Iwaizumi meets her during his last year of college. It's his most stressful year, filled with coffee, and study guides, and all nighters. His medical examination lies on the horizon and the only person he really sees in that time is Sugawara who is furiously studying with him.
He meets her in one of his throwaway classes his Senior spring, a class he took to lighten his work load in preparation for the big exam. He normally sits by himself, near the back of the lecture hall. But one morning she stumbles in, late, and jumps into the seat next to him to cause less of a scene.
Iwaizumi doesn't pair her much mind, but she turns to him and whispers pleadingly, "Hey could you hold this for a second?" She's a bit red, out of breath, and frazzled.
He blinks and takes her cup of coffee, as she settles herself into her seat. She pulls out the desk from it's slot, rifles through her bag for her notebook, pulls it out and lets out a muted groan.
"Wrong notebook?" He whispers back, a bit amused.
"It's been a rough morning." She sighs, defeated. She takes the notebook anyway, turning to the last page to take notes. "Thanks." She adds, taking her drink back. And then she starts paying attention.
Iwaizumi isn't paying attention.
The girl next to him has nice auburn hair that falls to her shoulders in waves. She's wearing a loose casual shirt, and jeans. She nibbles at her pen as she takes notes, and he can tell it must be a nervous habit. There's a plethora of tiny indents on the instrument.
She has nice brown eyes.
She's very pretty.
Iwaizumi looks away and sits up.
Halfway through class she puts her hair up in a messy ponytail. Iwaizumi doesn't know why he takes note of it.
He tries to scribble some actual notes instead.
Their class meets every other day, and the next time he sees her she's already seated, in what must be her usual spot near the front. He feels a bit disappointed but tries to shrug it off.
And then she turns toward him and waves with a smile. He blinks, and waves back. She smiles a bit bigger and then turns back to the front.
After class she comes up to him, "So I never got your name?"
"Oh." Iwaizumi tries, "Iwaizumi. Uh, Iwaizumi Hajime."
"I'm Hamasaki Kotori." She greets dipping her head a little, "Are you a literature major?"
He shakes his head, taking his bag and walking out of the class with her, "No, I'm actually pre-med."
"Oh wow. No wonder you look so tired." She laughs and Iwaizumi flushes a bit, because does he really look that bad? "Good luck."
"Thanks." He sighs, readjusting the strap on his shoulder, "How about you?"
"This is just a class I took for fun." She admits, "I'm a math major."
"That's cool."
She smiles, and Iwaizumi can't quite look at her, "Well, I'll see you around Iwaizumi-kun!"
"Uh, yeah. See you."
"This is good." Sugawara comments, with a nod. "This is great."
Iwaizumi frowns, regretting mentioning the entire episode, "She's just a friend."
"A friend you clearly like." Daichi reminds, with a little smile.
Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, and dips his head back down to his notes, "I don't even like girls." He tries, lamely, gripping his notebook a bit too tightly.
"Iwaizumi." Sugawara begins, in his stern lecture voice, "You have only ever liked one person in your whole god damn life how do you know anything about yourself."
Iwaizumi groans behind the pages, "She's just a friend." He repeats, almost to himself.
"Whatever you say, Iwaizumi." Daichi allows, clapping him on the shoulder supportively. Iwaizumi tries his best to shrug him off. He frowns.
She becomes more than a friend almost a year later, when she asks him out one day. She's a bit flushed but she tries to make it as casual as possible, looking intently at her coffee.
Iwaizumi almost chokes on his bagel, but recovers quickly enough to respond with a nervous ok.
They date for a year and it goes great. Iwaizumi realizes then how much he's missed dating someone. Of holding someone so dear. Of actually loving someone again. And he kind of clings to the idea of it. To the concept of it.
But it's not perfect. Of course it isn't. They fight on occasion. They're both rather busy, Iwaizumi working through medical school, Hamasaki working to get her PhD.
It's during their second year of dating that things get rockier, because that's the year Iwaizumi rediscovers Oikawa Tooru.
It happens by accident.
He is flipping through the channels on his television, stopping on a volleyball match. He hadn't been following the sport in recent years just from how busy he'd become. But it fills him with a sense of nostalgia to watch the players shuffling around the court.
It's some important national match from overseas, but he pays that no mind.
During the second se the U.S. setter is switched out, and he recognizes him before the announcer reads out his name.
He still styles his hair the same way. He's still tall, with the longest of legs. He's still as handsome as ever.
Iwaizumi's eyes are glued to the screen.
"Oikawa Tooru is being subbed in. He's a talented new recruit for the U.S. team hailing from the Land of the Rising Sun! We'll see how he fares in his first big game!"
"Tall for a Japanese guy, ain't he?" The other broadcaster chuckles.
Iwaizumi doesn't pay him any mind. Instead, he watches as Oikawa pauses to give the camera a charming smile before growing serious. It's his turn to serve and Iwaizumi can't remember the last time he had seen one of Oikawa's signature jump serves.
