"No!" Is it Peeta's voice or Gale's? I don't know, but a part of me tells me it might be both's.
I feel every single person in District 12 watching me as I make my way to the stage. I can almost feel the Capitol eyes on me through the cameras, all of them wondering why I volunteered at the last second. The girl who quickly makes her way down the stairs and into her mother's arms and I don't even share a last name. I doubt I have ever seen her in my life. I try not to look back but when I do, I see Mr. Mellark holding Peeta, and to anyone else it could look as if he was comforting him. But to me it seems as if he was holding him back, preventing him from running towards me to get me back to my senses. When I find Gale I see Hazelle holding him just the same. With every step I take towards the stage, and my death, I see flashes of my life before my eyes: My father's smile that last morning before he left to the mine where he was blown to pieces, my sister dancing in the meadow, Gale teasing me as we hunted on Sundays, Peeta's stolen kiss the night he told me he loved me... I see the life I won't have, a life with Peeta, kissing him goodnight every night, waking up beside him every morning, watching Prim grow into a beautiful woman. Because as I walk upstairs I know I've made my choice. I'm getting Danny out of the Arena alive, even if that means I'll return home in a coffin.
"Well, well well. Look what we have here, a volunteer!" How can Effie be so cheerful? Oblivious to the tension around the square? "What's your name, darling?"
"My name is Katniss Everdeen." I say, and I am surprised as my voice sounds steady and sure.
"Well Katniss Everdeen, Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor. Come on, District Twelve! Let's give young Katniss a hand!" But no one claps. My eyes almost get filled with tears as the mother of the kid whose place I've just taken places the three fingers of her left hands to her lips and presses them outward in a silent salute. Slowly the entire district mimics them and I nod, not keeping my eyes on them for long, afraid that the tears might glisten on National Television.
"Shake hands Tributes!" I finally allow myself to look at Danny, who has slowly become like a brother to me. I look into his eyes that are filled with tears and I step closer to him, he raises a hand as if to shake mine, but I pull him into my arms protectively and kiss his hair. I can almost hear Panem gasp.
"What the hell were you thinking?!" Gale screams as he storms into the room where I am held to say my goodbyes. I open my mouth to say something but no sound goes out, he just walks up to me and pulls me into a tight embrace. "Take care of them, Gale. Don't let them starve." I whisper into his neck. He nods and pulls back to look into my eyes, hurt. And I think it might be because I didn't answer his question, I just jumped in to ask things from him, as if I wasn't just snatching his best friend away. "You can do this, Katniss. You can win this thing." He says after a moment.
"Gale, I don't want to win this thing. I want to bring Danny back home..."
"That's bullshit, Katniss! Plain bullshit! No one asked you to do this, the kid won't even survive the bloodbath!"
Before I know what I'm doing I've slapped Gale and he has a red mark in his cheek. He looks at me confused and hurt, before I can apologize a pair of peacekeepers are pulling him out of the room and the last thing I hear is Gale's voice saying "Katniss I...!" But the door closes and I will never know what he wanted to say.
Madge comes in next, and she helps me to calm down. She just sits beside me on the couch and before she leaves she sets a Mockinjay pin in my lap, I've seen her use it before. I know it is pure gold and really important to her, I try to protest but she shakes her head. "Promise me you'll wear it in the arena." I nod, unable to say anything. She smiles, presses a kiss to my cheek and leaves before whispering "I'll miss you."
I'll miss you too Madge.
Mr. Mellark hesitates in the doorway before walking in. I've never seen him show any kind of affection, but still I am completely sure he loves his sons. Still, I am completely surprised when he pulls me into his arms, and I find myself missing my father as I never have before. I fight back the tears, the cameras are waiting for me and I won't give them the slightest reason to think I am not a threat.
When he pulls away he looks straight into my eyes. "In this games I will either lose a son or a daughter." I open my mouth, but the lump in my throat makes it impossible for me to speak. After a while he is called to leave. "Take care of Peeta!" I manage to yell before he is taken away.
I know there are three more people I'll have to face before I'm taken to the train and towards my grave. I take a deep breath as I brace myself, I know the following goodbyes will be the hardest. The doorknob moves and before I can look up Prim is already sobbing in my arms. I kiss her hair and try and soothe her. My mom sits next to me and pulls both of us into a hug. For the first time in years I don't push her away.
"It will be okay, Prim. Gale will bring you meat, Peeta will give you bread and Danny will be back before you know it."
She starts crying again and I manage to kiss her tears away and give my mother one last hug before they are pulled out of the room. I bury my face in my hands while Prim's cries echo in my head. Not crying is hard, because I know I will never see them again.
The door opens and I can't make myself look up, but even without doing so I recognize Peeta's footsteps walking towards me. He pulls down my hands and I look into his blue eyes. Tears are still fresh on his cheeks, he probably comes from saying goodbye to Danny, or he might have started crying on the reaping.
"Katniss Everdeen, how could you?" He whispers and his voice breaks, suddenly I find myself wishing he had yelled at me, like Gale.
"I'm going to bring back your brother, Peeta I swear I am..." I try, holding back tears the best I can.
"I know you are." He says, and I see into his eyes that he believes me. But he is already picturing himself at my funeral. "Why are you making me choose? How can you leave me like this?" He asks and a tear falls down his cheek.
"Peeta..." I choke out but he just shakes his head.
"We don't have much time. Katniss, I love you. You are brave and beautiful, and perfect and I wish I was doing this differently but you are giving me no choice..." He places a box in my hands and opens it, revealing a modest yet beautiful engagement ring. "I was going to ask you after the reaping but..." He pulls it out looking up into my eyes. I don't know how I manage not to cry, but I do it. "Marry me, Katniss. Right here, right now. Who cares about the paperwork? Say you are my wife. Wear this in the arena." He begs and I nod.
"I am Peeta, I am." I manage to mutter before I kiss him passionately, as I've never kissed him before and he barely has time to slide the ring on my finger before he is pulled away. I am able to yell "I love you!" before the door closes between us. I suddenly regret not having said it enough.
I'm reunited with Danny, his eyes are puffy and there are still fresh tears in his cheeks. I wipe them away and the cameras follow us into the train. As a mechanism of defense I turn Effie's blabber about the honor that it is to be a tribute and the luxuries we will enjoy until the games into a sort of background noise, somehow that keeps me from snapping at her and I can keep an arm protectively around Danny's shoulders as I do my best to keep my face unreadable. I want all Panem to wonder what is in my mind. They won't see me cry.
I'm Katniss Everdeen and I am not afraid of dying.