Iwaizumi can't deny he's disappointed when he wakes up to zero messages from Oikawa. He's disappointed but he easily rationalizes it. Oikawa is busy. He just had his first real game. He must be exhausted. He had clearly been stressed out about it and all his mounting schoolwork. It was understandable.

So Iwaizumi spends his Monday the same as always. He wakes up early, works out, showers and goes to his class. He sits with Daichi and Sugawara. Since learning of their shared classes he's been hanging out with them quite often. They're actually really cool people, and he's excited to get to know them better. And Sugawara is an especially helpful homework buddy, to be completely honest. Although, he tends to mesh better with Daichi out of the two.

During lunch with them he pulls out his phone to send a text to Oikawa. Just as usual. Whenever he thinks of something, or something interesting occurs, he would send it off to share.

Sugawara just said a hilarious joke at lunch remind me to tell it to you next time we skype.

seriously don't make me forget

Sugawara looks over at him, "What's the Oikawa update today? Any highlights?" He asks pleasantly, as it had become custom for Iwaizumi to share any humorous texts from his boyfriend abroad.

"Nah, he didn't text me today." Iwaizumi replies with a shrug, trying to sound nonchalant. Trying to sound like it was fine. Trying to sound like it wasn't bothering you. Trying to sound like it wasn't itching at the section of his brain reserved solely for worrying over Oikawa's wellbeing, hardwired from a young age.

Daichi blinks, "Oh. Has that ever happened before?"

Iwaizumi suddenly regrets mentioning it, "Well, no, but he's busy. He just had his first big game remember? And he has midterms all this week I wouldn't be surprised if he's stressing himself out into oblivion. He even forgets to eat in that state of his." Iwaizumi sighs out easily, perhaps a bit too eager to explain away the neglect. But honestly, it's not that weird.

Daichi snorts a little, "Sounds like Asahi." He comments, and Sugawara smiles into his hand at the comment. Iwaizumi shrugs, mostly because he barely knows the man mentioned, other than that he had been a worthy ace.

Still, he sends another text.

Hey don't stress yourself out if that's what you're doing. Remember to eat. You'll be fine. Take a break.

He peaks up to find Daichi and Sugawara are talking to each other so he sends a few more messages,

I don't have much homework and my morning class for tomorrow got cancelled so I'd be fine skyping with you tonight if you want?

I can also skype tomorrow night too if that's better.

You're going to be fine.

He swallows.

He doesn't know why he feels so sick to his stomach. He doesn't understand the growing dread he feels. It makes no sense. Nothing had happened. He was just getting paranoid. He was just fretting and worrying too much, like Oikawa always told him.

After a week and a missed skype date without any word from Oikawa, Iwaizumi feels himself slipping into a state of complete panic. He had never gone so long without a word from Oikawa in his entire life. Usually, if the other was ignoring him in order to overwork himself Iwaizumi would have to search him out physically.

But he can't do that anymore because Oikawa is an ocean away. He feels a bit helpless, and the worry is eating away at him. So he just keeps texting and texting.

Are you ok?

Did something happen?

Are you hurt?

Are you in the hospital?

What's going on?

Did your phone break?

He pulls out his email app at that, typing in Oikawa's personal e-mail, and his new school e-mail just in case.

Hey Oikawa,

Are you ok? I've been messaging you all week? Did something happen? Did your phone break? We were supposed to skype last night like usual but you didn't show up?

Are you just busy with midterms or something? Just text me that you're busy or something asshole. You're making me worried for nothing.

-Iwaizumi

He sends it off quickly and for the rest of the day he compulsively checks his e-mail for any sign or response. Anything from Oikawa. Anything to make the panic go away. Anything to let him know he's alright.

He just wants to make sure he's alright.

"Iwaizumi!"

"Huh?" Iwaizumi looks up, from the email app, blinking up at Daichi's concerned face. "What?"

"Suga was talking to you." Daichi reminds with a little frown, looking at him sternly. It's a piercing gaze and Iwaizumi tries to relax his tense body. He doesn't really want to talk about his problem right now. He doesn't really want to talk to anybody at all. Well, except for Oikawa.

"Oh. Sorry, I was...distracted." Iwaizumi mutters, rubbing the back of his neck and forcing his phone back into his pocket. He keeps his hand over his pocket, to make sure he can feel any vibration, any sign.

"He still hasn't messaged you?" Sugawara asks with furrowed brows, abandoning the previous conversation entirely.

