Iwaizumi doesn't realize his feelings for Oikawa until early into his second year of high school. Until then he'd just assumed his beating heart, his giddy smile and his long looks were normal. Oikawa is his best friend. His oldest friend. This is how they've always been and how they'll always be.
He never gave it anymore thought than that. Never thought he needed to, until one fateful night during their first training camp of the year.
He and the other second years are sharing a room and, against coaches orders, are staying up late talking.
And that's fine and all, because they're a close knit group since meeting last year. Although, there were more of them last year, they've dwindled down to a solid four. And he's fine with that. Because Matsukawa and Hanamaki are good people, despite their trouble making tendencies.
And Oikawa is always there beside him, so nothing else really matters.
They're all huddled up in the small room, lying on their futons. The futons are made up in a sort of four square configuration, because nothing else will fit in the room. It forces them to lie side by side in pairs facing each other. But no one makes a comment about it.
Iwaizumi is getting sleepy, lying on his stomach with his arms folded over his pillow. He's leaning heavily on Oikawa beside him. He's starting to miss most of the conversation, and so he doesn't notice exactly when it starts becoming about him.
"-he's old he needs his rest." He hears Oikawa explain, "Soon we'll have to send him to a retirement home. It can't be helped." He exhales a sad wistful sigh.
Iwaizumi sits up, shooting his best friend a glare. Hanamaki snickers into his hand, flashing a grin.
"Glad you could join us again, Iwaizumi." Matsukawa comments with a lazy, dastardly smile.
Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, "All of you can go to hell."
"That's so rude, Iwa-chan." Oikawa chastises, "You're the one falling asleep. Are you saying we're boring?"
Iwaizumi snorts, "We have more grueling practice in the morning." He explains, "We should sleep."
"You're such a mom, Iwa-chan." Oikawa sighs with a sad shake of his head. Hanamaki grins a bit and Matsukawa nods sagely at the comment. Iwaizumi wants to punch all of them. In the face.
"Shut up." He bites back, a little more attentive now, "What were you guys even talking about anyway?"
"Girls." Hanamaki answers with a shrug, flicking some lint off the pillow he's resting on, "Hey, Iwaizumi, do you have a crush on anyone right now?"
Iwaizumi blinks at the question and considers it with a pensive frown. He thinks back to all the girls he's met in high school, to everyone he's befriended and spoken to. He thinks for a while, but no one comes up, "...No, I don't think so." He answers, finally.
"You could actually see the smoke coming out of his ears as he thought hard on that one." Hanamaki points out and Matsukawa gives another nod in agreement.
"It's not Iwa-chan's fault his brain is so small. Don't be so mean." Oikawa defends with a teasing smile. Iwaizumi kicks him in the side, earning a squawk.
"And how have you never had a crush on someone?" Hanamaki continues with a raised brow, "Hasn't there ever been someone that's made your heart beat all crazy? And your face get all red? Someone you couldn't get out of your head?"
Iwaizumi frowns because the only thing he can think of is Oikawa and that doesn't really count, "No...I can't think of anyone."
"Iwa-chan is a very boring man." Oikawa tries to explain, "I have to be charming for the both of us."
"Oikawa, I will punch you. For real this time." Iwaizumi threatens, glaring at his best friend who flinches instinctively. But he drops the threat immediately, looking back over at the other two second years quizically, "Why? Do you guys have crushes?"
"I did once." Hanamaki says sadly, looking off into the distance dramatically, "She dropped her pencil, and I gave it back to her and we locked eyes and it was love. But then she transferred to another school." He sighs, eyes glossy.
"Thats bullshit." Iwaizumi mutters dryly.
Hanamaki looks wounded, "I'm still suffering from heartbreak over here. Even though its been ten years."
Matsukawa pats him on the back, "It's alright, Maki, time heals all wounds."
Hanamaki places a hand over Matsukawa's, and in his best deadpan responds, "Matsukawa you are the kindest man I've ever met. I appreciate it."
Iwaizumi rolls his eyes again. Oikawa looks a bit nervous, biting his lip and raising a brow, "You guys are so weird."
Matsukawa and Hanamaki share a look, "Is it possible to be so unaware?" The latter says with a shake of his head.
"It's kind of sad, to be honest." Matsukawa agrees, and his look at Iwaizumi and Oikawa could only be classified as pitying.
Iwaizumi frowns deeply, eyebrows pushed together, "The hell are you talking about?"