It's more powerful than he remembered.
He watches the whole game.
He writes down the team's name.
He's shaking a bit.
Why do I still miss him?
"Hajime?"
Iwaizumi jumps, shutting the TV off and spinning around, "Huh?"
"Are you alright?" Hamasaki murmurs, "I just came back with some groceries and...what were you watching?"
"I…" And Iwaizumi feels incredibly dirty all of a sudden. "I was watching a volleyball match. I used to play when I was younger. I..got a bit nostalgic."
"Oh." She blinks, "Yeah, you mentioned that before...Are you sure you're ok?"
"Yeah." He stands up to help her put away the stuff, "Yeah, I'm fine."
"This isn't healthy." Daichi states, in a disappointed tone.
"You should at least tell her." Sugawara continues.
"I know." Iwaizumi murmurs over his drink.
Daichi and Sugawara frown at each other.
Iwaizumi watches every game that season. He can't help it. Anytime he has to miss a match because of schooling or his part time job he records the match for later.
He finds himself incredibly bored the games Oikawa sits out of.
But when he plays, Iwaizumi can never take his eyes off the screen.
Sometimes Hamasaki will watch with him but he feels awful when she does. He feels sick. He feels like a liar. A dirty cheating liar.
There's a distance growing between them. A sense of resentment. And he knows it's his fault but he can't bring himself to do anything about it.
They get into a huge fight one day, a sudden explosion.
Iwaizumi thinks they should end it.
It would be the right thing to do. Because none of this is fair to Hamasaki. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone's entire love and he's realized now he can't give that. He doesn't think he can give anyone all the love they truly deserve.
It feels like Oikawa stole a huge chunk of it when he left him.
But plans change because only a few days after their big fight does Iwaizumi get a call from a sobbing Hamasaki. And at first he thinks it's her breaking up with him, but then he realizes that she sounds terrified.
And when she tells him through her tears that she's pregnant Iwaizumi feels paralyzed.
He doesn't say anything and her voice through the receiver comes out in a panic, "Hajime? Hajime, are you there? Please, Hajime?"
He takes a shaky breath, "I'm coming over."
He finds her sitting on the floor of her bathroom looking miserable. He sits down next to her, sides pressed against each other.
They don't talk for a long while.
Iwaizumi breaks it, "When I was in high school, I started dating my best friend in the whole world."
She squints at him confused. She wipes at the snot on her nose.
"And then he left without a word." He sighs, "And it's been years but it still haunts me and i think it always will."
She frowns, taking in a shaky breath.
He's about to go on. To confess everything but she interrupts him.
"Hajime." She begins, carefully, "I was going to break up with you." She begins and it still stings him to hear it, despite everything, "And hope to still be friends but now…" She takes a shaky breath, pulling her hair a little, "This could ruin my life."
Iwaizumi doesn't say anything.
"My parents would disown me." She continues, "And I can't do this by myself."
Iwaizumi starts piecing together what she wants, and he feels clammy just thinking about this. But he doesn't want to offer other solutions because it's not his place to do so. And he knows that.
"Hajime."
Iwaizumi looks over at her, "Maybe, this is a sign for us to try again?" And she sounds like she's trying to convince herself more than him. "To really try?" He swallows.
"Koto."
"Yeah?" And it sounds so hollow, and it hurts Iwaizumi because she's his friend. One of his better friends. One of his best friends.
"I think…" He falls silent, squeezing his hands into fists. He relaxes them, "I think we should think about this more." He finally decides, standing up. He offers her a hand and helps her up from the floor, "But whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere ok?"
She smiles a little and Iwaizumi has always loved her smile.
Their relationship changes after that. It becomes more business like, professional. It becomes more about the future than the present. Figuring things out. What was best for Iwaizumi, what was best for Hamasaki, what was best for them, what was best for the child.
And that relationship, over the next few weeks morphs back into something much more familiar. To friendship, and it's nice.
That's when they decide to get married.
Because married and divorced with children looks much better than never wed at all.
And it's a bit fun, to plan a wedding. It's not as stressful as movies make it seem because Iwaizumi and Hamasaki want it to be painless and efficient but nice. Because it has to seem real.
And it's probably one of the less stressful periods of Iwaizumi's life, remarkably enough.
"Pick Daichi." Hamasaki offers, "He's the handsomest of your friends."
Iwaizumi snorts, "That's a terrible reason to pick a best man: because the bride thinks he's attractive."
She giggles a little, "Well who else is there?"
"Sugawara." Iwaizumi begins, "then there's Matsukawa and Hanamaki."
"Who?" She frowns, squinting at the names on his list.
"Friends of mine from high school," He says, "I go to the bar with them once in a while, remember?"
She nods after a moment, "Pick Daichi." She reiterates, "If those are your choices."
Iwaizumi nibbles his lip because there's someone else he would love to invite. But it'd be pointless. He wouldn't respond.
But it feels wrong, to not have him there.
"Alright." He agrees after a moment.
