Amnesia

Chapter 24: The End of the Beginning

There was something therapeutic about smashing everything into oblivion. Therefore, it didn't make sense that Sakura felt as wound up as a tight coil. Finally, finally, finally she could feel the chakra throughout her body. She could sense things and the world had opened up before her, in a way you simply can't imagine without experiencing the feeling first hand.

Yet her friends looked worried. The stress from the previous day still clung to her sweaty skin and every fast-released breath. She wasn't quite there, present in the moment. It was a little overwhelming, suddenly being granted a power that still honestly frightened her. This control was an illusion.

It was exhausting. Yes, the power was exhilarating, but the emotional drain was immense. Like an internal itch, she was only too aware of her chakra now and it was making it worse. Then like an addict, she kept punching and kicking away, feeling the power flare and move within her. It momentarily helped, but as soon as she stopped to catch her breath she wanted to scratch it again.

Her irritability only increased when Kakashi called for a halt to their training session. She had to rein in her anger, take several deep breaths and plaster a smile on her hot face. If the reason for their pause was trivial she was going to be even more annoyed.

"Everything all right there, Sakura?" her teacher asked.

"Yes. Let's keep going."

"Let's try a different type of training – meditation."

Sakura had read a book on meditation and all its benefits but sitting still was the last thing she wanted to do right now. She didn't want to be left alone with her perpetual thoughts. "Really?"

Kakashi nodded. "It'll help."

"I don't think I can sit still right now."

"And that's why you should try. Think of somewhere that relaxes you, you can meditate there. You can sit alone, or if it will help Naruto can go with you."

Physical training wasn't relieving her and if meditation would help she would have to try it. She was sceptical. Even as she stood there she couldn't stop twitching, her fingers were shaking in her clenched fists, so clearing her mind would be near impossible. Yet below her humming irritation, she still trusted her friends.

Friends were her first thought; when happy they relaxed her, made her happy too. However, a bar or public place would be no good for sitting in silence. The only silence she had to face since she woke up in that hospital room was when she was alone, and that wasn't often.

The quietest time she experienced was when she first woke up and she had to adjust to all this. Everything was different back then – accomplishing the old seemed impossible, but everything was overwhelmingly new and exciting and hopeful. Ino showed her this new world... Naruto even more so.

Sakura looked up at Naruto's worried face, and then the perfect place washed into her mind. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

The hillside was as beautiful as she remembered it. In the day, she could clearly see the colourful wildflowers surrounding them and the hills and trees in the distance.

It felt like another lifetime when she had sat by Naruto's side – him carrying her here, their old team meeting place – with him attempting to cheer her up and get her out of that suffocating hospital room. It worked. She felt so carefree that evening, so grateful for the friendship with her now boyfriend.

Sakura sat down on the grass. Naruto sat next to her, their shoulders brushing. She looked at him to see him smiling to himself, caught in his own memories of this place. When she caught his eye, she leaned in to kiss him. He wasn't as shocked as the first time she had kissed him, which was only a few feet down at the bottom of the hill, nor was he guilty. He was content, and being here with him made her just as happy.

When they pulled away, they cast their eyes over their surroundings. All that could be heard was a gentle breeze wafting the flowers and trees in the distance, and the odd twitter of birdsong. She laced her fingers with Naruto's.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me, Naruto. I love you."

He looked at her, grinning boyishly in a way that made her words even truer. She smiled back.

"I love you too, Sakura-chan. Always have. Always will."

After one more kiss she closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind of all its clutter. The bad was already far out of her brain and now she just needed to let go of her thoughts of Naruto and friends, just temporarily.

But Naruto was fidgeting at her side and it wasn't long before he admitted, "I'm too happy to meditate."

She laughed, and while she couldn't clear her thoughts either, she was also in a really good mood. She could still feel her chakra, but it was as calm as she was. Her hands had stopped shaking. Her heart had stopped pounding (at least because of anxiety, staring at Naruto riled her heart up in a different way). She was at peace.

Later on, a scheduled meeting with Tsunade in the evening brought Naruto and Sakura, hand in hand, to the Hokage's office.

Tsunade greeted them with a friendly smile – a look she couldn't quite hide when they were all together like this. "I hear you've been breaking boulders and bones."

"And anything that gets in her way. She's amazing," Naruto complimented with a dreamy smile.

Sakura nudged him. "I managed to channel my chakra through bursts of emotion. I was so overwhelmed by the need to protect my friends and start being useful and yesterday it started to click into place."

Tsunade nodded and looked her up and down closely. "You have that under control?"

There was no doubt her mentor had spoken to Kakashi and the rest of the team about her earlier behaviour.

"No," she admitted. "I couldn't stop feeling... everything. Angry, scared, powerful... I don't think I'll ever have full control over myself, but right now I'm good – really good.

"When I was struggling, Kakashi suggested meditation. Naruto and I sat on top of a grassy hillside, on the outskirts of Konoha, somewhere we had been together before. It helped calm me."

"Those grass stains on your clothes certainly suggest you've been meditating."

Naruto blushed and rubbed the back of his head. Before he could embarrass them, she elbowed him and answered, "That's from our training session earlier."

Tsunade smirked. "Mmhmm."

"So–" Sakura cleared her throat "–what's next?"

"Well, until you can demonstrate over time that you can fully control your chakra in this way, I won't send you on missions."

The 'until' just excited Sakura further. She was one step closer to missions! One step closer to being helpful to her village and friends.

"And it would be preferable if you could use medical chakra first."

Sakura's excitement must have been too bright in her eyes because Tsunade held up a finger to add:

"It won't be easy. It might not be possible. We've still not had any progress with your memories."

While the first two points didn't affect her (she had been told controlling chakra could be impossible, so that didn't deter her anymore), the final point punctured her enthusiasm. Tsunade noticed that as well.

"But... You are still very clever. Even without medical chakra, you are adept in poisons, first aid and applying medicines. I am so proud of where you have got to right now."

Just like that, Sakura was beaming and happy again. "Thank you, shishou. That means the world to me."

"Yeah, yeah." Tsunade waved off the affectionate gaze with a dismissive hand, but Sakura knew it was an act (she knew because she was beginning to get to know her mentor once more, rebuild a bond that was seemingly unbreakable). "Go enjoy the evening with your boyfriend. We'll start training tomorrow morning, at sunrise."

Both Sakura and Naruto were elated as they left the office. They spent the evening together, eating ramen, training, climbing trees (Sakura managed to walk up a vertical tree trunk on her first try), and 'meditating'.

