Title: Love & Lies
Author: Steph aka CaptainSwanLuver
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Killian/Emma
Characters: Killian, Emma, August, Belle, Robin, Gold, Regina
Category: Romance/Drama/Humor
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for this couple. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Nope!
Summary: Emma Swan is the star of the failing soap "Love & Lies". Killian Jones is the star of their rival soap. In order to raise ratings, Killian is hired to star on Emma's soap. They immediately clash. Will sparks fly too?
Note: Thanks for the responses to the last part! Yikes, you guys are not happy with Emma! I can see why you guys might not like her right now and think what she's been doing is insensitive and manipulative. But I guess I see it differently. Emma's damaged. Her choices stem from fear of abandonment and getting her heart broken due to her life experiences. This story isn't just about her relationship with Killian but her growth and healing as a person, which will hopefully become more apparent as we near the end. Okay, hope you enjoy this part! ~Steph
…Love and Lies: Part 8/11...
Belle didn't bother knocking on Emma's dressing room door. She walked right in and found her sitting on her couch, staring at her engagement ring.
"What were you thinking?" Belle asked, as she sat down beside her.
Emma met her eyes. "Most people just say congratulations."
"I am not going to congratulate you on making the biggest mistake of your life, Emma."
"He was down on one knee with a ring in front of everyone. What was I supposed to say?"
"No! You were supposed to say no. You were supposed to say I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with another man."
Emma sighed heavily. "And humiliate August like that? Break his heart? I couldn't do that to him."
"And you don't think it will break his heart when he finds out his fiancée doesn't love him? That she loves another man?"
"He's never going to find that out. Killian and I... whatever we had, whatever I felt for him...it's in the past. I've put it behind me. I am committed to August. I am committed to making things between us work."
"Emma, it's been five years. If you were going to fall in love with August you would have a long time ago. This isn't fair to him. You're making him believe in a future based on lies."
Emma felt the tears begin to burn her eyes as the guilt built up inside her. "You don't understand, Belle. When I was a kid in foster care, I used to dream of having a permanent home with someone who loved me and would take care of me. One of my foster mothers used to tell me I didn't deserve love. She said I was nothing and I always would be. She said that's why my parents gave me up. Because I wasn't worth loving. She said no one would ever want me or love me. And I believed her for a long time. Then I met Neal and I thought maybe she was wrong. But he broke my heart and just confirmed my worst fears. So I hid from love, I protected my heart. And when August came along, he was the first person to ever put me first. I thought he was safe and comfortable. He would love me and give me stability. He would never break my heart, never leave me like all the rest. It didn't matter if I returned his feelings because he made me feel like someone for the first time. He made me feel like I deserved love. August can give me the life I've wanted since I was a little girl, Belle."
"If August could give you the life you wanted so badly, Emma, then why didn't you move in with him when he asked you three times? Why didn't you accept his proposal the first two times?"
Emma didn't reply, so Belle went on, as she placed her hand over her friend's.
"I'll tell you why. Because you knew he couldn't give you one thing you deserve: true love. And the happiness that goes along with it."
Emma simply shook her head, as she wiped at the tears on her cheek.
...
"I thought I might find you here," Robin said as he took a stool next to Killian.
"Drowning my sorrows."
"I heard about what happened on set today. I'm sorry, mate."
Killian took a swig of his drink. "I should have known better. I was doing fine until Emma came along. I went from one woman to the next. My needs were met. Things were simple, uncomplicated."
"But were you happy?"
"Happy is vastly overrated."
"That's the alcohol talking."
"No, that's my broken heart talking. I took a risk and put my heart on the line again and now look at me. I've turned into one of those pathetic, lovesick puppy dogs that I used to pity."
"Emma doesn't love August, Killian. You know that."
"Then why in bloody hell did she agree to marry him?"
"Because she's scared. Broken hearts can only happen if love is involved. August is the safe choice. You're not."
"She was going to take a chance on me until I scared her off. I destroyed my chance with her."
"It's not over until she puts that wedding ring on."
Killian shook his head. "It's over. I'm done. I can't stand the thought of her rejecting me again."
"So you're just giving up then?"
Killian nodded, as he downed the rest of his drink and threw some money on the bar. "That's precisely what I'm going to do."
And with that he exited the bar.
...
The following day, Emma entered her dressing room. Her brow furrowed in confusion at what she saw. Boxes were scattered about Killian's side and he was packing his things into them.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
He didn't look up from his task. "Finally giving you what you've wanted all along. I'm giving you back your dressing room and leaving you alone."
