A/N: Well, hello there. On Tumblr, I said that I already have Chapter 6 and 7 down (good news!) but it's this chapter I couldn't write. I've been trying since last week and they turn out so horrible every time. Now that I'm done, this turned out to be one of my favorite chapters ever. I like writing about friendships and plot twists. LOL.
And shoutout to the anon who left a comment on my other story to urge me to update this one. I dedicate this chapter to you.
WARING: This is kinda long so, hang in there, okay? And I'm not sure if there's a cliffhanger.
FIVE
Tether
Will we ever get away from this place
It's an image that's burned on my chest
For a moment you need me to stay
Cold-blooded and drifting away
.
Monroe, LA
Day 42nd, Late Morning
"There has to be a good reason we're training here," Stacie says as she sits by the sidelines just a couple of feet from Beca.
They're inside Monroe Stadium, exactly at the football field by the 20th yard.
Stacie just spent the last hour watching Beca run a couple of feet back and forth mumbling sports commentary to herself. She would sometimes act like she's catching a ball and scoring a touchdown, then she would cheer for herself. One time, she went, "Mitchell makes an impossible catch and touchdown!"
And Stacie had to look away. She really didn't know how to feel.
"What's wrong with this place?" Beca asks, a little out of breath. "It's silent here."
Stacie shrugs, "Well, it's silent everywhere except in my head."
Beca stops on her tracks and gives Stacie a look, "Oh come on, Stace. That's not a good joke."
"Why? Because of Aubrey?"
Beca just groans and rolls her eyes.
"She wasn't crazy, Beca."
"Why do you believe that so much?" Beca asks. She then takes a seat across the other girl and sighs before saying, "She ran away, Stacie."
"Between the girl who killed her father to save her friend and the 5'2 girl who pretends to be a football legend," Stacie chuckles, "I'd say the 5'2 girl has it worse."
Beca rolls her eyes but then laughs, "My mom and dad always wanted a son. They were going to name him Elway."
"As in John Elway?"
"Yeah, as in the mastermind behind one of football's most brilliant clutch plays," Beca says. "With five minutes and 32 seconds left, Elway led the Denver Broncos to a 98-yard drive in 15 plays."
Stacie shakes her head in amusement, "Wow, I don't know what you're talking about."
Beca rolls her eyes laughingly, "My father and I used to be so close. Well, at least before he and mom started not being close and then, we started not being close, too. Which, thank God, led me to stop watching football."
"You're opening up to me," Stacie says, mocking a horrified expression. "I don't know what to do."
"Shut up."
"But what are we doing here, really?" Stacie says as she looks around the big stadium.
The bleachers are full of dead undeads. Is it weird that it doesn't even bother them anymore?
"What? It's the home of the Warhawks."
"I don't care," Stacie says with a tone that pretty much says she doesn't care. "We're not here to relive your creepy dream of becoming a football superstar. What's wrong?"
"My mom and dad, they—"
"Ugh," Stacie grunts loudly. "Stop dodging."
Beca looks at her, "You used to be someone who doesn't ask questions. What happened to you?"
"You started taking me to this stadium that's 45 minutes away from where we're staying. Don't I at least deserve to know why we need a driving distance of at least 45 minutes from the mansion?"
"I didn't take you. You tagged along."
"Because you were planning to go alone."
"See? I didn't force you to come. Going with me is your own adult decision."
There's a brief moment of hesitation before Stacie says, "I had to make sure you'll be coming back."
Stacie quickly looks away and Beca internally curses herself for being that insensitive.
Beca releases a frustrated sigh, "I'm sorry."
Stacie shoots her a look, "Okay, you're apologizing. Are you infected?"
Beca mocks a laugh, "Very funny."
Stacie rolls her eyes, "You know what, you and I, we're so much better at this when Jess is around."
"We can't take her away from her radio now."
Stacie laughs, "She made it work."
"It's the waiting that kills her though," Beca says and then takes a deep breath.
To distract herself from the aftermath of Aubrey's disappearance, Jessica busied herself with building the radio. It included a half-day rummaging through ULM's not-so-basic library to find books, books, and more books about building a radio using manual transmitter. Five days later, they're all woken up by a loud sound of screaming from the radio room.
Panicked, they all run from their rooms to Jessica only to find her in tears as she jumps in joy and saying, it's working, over and over.
And they all just really, really wanted to punch her for scaring them, and also for being so damn brilliant.