Something had changed after she came down from her chakra-high, an internal sort of unity within herself. That night her dreams had never felt so alive, almost surreal, she could feel the chakra flowing through her, feel her muscles working, her heart pumping... She felt like she was chasing a light, moving towards an energy in the distance, keeping her brain actively searching in her sleep. When her eyes fluttered open that morning there was a brief moment where the bright, white light remained in her peripheral vision. She could have slept forever while feeling that growing power and by the morning, Sakura was more than ready to take on one more challenge.

Sakura shouldn't have been surprised that training with Tsunade was nonstop.

They returned to the outside training grounds where Sakura had been with her team the day before. There was a verbal quick fire pop quiz on everything related to medical chakra. Thankfully, Sakura had read every book on her bookshelf and had no problem answering the questions. She knew how it all worked.

However, when asked to demonstrate medical chakra, to nobody's surprise, she couldn't even feel it, let alone begin to control and heal something. She shook her head in dejection.

"Your trigger has changed," Tsunade said. "It's the total opposite of what it was before. Your control was calculated and perfect, now it's erratic and rash."

Sakura attempted a weak smile. "This just means I'm an interesting apprentice."

"You were always interesting to teach. You're weird."

She scrunched up her nose at the comment. "Excuse me?"

"I find you morally and emotionally amusing is all."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You say kind, funny and strange things and you're fun to wind up."

The explanations weren't helping. Whatever Tsunade felt was obviously unique to her. Their relationship was odd, Sakura would admit that.

"We'll learn by feelings then. Not something I'm accustomed to, but I'll give it a go."

Sakura sat down cross-legged opposite her mentor and waited patiently.

Tsunade sat down opposite her. "Medical chakra is a gift. When we need to heal, there is always a sense of urgency, but you have to be calm no matter how much inner turmoil you feel. Control – perfect control – is what you need to manipulate medical chakra.

"There is always fear, the sense of life and death and a chance that if you mess up or don't do enough then your friend could die in your hands. There are few worse feelings."

There was a brief pause and Tsunade's eyes betrayed her emotions, just slightly. Sakura instantly knew the Hokage was referring to the loss and regret of losing a friend... The blame you put on yourself when you are the last lifeline for the dying. Sakura, too, didn't want to be crushed by a similar guilt. She could understand wanting to forget such a horrible emotion and wondered if she had felt this pain before. Losing people was inevitable, Sakura had no doubts that she had failed to save someone in the past.

The sannin's face hardened. "You can't afford to think like that either. There is no place for panic, or guilt, in medical ninjutsu. The best of medics can suppress their emotions enough to get on with the job."

Sakura considered it. Feeling nothing... Being so relaxed about trying, could she do that in order to unlock her medical chakra? Controlling chakra sounded harder than controlling herself and her mental and emotional state.

"However, I feel sometimes that you work differently. You hold on to your attachments and beliefs, and absolutely won't let yourself fail. It's more stressful, it'll get you killed if you refuse to stop trying so much that you drain your chakra to zero, but it's effective and it's powerful."

Sakura nodded. That was very true of her, even now. "If it came down to it, saving a friend's life, I think I could do that."

She already had.

Tsunade nodded.

"But I also want to heal casually, heal non-life-threatening injuries. I've got to master the controlled, relaxed healing too."

"What makes you calm?"

Her thoughts instantly flickered to Naruto; his smiling face, their quiet hangouts. "Naruto."

Tsunade smirked. "I never thought I'd hear you say that, kid. I daresay he could bring out any emotion in you."

Sakura laughed. "Yeah, he probably could..."

"One finding I didn't share with you from that MRI scan was that your brain was wildly lit up in every known area linked with being in love."

She felt it too, in a way even science couldn't explain.

Tsunade smiled at her. "In all this, I'm just glad you realised your feelings for Naruto."

"Me too."

Tsunade got up, brushed dirt from her legs and then offered Sakura a hand up. "This conversation is too gooey for me. Let's spar. I've been itching to punch you for a while."

Sakura couldn't help but slightly panic at the thought. "I'd just got my itch under control! What if can't stop needing to use chakra again?"

"Meditation and Naruto. Besides, there was a point in time where we would spar to get things off our chest and relax. Perhaps we'll get to that point again someday."

Sakura smiled and accepted the hand up. "I'd like that."

"Say that after I've kicked your ass."

Sakura reached into her pocket and pulled out her pair of gloves, pulling them on deliberately slowly. "You should have seen me yesterday. I murdered half the training grounds."

"That's easy. Now try hitting a moving target. A medical ninja should always dodge. Let's see how fast you can move."

When she was sparring with her boys, Sakura had been tanking damage constantly; taking a hit and hitting back. However, with Tsunade, one hit really hurt. And it wasn't easy to retaliate.

She should have been frustrated – this was so difficult – but she wasn't. She felt so liberated to be at this level, even if she was losing badly. Being able to take a punch, almost delivering one back, she couldn't stop smiling.

"Focus, Sakura."

Tsunade caught Sakura on the arm with a cracking punch, spinning her student across the field.

Sakura landed on her back, and it hurt, but as she stopped seeing stars and when the blue sky above her came into focus again, a laugh reverberated through her chest unbidden. Tsunade would probably think she was crazy, but Sakura hoped her mentor missed this and was enjoying it as much as she was. Sakura couldn't remember all her past spars with her mentor, but taking part in them now made her feel like she missed them anyway. It had been so long, she was almost feeling nostalgic.

She sat up, wincing as a pain shot through her arm, and she placed a gloved hand over a now bleeding wound. It took her a second, a slow, surprised second, to realise she was healing herself. Medical chakra was flowing through her, actively healing her arm as she hugged her wound with her alternate hand.

It wasn't triggered by danger, or pain, or anything sudden. It was as if two spinning puzzle pieces finally connected in their aerial game of twister; they faced the right way, and Sakura was ready to pull them together.

She stopped the flow and felt the change. She took one deep breath and then tried again... continuing to heal herself as if her powers had never been stolen from her.

Tsunade marched over with an expression impossible to read.

Sakura glanced up and met the Hokage's gaze with an expression just as covert.

"Do you think this is all I needed?" she asked. "All along? A little bit of emotional control?"

"No, I don't. I think you're a very different person now. You're not the girl who woke up in that hospital room. This isn't perfect. It may never be. You worked more than hard for this and you will still need regular training sessions. We need to monitor this closely for a good while. And there is the issue with your memory. Does anything feel different now?"

