A/N: Like, I said in the note from the previous chapter, I have six and seven down so you won't have to wait too long. I was going to post this about three days ago but my toothache is sucking the life out of me. Wish me luck my friends, as I will go through a minor surgery that'll bench me for at least a week. That'll give me time to write, hopefully. And hospitals always give me apocalyptic thoughts. How fitting.
Anyway, enough about me. This is the longest chapter I've written, only just a little bit longer that the last one. No need to worry about major heartbreaks here, I guess. It's a gift from me to you.
SIX
Come Home
I get lost in the beauty of everything I see;
the world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be.
.
Monroe, LA
Day 43rd, a Couple of Minutes Past 1AM
Beca stands outside of her and Chloe's room—because yes, they've always shared a room—and decides that she has been an asshole.
So, she may have felt a little off about the whole Nick situation (because she still wouldn't call it jealousy) and yes, she reacted badly but right now, she needs to talk to Chloe. She needs to know what she's thinking or where she's going.
She needs to talk to her because she can only decide once she knows about Chloe's choice.
Where Chloe goes, she goes.
She knocks three times and curses herself for it because it's also her room, damn it.
Why did I knock?
She hears footsteps approach the door and then the lock clicks. The next thing she knows, Chloe is standing right in front of her, giving her a weird look.
"Where's your key?" Chloe asks.
"I, uh," Beca stutters. "I just didn't want to interrupt anything. I mean, you might need some time alone to think."
Chloe nods before she turns on her heels and heads back inside. Beca steps in and closes the door behind her.
The redhead sits by the queen size bed and reaches out for the book she's been reading for a couple of days now—of course, when she's not busy being Nick's personal doctor.
Beca just stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, shifting her weight between her feet. Maybe, Chloe could do the honors of breaking the silence.
A couple of seconds pass but Chloe just keeps on reading the book.
Beca just stands there completely clueless about her next action.
A full minute passes, nothing.
Damn it, Chloe.
Is she really gonna wait for Beca to do something first?
A couple seconds more, nothing.
Chloe just reads and Beca just stands there, fiddling with the hem of her jacket.
The awkward silence kinda makes Beca want to cry.
"Chloe, look, I—" she swallows and she sees Chloe look up at her as if she'd been expecting it.
Chloe waits.
Beca sighs in defeat, "I know I've been weird and I'm sorry."
Chloe settles the book down the bedside table and just looks at Beca with a stoic expression. Beca knows she's waiting for an explanation and that's the part Beca dreads the most because what would she say?
Sorry, I got jealous.
Sorry, I can't handle not being the center of your attention.
None of those sound like Beca at all but thinking about it, maybe it is exactly how Beca is. Avoidance and deflection.
Beca takes a few steps so that she's standing by the foot of the bed. She looks at Chloe and grins in a silly, apologetic way, "I've been distant."
Chloe just stares at her.
"I've been an asshole."
"You should stop saying things I already know and tell me what exactly I need to hear, Beca."
Why?
The answer to why is what Chloe needs to hear.
But how do you even confess that kind of senseless thing?
Beca gestures with her hands, "I don't trust Nick."
Chloe snorts softly, not buying it one bit, "Sure."
"Chloe—"
"Beca."
"Ugh," Beca groans as she climbs up the bed and sits next to Chloe. "I'm really sorry," Beca says sincerely.
Chloe meets her eyes as if she's searching for something. A couple of seconds more, Chloe smiles the way she always does and nods. Then, she smacks Beca in the arm.
"Ouch!"
"You deserved that," Chloe says, her voice soft despite the intended bite. "You're such a kid. You avoided me for days!"
"It's not like you've been alone with me since the guy came in."
Chloe grins and blushes, "You're jealous."
Beca gasps dramatically, denial ghosting all over her, "I am not."
Chloe laughs, "Oh, Beca."
Beca shakes her head frantically with a look of pure embarrassment on her face, "Don't oh, Beca me, Chloe Beale. I wasn't—am not—jealous."