Emma shook her head. "That's not what I want, Killian. I don't want to lose our friendship just because I'm marrying another man."
Killian stopped and looked up at her. "I have plenty of friends, Emma. I don't want to be just your friend."
"That's all I can offer you. I'm sorry," she replied softly.
"You've been avoiding me for weeks, Emma. It's quite obvious you don't know how to be around me and it hurts far too much for me to be around you. So I am going to make it easier on both of us. Our relationship will return to what you wanted from the beginning: purely professional.
Emma swallowed hard. "But where will you go?"
Killian picked up a box and came to stand in front of her. "Robin has agreed to share his dressing room with me until one becomes available."
"Killian," she said softly. "I don't want things to be like this between us."
"Perhaps you should have considered that before you agreed to marry a man you don't love."
"It's not that simple and you know it. Things never would have worked out between us, Killian."
"How can you be so sure of that?" he asked, his eyes focused on hers.
She shook her head. "Because relationships built on passion never do. We would have burned brightly for a while. Things would have been great. Until the passion died and we were just left with two people who disagree about everything. Who are constantly getting on each other's nerves."
Killian shook his head. "We're more than that, Emma, and you know it. I've told you things I've never told another soul and you've done the same with me. I know parts of you that August never will."
Emma swallowed roughly. "You would have grown tired of me eventually. Just like my parents. Just like every foster family. Or I would have eventually given you a reason to toss me aside like Neal did."
Killian's eyes flashed with hurt. "Do you really think so little of me, Emma? Do you truly not grasp the depth of my feelings for you? I'm not them. And I shouldn't have to pay for the sins of those who came before me. Those who were too foolish to realize what they had in you."
Emma dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"As am I," he said softly.
He then set the box down and lifted his hand to her chin, so that their gazes met again.
"Be happy, Emma. Whether you believe it or not, that's all I've ever wanted for you. I was just hoping I would be the one to give that to you."
Killian then leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to her lips. He pulled back, bent down to pick up the box, and walked out the door.
Emma lifted her fingers to her lips and then squeezed her eyes closed, as tears began to sting her lids.
...
The following day, Emma headed to the set. She stopped abruptly when her eyes landed on Killian already standing on the stage. He was with Ruby, a new actress hired to play an intern at Eva's company. He ran his hand up her arm and then pushed a stray piece of her hair behind her ear, as he grinned at her. Emma's jaw tightened as she watched them.
"You don't have any right to be jealous," she suddenly heard in her ear.
Emma met Belle's eyes. "Excuse me?"
"I see the way you're looking at Killian and Ruby. You're jealous. But you're engaged, Emma. He can do whatever he likes with whomever he pleases."
"I'm not jealous, Belle," Emma replied with as much conviction as she could manage before walking on stage.
She came to stand beside Killian and Ruby. "Sorry to interrupt. Killian, I was wondering if you wanted to run lines before rehearsal."
"Since when do you want to run lines?"
"Well, it's an important scene today. Our breakup scene. I want to make sure we get the emotion right. I want it to feel real and natural."
Killian met her eyes. "Eva is going to break Tyler's heart. I think I can manage the emotion that comes with that quite well."
With that, he walked away from her. Emma simply sighed.
Twenty minutes later, Gold was calling for them to take their places. Emma and Killian were seated on the couch in her office.
"Tyler, I'm sorry. But I can't do this anymore. I love my husband," Emma said.
"What about your feelings for me?" Killian asked.
The script called for Emma to look him in the eyes but she couldn't. "The way I feel for you doesn't matter. I am married. It's over."
Killian's eyes filled with tears, but he wasn't acting. He brought his hand to her chin and lifted her head so she met his eyes. He improvised the next line.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that. Tell me you don't want me."
Emma stared at him. He was off-script. Her mouth hung open, but no words came out.
"Cut!" Emma suddenly yelled.
Gold's eyes widened. "That's my line!"
Emma stood up abruptly. "Well, then why didn't you say it?! He was off-script."
Killian stood up as Gold approached them. "Because he improved upon what was in the script."
"I don't improvise. You know that," Emma said.
Killian bobbed his head. "That's true. Emma doesn't take risks."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped.
"You know exactly what that means," Killian whispered.
Emma glared at him. Gold stood awkwardly beside them, staring at them in confusion.
Emma simply shook her head and then stormed off set. Killian watched her go.
Gold called after Emma. "Where in bloody hell are you going?! We need to finish the scene!"
But Emma never looked back.
...
Killian approached Ruby in the cafeteria. "May I join you?"