"No."

She had been positive over the last few days about her chakra control, but if there was anything that seemed actually impossible it was regaining her memories. She worked to regain her skills, but connections in the brain, physical memories... it was a completely different game. It was one she didn't feel ready to play. In all this time after waking up from her coma, she didn't know if she had ever been ready.

But this, this felt right. She felt alive, and free, and only slightly in pain.

They celebrated of course – they celebrated hard – all her friends, the Hokage too, out together with drinks and food and a lot of laughing.

Everything they had been working towards felt achieved. There would still be a lot of training to do. She wasn't exactly fit to go into the field. But for the first time ever, she felt like she would get there. It wasn't impossible. It was nowhere near. And all she had to do was look around and see the endless love and support.

Even when she punched Kiba (comeback for hitting on her all those months ago when she was forced to that awful party), everyone cheered. Everyone cheered again when she started to heal him (although Naruto didn't think it was deserved).

Naruto, she had never seen him so happy. She kissed him full on, in front of everyone at the party, and got plenty more cheers, but it was the smile that Naruto gave her that made her the happiest.

"Thank you for believing in me," she told him.

His smile softened, his eyes were truth and love and faith. "Always."

And in that moment, with her friends, she realised she had peaked with her aspirations. She didn't want any more than this right here: something to work on (her chakra and training), friends, family and a purpose to strive towards.

Her memories didn't fit into the picture.

And nobody said it, they wouldn't dare put a downer on the moment, but they all had it on their minds. Sakura remembering, and regaining her memories, was surely the next logical step.

It wasn't for her. She just didn't tell them that yet.

The more she trained over the next few weeks, the more she cemented the idea that she was totally fine without her memories. She was rebuilding her relationship with her mentor. She was learning so much and progressing at a rate, especially compared to times prior, which made her feel beyond accomplished.

Yet it didn't surprise her when Tsunade pulled out a pile of her old files. "You're really settling into the chakra work now, Sakura. Want to look back into the brain theories?"

And even with a mask of steel, Sakura could see the hope in the Hokage's eyes, so she smiled and nodded and accepted piles upon piles of folders.

Sakura liked the side-by-side reading. She loved it when Shizune joined them, too. And she loved listening to all the medical theories and complex conversations they had. A hope had returned to them that Sakura hadn't witnessed before.

That's why Sakura threw her heart into the science of it all. She took out every personal feeling she had with the case; brain anatomy and memory and work, that's all the thinking was to her. Her heart wasn't in achieving the results, but she figured after a while her friends would focus on other things. That she would be good enough as she was.

But she was wrong. The debates continued constantly. They sprung up among other training sessions and bled into personal conversations. Because her friends believed reversing the damage was possible, even if it was still medically implausible. Relearning was different to remembering in regards to the science.

Plus, skills and memories had always felt very different to her. They were two separate things. Two separate objectives. Her skills had seldom scared her. Her memories had seldom not scared her. When she didn't know who she was her memories were what she wanted more than anything.

She knew who she was now. Her past self? Scared her. Terrified her. Everything she had seen about her past, her relationship with Naruto, with Sasuke... she didn't like it one bit. She didn't understand it. She didn't want to understand it.

So when the medical team started crossing theories off the list, started monitoring her brain activity, testing her mentally, she started to choke. When she had read all the files more than once, almost absorbing the hope from her friends, she felt nauseated.

She had theories herself – about the unconscious mind, dreams, sleep and emotions... She wondered if the potentially harming theories on their list, like possible brain alterations and untested jutsus, would actually recreate her memories and past self.

Even when she kept telling herself it was impossible, there was a part of her – that had been there since the beginning – that believed she would remember. It was stupid. It wasn't logical. But it was always there. She never gave up moving forward, but now she wanted to give up.

It was a niggle at the back of her mind that told her she didn't want it. Now that niggle was loud and large and occupying too many of her thoughts because she felt close to the uncertain end. However, when she slept, those thoughts were silenced, like an unwelcome rest from her effort to stay unchanged.

The light dream kept reoccurring. At first it had made her feel strong and brave, to chase the unknown, to follow the force in the distance. But now she had everything she wanted, the dream also frightened her. It was like it was dragging her to more, a more she didn't want or need. A voice started calling to her in her sleep, from somewhere in the light – it was achingly familiar, but she couldn't place it. It took her a few days, but she learnt to silence it, to close her eyes and feel true darkness, to shut her eyes and hear nothing at all.

It took too much effort though, all this digging her heels in the ground, whether she was awake or asleep or with her friends or on her own. There was no respite from her worry.

She had to tell her friends to stop trying. She had a feeling that was something they had never done.

She sat on the admission, because she was scared of hurting her friends. She knew, despite what she thought about her past, that they loved her old self. They wanted the old Sakura back. They thought she wanted the old Sakura back.

She almost told Tsunade, more than once, that she wanted to put the memory chasing to rest, forever. But she chickened out. She didn't want to disappoint her friends, not after all they had done for her and how much she cared for them.

Two months later, she felt ill with the dirty secret.

Tsunade noticed and had noticed for a while; told her she didn't look well and to go home and rest. Sakura did gladly (which was unlike her, so worried her mentor even more).

Naruto noticed too, and she hated the fact that she felt like she was lying to everyone. Naruto hated liars, remember?

Her nights of sleep had been relievingly dreamless for a long while, she put an unconscious effort into that, but she began to feel wound up again; she began to feel tired no matter how much sleep she got.

She had to tell everyone.

She would start with the one person who stuck by her through everything, even if she really didn't want to disappoint him, even if he wouldn't understand. How do you tell the man you love that the woman you used to be, the person he loved, will never come back? That you'd now be willing to fight against her coming back…

Sakura had a date with Naruto (they were going for ramen together), and she dawdled there at a snail's pace. She was going to be late, not that Naruto would mind, but in a way she wished she'd never get there.

Sure enough, he was there waiting for her. He was talking animatedly to Teuchi. The light of the restaurant lit up his face and made him even more vibrant than usual. She stood there watching him for a while… She didn't want to remember every time she had hurt him. Every time he was hurt in general. That's why she was doing this. She couldn't sit on this secret any longer.

"Hey! Naruto!"

Naruto turned his gleaming smile to her, and she watched as it faded a little. He got up out of his seat and jogged towards her. "Sakura-chan! Are you okay?"

