Title: Love & Lies
Author: Steph aka CaptainSwanLuver
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Killian/Emma
Characters: Killian, Emma, August, Belle, Robin, Gold, Regina
Category: Romance/Drama/Humor
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for this couple. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Nope!
Summary: Emma Swan is the star of the failing soap "Love & Lies". Killian Jones is the star of their rival soap. In order to raise ratings, Killian is hired to star on Emma's soap. They immediately clash. Will sparks fly too?
Note: Thanks for the responses to the last part! Hope you enjoy this part! ~Steph
…Love and Lies: Part 10/11...
Emma stood outside Belle's house and rang the doorbell. Belle opened the door a moment later.
Belle's eyes widened at the sight of her best friend. "Emma, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in Vegas?"
Belle silently hoped that Killian had gotten there in time and Emma had finally made the right choice.
"Can I come in?" she asked.
"Of course," Belle replied, as she stepped aside and allowed her entrance.
Belle closed the door behind her and followed Emma to the couch.
"What happened?" Belle asked.
"August and I didn't get married."
Belle tried to hide her smile. "So Killian got there in time then."
Emma's brow furrowed. "What?"
It was Belle's turn to look confused. "To Las Vegas."
Emma's eyes grew wide. "Killian came to Vegas?"
Both women stared at each other in confusion. Belle shook her head. "Yes, I convinced him that he needed to tell you he loved you. I knew you needed to actually hear those words. I told him he needed to tell you that he wanted a relationship with you. I said then you could make your choice."
Emma shook her head in shock. "I never saw Killian, Belle."
"I don't understand what happened." Belle scratched at her forehead and then smiled. "So then you must have realized you were making a mistake on your own and called it off."
Emma sighed heavily. "I didn't call off the wedding."
"What do you mean?"
"August did."
Belle's mouth dropped open. "He did?"
Emma nodded. "He had the courage to do what I didn't. He knew things weren't right between us. He knew I wasn't in love with him. And he knew I'm in love with Killian."
Belle grinned and threw her arms around her friend. "I am so glad one of you finally came to your senses!"
Emma nodded as they parted. "And on the plane I realized I needed to stop being scared and take a risk on a future with Killian."
Belle was on the edge of her seat. "So what did you do?"
"I went to his house."
Belle was almost bouncing with excitement. "Tell me everything. Don't leave anything out. What did you say? What did he say?"
"I didn't say anything," Emma replied softly.
Belle finally realized that her best friend was anything but happy and excited. "Why not? What happened?"
"When I got there, I saw him and Ruby through the window. She was wearing his t-shirt and they were having a romantic dinner in front of the fire. Obviously, they had just had sex. But it was more than that. It was clear they were having an intimate conversation."
"Okay, hold on. You're assuming an awful lot from a glimpse through a window."
"It was obvious they are starting a real relationship. She's giving him what I couldn't."
"It doesn't make any sense. I know he went to Vegas determined to tell you he loved you and wanted to be with you. I thought the gesture of him going all the way there would show you how serious he was."
Emma shrugged sadly. "I don't know. Maybe he changed his mind. And maybe I just avoided making another big mistake. How true could his feelings have been for me if he's already moving on with Ruby?"
"You're jumping to conclusions, Emma. I think you need to talk to Killian. There may be more to the story."
"I'm not sure I can bear to hear it."
"I think you owe it to yourself and Killian to hear him out."
Emma simply nodded.
...
On Monday morning, Emma knocked on Robin's and Killian's dressing room door. Killian answered.
"Emma," he began, his eyebrows peaking in surprise. "I...I didn't expect to see you here today. I thought you and August would spend a few days in Vegas on your honeymoon."
"Can I come in?" she asked. "I want to talk."
Killian nodded and allowed her entrance. She stood in front of him.
"Did you come to Vegas?" she asked.
Killian's mouth hung open for a second. "Who told you that?"
"Just answer the question."
He slowly bobbed his head. "Aye, I did."
Emma shook her head in disbelief. "I don't understand. I never saw you."
Killian's lips turned downward. "I was there. At the chapel. I saw you and August kiss. I arrived too late. You were already married."
Emma's eyes grew wide. "Oh my God. You saw that?"
"Aye, that I did." He paused, swallowing hard. "I suppose congratulations are in order."