"You're calling us weird?" Hanamaki questions instead of answering, "Have you seen yourselves? Maybe we're just picking up habits to fit in." He gives an exaggerated frown.
Matsukawa nods very seriously.
"Huh?" Iwaizumi asks, blinking.
"Look at yourselves." Hanamaki states and Oikawa and Iwaizumi turn to each other. They share a brief exchange through their eyes:
The hell is he talking about?
...I don't really know either, Iwa-chan.
"You've tangled your legs together." Matsukawa points out with a sigh, and he sounds a touch exasperated.
Oikawa and Iwaizumi turn their heads around to confirm. Iwaizumi does have his foot tucked so his ankle wraps around Oikawa's, legs brushing against each other. He doesn't really recall doing that, but he doesn't see the big deal either.
He's used to using Oikawa as his pillow, and Oikawa is used to the same with him. They've spent their lives lounging on top of each other.
"So…?" Oikawa asks, looking back over. Because it's not that weird. At all. Is it?
"Oh my god." Hanamaki shakes his head, "Now it's just getting gross."
Iwaizumi reddens besides himself, "It is not."
"We're senpais now. You need to tone down the PDA to not scar the children." Matsukawa backs up Hanamaki with a nod.
"Does my close bond with Iwa-chan, built over years of trust bother you so?" Oikawa teases in a dramatic fashion. It's maybe a tad defensive, but only Iwaizumi could probably pick up on the tightness of his best friend's voice. Oikawa suddenly tucks an arm around Iwaizumi's side, tugging him close so he's pressed tightly against him.
Iwaizumi feels his heart beat a little faster and he pulls away immediately, "Shut up, Shittykawa." He stammers, "Like I have that with you."
Oikawa pouts but releases him, "Iwa-chan are you breaking up with me? In front of them?" He cries out, continuing his little act.
Hanamaki covers his mouth to hide his laugh.
Iwaizumi glares at Oikawa and normally he'd play along with the dumb joke but...but he feels weird. And he's wondering why his heart is beating so much at the the antics Oikawa pulls literally constantly. It's not like anything is different. Did his heart always beat so fast? Did he just never noticed?
And he keeps thinking about Hanamaki's idea of what a crush is.
He pulls his covers up, "I don't know why I hang out with any of you." He glowers, "I'm sleeping."
"Party pooper." Hanamaki sighs, but it seems they're all tired because Iwaizumi hears them shuffling into their own futons moments later.
He lies there for a while, a bit angry, a bit confused, and he jumps when he feels a hand nudge his shoulder. He turns his head to see Oikawa looking at him with a little frown. A real frown. Not an act.
Are you actually mad at me?
Iwaizumi lets out a little sigh, turning around completely. He takes his hand and flicks Oikawa's forehead, earning him a surprised gasp and glare. Oikawa massages the spot but flashes a tiny smile on his face.
And Iwaizumi feels very warm. Because he always does whenever he sees Oikawa smile and it's only now that he's starting to wonder if that's normal. He bites his lip and turns again so he's lying on his back.
"Night, Iwa-chan." Oikawa murmurs quietly, and his fingers squeeze his shoulder before releasing him completely and slipping back to his own person.
"Night."
That night he dreams of their middle school kiss, a memory he had half forgotten over the years. And when he wakes up it doesn't leave him. It doesn't leave him for weeks.
"Iwa-chan." Oikawa sighs out exaggeratedly, "Are you going to tell me why you're so grumpy lately?"
Iwaizumi blinks up from the homework he's working on at Oikawa's desk. Oikawa had already finished their assignment because the ass is a faster reader than him. He's now lying on his bed, tossing a volleyball idly in the air. Probably bored and in search of entertainment.
"The hell are you spouting out now, Oikawa?" Iwaizumi snaps back.
Oikawa catches his ball, frowning, "See. You're so grouchy. What's wrong? Are you overworking your little brain again?"
Iwaizumi glares at him and goes back to his homework, "You got a lot a nerve talking about overworking." He shoots back, perhaps a bit too mean spiritedly. He hears Oikawa whine but pays him no mind. That is, until he feels Oikawa's hands on his shoulders. They squeeze him, and he feels the weight of Oikawa's chin resting on his head.
"Tell meeeee." Oikawa pleads, in his high pitched sigh, squeezing his shoulder again. His long fingers dig into the muscles there, massaging them idly.