"I'm… feeling a little sick. Do you mind if we take a walk?"

"Of course not. We can go for ramen when you're feeling better."

She nodded and linked her hand with his, pulling him with her in an aimless direction. She might not feel better after this confession. She might feel worse. She swallowed, finding she couldn't speak.

"Teuchi was just telling me how happy we looked the last time we ate there. That he'd seen me happy a lot, but never this content."

She squeezed his hand and attempted a smile, even when she was looking straight ahead of her. "So I make you happier than I used to?"

"You always made me happy."

"I made you sad, too."

It wasn't a question. It was a fact. Out of the corner of her eye she saw his smile fade and she winced – this is the opposite of what she wanted to do to him. This was the kind of pain that she never wanted to cause or feel ever again. But she couldn't stop herself from asking: "Who do you love more? Me, now, or past Sakura?"

Naruto stopped their walking and turned her to face him. He placed a hand on each of her arms, searching her face and her eyes for the cause of this anguish – but all it did was remind her of that dream she had, that memory, where she lied to him.

"You're the same person. I love you."

"But I've changed, I know you say you love me in new ways, but I'm different, you can't love me when I'm a whole new person."

"You've not changed." His expression was adamant. He really believed it.

"I had a dream, where we were stood just like this..."

Naruto knew from her face that it wasn't a good dream. And a nightmare didn't begin to cover it.

"I told you I loved you. You called me a liar. I ran off to Sasuke..."

She could tell from his face that it was more than just a dream. His expression twisted in pain before he could stop it and he dropped his arms to his sides.

Knowing it was true hurt Sakura beyond simple imagination. This nightmare was very much real. Sakura believed all her dreams were memories, and she'd even stop them if she could.

"I'm sorry for all of it. For all I did to you."

"Sakura-chan." He looked at her like he loved her, like he would always forgive her. "It's OK."

She took a step back, shaking her head. "It's not OK. How I treated you? None of that is OK."

Naruto managed a weak smile. "I really don't want you holding onto this pain. It doesn't hurt me. So many memories I look back on fondly. I just loved the attention."

"I don't know if I want to regain any of my memories," she admitted.

His eyes widened. "What?"

"I'm worried I'll change... I don't want to feel or see you differently. Tell me honestly, do you think if I got my memories back I'll be a different person?"

Naruto didn't answer. He stared at her thoughtfully for far too long as her heart thundered in her chest.

"You do?"

"If you get your memories back, you might remember some feelings for Sasuke–"

"No," she cut him off. "If I loved Sasuke, I'd still feel the same way now. My feelings wouldn't change. I'd have the feeling, deep in my bones, of genuine appreciation and unbelievable happiness when I thought of him, from the moment I woke up to the minute I went to bed. I'd want him to be happy, and safe, and want to spend as much time with him as possible, even if it was in silence. That's how I feel about you, and I'll always feel that."

Naruto just smiled at her. "See, if you remember, you won't change from how you are now. You'll still be the same person."

Sakura's eyes widened. "You just tricked me..."

"I could tell you all the time how brilliant you are, but sometimes you just need to make yourself believe it." He grinned. "I know you."

OK. But even if her feelings didn't change for Naruto, she still didn't want to imagine hurting him… He had let go of the pain in their past but she thought she'd be far better off without it.

"I just – I don't want to continue putting all this effort into remembering… it frightens me."

Naruto stepped towards her. "Then don't… For now, put it all on hold. There's so much to work on, with your other training. Just don't be afraid to remember. We won't change."

Sakura smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. "I know."

That was the easiest bit. Tomorrow she would tell Tsunade how she felt. And then she'd let her past go forever.

Sakura approached her mentor's office the next morning with a heavy heart. Her knuckles barely made contact with the door as she knocked it.

"Come in!"

Sakura entered the room to see Tsunade bent over a textbook. There, piled high on the desks were all the books and papers on their research and theories. Her head rested on her interlocked hands as she studied the documents thoughtfully, so much interest in them that she didn't even stop reading.

"I've got some exciting theories–" Tsunade looked up. "What's wrong?"

Sakura raised her head to collect herself as tears threatened to flood her eyes. She gestured to the room in front of her. "All this. I can't do it. I don't want you to put all this effort into me remembering. I don't want to remember. I don't like my past."

The lack of surprise on the sannin's face hurt Sakura, but not as much as her mentor's quiet voice when she asked, "You don't want to remember your past with me?"

"Of course I do. I just don't want to remember everything else. Every time I hurt a friend. Every time I failed. Every time I wasn't good enough."

Tsunade shook her head and to Sakura's dismay, she saw her mentor crying, not even bothering to hide the disappointment. "What I would give to forget moments in the past. Losing people is part of life. And war. And love. But I don't want to lose you, Sakura. Giving up isn't what we do. It's cowardly."

"It's not what I used to do. I'm sorry, but I'm a different person now."

"You are." Tsunade put her head in her hands and sobbed quietly.

It broke Sakura's heart to see it. She stepped forward to comfort her mentor, but as she reached out her hand towards the woman Sakura opened her eyes to find herself at home in bed. The room was dark and quiet and still.

She blinked slowly, still tired, once again. These dreams never stopped plaguing her, yet this was new. She often felt like, and knew, that she was dreaming of the past, that she was remembering memories from her childhood. She always thought they were warnings: ill omens to prevent her from searching for her memories and preventing her from making the same mistakes again.

However, this time, her dreams were warning her against giving up on her past. It felt so real; even though it wasn't, it was powerful enough to fluster and confuse her. She didn't want to hurt Tsunade. She didn't want to see her cry. But she thought this was necessary, still, that she should put her effort into the future, not the past.

She couldn't hope any more than she did now that she couldn't also dream-predict the future.

Because in a few hours she had to do that all again.

Maybe she was a coward, but she had to tell Tsunade to give up on the past her, because she was afraid, too afraid to remember the pains of her past. This naivety was protecting her from heartache.

She managed to get a couple more hours of sleep, which helped because she didn't want to look exhausted and out of her mind when she delivered the news to the Hokage. If anything, Sakura was angry at her inner-self... All this time, she had been controlled by these dreams and now she'd had enough. She was determined to put everything to rest.

Sakura steeled herself as she knocked on the door, her raps much more forceful than they had been in her dream.

"Come in!"

Sakura blanched as she entered the room to see Tsunade bent over a textbook – the scene was identical to the one in her dream – her head rested on her interlocked hands as she studied the documents laid out on her desk, and she didn't look up at her apprentice. Sakura drew in a deep breath, her resolve wavering.