Chloe's smile grows wider, "You missed me."
Beca opens her mouth to protest, to deny, but she couldn't find it in her heart to lie. Of course, she missed Chloe.
"Aw," Chloe coos as she snuggles to Beca.
By habit, Beca leans back on the headboard and allows Chloe to rest her head on her chest and put an arm above her stomach. Also by habit, Beca puts her arm around Chloe's shoulder.
It's like they've been doing it all their lives.
"You miss me," Chloe says and even if she doesn't see her, Beca is certain she's smiling.
Beca rolls her eyes smilingly, "Yeah, I do."
Chloe giggles and for a moment, they just lay there—Chloe and Beca, just as they are.
For a fleeting moment, Beca wonders if this would happen if the world didn't end. She wonders if she'd even get the courage to let Chloe in. She wonders if she'd let anyone this close to her.
If she didn't live in a situation where every day could most certainly be her last, she wonders if she'd ever let herself fall for Chloe.
She wonders if Chloe would fall for her in a normal world.
Beca sighs, "What are you planning to do?"
Chloe takes a deep breath and releases it with a huff, "I'm so confused."
"That makes two of us."
"What if staying put in Oakdale is the safest bet we have?"
Beca, again by habit, gently runs her fingers on Chloe's arm, "It's not about staying safe, Chlo."
Chloe just sighs.
"There's no doubt that we have better chance of surviving if we went to Oakdale," Beca says. "You know what Aubrey used to say—"
"—there's strength in numbers."
Beca nods, "In Oakdale, we'll have more allies but it's not about keeping ourselves safe, you know that. It's about surviving together, and I mean with Aubrey."
"Do you think she's still out there, Beca?"
"I don't have any idea."
Chloe pulls away just enough for her to lift her head and look at Beca's face, "What if I go with Stacie and Aubrey never comes back? What if she's really de—"
"Then, you get to say you didn't give up on her."
"I'm so tired of running, Beca."
"We all are."
"If go with them to Oakdale, Aubrey won't find me."
"She can't fault you for making that decision. You wanted to be safe and no one can blame you for that."
Chloe sighs sadly and then snuggles to Beca again. "What about you, Becs? What's your plan?"
"To go with you wherever," she answers without any kind of hesitation. It amazes her too, how sure she sounded.
Silence.
Right at that moment, Beca doesn't realize how big that statement is. Right at that moment, Beca isn't aware of the promise it entailed.
Chloe stays silent for a couple of seconds before she asks, "Is that what you want?" Her voice is soft but something about it sounds relieved.
"Yes, Chloe."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure as the sun will rise tomorrow."
They spend the next few minutes in silence, just reeling in each other's arms.
Beca tries to imagine going a different way. She tries to imagine going on without Chloe. She closes her eyes multiple times, trying to make an image of a brand new world without the redhead. But no matter how hard she tried, she always ends up seeing Chloe. It's not like she doesn't want to imagine a life without Chloe. It's just that she can't.
"I'm going with Stacie," Chloe says as she pulls back and sits straight, looking at Beca as if it's a monumental declaration.
Beca nods, "Are you sure?"
"I can't give up on Aubrey. If she's out there, following the plan is the only way she can ever find us."
Beca nods again, this time giving Chloe a small smile.
"Do you really wanna go on like that with me?"
"I won't have it any other way."
Chloe smiles as tears brim on her eyes, "I don't recognize you anymore, sometimes. I mean, in a good way."
"What do you mean?"
"In the normal world, would Beca Mitchell have admitted that she missed me?"
Beca nods with smile, "Touché."
Chloe looks away, steadying her gaze at nothing in particular, "You know, I realized that there are two ways this apocalypse could change people."
Beca just looks at Chloe's face as she talks. She likes it when Chloe is like this, deep in thought. There's always this glow in her eyes that makes the color standout. It never fails to take Beca's breath away. It's also in moments like this does Beca realize how far gone she is when it comes to her feelings for Chloe.