Emma shook her head, as she met his eyes. "We didn't get married, Killian."
Killian's brow furrowed in confusion, as his heart simultaneously leapt for joy in his chest. "But I witnessed you-..."
"What you witnessed was a goodbye kiss."
"You called it off?" he asked.
"No, August did," she replied.
Killian's chest deflated. "So if he hadn't then you would have married him?"
"Yes," Emma responded softly.
Killian bit at his lower lip anxiously. "Then nothing has really changed for you. You're still scared to take a chance on me and us."
Emma shook her head. "Actually, no."
Killian's eyes brightened. "No?"
"While flying back, I realized I needed to stop hiding behind my fears and take a chance on you...on us."
Killian felt like he was on an emotional roller coaster. He had been waiting so long to hear those words from her, but he sensed something wasn't right.
He inhaled deeply. "Is that why you're here right now?"
Emma shook her head. "No, that's why I showed up at your house last night."
Killian's eyebrows arched. "What? You came to my home last night?"
Emma blinked back sudden tears. "I saw you, Killian. I saw you and Ruby all cozy in front of the fire. You were having a romantic dinner, engaged in an intimate conversation all while she was wearing nothing but your t-shirt."
Killian sucked in a ragged breath. "You're reading the situation incorrectly."
"You must have just had sex, but this wasn't your usual M.O. I could tell you were starting a real relationship with her."
"You're mistaken, Emma."
"So set me straight then."
Killian licked at his lips nervously. "Ruby came over and I...I was going to have sex with her. I wanted to forget about you, Emma."
"You didn't have sex? Why was she wearing your t-shirt then?"
"We didn't have sex. She had a spill so I gave her my shirt."
Emma sighed in relief. "You stopped yourself then. You realized it was a mistake to use Ruby to forget about me."
Killian dropped his eyes. "No, Ruby stopped us. Once she realized I was hurting because I thought you were married."
Emma bobbed her head, as her chest began to burn. She spoke weakly. "So you would have gone through with it?"
Killian nodded slowly, unable to meet her eyes. "Aye, but you need to understand what I was going through. I thought I had lost you, Emma. I just wanted the pain to stop for one night. And the intimate conversation you saw us engaged in? We were talking about you. Ruby was just being a friend."
Emma sucked in a shaky breath. She was relieved to know she had misjudged what she saw, but it had shed light on some hard truths.
She sighed heavily. "This isn't about Ruby, Killian. It's about us. It's about me. I was going to marry another man and you were going to sleep with another woman all because of circumstances I created."
"They were misunderstandings, Emma. We both know the truth now."
Emma shook her head, as she furiously blinked back tears. "It's a sign. It has to be. If it's this hard to even start a relationship, then how can we expect to make one work? It shouldn't be this hard, Killian. Maybe we were never meant to be."
"Don't say that," Killian breathed, as he stepped forward and cupped her face in his hands. "I love you, Emma."
Emma felt her heart catch in her chest as he professed his love to her for the first time.
"Killian," she whispered.
"Please, just listen to me. I never expected this to happen, but falling in love with you is the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you've been hurt and you've put up walls because of it. But you let me knock some of those walls down, Emma. I know if you let me in, we could have something incredible. I know you want a guarantee, but I can't give that to you. I can only promise that I will love you with all that I am. I know things won't always be easy, but I can't stand the thought of never getting the chance to be with you."
Killian pressed a kiss to Emma's lips as tears streamed down her face.
He pulled back and met her eyes. "Just give us a chance, Emma. Please."
Emma stepped away from him and shook her head. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Killian. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. But you deserve more than I can give you. You deserve better than me."
"That's not true," he said. "You're the only woman I want."
"I need to go," she breathed, as her eyes dropped to the ground.
"You've spent your whole life feeling unworthy, feeling like you didn't deserve love. But you do, Emma."
"I don't deserve you," she replied shakily, as she made a move to leave.
"You do. We deserve each other." Killian took her hands in his, stopping her movement. "Tell me you don't want me. Tell me you don't love me. If you can do that, then I'll let you go."
Emma dropped her gaze to the ground. "Please, Killian. This is hard enough as it is."
"You can't do it, can you? You love me, Emma. I know you do. And I love you. We both deserve a chance to be with the one we love. That's all that matters. We will deal with everything else that comes our way together."
Emma pulled her hands out of his. "Goodbye," she whispered.