Iwaizumi looks up at him, sees his pretty clear skin, sees his pretty brown eyes looking down at him worriedly, see his pretty brown hair flicked to the side. Just sees how pretty Oikawa is. And he wonders if it's normal to find your best friend so incredibly handsome all the time. And he wonders why his eyes crawl down to look at Oikawa's lips. And he wonders if they're as soft as he remembers them being.
"Remember when we kissed?" He blurts out, because he's shit at talking and there is something about Oikawa's gaze that makes him relax. Still the minute he says it he looks away.
Oikawa blinks, "What?" And the hands on his shoulders freeze.
Iwaizumi feels a bit self-conscious, ducking his head down back to his work, "Don't pretend you don't remember." He mutters through his teeth.
Oikawa's hands slip off his shoulders entire, and Iwaizumi feels a bit cold from their absence. He peeks over to see Oikawa sliding into the chair beside him. He sits on it backwards with his legs on either side, and his arms resting heavily on the back of the chair
"Of course, I remember." The brunet mumbles, pushing his bangs back with his hand, "I still feel kinda bad about it." He confesses, pursing his lips into a frown. His fingers dig into his hair a little.
Iwaizumi stares at him, "You do?"
"Well yeah!" Oikawa snaps, a bit red, "You like, ran off and didn't talk to me for days! I thought...I don't know I thought you wouldn't be my friend anymore."
Iwaizumi hits him on the head with his notebook and Oikawa cries out, cradling himself, "Don't be stupid." Iwaizumi says, "Like something like that could ruin our friendship."
"Aww, Iwa-chan really does care." Oikawa teases with a little smile, peaking up at him through his bangs.
"Yeah." Iwaizumi says, maybe a bit too seriously, "Yeah, I guess I do."
Oikawa looks at him but then he looks away quickly. He's still red and then he starts fidgeting with his chair, "Why do you bring it up?"
"I don't know." Iwaizumi shrugs, "It's been on my mind lately."
"Kids are stupid." Oikawa explains, drumming his fingers on the wood of the chair.
"Are they?" Iwaizumi questions, looking over at him.
Oikawa doesn't say anything. He grips the back of the chair tightly.
"Would it be weird," Iwaizumi tries, and he tightens his grip on his pencil, "Would it be weird if I told you I wanted to kiss you again?"
There's a long pause, and Iwaizumi feels his face heating up worse than he's ever felt, and he suddenly regrets a lot things. Everything, to be exact.
"No." Oikawa murmurs quietly, finally, and Iwaizumi looks up at him with wide eyes. He finds Oikawa pulling at the strands in his hair nervously, face red too.
"No?" Iwaizumi repeats, and he breathes it out in shock.
Oikawa smiles a little, "No," He repeats as well, and there's a teasing tone at the end of it, "I know I'm irresistible." Iwaizumi fights the urge to slap him again, because he's a bit grateful. Because the teasing makes it less awkward, more normal.
"Well?" Oikawa presses, and he seems to be getting more confident, leaning a bit closer, "Don't you want to see how much I've improved?"
And Iwaizumi feels his heart beating so hard, and his hands are sweaty and he must be bright red. But Iwaizumi isn't one to back down from a challenge, so he leans forward. And Oikawa leans forward too and he can see the nervousness in Oikawa's brown eyes, despite his bravado.
And then he's kissing him and Oikawa's lips are softer.
He's not prepared for Oikawa's hands on his face, pulling him closer, digging into his hair. He gasps a little and Oikawa presses further, pulls him closer, kisses him deeper. Iwaizumi finds his hands slipping up to grip Oikawa's shoulders for purchase, because he's losing it.
They pull apart, breathing heavily. And Iwaizumi is still trying to process things but Oikawa is already kissing him again and it's all he can do to keep up with him.
He feels Oikawa's hands slip down, cupping his face and they're tugging him. He rises up obediently and Oikawa is pulling him away from the desk, away from the obstacles. All without breaking apart for more than a few seconds to breath.
Iwaizumi finally finds himself pressed against Oikawa's door, Oikawa clinging to him. He has his hands gripping onto Oikawa's back, bunching up the fabric tightly. Oikawa is still cupping his face, long fingers pressing into his short coarse hair.
He pulls back, panting and there is something in Oikawa's eyes, relief. Iwaizumi stares at him, dumbfounded, and licks his swollen lips.