How she never noticed it? She has no idea.
Chloe continues, "It either softens or roughens you. Look at Stacie, she's been our rock, our leader. Then there's you."
"What about me?"
Chloe turns to Beca and smiles affectionately, "During your first few weeks with the Bellas, you will always go stiff whenever any of us stands next to you. And you become such a statue when I hug you but now, you're comfortable. You hug me back and you're always the big spoon."
Beca blushes.
"Don't get me wrong, I like it," Chloe clarifies. "I think, this very bad thing has somehow allowed a couple of good things, too."
"You're just optimistic, Chloe."
"Maybe," Chloe releases a breath and then takes Beca's hand. "But I'm not imagining it, am I?"
"What's it?"
"You."
Beca stills for a moment.
She ponders how far she's gone from being a stoic turtle who hid in her shell when she doesn't feel like interacting with anyone to being this girl who welcomes affection almost willingly, especially when it comes from Chloe.
She tries to think of moments, of specific events, that led her to this moment. She tries to think of that one pivotal moment that made her realize she can't lose her or her friends but she couldn't think of one grand moment.
It's a gradual thing, Beca decides. Forty-three days of surviving on your own in a world that'll most likely kill you in one wrong turn could change people in many weird ways. It's waking up everyday knowing that in the next few hours, there's a huge chance she might lose Chloe.
It's waking up everyday next to Chloe and it's that reaching, it's that small gesture of reaching. It's that warmth of waking up with her limbs tangled with Chloe's—it's that warmth that keeps Beca going. It's being able to see Chloe first thing in the morning just because she can.
It's not romantic, Beca thinks. It's incredibly masochistic to make someone your person when you know you could lose them any day. But to Beca, Chloe is not just her reason for surviving. She's her purpose for staying alive.
Chloe needs her; the thought alone ignites Beca's senses to flames.
Anyone could go about it anyway they can but at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be loved, to be wanted—and that's how Chloe makes Beca feel. Like she's important, that the world is a little less upsetting when Beca is there with her.
Chloe has introduced Beca to something she never knew she had—bravery.
She doesn't know how to answer Chloe's question. How do you summarize all of those thoughts in a few words?
The train of her own thoughts reminds her of a line from a movie that Chloe made her watch:
You know, sometimes, all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come out of it.
And when words lack its intended brevity, there's only one thing left to do.
Beca sits up and meets Chloe's eyes.
Twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery.
She ignores the loud beating of her heart. She ignores that voice in her head that screams, "Stop it, Beca!" She ignores everything else and for once just listens to what her heart has been telling her to do all along.
Beca leans closer to Chloe, not taking her eyes off the woman's shining blue eyes. Then, in a few seconds of insane courage, Beca closes the gap between.
She kisses Chloe because it's the only thing she knows.
Nothing incredibly clichéd happens. No fireworks, no romantic song playing in the background.
But there's this silence, there's this incredible sense of peace the moment she feels Chloe's lips on hers.
The kiss isn't rough or needy—it's gentle and careful, the way beginnings always are.
When Chloe kisses her back, there's this lone moment of pure solidarity—like everything in the world is fine, like nothing could touch them. Like Chloe is Beca's, like they could make it out alive.
When they pull apart, Chloe rests their foreheads together, eyes meeting coyly.
Chloe smiles, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks.
And then, Beca answers her question, "You're not imagining it, Chloe."
Chloe's smile grows even wider, "I know that now," and the redhead kisses her once more.
At the back of Beca's mind she says, "It's about damn time."
.
LATER
7AM, Time to Go
A lot of horrible things have happened in the last 43 days. Denise and Ashley's death, Aubrey's disappearance—and the end of the world, just in general.
But somehow, this right here is one of the most painful ones.
Whatever happened to sticking together?
Beca asks herself the same question knowing very well that no answer will ever satisfy her. She's been through this with her parents—the choosing, the parting ways. That moment when you have to choose which side you're on.