She got the satellite dish (resting on the roof of their bus) to work with the old-school transmitter they found at the (disappointedly abandoned) US Military Reserve back in Birmingham. Jessica had insisted on using a manual transmitter to be able to tweak the frequency better and easier than she can with the more modern ones.
That's the best information Beca had gathered from the nights she had stayed with Jessica and partially listened to her lectures. In her head, Beca calls it The Jessica Watkins Nerd Show.
What started out as good news started turning into bad news when a few days passed and no one would answer their calls. Jessica would keep checking it if there's something wrong because that's the only explanation, right? The only reason no one would return their rescue call was because there's something wrong with the machine.
It's the only excuse Jessica accepts because there's got to be someone out there.
Beca and Stacie both saw Jessica break down in tears one night, completely hopeless. The girl cried almost the entire night until she fell asleep. Part of them is thankful she finally slept because they know the girl hadn't gotten more than three hours of sleep since she made the radio work.
Since then, Beca and Stacie started volunteering for night watch to accompany Jessica. The nerd liked to work at night. She says it's silent.
Beca and Stacie spent all those nights playing chess.
"It's the waiting that kills everybody," Stacie says as she stands up and eyes the lawn. "Look at that lawn, the world has died and they haven't."
Beca laughs, "It's artificial turf."
Stacie mocks a dramatic gasp, "No kidding."
Beca just rolls her eyes.
"It's Chloe, isn't it?"
Beca's attention snaps to her, "What?"
"The reason you're so upset," Stacie says as she walks backwards. "Pass me the ball."
"What?" Beca asks, genuinely confused because there's no ball.
"Pass me the damn ball," Stacie says as she stretches her legs, as if warming up.
And Beca gets it.
She makes an act of picking up a football then she stands and grins.
Beca runs backwards to get a decent distance from Stacie. She draws her right arm backwards and makes a show of throwing the ball to Stacie.
The other girl makes an act of catching it.
"So, it's Chloe?"
They go back and forth with playing catch.
"It's that dude."
That dude.
"You mean Nick?"
"He annoys me."
"A man annoys Beca Mitchell, what a news."
Private Nicholas "Nick" Dalton is the person, actual living person, they found on the basement of the house they're currently staying at. He was based a couple of cities away and was desperately trying to get to I-20 because according to him, the largest national highways are the safest grounds at the moment.
Not that it's a big deal.
The term safe only means less walkers.
Anyway, Nick didn't have any serious injuries aside from a couple of broken ribs and a sprained ankle. Thanks to Chloe, their wonderful team doctor, his minor injuries are healing very well. Chloe had spent the last five days just taking care of him, making sure he is well-fed and is taking medications for fast healing. As per Chloe, the faster he heals, the faster he becomes useful.
Nick, if you're going to ask Stacie, isn't so bad. He's experienced in plotting and planning (midnight rounds, surveillance, fuel runs). He's also an experienced shooter. Even with a bruised arm, he can shoot a walker right in the head with a revolver… wait for it, from the veranda.
Stacie would call it experience. Beca just calls it showing off.
"You can't just come in and expect everyone to like you."
"Everyone likes him, Beca," Stacie says as she throws her the imaginary ball. "Well, now I know not everyone."
"I don't care," Beca mumbles irritated.
"There's something you're not acknowledging here," Stacie says, a mischievous smile drawing on her lips.
"What? The fact that he's suddenly everyone's baby? Trust me, I'm acknowledging it every second I'm alive."
"That's why we're here, aren't we?" Stacie chuckles. It is a little bit funny to her. "To get away."
Beca just rolls her eyes.
They play catch in silence for a couple of seconds before Stacie speaks up. "You must be missing all your Chloe cuddle times."
Beca stops and gasps, her body freezes in shock. Stacie just addressed it. Stacie just said it out loud. And here Beca thought they weren't the kind of people who talked about things.
Stacie just laughs.
"Geez, so dramatic," Stacie says as she picks up her gun from the sidelines. "I know what's happening in that bubble, Beca."
Beca doesn't say anything, just stands there frozen.
Wait, was she jealous of Nick I-Can-Shoot-A-Walker-Even-When-I'm-Injured Dalton?
IS BECA MITCHELL JEALOUS?