"Iwa-chan." Oikawa breathes like a prayer, and the air tickles Iwaizumi's slicked up lips. The sound of it makes him tug Oikawa closer, hands digging into his back, pulling him in for another kiss.
In hindsight it's very messy. Iwaizumi hasn't kissed anyone since Oikawa the first time. And Oikawa may act like a casanova but he hasn't had all that much more practice either. But neither really care at the moment, because all that matters is the moment.
Iwaizumi is absolutely certain they would have continued on forever, until they simply couldn't breathe anymore, if Oikawa's mother hadn't interrupted them with her voice.
"Tooru!"
Oikawa pulls away as if shocked, looking a bit dazed, "Y-Yeah?" He calls, out of breath, eyes glassy, neck craned. Iwaizumi leans back against the door, winded. But his fingers still dig into Oikawa's shirt, like a lifeline
"Is Hajime staying for dinner?" She asks, her voice carrying from downstairs. Oikawa glances down at Iwaizumi, swallows a little and takes in another breath.
"Yeah! Is that ok?" He responds, albeit a bit shakily.
"Of course it is. Come down in half an hour!"
"O-Ok!"
And then they're left alone again.
"Oikawa." Iwaizumi finally says, standing up a little straighter. Oikawa takes a step back to give him a bit of personal space.
"Yeah?" He responds, and Iwaizumi realizes the other is starting to tower over him. Oikawa is pulling at his hair again. Iwaizumi wishes he'd get rid of the silly habit.
But Iwaizumi isn't sure where he's going with this. Because there's a lot he wants to say but nothing he can vocalize. Instead, he just stares at Oikawa and decides, "You're getting too tall."
Oikawa blinks, and the tension in his shoulder dissipates as he starts laughing. Iwaizumi snickers too, watching Oikawa laugh the stress away and wipe at his eyes. He comes forward, pulling Iwaizumi into a hug, "What would I do without my Iwa-chan." He murmurs between giggles, grinning so brightly.
Iwaizumi rolls his eyes but can't help the wide smile on his face, "You'd probably be dead by now." He admits wrapping his arms around his setter.
Oikawa hums, "You know, I've wanted to kiss you for forever." Oikawa admits softly, squeezing Iwaizumi tighter and nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck.
Iwaizumi frowns, eyebrows furrowing, "Really? Why?" He blurts out.
Oikawa pulls away to stare at him incredulously, "What do you mean why?"
Iwaizumi suddenly feels very self-conscious, flicking his gaze away from Oikawa's concerned face. Because, at lest to him, it's very obvious why Iwaizumi would want to kiss Oikawa. The opposite doesn't hold as true.
As if to prove a point Oikawa kisses him on the cheek, and Iwaizumi glowers. But he can feel Oikawa's grin on his skin and it makes him all warm inside. Oikawa grows a bit bolder and starts peppering his entire face with kisses, his nose, his cheeks, his forehead, his chin, even his eyes when he squeezes them closed, "Iwa-chan is very kissable." He explains, as Iwaizumi tries to push him away weakly.
"Shut up." He mutters, red.
Oikawa is grinning so brightly. It's blinding. He's blinding.
"Iwa-chan, you do know what you've done now." Oikawa says seriously, with a serious face.
Iwaizumi scrunches his brow, "The hell are you talking about?"
"Now that you let me kiss you once." Oikawa explains easily, "I won't be able to stop."
Iwaizumi is bright red and he doesn't understand how Oikawa is just able to say these things.
"That's ok, right?" Oikawa asks after a moment, looking at him carefully.
Iwaizumi kicks him, "Of course, dumbass." And as Oikawa bends down to cradles his shin with a whine, Iwaizumi tugs him in for another kiss.
Oikawa is giggling, and it's absurd how much it makes Iwaizumi happy.
Too absurd. In fact.
Because maybe Oikawa would have died without his worrying over him, but Iwaizumi's certain his life would have been downright miserable without Oikawa's smile.
hey-o! here's some long due happiness I hope you like it!
a note- i went back and fixed up chapter four (mainly Ushijima's texts because they were terrible and bothering me)
also! I move back into my dorm room this friday, and then i have RA training, leading orientation and finally school starting so I'm about to get incredibly busy.
So updates might not happen for a while :c
(That's why I wanted to leave y'all on a happy note)
reviews make me smile
see you soon!