Ruby smiled and nodded. "Please."
Killian sat down across from her. "So, I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tomorrow night."
Ruby nodded enthusiastically. "I'd love to." Her smile faded a moment later. "But I don't want to step on any toes."
Killian's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I know I'm new here, but it's pretty clear to me that there's something going on between you and Emma."
Killian dropped his eyes. "Perhaps you haven't heard. Emma is engaged to August."
"Oh, I guess I must have misread the situation," Ruby said. "Well, in that case, I'd love to go out with you."
Emma stopped dead in her tracks when she overheard Killian's voice as she headed to her table in the cafeteria.
"It's a date then," he said.
Emma's heart dropped into her stomach, even though she knew she had no right to feel that way.
...
A few nights later, Emma and August were eating dinner at their favorite restaurant.
Emma stared at her bowl of pasta, as she pushed its contents around with her fork.
August cleared his throat. "So I was thinking we could set a date for our wedding tonight."
Emma's head shot up. "What?"
"I want to set a date, Emma."
Emma swallowed roughly. "Already? We just got engaged."
August reached across the table and took her hand in his. "Emma, I can't wait to marry you. I've been waiting five years. I want to set a date and I don't want a long engagement."
"How soon were you thinking?" she asked.
"June."
Emma's eyes widened. "June? That's only a few months away."
"I know it's soon, but I don't see any reason to wait."
Emma felt her palms begin to sweat. This all felt too real now. "Well, um, weddings take a long time to plan. And I'm so busy working that I just don't have time to plan a wedding right now."
August shrugged. "So we'll hire a wedding planner. She or he can do all of the work."
Emma's mouth hung open. She couldn't think of another excuse. She thought she would have a lot more time to get used to the idea of marrying him.
"So what do you say?"
Just then, Emma heard her phone ding. She looked down and saw that it was a Google alert. She had set it to notify her when the show or any of its cast were mentioned online. She didn't want to be blindsided again.
Emma clicked on the alert. Her eyes widened as it brought her to a soap gossip site. The same one that had said she and Killian were having an affair. The headline read: Killian Jones Gets Cozy with New Co-Star.
"What's wrong?" August asked.
Emma didn't even hear him. Her eyes were focused on a picture of Killian and Ruby sitting close to each other in a booth at a restaurant. Ruby's hands were all over him.
Emma scrolled down to another picture. They were kissing.
She took a deep breath and then quickly clicked off the site.
"It's Killian, isn't it?"
"What?"
August held up his phone. There was the picture of Ruby and Killian kissing.
"I get the same Google alerts," he said.
Emma dropped her eyes. "Killian can do what he wants."
August nodded. "Yes, he can. My question is why does it concern you?"
"It doesn't."
August laughed mirthlessly. "Don't lie to me, Emma. Not again. You're jealous. You have feelings for him. You always have. Do you even want to marry me?"
Emma licked at her lips nervously. "Of course I do."
"You didn't even want to set a date. Now I know why."
Emma took a deep breath. She looked at the picture August held in his hand. Killian was moving on. She needed to do the same.
"Let's elope," she spat out.
August's eyes widened. "What?"
"Let's elope. Let's go to Vegas this weekend and get married."
August's brow furrowed. "I don't understand. A few minutes ago, you didn't even want to set a date. You said June was too soon. And now you want to elope this weekend?"
"You were right. Why wait? I don't need a big, expensive wedding. All I need is you. So let's just go to Vegas and do it."
August knew in his heart that Emma was only suggesting they elope because she wanted to forget Killian. But he also knew the longer they waited the more likely she was to change her mind. The more likely she was to give into her feelings for Killian and leave him. He loved Emma. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her.
"Okay," he said with a nod. "Let's elope."
Emma forced a smile.
…
"You're eloping?!" Belle said, as she barged into Emma's dressing room.
"I really have to start locking that door," Emma muttered. She paused for a moment before looking at Belle. "How did you find that out?"
"August just told me. He was quite surprised you hadn't told me. So why didn't you?"
"Because I knew I would get this kind of reaction."
"And what kind of reaction is that? One where I tell you you're making a huge mistake?"
"Exactly."
Belle shook her head. "No, I'm done, Emma. I've said my peace. You know how I feel. You're a big girl and you can make your own choices. I just hope you're ready to live with them."
Emma didn't say a word. There was a part of her that wanted Belle to try to talk her out of it.
Belle came to stand before her and took her hands in hers. "You were just going to take off and get married without me even knowing? I always dreamed of being your maid of honor and you being mine."