Stacie looks at her with a funny look on her face, "My God, actual teenage boy Beca Mitchell. I'm not asking you to go and cry on my shoulder because your crush wouldn't go to the prom with you. We don't have to talk about it. Let's just stop pretending it doesn't exist."
And Beca feels a little relieved. For the nth time in the last 42 days, she thanks God for Stacie Conrad.
"Jesus, God," Beca cries in frustration. "Stacie, distract me. Tell me anything, I need to stop thinking about Nick and Chloe," she says, fast.
"Well, you know, one time in high school, I had sex with—"
"Nope, not your sex life."
"My second name is Leigh."
"What?" Beca spits out because who the fuck goes from stories of her sex life to her second name trivia?
"You know almost everything about me except that my second name is Leigh."
"Stacie Leigh, not bad," Beca nods as they start walking toward the exit of the stadium. "But it's not enough, I need more."
"With a dash."
Beca snorts, "What?"
"Stacie dash Leigh Conrad. Stacie-Leigh."
Beca snorts, trying to hold back her laughter. A couple of seconds later, she fails and doubles over, "Holy shit."
Stacie starts laughing, too, "This trivia always works."
Beca laughs harder but it's more because it's been a long time since she heard Stacie laugh. The girl had completely shut down since Aubrey ran away. Aside from that emotional breakdown in the bus, Stacie had shown no signs of pain or suffering. She hasn't been particularly warm either. She's like a robot, functioning on demand, doing what she's designed to do. Underneath it, nothing.
Beca noticed how empty Stacie had been.
Stacie had only talked to her and Jessica in the 12 days they've gone without Aubrey. She'd talk to the others for instructions and occasional small talk but apart from those, nothing. She'd either busy herself with rounds, lock herself up in her room, or stand in with Jessica.
Maybe that's why they've both started making it a habit to visit the stadium since two days ago. It's silent here and more importantly, it's 45 minutes away from the things they'd rather not address: Nick's presence and Aubrey's absence.
Stacie-Leigh.
Beca laughs again.
Yeah. That works.
It works for Stacie, too.
.
LATER
A little past noon
Soon as they got inside the really big house (they call it The Mansion), Chloe welcomes them back.
"Hey," Chloe greets with a warm smile. "You two are late for lunch."
Stacie just gives her a smile and heads straight to the direction of the kitchen.
Chloe walks over to Beca. "How was the target shooting?" she asks and links their arms together.
"It was okay," Beca says flatly, pulling her arm away from Chloe.
If the redhead notices it, she doesn't show it.
"Come on, I waited for you. Let's eat," Chloe says, still with an unwavering smile, as she grabs Beca's hand.
Beca pulls her hand again, "I'm gonna take a shower and get some sleep."
"What?"
"I'll do night watch again."
"You've been on night watch for the past week, Beca," Chloe states, her voice with a little hint of reprimand.
"I know," Beca responds, downright and cold.
"Oh," she mutters. Beca knows she's hurt. It's been a while since Beca's been this dismissive. But just like Beca expected, the girl recovers easily, "Let's do the midnight rounds then."
Chloe is smiling but Beca knows she noticed her behavior. Nothing gets past the redhead, that's a fact.
"Stacie is doing the midnight rounds. I'm staying with Jess."
This time, Chloe just looks at her.
And Beca doesn't waste time.
"I gotta go upstairs. I'm really, really tired, Chloe," she says.
It's the fatigue card and Beca knows she'll get away with it, "Get a good rest then, I'll save you some of lunch. Just eat some when you wake up, okay?"
"Thanks," she nods and then walks upstairs. Beca doesn't even try to look back. She knows there's a look of hurt on Chloe's face and no, she cannot stomach that.
God, why am I doing this?
Why is she being an asshole?
Where is Aubrey when you need her to slap some sense into you?
Ugh.
.
By dinner time, Beca has calmed down. She still doesn't sit beside Chloe (for whatever reason), which only gives Nick the chance to do so, but she can at least finally stop herself from glaring at him.
He's a nice-looking guy and honestly, if she's not only a little biased, Nick and Chloe would look cute together. He looks fit (or in Chloe's words, sturdy), his dark hair is really nice. He has a nice smile and a cute dimple to go along with. He kind of reminds Beca of that doctor in Grey's Anatomy, the one who died? No, the other one. No, the one they call McSteamy. And Beca just feels really, really bad because he likes Eric Dane so much.
Well, okay, Beca did watch that whole thing because Chloe loved it so much.
Anyway.
