Author's Note: I love it when you guys get invested in the story and let me know in the comments! Thank you so much for that.
The pain doesn't wake me up, but once I am awake it is one of the only two things I am aware of. The first one, the reason I woke up so abruptly, is the loud, ringing sound. It takes a moment for me to realize that the ringing is just in my head, and it comes from my left ear, I take my fingers to it and some hot blood taints my fingers. When I stand up the whole ground seems to spin around me, and I feel the urge to vomit, but food is scarce and I can't give myself the luxury of emptying my stomach. So I take a deep breath, make sure none of my arrows are missing and I sprint out of the Careers camp at the same time I hear them approaching.
With my right ear only. Because I can't hear anything on my left side. Crap.
My head continues to spin and I stumble as I try to get as far away from Cato and the rest as possible, I know the chances of them finding out it was me are slim, but I wouldn't want to be near them if they ever got to find out. I stop when I get to the place where Rue lit the first fire, on the ground I can see the footprints of the furious Careers, frustrated to have found no victim. The footprints continue to head north, where Danny lit his own fire. I sharpen my good ear to hear the birds singing, but Rue's song is not there.
So I whistle it, hoping to hear her whistling it back to me. But there's nothing but silence, only broken by the mockingbirds that harmoniously turn my simple tune into a intricate melody.
I sigh and walk towards the cave, hoping to find both the kids in there. My heart beats with fear as I realized I could have slept over a canon... or two.
Suddenly, Rue replies to my whistling. But it isn't with one of her own, but by crying out for help.
She is close, and I sprint in the direction of her voice. I open my mouth to yell her name, to reassure her that I am coming and to let know anyone that is threatening her that she is not alone, that a bigger, scarier and very angry ally has her back. But the fear closes my throat and no sound comes out. So I just run faster.
I get to a small clearing and there she is, all tangled up in a trap. The net has trapped her and the tears run down her eyes. I slow down as I spot her, sighing in relief at the sight of her safe. My foot steps into the glade and I realize how wrong I was to wait. Marvel shoots a spear through Rue's small body and she cuts my name short. Katni...
My arrow hits Marvel's chest before he can even mouth his apology, but I know that in the last moment he realized Rue was my ally, and that he regretted it.
Maybe I regret killing him too, but that doesn't matter. It's done.
I sprint towards Rue, cutting the rope and lowering her sweetly into the grass. I know there is no use on lying to her, on feeding her useless 'nothing is wrong's and 'i'll fix this's. Rue is too smart for that. So I just cradle her head against my chest and stroke her hair gently. "I am so sorry, Rue." I whisper, holding back the tears that this innocent girl has brought to my eyes.
"Don't be," she croaks out, and it takes all my will not to break down sobbing. "Did you blow their food?"
"Every last bit." Her pained face breaks in a little smile and some blood drips out of her mouth, I clean it, trying to give her a smile back.
"Will you stay with me Katniss?" She whispers, and I'm not sure if it is because she is scared of asking or because she doesn't have much air left. Tightening my lips together, I nod. "Sing."
Sing what? I want to ask her, but it seems like she has no more energy to ask anything else. And I can't deny this to her, I wouldn't deny anything to this sweet girl that is about to die just because I wasn't fast enough to save her.
My throat is tight with tears I refuse to shed, and my sister's name sits on my lips. But I still ready myself to sing the lullaby my father used to sing for me and Prim, the one I adopted whenever Prim was scared and wouldn't fall asleep, the one I had sang for Danny just a few days ago. "Alright," I concede. And after a small cough, I begin:
Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise
Here it's safe, and here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.
Rue's eyes have fluttered shut. Her chest moves but only slightly, the tears start flowing freely down my cheeks and land on her. I wipe them, ashamed, and she tightens her hold on my hand for a second. Then she stops squeezing and her chest stops moving, but I have to finish the song for her.
Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.
The slow and tired beating of her heart against my chest stops and I have to force myself to whisper the final lines.
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.
After a moment, I realize the birds are quiet, and for a moment I think it is because of Rue's earlier cries and the movement of spears and arrows that just happened. But then, almost eerily, the mockingjays take up my song and I realize they have silenced to listen to me, to pay their own respects to the sweet child in my arms. I don't move in what it seems an eternity, but a shock of electricity runs through me as I hear Rue's canon.
And now, I am angry. Because it is so unfair.
It's unfair that as soon as I step off, Rue's body will be taken away and delivered in a cold wooden box to her family, to the five little siblings she so lovingly spoke of. Because it's unfair that I had to chose between her and me, between her and Danny. It's unfair that she will die and the Capitol will forget her soon, she will be nothing but one piece of their games.
Maybe they are shedding a tear now, but they will forget it as soon as they get two days with no killings. Because that's all they want, a good show, a good kill, some more blood. And as I look down to my hands I realize that is exactly what I've given to them.
Not more than a few meters away lies Marvel's lifeless body, another body to be returned to a brokenhearted family, another life I have taken. Not for the first time, I thank whatever almighty power is upon me for not letting me return home. Because I know Rue and Marvel will haunt me for life.
I don't realize I am shaking until I lower my lips to press them to Rue's forehead. It doesn't seem enough, but what could I do?
A few steps into the woods grows a bank of wildflowers, violet, yellow and white blossoms. Tenderly I leave Rue's body on the ground and cut off pack from her back, as if to help her lie more carefully. I know I should probably retrieve my arrow from Marvel's chest, but I can't bring myself to, so instead I gather up an armful of flowers and kneel down beside Rue. Slowly, one stem at a time, I decorate her body in flowers. I clean the blood dripping from her mouth and braid her hair with colorful blossoms. She looks so beautiful, like she is sleeping.
Like a fairy.
"Bye Rue," I whisper. And then, as if it was something else controlling my hand, I press the three middle fingers of my left hand against my lips and hold them out in her direction. I mimic the silent salute the District 12 gifted to me on Danny's reaping day, the salute that means thanks, it means admiration, it means goodbye to someone you love.
I walk away without looking back, but I stop once I hear the hovercrafts, and then I fall to my knees sobbing. Breaking down completely for the first time in front of the cameras.
Author's Note: *sniffles quietly* Rue is one of my favorite characters and I am so sad to have let her die, still I felt as if this sweet child deserved her own chapter.
In better news, next chapter is entirely Peeta's POV. So look forward for that!