"Emma, don't do this, please," he cried out desperately.
But Emma turned on her heel and walked out the door.
...
The following day, Emma and Killian arrived on set at the same time. Their eyes met for a long, awkward moment, before they turned away from each other.
They were both dreading the scene they were about to film. August's character was going to catch their characters in bed together at the home he shared with Eva. The scene would be uncomfortable on many levels. Emma and August had just ended their relationship, but August still loved Emma. And Killian and Emma had just put the final nail in their relationship that was never to be.
"Places, dearies!" Gold yelled. "Emma, Killian, under the covers."
Emma slipped out of her robe, revealing a strapless bra and panties. Killian did the same, leaving him in nothing but his boxer briefs. They stared at each other for a moment and then hesitated before moving to the bed. They finally slipped under the covers.
"Emma, place your head on Killian's chest. Killian, drape your arm across Emma's back."
Emma sucked in a breath as she pressed her body to Killian's and lay her head down on his chest. She could hear his heart beating in his chest and she knew that she could spend the rest of her life right there, listening to that sound.
Killian felt his heart speed up at Emma's touch. He lifted his arm and wrapped it around her. He was amazed at how she seemed to fit perfectly. It was as if his arms were made to hold her.
"Action!" Gold screamed.
"So," Killian began. "Does this mean we're back together?"
Emma smiled. "I guess so. I just can't stay away from you, Tyler."
Just then, the door flew open and August came charging in. "I knew it!"
Emma and Killian bolted up in bed. Emma pulled the sheets up around her.
"Tad, what are you doing here?" she asked.
"You mean in my own home? In my own bedroom? The bedroom we share, Eva?"
August moved to the side of the bed and hauled Killian out of it. Emma watched as his eyes flared. She wondered just how much of this was acting.
Killian held up his hands. "I love her. I'm sorry, I never meant-…"
August raised his fist and punched Killian in the jaw. Emma's eyes widened, as Killian stumbled backward and fell to the ground.
Soap fights were always well choreographed. They were made to look real, but the actors never actually made contact with each other. But Killian's cry of pain and the thud everyone heard indicated August had really hit him.
"Bloody hell!" Gold yelled. "Cut!"
August stood over Killian, as Emma scrambled out of bed and came to his side. She cradled his face in her hands, wincing at his bloody lip.
"Are you okay?"
"I've been better, love."
Emma glared up at August. "What were you thinking? You could've really hurt him!"
August shrugged. "I guess I just got caught up in the moment."
Emma stood up and faced him. "I don't understand. This isn't like you."
August's eyes filled with tears. "Yeah, well, I've never had a broken heart before."
Emma's expression softened. "I'm sorry, August. I really am. But you broke things off, not me."
He nodded. "I did, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I thought I would be a married man today. I dreamt of a life with you, Emma. And now it's all gone. That's hard to accept."
"I am so sorry."
August sucked in a breath. "I guess I just needed to get that out of my system."
He slowly stepped forward and offered Killian his hand.
Killian stared at it for a moment, before slipping his hand into his. August helped him up.
"I'm sorry," August said. "I shouldn't have hit you."
Killian rubbed at his jaw. "Thank you, mate."
August offered him a lopsided grin, as he flexed his hand. "If it's any consolation, my hand hurts like hell."
Killian chuckled. His laugh quickly subsided though and his expression grew serious. "I'm sorry too. I never meant to come between you and Emma."
August nodded. "If what we had was meant to be, then you wouldn't have been able to." He paused and then added softly, while glancing at Emma. "Be good to her. Don't break her heart."
Emma dropped her eyes.
Killian sighed heavily. "Not to worry, mate. It's not mine to break."
With that, Killian walked off-stage.
August looked at Emma. "I'm surprised. I figured you would have run straight to Killian after our wedding that wasn't."
"It's complicated," she said.
"Do you love him?" August asked.
"August, I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you."
"I still care about you, Emma. I want you to be happy. I'm asking as your friend."
Emma slowly nodded. "Yes, I love him."
"Then it's not complicated. It's simple. Get out of your own way and be with him."
August turned on his heel and walked off set, as Emma watched him go.
…
One week passed. Emma and Killian were both a mess. Emma was snapping at everyone in sight and Killian couldn't concentrate on anything. Even worse, things were tense on set with Emma being forced to work with both her ex-fiancé and the man she loved, but had rejected.