"He's busy I guess." Iwaizumi quickly defends, instinctively. Because it's one thing for him to be angry at Oikawa, to mercilessly mock Oikawa, to be a dick to Oikawa. It's very different for the rest of the world to. Because the rest of the world doesn't know Oikawa like he does. Because the rest of the world doesn't love Oikawa like he does.

"Too busy to send a one word text message?" Sugawara asks incredulously, frowning in severe disappointment. He doesn't look impressed and it kind of pisses Iwaizumi off.

"We don't know what he's going through." Iwaizumi mutters back, defensively, but it's weak, because the frustration within him is real. Why hadn't Oikawa messaged him just a brief little note? Hell, he could have just sent an emoji for all he cared. Anything.

"Do you think he's alright?" Daichi wonders aloud, placing his chopstick down, "Have you tried asking his parents?" He continues after a moment of thought.

Iwaizumi blinks at the suggestion, "...No, I haven't." He pauses.

Daichi cuts in to cover his bases, "Oh, well, I don't know if you're comfortable with that or-"

"No, no. You're right. I'm being an idiot. They like practically half raised me I should have called them days ago." Iwaizumi waves off, feeling stupid. Incredibly stupid. Of course the Oikawas would know what their son was up to. If he was sick or in the hospital or what have you. Still, he feels that they would have contacted him if anything drastic like that had happen. He'd like to think so at least. They may not know they were dating but he'd known them since he was five.

He slips out his phone and finds Oikawa-san's number, dials it up and waits for the phone to ring. He suddenly feels nervous, palms sweating, making the grip on his phone tenuous at best. He wonders why. He had never been nervous around Oikawa's family. They were practically his second family.

"Hello?" A woman's voice comes through the receiver.

"Oikawa-san." Iwaizumi greets, hoping his voice doesn't reveal the erratic beating of his heart. What if Oikawa was seriously hurt? What if his knee was acting up?

"Hajime! How are you? How's college life?" Oikawa-san perks up, chattering excitedly. She sounds...fine. Not worried. So maybe everything was ok? But that didn't make Iwaizumi feel any better.

Still, he can't help the slight smile Oikawa-san's genuine caring voice, "Oh, everything's fine. I'm doing fine." He answers looking to the side.

Daichi and Sugawara are watching him and smiling to themselves. He feels his face redden a little but ignores them, staying focused. Maybe he should have called them after leaving their company. But he has been so jittery and worried he wanted to know what was up immediately.

"Oh, that's wonderful." She sighs, "It was so nice seeing you last weekend!"

"It was nice seeing you too. Uh, I called because I was wondering if you had, uh, heard from Tooru?" He starts tackling the issue at hand, feeling a bit self conscious using Oikawa's first name in front of his friends, but whatever. He can't dwell on it at the moment.

"Hmm? What do you mean? Are you worried about something?" Oikawa-san asks suddenly, voice glossing over with her own worry.

The last thing Iwaizumi wants is to worry Oikawa's parents so he quickly brushes it off, "Uh, no, I was just wondering when was the last time you spoke to him?"

Oikawa-san's answer comes easily, "Well, we had our weekly skype call yesterday."

The blood in Iwaizumi's veins freeze. He blinks, "O-Oh."

"Are you alright Hajime?" .

"Yeah, uh, did he seem ok?"

"Well," She seems to pause a moment, as if to recall anything strange, "He seemed fine. He looked a bit tired but he said he had just finished his midterms. He promised me he'd catch up on his sleep now that he was done."

"Uh, huh." Iwaizumi forces out, tightening his grip on the phone.

"But other than that he seemed fine." The woman continues easily.

"That's good." Iwaizumi replies weakly, swallowing. His throat feels so dry.

"Is something the matter? Did Tooru do something?" Oikawa-san prompts, and Iwaizumi can tell she's pursing her lips in that trademark Oikawa family pout just from the tone of her voice. It usually makes him smile.

He doesn't feel like smiling.

"No, no." Iwaizumi responds, "He's done nothing." Nothing at all, actually.

"Are you alright, Hajime?" The woman then asks, pointedly, and Iwaizumi tries to relax. He really does.

So he lies, "Everything is fine, Oikawa-san. I just thought Tooru was getting sick and I wanted another opinion, but maybe he was just tired from exams. Thanks for picking up."

"Of course, Hajime." She replies, and it seems she has accepted his reasoning.

"Alright, I have to go now. Goodbye." He clips out.

"Call anytime! Good luck in school! Goodbye."

Iwaizumi hangs up and he feels hollow inside. It's a bit surreal. Because he hasn't really digested everything yet and he kind of wants to cry and he kind of wants to scream and he wonders what the fucking hell is going through his idiotic boyfriend's mind to make him suffer like this.