The wedding comes before they know it, mostly because they're on a strict timeline.
It's fun. It's a chance for Iwaizumi to see all his friends and family again. He realizes how busy he's been with school and how much he's missed. And it's a bit sad. But he tries not to dwell on it.
"You know, I'm pretty offended." Hanamaki pats his shoulder, a drink in his other hand. He's already a bit tipsy. Leaning on him heavily.
Iwaizumi looks at him with an amused eye, raising his brow, "Yeah?"
"That you didn't pick me to be your best man." He finishes with a joking smile.
Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, "Like I would trust you with a speech."
Matsukawa grins lazily, appearing on his other side. He swings an arm around his shoulder, "We do have a lot of dirt on you." He agrees.
Iwaizumi sighs, sinking a little under their combined weight, doomed to be pestered by them for life. Hanamaki snickers, but then quiets down, "Still, I always thought it'd be Oikawa." He admits. Iwaizumi tenses a little and he wonders if they can tell, "You know what he's been up to lately?"
"Feels like he fell off the face of the earth." Matsukawa comments, taking another swig from his glass.
"He's busy playing for his team right now, in the U.S." Iwaizumi explains and the pair nod because of course Iwaizumi would know what Oikawa was up to.
Why wouldn't he?
Iwaizumi swallows.
"I should go find my wife." He manages, untangling himself from the pair. They grin and give him a wink as he departs.
The initial plan is to get divorced a year after the baby is born.
But plans change because neither of them really expected falling so hard for their daughter, so hard that they decided to really truly try again.
Because Kaede is beautiful and lovely and wonderful and all Hajime wants in this world is for her to be happy.
And he used to think he couldn't love anything completely again but he was wrong, so very wrong.
But that can't make up for everything. Because he still can't help watching volleyball games no matter how much it hurts Hamasaki to see. Because he can't seem to let go of his feelings. Because yes, he hadn't spoken to him in seven years but he had known him for eighteen and it's not that easy.
Because he can't seem to let him.
And by the time Kaede is two Iwaizumi is helping Hamasaki find a home for herself. Helping her move out. Coordinating Kaede time.
It's for the best.
And through it all he doesn't miss a single match.
But even that comes to an end when Kaede is around two. And Iwaizumi is in the midst of another volleyball game starring the now great star, Oikawa Tooru.
There's something off about Oikawa in this game. He can tell immediately as the man steps onto the court.
The brunet has dark circles under his eyes. He looks dazed, out of it. Iwaizumi knows the look. It means the man hasn't been sleeping.
Iwaizumi knows exactly why. The idiot's overworking himself. Why didn't his team stop him? Didn't they know? Didn't they care?
Kaede smacks his leg, and he picks her up off the ground to place her in his lap. She's gotten into the mood of slapping literally anything. Also biting. Lots of biting.
Kaede smacks his chest now so he looks at her, "Kaede, not right now." She pays him no mind, pulling at his shirt, giggling a little. He softens, leaning back on the sofa, "What's up with you today?" He asks with a smile.
Shed giggles some more, a little drool dribbling down her chin. He rolls his eyes despite his smile, wiping her face with a nearby tissue. "You're silly."
She smacks him again, and then tightens her grip on his shirt sleeve, "You know, you pack a punch for someone so tiny." He comments, a bit proudly, "Must be my genes" He laughs.
She stares at him with a wide smile.
"It's Oikawa's turn to serve." The announcer comments and Iwaizumi's eyes lock back on the screen.
Kaede slaps his thigh and he shushes her, "Just a minute."
Kaede slaps him again and he grows a warning tone, "Kaede." He takes her off his lap, seating her beside him on the couch.
Oikawa takes a deep breath and he starts his run, serving the ball with ease. It lands powerfully between two receivers. A service ace.
Iwaizumi smiles despite everything.
The ball returns to Oikawa, and he gets ready to do it again. Something is off though, Iwaizumi can tell. Oikawa's eyes are guarded.
He's in pain.
Iwaizumi frowns.
Kaede is crawling back onto his lap but he puts her back down next to him instead, without taking his eyes off the screen.
She gurgles unhappily, "Daaaad." She whines. And Kaede doesn't like to talk all that often, which means she really wants his attention.
Oikawa runs his next serve, slamming it down perfectly. But there's a commotion in the crowd because the moment Oikawa lands he crumples to the ground.
"You idiot." Iwaizumi hisses under his breath, hands clenched into fists, "You fucking idiot."
There are people helping him up but Iwaizumi isn't even watching anymore, he has his hands massaging his face. Because all he can think about is how history repeats itself and how idiots never learn and how if only he had been there and if-
Kaede is nudging him, and he takes a deep breath. He looks over at her to find her close to tears and he immediately shuts off the TV, "Hey." He murmurs, "Hey, no crying." He soothes picking her up. "No more crying."
And it's almost like he's talking to himself.
this chapter is meh but its necessary!
i promise next chapter will be better
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see you then!