Tsunade finally looked up. "What's wrong?"

"I... am afraid... of my past self."

Tsunade waited for her to explain. She listened attentively as Sakura continued speaking.

"I think I was a terrible person; I fear that if I get my memories back, I'll just break down when I remember all the horrible things I've done. I've had such horrible dreams and I know they were true. I'm better now."

Tsunade sighed. She closed the textbook on her desk and regarded Sakura honestly. "I don't think you knew who you were before your amnesia. I saw you grow, a lot, but you still weren't all there. You were working really hard to make amends for any mistake you made. And in my opinion, whether you believe me or not, you always meant well. You were not a terrible person and you never will be. You're kind and you care and if you do remember you won't break down... you'll be more complete."

"All these dreams I have, they're scary and cruel and–"

"Exactly what you need to see each time?"

Sakura frowned slightly.

"I didn't believe your dream theories at first," Tsunade said. "They needed hope more than reason, but I can't deny they have helped you. Inwardly and unconsciously you are still so strong, you are still past Sakura."

Sakura almost sounded grumpy when she asked, "And past Sakura is all about self-preservation?"

Tsunade laughed. "Far from it. You've always been stupidly chivalrous."

Sakura thought long and hard about it. All this time she had been afraid of her past, of her dreams, of herself. But she couldn't deny that these dreams had helped her. They made her think, and they proved that part of her still remembered her past. If this new her was living in the day, her past was living at night. She connected to her past in her dreams, whether she wanted to or not. Surely that was accessible if they tried hard enough. If she started listening to them again, letting them take over...

What if her memories came back on their own one day? And she had tried for years to prevent it... What if she grew old regretting that she hadn't tried harder? What if she remembered when she was old and wished she had remembered sooner? If Tsunade believed in her past self, if Naruto did... Then she didn't need to be this afraid. The lack of control was scary, but not knowing could one day drive her insane.

These dreams had already been driving her insane, but they revealed so much about her character. If she was always dreaming, maybe she would continue to recall old information more frequently, maybe what she did remember wouldn't be so scary... it couldn't all be bad.

So Sakura stuck with her gut, the theory she had been unconsciously developing all along – this growing, nagging thing that seemed desperate to guide her into a future with full knowledge of her past. She looked her mentor in the eyes and said, "I think we should medically induce me. Put me to sleep. Don't wake me up and see if I can wake myself up. See if I can remember anything when I dream for longer. I have these dreams, shishou, they're so alive. I've been trying to fight them, but maybe there is more to them and with a little bit of time I could let them take over. They were my first step towards remembering something. Maybe they're my last step in remembering everything."

Tsunade was quiet for just as long, thinking the plan over. "We could try it, but to leave you for long periods of time or not wake you up at all, that would be dangerous."

Sakura smiled. "I think it's time I had a little faith in my past self. If I'm not willing to try some of our self-harming ideas then I'm not committed and there's no point trying half-heartedly with all this. I've given my all to my training. I think I owe it to you, and me, that I do the same with my memory. I'm finally willing. Please help me try."

"We had just started getting somewhere..." Tsunade trailed off and then she sighed. "All right. Let's do it."

It started with a coma and it would end with one. This time, it would be her choice.

She wanted to dive right into it and not tell anyone. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up and be herself and surprise all her friends. But Naruto, like he knew something was about to happen, as always, was outside of the Hokage's office when Sakura walked out with her mentor.

As Tsunade went off to find Shizune to tell her their latest plan, Sakura pulled Naruto to the side and explained the idea she had come up with.

"Is it dangerous?" he asked.

"There could be complications, but I think this will work. Nothing conventional has helped so far. If I can somehow trigger this unconscious self, like in all my dreams, I could remember everything."

Naruto frowned slightly.

She nudged him and smiled. "Then we'll go on a date as soon as I wake up."

Naruto grinned at her. "For ramen?"

"Hell yeah!"

She liked that phrase; she was going to start using it more.

Sakura was nervous as she entered the intensive care unit, but she put on a brave face and squeezed Naruto's hand one last time before letting go. She slipped into the hospital bed, lying down and looking at the whitewashed ceiling above her. This was it.

As Tsunade hooked her up to the machine, she told her, "There are all sorts of dangers if you stay in a coma for too long..."

"I know."

"When do we wake you up?" Shizune asked.

"You don't. I don't want to wake up if I don't remember."

There was a deadly silence, and Sakura's eyes travelled around the faces of her friends, stopping at Naruto's worried expression.

"I'll be awake in no time," she told him.

He returned her smile with a brave one of his own.

After one more smile, she nodded at her mentor, ready. And as the anesthetic pumped into her system, she closed her eyes and clenched her fist.

She was determined to end this. She was determined to remember, and then choose who she would be in the future.

For a long time, she felt nothing. She wasn't quite sure that she existed but she must do. She was still lying on her back, maybe, although she couldn't feel a surface underneath her. Then she became aware of her breathing. In and out. Slowly. Calmly.

Her sense of hearing came back next and she heard far-off shouting and the clanging of metal. A fight.

"Careful, Naruto!"

Kakashi.

Sakura opened her eyes to find her team in battle, bouncing around enemy ninja; her team were outnumbered but they looked comfortable enough. This was a time in the past. A time before she hit her head. But where was she?

It was then she felt the wind knocked out of her as her past self seemed to phase through her back and pass through her like a ghost.

To Sakura's shock, her past self looked around with wide eyes, as if she had felt it too. And their gazes met.

But then Past Sakura threw a kunai in the direction behind them and Sakura turned around to see the kunai pierce a ninja dropping out a tree in the general direction of Naruto.

"Ooph!"

Sakura swivelled back in time to see herself get barrelled backwards by a large enemy. She was righting herself in midair, twisting to land on her feet, and she would have made it if she had more space but she connected with a tree headfirst. Her vision went black again, although she heard the almighty smack as she cracked the bark of the tree and fell to the ground.

At first, she felt nothing, before she opened her eyes for the briefest of moments to see a blurry picture of her team all around her; Naruto was at the front, calling to her over and over again.

"Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan!"

But she was fading again. It was completely dark, all she could feel was her head throbbing... she couldn't wake up, she couldn't move.

She could feel him shaking her, but his voice became muffled, and his touch softened into nothing.