Emma smiled sadly. "Me too. But it's better this way. I can just focus on August."
Belle nodded and then pulled her best friend into her arms for a hug.
...
Emma had one scene left to do with Killian and then she and August would be leaving for Las Vegas, but she was having trouble concentrating. She kept forgetting her lines and they had to keep stopping.
"Take five!" Gold finally yelled in frustration.
"What's wrong with you?" Killian asked.
"Nothing. I'm just having an off day."
"Love, we've been working together for months now. I've never seen you forget your lines. You are annoyingly well-prepared. What's going on?"
Emma shook her head. "I said nothing. Just drop it."
"Is it about me and Ruby? What the soap sites reported?"
Emma dropped her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Killian laughed bitterly. "For such a brilliant actress, you are a truly awful liar. I know you get those Google alerts, Emma."
Emma shrugged. "Okay, fine, I saw it. What are you going to tell me? It's not what it looked like? They twisted things like they did with us?"
Killian shook his head. "No, it's exactly what it looked like. Ruby and I are dating. Nice and casual. Simple and uncomplicated."
"Which means it's all about sex," Emma said.
"Not that it's any of your business, but we haven't had sex yet," Killian said.
"That must be a record for you. What's it been like, a week?"
"Why do you care?" Killian asked.
"I don't."
"You're engaged. Our relationship is purely professional. My personal life is none of your business."
"You're right. It isn't." She paused and then added, as she met his eyes. "But just so you know. That isn't what's distracting me today."
"Then what is?"
Emma swallowed hard. "August and I are eloping this weekend."
Killian's mouth dropped open in shock. "What?"
"You heard me."
"And when did you come to this sudden decision?"
"The other day."
Killian bobbed his head. "Let me guess. It was the same day those soap sites picked up the story about me and Ruby."
"The two have nothing to do with each other."
Killian leaned in toward her. "Bloody hell, Emma. What are you doing? You couldn't even tell the guy you love him after five years. It took three proposals for you to say yes. But now you're suddenly in a rush to marry him?"
"August didn't want to wait and I didn't see any reason to either."
Killian shook his head. "It all makes sense now. You're trying to forget about me. You don't want to give yourself a chance to back out, a chance to change your mind. A chance to face your fears about us and give us an opportunity to have something real."
"You're wrong," she replied softly.
"Don't do this, Emma, please," Killian said, his voice edged with desperation.
Emma stared at him, but then was thrown from her thoughts by the sound of Gold's voice.
"Okay, take it from the top."
…
"Robin said I might find you here," Belle said, as she sat down on a stool beside Killian.
He nodded. "I've become quite the regular."
"She's gone, you know. They had a 5 o'clock flight. I saw you bolt from set as soon as you finished."
Killian stared into the dark liquid. "When's the wedding?"
"Tomorrow. 1 o'clock. At some place called The Little Love Chapel. She promised to send me a picture when it's over."
"She deserves better than this, Belle. After everything she's been through in her life, Emma deserves to have a real wedding with all of the people who love her."
Belle nodded. "She deserves to be with the man she loves."
Killian looked over at her. "I tried. Believe me, I tried. Your best friend is the most stubborn woman I've ever met."
Belle laughed. "Oh, I know. But it comes from a place of fear. All of her choices are a result of her fear of being abandoned and having her heart broken again." Belle paused, her eyes scanning his face. "Did you ever tell her you love her?"
Killian shook his head. "Not in so many words. But I made my feelings for her extremely clear."
"She needs to hear the words, Killian," Belle said.
"I doubt it would make a bit of difference. They're just words. The same ones Neal said and he broke her heart."
Belle nodded. "You're right. Actions speak louder than words. Go to her."
Killian's eyes widened. "You want me to go to Las Vegas and stop Emma's wedding?"
Belle shook her head. "No, I want you to go to Las Vegas and tell Emma you love her and that you want a relationship with her. And then let her make her choice. Show her how much you care, Killian. Everyone has always left her. Show her you'll be the one to go after her, you'll be the one to stay."
Killian swallowed roughly. "I don't know, Belle."
"Would you prefer to drink yourself silly all weekend while the woman you love marries another man?"
Killian felt a smile curl his lips. "What time's the next flight?"
Belle grinned. "8. If you hurry, you can make it."
Killian nodded and stood up. He threw some money on the bar and placed a quick kiss on Belle's cheek.
"Thank you," he said.
Belle smiled as she watched him go.
…
End of Part 8
Thanks for reading! I'd appreciate any feedback you'd like to give! ~Steph