They're all in the middle of mild chatter and it is still considered a busy table (given there are seven women), when Jessica speaks up.
"I talked to someone," she says, her voice a little weak.
It's only then does Beca realize the girl had been silent all along.
Almost everybody reacts positively, except for Beca and Stacie. The rest either grinned or gasped in sheer joy. Beca couldn't blame them. I talked to someone means help. I talked to someone means someone is out there.
It should be a moment of celebration. There is help. There is rescue. But something in the air doesn't feel right.
It's probably in the way Jessica delivered the news. Jessica is always the happiest, most enthusiastic person in the group which says a lot considering there is Fat Amy. A news like this would drive Jessica crazy but no, she doesn't look too happy about it.
Beca exchanges looks with Stacie before the girl proceeds with the most obvious question, "What happened?"
Beca knows that Stacie is just as nervous because only the two of them can detect the bad news in Jessica's good news. They've spent so many sleepless nights just listening to the girl talk, they know her.
"There are other survivors nested in a small town nearby," Jessica states with less enthusiasm than she probably should have given there are other survivors in a small town nearby.
Almost everyone just cheers in excitement. Fat Amy and Lilly even share a hug which almost scares Beca because Lilly is not a hugger.
Beca still doesn't understand why Jessica isn't happy about it.
"They have food and water. Best of all, they have a system for any kinds of attacks. They're like us, only there are about 400 to 500 of them."
"400 to 500?" Cynthia Rose clarifies, her eyes wide in sheer happiness. "That's a lot of people. That's a lot of help."
There's an energy of nervous excitement around. Only her, Stacie, and Nick are the ones not jumping in excitement at the news. For a second there, Beca wonders why Nick isn't so happy about it either.
"What's their route?" Stacie asks.
Jessica shakes her head.
"None?"
"None."
It's the moment Nick speaks up, "There are a couple of small towns scattered everywhere. It's filled with survivors who found a system that works. Kinda like the old age, where little towns started making things work. Before you ladies found me, the last I saw was in Warren, Arkansas. They have men who guard the perimeters against the walkers."
"So, they're not moving around? Looking for rescue?"
"That's the rescue," Nick says.
Silence.
The silence lasts for a full minute before Jessica speaks again, "It shouldn't be a problem getting to Oakdale. The guy I talked to said that I-45 is clear."
Fat Amy laughs a full throaty laugh. She stands up and raises both of her hands, as if saying a prayer, "Let's go there tomorrow and be saved."
Stacie turns to Nick, "Why didn't you stay in Warren?"
The guy swallows audibly before he says, "The same reason you are hesitating right now."
There's a loud groan at the back of Beca's mind because why did he have to be such an okay guy? He's giving Beca a hard time to hate him.
"You're hesitating?" Cynthia Rose asks. "Why? It's rescue, Stace."
Now, everybody starts to calm down.
"The virus started up in Vermont," Jessica discusses. "CNN was the first to call it and live-streamed for about half a day before power outage happened. It was already pretty widespread when it hit Atlanta."
"It's heading West," Stacie concludes.
Nick stands up, albeit slowly, "No, it's already widespread but the level of damage from East to West is worst to bad."
"Look, it doesn't matter," Cynthia Rose says again. "This is the help we've been waiting for!"
Beca looks around her.
Is this how it feels like when a war is about to happen; when two forces started turning against each other?
"Why are you hesitating, Stacie?" Cynthia Rose asks.
Never has Beca seen Cynthia Rose this serious. Sure, no one will probably beat Aubrey and Beca for being the most outspoken people in the group but Cynthia Rose is never the one who would back down. She's not as stubborn as Beca but she speaks her mind when she feels the need to.
"You really wanna know the truth, Cynthia Rose?"
"I'd expect nothing less."
"Oakdale is temporary safety," Stacie says. She stands up to be able to look Cynthia Rose in the eyes.
Beca sees Nick nod a little, subtle but there.
"It is safety nonetheless, genius!" Cynthia Rose almost yells. She stands up as well to level Stacie. "We're not safer on the road, Stace. We're not supposed to go this far. We got lucky, you know. We shouldn't take any more risks than we already have."
"Did you even stop to ask yourself why national roads are the safest places right now?" Stacie asks and by her tone, Beca could tell she's growing impatient.
The rest just listens.
Beca knows they're trying to pick their sides in the war.