Oikawa is perfectly fine.

He's just ignoring him.

For reasons Iwaizumi can't piece together for the life of him.

"Iwaizumi?"

"Huh?" Iwaizumi looks up from his phone which he's holding in a vice like grip, "What?" And he sounds much more angry than he means to be.

"Is everything alright?" Daichi asks, frowning.

"Everything is fine." Iwaizumi bites out the lie, picking up his tray despite eating little of it's contents. He's not hungry.

Sugawara looks up at him as he gets up, "You keep saying that-"

"Because everything is fine." Iwaizumi snaps, and he regrets it but he doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. He wants to go back to his room and think. And sit. And be alone. For a bit. For a while.

He shoves his tray at the drop off and storms out of the cafeteria.

Daichi and Sugawara share a look.

When Iwaizumi gets back into his dorm room he punches his pillow and then pulls out his phone and starts typing.

Alright shittykawa what the FUCK is going on?

You're talking to your parents like everything's fine but not me? What the hell?

Why are you ignoring me?

Text me back god damn it!

Just text me, you're really pissing me off.

It's been a week, your midterms are done send me a fucking text you asshat.

Iwaizumi chucks his phone at his bed and sits up. His hands are clenched at his sides. Had he done something? Was he to blame? He can't recall saying anything abnormal before the sudden silence.

The raw anger starts to subside. It lingers, but it's weighed down by a blossoming of sadness and fear.

Why won't he text me back?

He licks his lips.

He grabs his phone again.

Hey.

Did I do something?

Are you actually mad at me?

He inhales sharply, rubbing at his eyes.

Did something happen?

You can tell me.

I'm your best friend you can tell me anything.

You should know that by now

He lets go of his phone again, letting it drop onto his bed and wipes at his face. He wonders why he's so emotional right now. It was just a week. Just seven little days.

But it was so abnormal. Oikawa loved to text, to talk, to call. Why wasn't he saying anything. But he couldn't find him and force an answer out of him. He was helpless. At least, until Oikawa came home for break but that was more than a month from now. Surely, he would contact him before then?

His phone vibrates and Iwaizumi jumps, scrambling for it.

But it's only a text from Daichi.

Are you ok?

Iwaizumi is this close to ignoring it before realizing how hypocritical it would be in this situation so he quickly fires off an honest response for the first time in a while.

I don't know.

Days turn into weeks that turn into a month and Iwaizumi never hears from Oikawa.

Nothing.

Not a single word.

Nothing at all.

And Iwaizumi likes to think he knows Oikawa better than anyone. And he knows that when Oikawa hates someone, really hates someone he has an amazing ability to shut them out of his life completely. To ignore them out of existence itself. He'd seen it happen numerous times. He just never imagined he'd be the victim of it.

He refuses to believe it actually.

Because there had to be a reason. Some misunderstanding. Something.

Oikawa wouldn't just cut him off like this. They were best friends. Their friendship was stronger than anything. Anything in this whole god damn world.

Why won't he just text me

And one day, nearing the end of his finals, a call from his mother makes everything painfully real.

"When are you coming home for break, Hajime?" She asks simply.

"Next week." He replies with a shrug, "After my last final." Which he should be studying for.

"Oh, I'm so excited to see you! It's so unfortunate about Tooru though." She adds with a sad wistful sigh.

Iwaizumi tenses at the name, suddenly gripping his phone tighter, "What do you mean?" He's desperate for any news, anything about his boyfriend lost over seas.

"That he's not coming home for break. I know his mother was devastated but at the same time getting an internship already is a great opportunity for him." His mother explains, a hint of disappointment in her own voice.

Iwaizumi swallows and can't bring himself to respond. Something breaks inside of him.

"You knew about it already, right?" His mother continues, a bit concerned at her son's silence. Because how could her son not know?

"Of course I did." Iwaizumi lies and he tries his best to keep his voice from cracking. But he knows he's not going to last very long so he quickly adds, "I've got to go."

And that's when it all becomes very real. Because there was no glimmer of hope of confronting Oikawa in person. Of demanding answers. Of pulling him aside and knocking some sense into him like usual. Not now. Not until summer, now, and even then who knows.

Oikawa was shutting him out.

And Iwaizumi suddenly feels so very alone he can't stand it.

He pulls up the messaging app on his phone.

He hadn't texted Oikawa in over a week.

Still no responses.

He taps on the phone,

So you're not coming back?

Is this it?

