short, i am alive, give me your thoughts, your hopes, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free

The stink of the affair still found Toph on occasion, though she and Lin had unearthed a very new and very different life in Republic City.

Both mother and daughter had instantly become a vital part of Katara and Aang's large family. While Lin delighted in finding siblings, Toph became increasingly involved in Republic City's political affairs, particularly the structural aspect of judicial components. When she spent nights alone at her desk considering laws, punishment, sentencing, enforcement, court systems, and the like, the isolation of her old apartment would creep back into her heart. Though it disgusted her, she ached to be touched, and her longing constant, distracting. Hearing Katara and Aang's lovemaking made her nostalgia dangerously insistent. On some nights, she found she couldn't stand to stay in the same house. She would take long, winding walks, the warm memory of Sokka's lips and hands marring her journey until she broke out in a cold sweat. He was a married man, he had children of his own, and she meant nothing to him. She was only twenty-two, at the peak of her years. She couldn't spend anymore of her youth chasing an impossible dream.

Katara, somehow, knew. Toph wanted to blame it on the healer's keen intuition, but it was probably due to the fact that Toph's walks were interrupting the older woman's sex life (the slam of the door from a returning Toph at 3 am made Katara's face red with embarrassment). About a month after Toph's arrival, Katara woke the earthbender early and asked her down to the kitchen for tea and breakfast before she had to make it for everyone else.

In the kitchen, Katara handed Toph a steaming mug and a plate of cold breakfast dumplings, stuffed with vegetables and nuts. "You have to try these," she started brightly. Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, so that she wouldn't wake the children resting upstairs. "Yesterday when you were with Aang at the courthouse, Lynnie and Kya helped me make them." She plopped a large dumpling on the top of Toph's stack. "Lynnie said this one was for you."

The earthbender brought the dumpling to her lips and nibbled it before dropping it back into the plate, finding she had no appetite. A few pangs of panic struck at her stomach while she sipped at the tea reluctantly. It was too hot and singed the tip of her tongue. She wondered why Katara was discussing Lin with her, and the idea that Sokka's sister was at the cusp of an accusation made Toph defensive and tense. Of course she knew, thought Toph. It had to be obvious.

"Lin's not very great with her hands, is she?" asked Toph, who circled the rough edges of the dumpling with her forefingers. "This thing feels like a blind kid made it."

"Oh no, she's quite artistic. But I guess she's a painter, not a sculptor. To be honest," Katara admitted, "at first I thought she was blind. Her eyes are remarkably blue, but the blue is very light. They look like yours. I remember when we visited your home years ago, your mother. What was her name? Pearly? Polly?"

"Poppy Beifong," Toph answered with a huff, and rolled her inoperable eyes. "Please, don't make it sound more ridiculous than it is."

Katara sat at the table with a shy smile. "Right, sorry. Poppy. I could tell she was a noblewoman before I saw all the fancy clothes, the house. Her eyes were this imperial, light green. A lake green, almost yellow. All of the generals from the old Earth Kingdom had this color. I'm guessing that your eyes were the same at some point. Lin must certainly get it from you."

"Come out with it," Toph challenged.

"I'm sorry?"

Toph's chest tightened with the fear that she was introducing the truth to someone who wasn't already aware. She bit back her tongue and sipped at her tea again, this time cooling it with little bursts of air. But she knew Katara well enough, and even in the span of their years apart, Toph was aware that the woman had grown more acute, more knowledgeable, more sensitive. She had known Toph was attracted to Sokka since they were still awkward kids.

Katara spoke again before Toph had the chance to take back her words or change the direction of their conversation. "Look, it's not my business," said the waterbender. "I'm your friend, and I'm his brother. I'm not a judge, like you."

"I'm not a judge yet."

"But you're going to be. Aang tells me how much heart you're putting into the judicial system here. And we really need it, with the crime rates rocketing, the poverty, the new arrivals…" Katara trailed off, her face twisted with worry. She placed her elbows on the table and rubbed her temples in small, tight circles, imagining her children defenseless in dangerous city streets. "Anyway, whatever happened five years ago is none of my business."

Toph said in a low tone, "It wasn't his fault."

"Don't be silly, of course it was."

"Katara –"

"Okay, that's one place where you're wrong, Toph Beifong." Katara stood up. She was naked except for a silk robe that was beginning to open at the front. She quickly reached to tie it closed again before remembering Toph was blind. For a moment she held her hands at her sides, still gripping the sash, her eyes fixed on the table. She tied it hurriedly and reached for the tea pot at the stove. As she filled Toph's cup, she stated drily, "I will not defend him just because he is my brother. He is older than you, and he is married. He has been married for more years than Lynnie has been alive. I would never blame you in a million years. Just because he is my brother." Katara snorted disgustedly. "If there is one person to blame, it's him."

"You can't put it all on him."

"Of course I can."

"No, you can't." Toph became defiant. She pushed the tea and dumplings away and crossed her arms. Her face was lost, the brows furrowed and the frown angled to one side. Her nose was pinched in disgust, as if she'd sniffed a rotten egg, and her eyelids narrowed in Katara's direction. "He is the man. Okay, we've established that. But who opened her legs for him? Who gave him a place in her bed? Who knew he was married? I did. And that's why we aren't discussing this again. It was my own stupid fault." She added after some hesitation, "And it is my greatest regret."

"Lynnie?"

"No," Toph replied immediately. "I would not trade Lin-Lin for the world. But the path to get to Lin. The path after Lin. Katara." Toph's voice was hoarse with defeat. "You have no idea what I had to do to try to raise her myself. You've got all this." She opened her arms wide and turned to face the entire kitchen before snapping her neck back at Katara. "You've got a man who loves you. You don't work. You don't know what it's like. If it wasn't my fault in the first place," Toph asked, her fists shaking, "then why did it happen to me? Why was I punished for someone else's mistake?"