Nothing about it is easy.
"Does it have to end up like this?" Jessica asks, tears already threatening her eyes.
Beca looks around her.
All her friends, and Nick, are about to say goodbye—two sides of mutual farewells. Like a breakup when the relationship failed to work and both parties recognize it. It's not anyone's fault—it's just a bunch of adults making personal decisions. That's not to say it doesn't suck because it does.
Beca, for a split second, thinks that maybe, she should have gone and talked to all of them. Maybe, she could stop them from parting ways. Maybe, they could still finish this journey together. But Beca cannot find an assurance, a guarantee, that the bus journey is just as safe as Oakdale.
They don't have an army. They only have each other and Beca knows that speech will not work. So she lets them be. That's one thing she learned about her parent's divorce—you let them go because you can only make a thing work when your heart's fully in it.
Half a heart isn't enough to survive a marriage, it sure isn't enough to survive an apocalypse. So she lets them go where their heart truly is.
"I hate this," Chloe says, gripping Beca's hand, tears freely flowing down her cheeks.
"Be safe there," Stacie says, her voice shaking mid-sentence.
Cynthia Rose nods, "You guys be safe, too. Maybe someday we'll meet again."
That's the part where Beca's tears start to brim in her eyes. "Are you sure there's no way we could change your mind?" Beca asks. No, it's more like a plead.
Cynthia Rose shakes her head sadly, "I'm tired of running, Beca."
Beca knew it was a moment of truth when the two sides started pulling apart.
Beca and Chloe, along with Nick, are standing behind Stacie. God, Beca hates him but she understands he's an asset. But okay, she hates him a little less now because duh, Chloe kissed her back. Boo yah, Saint Nick Dalton.
Jessica makes her way next to Stacie and suddenly, Beca could breathe a little better. Fat Amy, resident driver and everyone's partner in crime, walks over to Cynthia Rose.
It shocks Beca—it shocks all of them.
"I'm sorry," she says in her rough Australian accent. "I'm really, really tired of running around. I love you but a girl's gotta rest."
Lilly walks over to Cynthia Rose and Fat Amy.
And wow, this is heartbreaking.
But there's this moment where the Asian just stands in front of Cynthia Rose and Fat Amy. She says, "Take care, both of you."
And Beca gets it.
Lilly gives the two other women a hug before she walks over and stands next to Beca and Chloe.
Beca shoots a silent prayer of thanks.
There's just silence afterwards. The parting is now a real thing. They all have tears in their eyes. Some have allowed them to freely fall while the others hold back.
Then they all walk to each other to hug one last time.
Nick steps back, watching the heartbreaking scene in front him.
Everyone murmurs final reminders like allergies and kinds of plants to never eat. Fat Amy has developed a habit to eat whatever plant she sees. It makes Beca laugh for a moment and God, she'll miss them both. There's a barrage of apologies and goodbyes, and a lot of stay safe. There are so much things to be said but only so little time.
Then, Fat Amy holds her hand forward and says, "Hands in."
They all stand frozen in place, shocked, a little bit heartbroken. The hands in thing—on three or after three—has always been a reminder that they're a group. That they're one, that they're all in this together.
"One last time," Fat Amy says, tears trailing down her cheeks.
They all put their hands forward in that way they're so familiar with. Beca, by habit, counts, "One, two, three."
And just like that, they raise their hands up as they harmonize to a perfect pitch that they've spent so long working on.
They did it perfectly. Alas.
"Aubrey will be proud," Stacie says laughingly, as they again engage in a group hug.
Cynthia Rose jokes, "Beca is getting allergies from all the hugging."
They laugh.
And thank God this divorce isn't as messy as her parents'.
"We gotta go," Cynthia Rose says as they smile one last time before she and Fat Amy walk toward The Mansion's front door. Outside is a van they've loaded with extra guns and ammunition, also food, clothing, and first aid—as well as an entire box of Skittles and Twinkies.