He wants to write more. He wants to curse him to kingdom come. He really does. But he can't bring himself to type another letter. He feels numb. He feels cold.

He doesn't know why but instead he switches to Sugawara's number.

Can I talk to you?

There's a speedy reply, as always,

Of course. I'm in my room!

Daichi is here too is that ok?

I can kick him out if you need me to.

Iwaizumi doesn't respond. He just lets his feet carry him there. His friends live in the next dorm over on the third floor, and the journey there feels like a lifetime. There are moments where he pauses and debates going back to his room and crawling into his bed.

But Iwaizumi isn't one to mope.

When he finally reaches their door they open it after a single knock.

"Jesus, are you alright?" Daichi asks, eyebrows shooting up.

Iwaizumi realizes that he must look like shit. He certainly feels like it.

"No." He says, and the word is hissed out because he can't trust his voice. "No, I'm not." He shakes his head as if to convey it better but he knows his friends don't need much convincing.

He's lead to the bed where he takes a seat, and already he's holding his face in his hands and speaking through the gaps in his fingers.

"I don't know what to do anymore." He breathes and he feels really pathetic.

He can feel Sugawara's hand on his shoulder, "What happened?"

"He's not coming back for break." He whispers, "I don't think he's ever going to come back."

There's a pause, "He still hasn't talked to you?" Daichi asks, slowly.

Iwaizumi shakes his head. He can feel Sugawara's grip on him tighten.

"Iwaizumi," Sugawara begins delicately, "I'm going to tell you something and you can't get angry alright?"

Iwaizumi says nothing. Sugawara shakes him lightly and repeats, "Alright?"

"Alright."

"Oikawa is an asshole and he can go fuck himself."

Iwaizumi sits up at the sudden outburst, eyes wide, because Sugawara doesn't know Oikawa, "Don-"

Sugawara interrupts him, "No. Stop defending his actions."

Iwaizumi closes his mouth and frowns. But he doesn't know what to say to make it better. There's nothing left to say.

"You should break up with him." Sugawara continues, quick and determined, like ripping of a bandaid.

Iwaizumi tenses.

"Suga..." Daichi begins, perhaps to remind him to be a bit more delicate.

"You should break up with him right now." The gray haired man continues, unaffected.

"I can't do that." Iwaizumi finally speaks up, looking away, "I'm not...I'm not giving up on him like that."

"Iwaizumi, he is millions of miles away and has cut all ties with you. Break up with him."

"He's my best friend." Iwaizumi practically pleads.

"Break up with him." Sugawara repeats, "Who knows, maybe it will force him to text you back. But I don't see this changing anytime soon, and you've been suffering for weeks now. It's not fair to you."

Iwaizumi bites his lip.

Sugawara finally seems to soften a little, "Look, I'm not saying you should break up with him so that you can immediately start dating other people or something. Or to give up your friendship. I'm just saying that this relationship is going to wear you down if it's like this. So break up with him. And if he cares, he'll text you back."

Iwaizumi looks away.

"Relationships don't always work out the way you want them too." Sugawara continues, squeezing his shoulder, "Sometimes they end. And you feel like shit, and so you eat a lot of chocolate and listen to a lot of music and then it doesn't feel as bad and you move on."

Iwaizumi doesn't say anything. Because all he wants to say is, but I love him. But Iwaizumi has never been comfortable saying those kinds of words out loud, especially not to anyone who isn't Oikawa Tooru. So he remains silent.

But the thought that breaking up might force a response does stick with him.

"I'd recommend blasting Ugly Heart by G.R.L."

"Suga, I don't think now is the best time to figure out his break up playlist." Daichi reminds softly.

"It helps to let it all out." Sugawara counters.

"I think Iwaizumi needs time to digest." Daichi replies back just as fast.

"I think," Iwaizumi interrupts, standing up from his spot in the bed, "I think I'm going to go for a walk." He goes towards the door, and then turns back to the pair, "But, thanks for the advice...I just...I need to think."

The pair look over at him worriedly but nod.

Iwaizumi leaves. Leaves the building. Leaves the campus. Just leaves to go walk around the streets for a while. For a few hours. For a few forevers.

And by the time he makes it back into his room he's sent his last text to Oikawa Tooru.

Until you get your shit together, I'm breaking up with you.

Ugly Heart is a great song.

I was listening to Walk the Moon's album recently and realized that the song Portugal describes this fic really well? Dang.

In other news! I wrote an Iwaoi oneshot with guardian angel Iwaizumi y'all should check it out.

hope you liked the chapter. i drink tears for a living. see you next time

reviews make me smile