lee answered.
"I wonder why," she replied with a small smile.
"I dare say it was because of your kind and humble nature! Not accepting free gifts off others," Lee explained enthusiastically.
"Oh yes, certainly, I don't accept free things. I just couldn't take that off you."
"I insist! It would be an honour to match you on the training fields!" Lee stuck his thumb up and added, "We will show Konoha what our youth is made of!"
Just then, the door opened and Naruto walked in, pausing when he saw them.
Sakura sighed in relief, giving him a big smile, she greeted her friend, "Naruto! Welcome back."
"Granny said you were cheating on me." Naruto pouted. "How can you do this to me, Sakura-chan?! I thought you said I was a good teacher."
"You don't understand." Sakura shook her head. "I didn't ask for this. I don't want a green jumpsuit."
"You don't?" Lee looked at her, confused.
She looked in between the two males before sighing. "No, Lee, it was very kind offer and I appreciate it but...that wouldn't suit me."
"I think it's very flattering attire," Lee replied.
"Well it suits you." Sakura nodded enthusiastically.
Naruto snickered to himself at her situation and she shot him an annoyed look.
"Naruto has one," Lee added.
"Does he?" Sakura grinned. "I'd like to see that."
Naruto frowned. "Did have one, Jiraiya got me to throw it out years ago."
"I don't understand," Lee mumbled.
"Oh, Lee, I'm sure he just outgrew it is all." Sakura placed a hand on her friend's shoulder.
"I see, so he needs another!" Lee stood up.
"No I don't." Naruto shook his head.
"Do not worry, my friend! I'll have you back in the ultimate training gear in no time!" Lee announced loudly.
"No, it's okay, really," Naruto insisted.
"We can train again together later, Sakura-san!" Lee added before running to the door. "See you both soon."
When Lee had gone, Naruto pouted. "Thanks, Sakura-chan..."
Sakura giggled. "What? I think you'd look good in a Lee-suit."
Naruto's pout increased.
"How'd your mission go?" she asked.
Naruto shrugged and walked towards her, taking up the stool Lee had been sat on, he replied, "It was so easy it bores me to think of it."
"At least you weren't in any danger." She smiled at him.
"And I come back to find you in a hospital bed," he said with a frown.
"About that..." she trailed off.
"You told me you'd be safe," he added.
"A lot has happened in the short time you've been away." Sakura sighed. "Please let me explain."
Naruto nodded. "I'm listening."
"Well..."
Author Notes:
Thanks for your continued feedback :).
Thank you. Salamat sa inyo. Gracias. Grazie. 감사합니다. Danke. Obrigado. Mulţumesc. Terima kasih. ありがとうございます。Dziękuję. Hvala. Tack. शुक्रिया. Děkuju. Хвала. Hvala Vam. 谢谢。ډېره مننه. Благодаря. Teşekkür ederim. شكرا لك. Dank u. Tak. Takk. Спасибо. ඉස්තුති. Kiitos. Merci. Ви благодариме. Kob kun. Köszönöm.
According to 's Break down by Visitor Country, that should cover the languages of everyone reading things :D. It's interesting to see just where you all are. You're mainly Americans :D.
'Black Cohosh' is the first herb I found that was apparently linked to poisons. I spent ages just looking for something in some kind of poison antidote to make it slightly realistic, because I know nothing about plants. ECT is Electroconvulsive Therapy, that I looked at in Psychology, it's used to treat severe depression (we don't particularly know why, but it works), not amnesia (it can actually cause amnesia), where electrodes are placed on the brain and it is shocked – it's a very old method of treatment used less these days because of negative side effects, but it's gotten a bit better since unilateral methods have been used where only one side of the brain is shocked instead of both. Then REM stands for 'Rapid Eye Movement' it is a stage of sleep in which we dream. If you're woken up whilst in this stage it has been found that you remember your dreams better. I think that's all the lingo I used in this - hopefully I didn't confuse anyone.
I'm quoting past events from this story a lot, I find. If you've been reading this from the start (hello!) I doubt you remember. I don't even really remember earlier chapters. If you're one of the recent followers (hello!) perhaps it will be a lot more coherent for you. An issue with starting so many stories is I get confused between what I wrote in each one. A couple of chapters ago I was about to quote something and then I realised it was from a different story altogether. These last two chapters have been a continuation of one long idea, but it ended up coming out in a different order to how I originally planned – because I thought of it, in detail, whilst I was in bed – by the morning, I forgot the majority of the idea and it was just a blur. I was too tired at the time to write it down in notes on my iPhone.
Thanks for reading!