"By the time you reach Oakdale, their radio would still reach ours," Jessica says. "We'd love to know if you made it there safely."
Fat Amy and Cynthia Rose nod as they walk out of the house. The rest of them watch their friends go.
Beca makes the report in her head.
Day 43. Six survivors.
She counts Nick in for the first time.
.
Shreveport, LA
Day 47, Late Afternoon
It's their last day in this enormous house.
It's a two-storey house with four bedrooms and five bathrooms. It has a large front yard and an even larger backyard, one that Lilly and Nick transformed into a target shooting practice spot. Best of all, it has a freakin' pool.
The pool was a good distraction the last few days.
Two hours after they parted with Cynthia Rose and Fat Amy, they'd gotten a report that their friends made it there safely. It was a relief for all of them, at least their friends are safe. Soon enough, they'd be a couple of miles away from Louisiana and Oakdale's radio will be out of their reach. It means soon enough, they'll have no idea what happened to them.
It's easier that way, maybe. The little you know, the less you need to worry about.
Among the six of them, nobody talks about the whys. Why did you come with us? Why did you decide to continue with this bus journey?
They never asked questions and just went on the way they always did.
Beca likes to think it's about trust. To her, it is about that. It's about that gut feeling.
You know how sometimes you stand in a crossroad and you're trying to decide which path to take. It's about avoiding that feeling of going one way but looking at the other road all along, certain that you've made the wrong decision.
It's about not making the wrong decision. So you take what feels more right. It's about making the decision that will make you sleep at night.
The Parting has changed the dynamic of the team. Lilly has taken over the driving task. Nick took over night watch along with Stacie and occasionally Lilly. Chloe has taken over the kitchen. Beca did whatever it is no one wanted to do like the dishes or the midnight rounds. Jessica stood by the radio in the mornings (now that it's built, she's gotten so much sleep). And Stacie, well, she does a little bit of everything—which is a lot in the grand scheme of things.
Beca is just somehow thankful that Nick is a gentleman and not some lunatic who takes advantage of having six women around him all the time. He probably wouldn't dare because he knows Stacie will not hesitate to kill him if he tries something.
The guy is actually, okay fine, cool. He's funny and he treats everyone like his little sisters. He finds comfort on it, too: having people to protect. Beca would roll her eyes at the thought of a man feeling like women need to be saved but it's Nick's sense of duty that makes Beca like him a little better. He's a soldier and he'll always be—and he thinks of himself as a man who serves this country, especially now when it doesn't have a leader.
And he knows football, too.
If they only started well, they'd be bros but okay, Beca is working on it.
Beca walks to the living room and finds Nick there, watching Fast and Furious (the previous owner of the house has a kickass collection of action movies). His hair is always flawless, why is that?
"Hey," Beca calls out so she doesn't startle him.
"Hey, Beca," he greets, briefly looking up at her before turning back to the large TV.
"Where's everybody?" Beca asks, trying to sound casual as she sits on the other side of the large couch.
"Jessica is at the radio room, and you know Chloe went out with Stacie and Lilly to get winter clothes."
Beca only nods and just watches the movie for a couple of minutes.
"Hey, Nick," Beca says when she can't stand the silence anymore.
"Yeah?" he asks, turning to her.
"We kinda started off at the wrong foot," Beca opens.
Nick smiles and nods, "Yeah, I figured you didn't like me much at first."
"At first?" Beca snorts, "I still don't like you now."
Nick laughs softly, "Well, what can I do to change that?"
"It's not you, I just generally don't like people."
It's half a lie. She didn't like him because he took too much of Chloe's time and she didn't like him because well, she's Beca.
Nick nods, "I gathered."
"But," Beca says. "You're a cool guy."
"That means so much coming from you," Nick says with a grin.
"Yes but don't let it get to your head," Beca says, shooting him a glare. "I'm only gonna offer you my friendship because man, these girls know nothing about sports."
Nick laughs. "As long as we don't do each other's nails, I'm good," he says jokingly.