"Well, here's the thing, genius," a pause, "all the walkers are in the cities. The reason we've made it this far is because we've stayed on the road."
"I can't believe we're having this conversation."
Frankly, Beca can't believe it, too.
It should be an easy decision, right? It should be a lot simpler than this.
There's only silence after that.
What do you even say after an argument like that happens?
It's not an argument about the next song on the set list. It's about staying or leaving. It's about dropping the fight you've continuously won for something that doesn't need much fighting. It's both about survival—but there's the one you're used to and there's the easier one.
It's about habits. It's about the obvious choice.
Stacie turns to Jessica, "That wasn't what you were so worried about, was it?"
Jessica shakes her head.
"So there's something a lot more complicated than that?" Beca asks no one in particular.
Jessica straightens herself up and looks at Stacie straight in the eyes, as if saying something she really doesn't wanna say out loud, "Staying in Oakdale means we'll have to stay off the plan. The one we've planned from Day 1."
Then, it clicks.
It fucking clicks.
Beca snaps her attention quickly to Stacie and realizes that it dawned on her too. Then, she looks around and is slightly disappointed that no one has picked up on it yet, aside maybe from Chloe.
"Aubrey," Stacie mutters.
The reason they've stuck with the plan is because it's the only way Aubrey could find them if she finally decides to come home. Stacie had insisted on it.
In Stacie's head, she's still alive and there will come a time that she will come back.
Giving up on this plan would mean giving up on Aubrey.
And that's not something Stacie would be willing to do. Not ever.
"Jesus Christ!" Cynthia Rose exclaims, slamming the table with both of her hands. "This is still about Aubrey? Fucking Aubrey."
Now, Beca's attention snaps to Chloe. Sure, she's not the most vocal person about her hopes about Aubrey's whereabouts but no one, no one talks shit about Aubrey in front of Chloe Beale.
Beca's right on her assumption. Chloe has perked up on her seat, ready to attack if provoked.
Cynthia spreads her hands to her sides, as if making a statement, "Newsflash, she's de—"
"—don't you fucking dare," Chloe interrupts, her voice angry and dead.
Tension.
The tension is killing Beca.
A couple of minutes pass and they all just stand frozen in place. For a moment there, Beca feels a little bad for Nick because he literally stands in the middle of a drama he probably didn't ask for.
There's a question hanging in there somewhere.
It's a question about direction.
"We have to do something about this," Lilly says and thank God someone finally broke the silence.
Under normal circumstances, it would be Beca who will try to break the quiet. After all, she's the one who really hates this kind of silence. But right at that moment, she was too scared to break the tension because it would also mean it'll be time for the foster kids to fall in line and choose their parents.
Cynthia Rose shakes her head and sits back down on her chair. She blinks her eyes rapidly, trying to hold back the tears, "We can't run forever, you know."
"I know," Stacie says.
Right there and then, Stacie makes a brave decision. She squares her shoulders before announcing, "I'll stick with the plan. Anyone who's with me, we'll leave at 7am tomorrow. The rest can take the other van to Oakdale. I'd give you the bus but I'd need the radio."
"Stacie," Lilly calls out. "It doesn't have to be like this."
"I can't force anyone of you to come with me. All of you might end up going to Oakdale and there's nothing wrong with that but I'm sticking with this plan. It's a personal decision."
"Why?" Lilly asks.
"Because surviving shouldn't feel temporary."
"What? Are you expecting a big ass city with a normal life, business as usual?" Cynthia asks, sarcasm lacing in her tone.
"It's a gut feeling, Cynthia Rose. The same gut that's taken me this far. So, I'm sorry if I decide to trust it even just for a couple of states more."
"What even happened to sticking together?" Fat Amy asks.
"Look around you, we've lost Denise, Ashley, and Aubrey," Stacie utters, her voice shaking mid-sentence. "I say we've already done such a spectacular job screwing that up."
Stacie walks out after that.
What doesn't walk out is the choice they're all required to make.
Beca's already made up her mind soon as the war started crawling up in her head.
She looks at Chloe. She looks at Jessica.
She looks at her friends one by one.
It's their choices that bother her most right now.
So, wait, are you taking your sides, too? BTW, are you interested in reading snippets of back stories from the other characters aside from Beca and Chloe? I have been making an entire life for Stacie and Jessica in my head. Let me know!
Thoughts?
(Chapter title is from a song by Chvrches, same title.)