It had been as simple as getting distracted, taking an awkward hit and landing unfortunately. That was stupid. That was unfair. One injury and she lost everything. Her memory destroyed, and all that pain she caused her friends...

Listen to Naruto call... over and over and over and over. And think about everything he had always done for her. Ever since they were kids he had tried to offer her the world. He never gave up. So many times he asked her out on dates. He comforted her when she was sad. He pledged himself to her. And all her friends too – always there for her.

It was then Sakura realised she was recalling memories – so many memories – images and sounds and feelings in waves upon waves of connections in her brain firing all over the place. For a little while, her brain felt so full, but it quickly became normal, and she became normal again. She would be OK. Her crazy idea had worked.

She could not wait to wake up and hug all of her friends to death.

She tried to open her eyes.

Nothing.

She tried to move her fingers.

Nothing.

Move, Sakura she thought desperately.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

She was suddenly filled with panic. Her mind was alive and very much awake but her body was still paralysed. For so long her body had been lost without her mind and now she was all mind and no body. She was in a medically induced coma. The medics are usually the ones to bring you back out of that state. She knew full well about the science behind it. She had been told stories of how much people in comas heard from the world around them for months or years before they woke up.

She couldn't afford to be in a coma for that long.

She would worry her friends. She would go a little crazy and she would miss her date with Naruto... Naruto would worry about her. He would miss her. She would miss him. He had full confidence in her plan and ability so she could not make a fool out of his love. She never accepted dates. Now that she had, she certainly wouldn't stand him up. He would wait for her like she asked him to and if she didn't show up she would hurt him. She was very tired of hurting him.

Her love for him whilst she had amnesia was so pure and uncomplicated. She was the one that made their relationship wobble. And Sasuke obviously – but that was still her fault. She had to convince Naruto she loved him and only him. She was ready to spend the rest of her life trying. As many images of him flashed before her eyes, she couldn't help but smile on the inside. So much calm came from seeing him smile. So much hope. So many emotions.

"Sakura."

Her mental images were shattered as she heard her own, younger voice call out to her. She did not see his face any more but her own. Her thirteen-year-old self stood in front of her surrounded by nothing but never-ending blackness.

She was suddenly aware of her own embodiment in her mind. She looked down at her hands to see the black canvas extending to below her feet. She turned around in a circle to see nothing else around them. It was just her and her younger self. She was even further away from controlling her own body now.

She stared into her young, naive eyes and struggled to form an emotional connection. She hated her younger self sometimes. She didn't get her. She had been such a brat and a cruel person in her youth. She had never been concentrating on the right things and it hurt to look back at that. This wasn't who she was now.

"I'm you," Young Sakura said, her voice ringing out clearly all around them.

"You're not me. I'm different," she countered immediately.

She was her, but she certainly wasn't now. She had changed so much.

"You were happy to forget me."

Sakura almost laughed. "Who wouldn't be? You bragged but you were always out of your depth. You acted high and mighty when the people around you were so much better. You prioritised all the wrong things. Remembering you hurts me."

"You hurt me too. There is so much guilt and self-directed anger. I get it. But you need to work with me if we're going to counter these drugs and actually wake up."

Sakura frowned slightly. "Do you want me to wake up?"

"Of course I do. I'm you. I've been trying to help you all this time. Every time you went to sleep, every time you needed a push. But we needed to go through this. We're better now."

Sakura couldn't help but be suspicious. Even now she remembered she had changed. Naivety and hindsight gave her a lot to think about and it even made her mistrust her past self, just as her amnestied self had done.

"Did I actually have amnesia?"

Her younger self just nodded, not taking any offense to the questioning. "We got really messed up with that blow to the head. I've been trying to fix it ever since... Although I'd probably give anything to forget Naruto shouting at us like he did."

And just like that, she forgave herself. Young Sakura was no monster; she was just a girl, a child, who had hard choices to make and didn't always make the right ones. And sometimes she made good choices. Even if she didn't have much to do with her these days, her younger self got her to where they were today.

Sakura stepped forward and placed a hand on Young Sakura's shoulder.

"Thank you, for everything."

"You're welcome. I'm still going to be kicking at your heart and flashing you with nostalgia. I wasn't that bad."

Sakura smiled. "No, you weren't."

Her younger self leaped in for the hug and Sakura put her arms around the girl and leant her head on hers.

They stood there for a while, at peace.

"Kiki is that girl's name by the way."

Another spark of memories were brought to the forefront of her mind as Sakura remembered that young girl who had approached her in the street, too long ago now. She needed to apologise, tell her she was remembered, and a beloved patient.

"I need to find her. I need to wake up."

Young Sakura stood back and looked up at her with pure determination. "Think we can manage that?"

Sakura grinned at her younger self. "I think we can do anything, together."

They both focused, together, and the light finally took over.

When Sakura closed her eyes she had expected an inner-battle between her heart and her head, only then did she realise that now her heart and her head were on equal grounds. She had no inner-quarrels, no fear of herself or how she felt. She knew she would always remember her mistakes and grow from them, be the best for the people around her. In the dream-coma, she had a third person view of so much. Life was too short to linger on the past, she had to look to the future, she would smile at the good memories and learn from the bad, but she would constantly move forward. One other thing she was also sure of, life was too damn short to spend any more time sleeping and thinking about it all.

She opened her eyes.

It felt like the past few months had been a dream; a detailed dream, flashing memories of different places, people and conversations. Only it wasn't a dream. She had said and done things that affected both herself and others. She had changed... She knew a lot more mentally, emotion-wise anyway, she hadn't learnt much more knowledge despite all the reading she did. Physically, she was going to be so unfit and out of practice, she'd have to work ten times as hard in her next batch of training sessions.

Interacting with people... Just what could she say? Her friends were the best. Her eyes began to water at just how happy she was. How did she end up with such an amazing group of people behind her? It was such a wave of relief in her chest to know exactly how. Luck – a lot of luck – and damn hard work on top of that. You train with Tsunade and it is guaranteed that you come out stronger than you ever imagined, or die trying to be the best you can be.

Naruto...

Naruto, Naruto, Naruto.

For a long time, she didn't think even her best was good enough for that boy. It wasn't still, surely. She laughed at how sweet, idiotic and brilliant he had been to her recently. He always was like that, wasn't he? Without her feelings of guilt...unworthiness... She loved him. So much. Every emotional feeling somehow linked to him. Happiness. Sadness. Peace. Anger. The whole list.

Now what? Now what happened between them?

She told him that she would meet him for a date when she woke up.

A date.