She had always loved coming to work. Now she dreaded it. She didn't know how much more she could take.
Emma was already on set when Killian arrived. He didn't say a word to her.
"Take your places," Gold said.
Emma and Killian moved to the couch.
"Action!"
Killian took Emma's hand in his. His touch never failed to produce goose bumps on her skin.
"Eva, we can be together now. No more hiding. No more lying. No more secrets."
"It's not that simple, Tyler. Tad is my husband. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have."
"But you love me," Killian said, as he looked deep into her eyes.
Emma's mouth hung open. She was supposed to say she loved him, but no words came out. It felt too strange to look into Killian's eyes and say those words now, when she had refused to a week earlier.
Killian stared at her. Emma finally shook her head. "I can't do this."
Killian's eyes widened. She was off-script. She never went off-script.
"What are you doing?" he whispered.
Emma stood up and shook her head. "This is all wrong. I can't say this."
"Cut!" Gold yelled, as he ran over to them. "What is going on, Emma?"
"I…I can't say that I love him."
Gold sighed heavily. "You're not saying it. Your character is."
Killian stood up, his gaze flitting across her face.
Emma licked at her lips nervously. "That's what I meant. Eva can't say this. She wouldn't. It's out of character. She…she still loves her husband."
Gold ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. "Not this again. You need to say what is in the script."
Emma's jaw clenched. "It's not right for the character."
Gold threw his hands up. "For God's sake, take five and get yourself together. The line stays. Do the job this show pays you quite handsomely to do."
With that, he walked away. Emma was about to follow him, when she felt Killian's hand grasp her elbow.
"What the devil was that?" he asked sharply.
Emma met his eyes. "I know my character. And she wouldn't just say something because a man expected her to. This entire relationship between Eva and Tyler has been forced. The show has tried to turn an attraction into love just because the audience likes us together. It's not right."
"Bloody hell, Emma. This isn't about the show or Eva and Tyler's relationship. This is about us."
Emma groaned. "Not everything is about you, Killian."
"I said us, not me. You're trying to convince yourself that what we had wasn't real. That it was simply an attraction that we made into something more. Will that make it easier for you, Emma? Will it make it easier for you to sleep at night?"
"I'm sleeping just fine, thank you."
Killian stepped closer to her, his breath hot on her skin. His eyes were fixed upon hers. "I don't believe you. I think you lie awake at night thinking of me. I think you imagine my lips on yours, the feel of my skin. And when you finally manage to fall asleep I think you dream of the life we could have had. How good it could have been."
Emma swallowed around the lump in her throat as she replied weakly, "We're not right for each other. I'm not right for you."
"I don't believe that," Killian said.
Emma freed her arm from his.
"I can't do this anymore," she said simply before walking away from him.
Killian's mouth hung open for a long moment. In that moment, Emma knew what she had to do. She couldn't go on like this. Working everyday with August and Killian was too hard. She headed to Regina's office.
…
Emma barged into Regina's office.
"You know, Ms. Swan, there's a concept called knocking that you might want to familiarize yourself with."
Emma came to stand in front of her desk. "I quit."
"Excuse me?" Regina said, arching an eyebrow.
"You heard me."
"You can't quit. You have a contract."
"So sue me. I quit."
Regina held up her hand. "Okay, calm down. I know things have been complicated for you recently, but the show needs you, Emma. Since we put you and Killian together, our ratings have nearly doubled. We're about to get renewed. If you leave now, we'll lose all the ground we've gained."
"I'm sorry, Regina. But I have to think of myself first. This show…I don't belong here anymore."
"You're clearly upset and important decisions should not be made when one is emotionally compromised. Sleep on it and we'll talk tomorrow."
Emma laughed caustically. "Sleep? I haven't slept in months. Not really. I hurt one man who did nothing but love and support me and now I've hurt another man that I love more than words can say. All because I'm too scared to risk getting my heart broken again. I don't know. Maybe I'm too damaged to even be in a relationship."
Regina's eyes widened. She had never seen Emma like this. Their relationship usually consisted of arguing over her character's direction.