Beca mocks a gasp, "Don't let Stacie hear you say that. She has an obsession with manicure."
Nick looks at his fingernails and makes a face, "I probably need one." He shows his nails to Beca, its edges are darkening like he hasn't seen a nail file all his life.
"Dude, who died in there?" Beca almost shrieks in disgust.
They laugh.
It's in that moment Beca realizes how much she misses having a male companion. She's always been better at being friends with boys than she was with girls because men, they don't ask questions when it's not necessary. It's easier for Beca to be around people who don't ask her to be emotionally vulnerable every time.
So, in her head, she gives the man a chance.
It's not like he's gonna come in between her and Chloe.
The only thing that is in between her and Chloe is, well, themselves.
They haven't talked about the kiss or what it meant. But they've done it again, multiple times over the last few days. Beca doesn't know how this changes them but one thing is for sure, she likes it very very much.
Something that sounds like a dog's bark interrupts Beca's thought.
"Nick, did you hear that?" Beca asks as she perks up on her seat, trying to sense if what she heard was real.
A bark.
"Woah," Nick says as he stands up from the couch and walks to one of the panel windows. He draws the curtain to look outside but sees nothing.
Another bark.
"It's coming from the front door," Beca says as he stands up and half-runs toward the front door. A part of her is excited because damn, she wants a dog. Not one of those cute ones, a real big one. A pit bull, maybe.
Nick, by instinct, stands behind Beca and pulls out a pistol and points it toward the door. It's their SOP when it comes to opening doors: always, always have someone ready to shoot just in case.
Beca nods at Nick and the guy nods back, saying he's ready. Beca pulls the door open and there, what she sees takes her absolutely by surprise.
There's a dark brown golden retriever outside wagging its tail, as if he knows that whoever owns the house would be its new owner.
But what takes Beca's attention altogether is the one standing beside the dog. A little girl—about the age of five with mid-length blonde hair—is petting the dog asking it to behave. The girl is wearing a pair of blue pants and white shirt, topped with a purple jacket. She has a yellow backpack.
She has brown eyes and she's smiling at Beca.
"Hey," Beca says as she carefully walks toward the girl.
She looks unharmed. In fact, the girl looks like she'd been taken care of.
Nick follows suit but draws his gun to his side.
"What's your name?" Beca asks as she kneels in front of the girl to level with her eyes.
Beca's heart is beating loudly against her chest. Part of her feels really bad because her parents might be dead but a part of her is sort of excited. She never really liked kids. She's not good with them but heck, having this little girl around would certainly give a lot of them hope—a breath of fresh air. Beca knows they need it—a reason, a mission to keep going.
"My name is Danielle," the girl says as she smiles at Beca. "My friend said we could come here."
"Where's your friend?" Beca asks.
Danielle looks behind her and that's only when Beca notices a beaten white Prius now parked in their driveway.
Beca looks up just as a woman steps out of the car.
"I can't take care of her alone," the woman says and seeing the woman, Beca almost cries.
But her instinct was to grab her radio, not taking her eyes off the woman.
She pushes the talk button. "Jess, dispatch Stacie," she pauses to release a breath she didn't realize she was holding, "Tell her Aubrey's back."
The woman—Aubrey, indeed—smiles and Beca has never been this happy to see Aubrey.
She looks tired but her eyes—some spark in her eyes is back.
Beca hears Jessica's footsteps hurrying toward them.
"Oh my God," Beca hears Jessica gasp almost too dramatically.
Beca smiles, trying hard to keep her emotions at bay.
"Welcome home, Aubrey," she says.
She welcomes her home because Beca knows this time, she really is.
.
The chapter title is from OneRepublic's song of the same title. If you haven't already, listen to the one with Sara Bareilles. That thing is GOLD. (I'm on Tumblr btw, just look up emilystarkk, that's me.)
The quote was from 'We Bought A Zoo'.
Lemme know what you think. Bye for now. Reviews?