Right.

She just smiled to herself.

And sure enough, Naruto was the first person through her hospital room door. He probably heard her laugh to herself and came running. He wasn't even supposed to be in this unit.

"Am I too late for our date?" she asked him.

He bounded to her bedside. "Are you okay? Do you...?"

"I remember everything."

He grinned at her. "You're so cool, Sakura-chan."

"What time shall we go for ramen?"

Naruto self-consciously rubbed the back of his head. "If you still want to..."

"Naruto. I really want to."

Naruto's eyes widened, but then the grin that had become even more familiar recently spread across his face. "Woohoo!"

She grinned at him. "I just want to speak to a couple of people first..."

Although Naruto was reluctant to leave her bedside, he left to find Tsunade – who also wasn't far away – and gave them a couple of minutes alone.

Tsunade just looked at her when she entered the room, and then she smiled at her. "You are a miracle, kid. How are you feeling?"

"I feel different, but I'm OK. More than OK."

Tsunade sat on the edge of her bed. "That was definitely an ordeal to go through."

"I'm glad it's over. Don't get me wrong, I've realised things a lot faster than I would have if I didn't hit my head, but... I'm sorry for all the stress I caused you."

Tsunade smiled at her. "What have you realised?"

"That I mean something to people. I've realised how I should see myself... I've realised my full feelings for others a lot quicker."

"Like a certain blond?"

"Yes, I've realised you..."

"And another blond."

"That Ino is..."

"And..."

"Inoichi is pretty good at manipulating people, I see where Ino gets it from."

"You're going to run out of blondes before I run out of time, Sakura."

Sakura tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I think that's it."

Tsunade raised her eyebrows. "What about Naruto?"

Sakura's humour softened into a smile. "I always knew he was great... but I guess now I really want to let him know that. I've got a date with him this evening, so you've got to let me go now."

"OK. If you pass a quick check-up you can go, but you're coming back to the hospital tonight," Tsunade ordered.

"To work?" Sakura asked hopefully.

"No, for more checkups."

Sakura pouted. "And then to work?"

Tsunade smirked. "Not so fast."

"Well who's been taking over my shifts?"

"Shizune, Ino, me and other high-end medics. I didn't realise how much work you used to do. I wasn't too happy about the amount."

Sakura shuffled nervously.

"You're not going to get away with so many extra shifts any more you know."

Sakura smiled to herself. "I'd usually complain, but I think I'm going to want the extra time to spend with a certain someone."

"Ino?"

Sakura laughed. "Definitely, I probably will, actually... I feel closer to her than before. Speaking of Ino, where is she?"

"I sent her home. I had too many people crowding around here. Naruto wasn't supposed to come back either."

"Like he's ever respected the rules of the hospital..."

"True. I'd hit him but I've had enough of head injuries for a while. I understand if you don't want to work in the trauma unit for a while."

"Actually, I think I could give people something to relate to. I think I could really help out."

Tsunade smiled. "That's my apprentice."

"I'm going to go now before Naruto thinks I've forgotten about him."

"What have you got? Amnesia?"

"Too soon."

Tsunade laughed. "I am going to rip you for every mental blunder from now on."

"I will make you feel guilty for it."

"I'm too happy to care, kid."

Sakura laughed again. "Me too."

Sakura snuck up on Ino walking through Konoha. Her friend was in deep thought when Sakura popped up in front of her.

"Hey, Ino, remember three years ago when you got really drunk and wet yourself, and you told me never to mention it again?"

There were people around, but it was unlikely that anyone heard the confession.

Ino's eyes widened before they narrowed. "I'm going to kill you."

Simultaneously, they both burst out laughing.

When they finally came down from their laughing high, Ino sighed and said, "I'm going to miss you."

"I've missed you too – wait, hey!"

"You were so fun."

"Ino!"

"I'm actually a little bit depressed."

Before Sakura could work herself into a flustered tizzy, Ino grinned and pulled her into a strong hug – the kind of hug only reserved for rare, special moments between them – and Sakura hugged her best friend back just as tightly. It was then she noticed her shoulder was wet. Ino was actually crying.

They pulled back and looked at each other. Sakura didn't say anything but she smiled.

"We're back to a less-talking, more glaring and inner-understanding relationship?" Ino asked, wiping her eyes as she smiled back.

Sakura shrugged. "I guess, but I wouldn't mind a little more girl talk."

"Really?"

"Yes, but as long as I get to push you for answers and interrogate your feelings instead."

Ino laughed. "You can try, Forehead."

"After all I've told you, you better answer me, Pig. Brain damaged or not, you owe me hours of confessions and payment for all those pranks and lies you performed. You don't just take advantage of your best friend like that," Sakura ranted.

Whilst she expected the blonde to run away, Ino grinned at her.

"Welcome back, girl."

"I think you owe me money too."

Ino straightened and then leant forward and poked Sakura on the forehead. "No, I don't think so. I'm sure that's the brain damage."

"No I'm pretty sure–"

"Was that Kakashi calling?" Ino turned around. "I think he needs help feeding his cat. I'll talk to you later, Sakura."

Before she had a chance to reply, Ino had disappeared. Sakura shook her head – that was the exit she had expected the blonde to make as soon as she started asking for things off of her. But Sakura didn't care. She was still ridiculously happy.

She began walking through the town, calling out to people and calling them by their names just because she could.

She picked up a gift and returned to Tsunade's office. She knocked the door and entered when summoned, walking right up to the desk and placing a bottle of sake on the surface. "A thank you token, for everything you've done for me."

Tsunade grinned at her. "I've missed you... it's not even my birthday."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You had your present early this year."

"And I won on that lottery, too."

Sakura frowned. That usually meant bad tidings, but nothing awful happened to them afterwards. "Since I bought you the ticket, are you going to share the winnings with me?"

"Sakura... I only won ten ryo."

Sakura laughed. "...Well, that's a drink or two each."

Tsunade nodded. "Fine, we'll go to a bar together as soon as you've caught up with all the paperwork you didn't do."

"...You're kidding?"

"No... You caused me a lot of trouble, consider this punishment."

No matter how serious and detached Tsunade has seemed during her brain injury, the older medic certainly cared and had apparently worked almost nonstop around the clock planning and researching her case.

"Thank you," Sakura said sincerely.

"That's my apprentice, geekily in love with the paperwork."

"My desire to do paperwork again must have been the reason I overcame my amnesia, nothing is so important," Sakura said with false seriousness.