Regina bit at her lower lip uncomfortably. "I, uh, don't have much experience giving advice on love. I haven't had much luck in that department either. But I do know that no one gets anywhere in life without taking risks, without putting themselves on the line every now and then. You did that when you came here as a foster kid, Emma. You fought your way to the top and you never stopped fighting. You are where you are today because you took a risk. Are you telling me you regret taking that risk?"
Emma shook her head. "Of course not. It was the best decision I ever made."
Regina nodded. "Then you need to trust that you'll make the right decision again. Life is all about taking risks."
Emma bobbed her head. "You're right."
"So that means you'll stay?"
Emma sighed heavily. "No, I need to go. That's the right decision for me. I'm not the same person I was when I came on this show at 14. I need to figure out who I am now if I want a chance at being happy and I can't do that here."
"Emma, you're making a huge mistake."
Emma nodded. "Maybe I am, but it's a risk I have to take."
With that, Emma walked out of Regina's office.
…
The next day, Killian knocked on Emma's dressing room door. He felt awful about their fight the day before. He didn't want things to be like this between them.
His brow wrinkled in confusion when Belle answered the door.
"Oh, hi, Belle. Where's Emma?"
Belle tilted her head to the side. "You haven't heard?"
"Heard what?"
"Emma quit yesterday."
Killian's eyes widened. "She quit?"
Belle nodded. "Yes. She asked me to pack up her things for her."
Killian felt his breath catch in his chest. "Why would she do that?"
Belle shrugged. "You'll have to ask her. She refused to speak to me about it. But I think working with you and August just became too much for her."
"I need to talk to her. I must convince her this is a mistake."
"Good luck. You know how stubborn she is."
…
Emma woke up for the first time and realized she didn't have anywhere to be that day. She didn't have to go to hair and make-up. There were no fittings. No rehearsals. She thought it would feel freeing. After all, she'd been working since she was 14. But she didn't feel free at all. She felt lost.
An hour later, the doorbell rang and Emma thankfully pulled herself away from cleaning the refrigerator. She opened the door, surprised to find Killian standing in front of her.
"Killian? What are you doing here?"
He didn't greet her or ask if he could come in. He just walked past her.
"What in bloody hell were you thinking quitting?" he asked.
Emma sighed and closed the door. She came to stand in front of him, arms crossed over her chest.
"I was thinking I needed a change."
He shook his head. "Don't lie to me, Emma. This was about working with me and August."
Emma nodded. "You're right. At first, it was. I didn't think I could deal with seeing you both everyday and having to work with you. But as I was talking to Regina, I realized it was more than that. I need to do this for me."
"Why? Emma, you love your character. You love this show."
"I do. But I've been on there since I was 14. I went from being a foster kid bounced from home to home to starring on TV, practically overnight. I went from being neglected and abused to being adored by millions of fans. And I think a part of me never really grew up because of that. I keep blaming my fears on what happened with Neal and my childhood, but I think the truth is I'm not equipped to deal with relationships. I never learned how."
He sighed heavily. "I don't see how quitting your job will help you with that."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I need a fresh start. I need some time alone. And then I hope I can figure out who I really am. I hope I'll be deserving of a man like you."
Emma loved him so much that a part of her yearned to throw her arms around him and kiss him. She wanted to tell him that she was ready to give them a chance. But Emma knew that any relationship she started with Killian right now would surely fail. She knew that she needed to understand, love, and accept herself before she could be with anyone.
Killian's tongue darted out and lashed at his lips. She waited for him to make one more last ditch effort to change her mind.
But, instead, he said, "I'm proud of you, Emma."
Her eyebrows peaked. "You are?"
He nodded. "Aye. You're finally taking a risk. It takes courage to do what you're doing. I truly hope you find what you're looking for."
"Thank you," she replied softly, as their gazes met and held.
Killian's heart was breaking, but he knew that loving someone meant supporting them and giving them the freedom to be who they needed to be.
Killian stepped forward and took her hands in his. "You know where to find me. I hope you know I'll never stop loving you, Emma. I want to be that man that you can give yourself to completely someday. The man that you can say I love you to and mean it. But if I can't be, then I hope whoever he is realizes just how lucky he is to have you."
Emma smiled, as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss to her cheek.
"Goodbye," he whispered in her ear.
"Goodbye, Killian," she said as she watched him go.
Emma looked around her big, empty house and wondered where she went from here.
…
End of Part 10
Thanks for reading! I'd appreciate any feedback you'd like to give! ~Steph