"And the desire to get your ass kicked by me in a training session."

"That was a close second."

Tsunade smirked. "We'll spar tomorrow. If you do well enough, we can go for a drink afterwards."

"Deal."

Sakura waited for her dismissal, looking forward to her date, but Tsunade stopped her in her tracks with a question she should have been prepared for at some point.

"Before you go, I realise there is a lot to talk about, but what about Sasuke?"

Sakura's face contorted with a pain that hadn't been accessible or witnessed for a long time. "We'll bring him home. The next time I see him. Naruto and I, we'll work on a plan. We'll use this memory mess to our advantage, even more than we already have."

She didn't think that she would ever be able to completely shake the fear that Sasuke had instilled in her during their encounters. She didn't hate him, she simply couldn't, but she had seen him from an outsider's perspective. She knew what was good for her now. What she could count on when she couldn't count on herself. Naruto. That had always been the case, but now she really knew how brilliant he was.

Tsunade nodded. "We'll get him. You're dismissed. I'll see you in the morning."

Sakura turned and headed for the door.

"And Sakura."

Sakura held up her hand without looking and caught the object thrown at her head – a paperweight that would have really hurt had it hit her.

"Think fast." Tsunade grinned.

Sakura smiled over her shoulder. "I'm going to start wearing a crash helmet in here. No more head injuries for me."

Sakura met Naruto for ramen just as she'd promised. He was happily chatting away to Teuchi when she slipped into the seat next to him.

"I'd say we've eaten too much ramen recently, Naruto, but we've travelled around so much of Konoha that I think we've evened everything out."

"We can never have too much ramen, Sakura-chan!" Naruto said, rubbing his hands together as he received his usual order.

"Well I'm going to take you on a tour around the hospital, it was about the only place we didn't explore. I'm going to explain everything in so much technical detail you won't understand a thing."

He just laughed.

"I need to find this girl, Kiki, tomorrow too. And I've got so many people I need to catch up with, so much to follow up on..."

"I'm ready to help out," Naruto said. "There's so much good news to spread!"

Sakura watched him as he went to eat his ramen. His hand paused in the air, noodles dangling close to his mouth, as he turned to look at her. "What is it?"

"Thank you." She could never say it enough, but she hoped her face portrayed her sincerity. He put down his chopsticks and before he could reply, she added, "I realise I fear letting you down, not being good enough for you. I know I'm not good enough for you."

Naruto went to deny it but she continued:

"But I've got to let my guilt go. I'll always do everything I can for you, whether I'm plagued with a sense of unworthiness or not. You've proved how much I mean to you, so I owe it to you to stop talking myself down and prove how much you mean to me."

"I think you're still brain damaged, Sakura-chan, you're perfect. If you're unworthy of anybody then the world is messed up."

"The world is much less of a mess with you here, Naruto."

He grinned at her, wide and illuminating. "So you're really still my girlfriend?"

She frowned slightly. "Have I not been for the past couple of months?"

"Yes but you didn't remember me. I don't quite believe it."

"Well, believe it."

"I've missed you," Naruto said, his gaze full of affection.

"Missed me?"

"You have this confidence about yourself. I've missed that."

"I'm just comfortable around you. You give me a sense of surety about myself and I'm sure about that. I always have been, before the amnesia too."

"Really?"

"Yes, I want to see you every day, or... Most days... For a bit. You do make Konoha brighter and I know where I want to be."

"Where do you want to be?"

"Right here, with you... I have changed, for the better, I hope. Although if there's one thing I've been missing recently, it's that I've been way too lenient on you."

Naruto had been enjoying her rambling, but this pulled him out of his dreamy haze. "What? Why?"

"Sometimes you just need a good slap."

Instead of the fear she expected him to show, Naruto started to laugh.

"I'm serious," she said, trying to stop the smile forming on her face.

"OK." Naruto grinned at her.

While she was serious, she definitely couldn't bring herself to hit him now at this moment. This boy had been an angel to her and until he did something to offend her, she would cut him a little slack in the punishment department. So they might go the rest of the day before she needed to put him in his place – a week if she kept remembering all the things he had said to her over the past few months. Without knowing it, Naruto seemed to shower her with compliments, true, knee-jerk reaction compliments that really made her heart warm up and flutter. She always knew he was dedicated to her, but now she understood just how much.

She had come out stronger and more certain than ever.

Without him realising it, her amnesia had given Naruto the chance to prove just how much he loved her. Her amnesia had given her a chance to stop, watch and listen to him. No excuses, no distractions from her feelings... And now, no doubt about it, she loved him. Now she looked forward to making new memories with him. Nothing could stop her from making sure he understood how much he meant to her. No event, no amount of time and certainly no brain damage would ever prevent her from trying to get that message across.

Sakura Haruno: 1

Amnesia: 0

Author Notes:

Phew! The End! I decided to finish this in one longer chapter instead of two. Although I worry that it feels patchy. I pulled together so many notes and scenes (I cut plenty out, too, but still) that were written across years, and I worry that it all cuts together too quickly. At the end I was so close, and I've been trying to finish this for years, but the struggle was real when I was trying finish off the last couple of scenes.

I've always worried about the outcome of this as well. I knew I wanted Sakura to remember but I wanted to keep it realistic. Over the years, I spent hours researching amnesia – I watched films, read patient case studies and specifically looked for happy outcomes. I found nothing. No good examples of amnesia patients remembering. Then one day stumbled across something that stated most people just generally recover their memories. Who knows? Not me, ha. Of course I had the Naruto universe to help stretch reality and I've always thought Sakura was strong mentally.

I tried to tie a lot of things up in this chapter – less than one week more and this would have taken me four years to finish – but I definitely cut scenes out just because they didn't fit with the mood of the last few chapters. Hopefully I made the better choice with those cuts. I found it tough sometimes to keep my ideas linear and coherent because story writing becomes a bit piecemeal when you write it like this over such a long period of time.

I have written so much Naruto fanfiction. I've probably posted less than 10% of what I've written, but it's all so old now that I can't see myself sprucing it up and posting it because my writing has progressed since. It's a shame because I had so many ideas, but even when writing Amnesia I almost felt like I was regressing in skill when trying to write around my old work. However, I don't have it in me to do full rewrites. And without that, I don't think I could ever write as well as I should do. This will probably be my last posted Naruto fanfiction.

Thank you for sticking with me over the years. I'm sorry it took so long to complete but I've really appreciated the support on this. You are all brilliant.