"Iwa-chan, why don't you keep any milk bread in your house?" Oikawa whines poking his head out of the pantry. Iwaizumi looks over at him with a disinterested expression.

"Buy it yourself."

"Iwa-chan is a terrible host." Oikawa sighs, settling for some chocolate chip cookies to satiate his ravenous sweet tooth.

"Get out of my house, then." Iwaizumi huffs, flicking his eyes back to the paused T.V. They're about to watch one of the new Godzilla movies that Iwaizumi had been wanting to watch for years but never had the time-nor the company-for. Kaede wasn't a fan of monster movies. Yet. He was working on it.

Oikawa throws himself onto the couch, right beside Iwaizumi. The latter growls as his glass of soda almost spills. Oikawa grins at him and Iwaizumi decides to press play anyway.

"I'm sure Kae-chan would love milk bread." Oikawa continues, as the opening credits play.

"Kaede's sweet tooth doesn't need encouraging." Iwaizumi counters, gruffly.

"How spartan! The poor girl." Oikawa sighs, biting into a cookie. He offers one to Iwaizumi, who takes it without qualm. The pair soon settle into the movie.

It's a Saturday night during a week when Kaede's off at her mother's home. Normally these weeks are lonely and quiet, with Iwaizumi tending to a house that feels much too big for just him. Usually, he tries to spend time with Daichi and Suga, but the pair had become increasingly busy with their adoption search. Iwaizumi doesn't want to impose. They're stressed enough as it is.

Oikawa had soon learned of these lonely weeks, and done what he does best, inject himself into the situation. Iwaizumi would never admit how thankful he is for it. Just a few months ago he had been certain he would never see his best friend's face again.

Now he can't keep him out of his house for longer than a day.

When the end credits begin to roll, Oikawa gets up to stretch. Iwaizumi notices how the crumbs cascade onto his floor and grimaces. Oikawa doesn't seem to notice. Or at least, he's very good at pretending to not.

"The original was better." Oikawa comments, stretching his arms up high. It makes his shirt ride up, Iwaizumi notices. And can't stop noticing.

"The original is always better." Iwaizumi reminds, leaning back a bit on the couch.

"Touche." Oikawa agrees before taking a glance at the clock, "Well, I guess I'm off!" He decides.

Because even though Oikawa visits his house almost every day he never sleepovers. Never mentions the idea. And Iwaizumi never offers.

But it's becoming increasingly harder not to.

"Oikawa." Iwaizumi bites his lower lip.

"Hmm?" Oikawa hums, looking over.

Iwaizumi hesitates, "Text me when you make it back."

Oikawa smiles, "Yes, yes, mom. I know the drill." He teases, expertly dodging the cushion that is soon flung at him.

And it's moments like these when Iwaizumi wants nothing more than to kiss Oikawa Tooru and never let him go again.

He refrains and watches his friend leave his home with little ceremony. He grabs his vacuum to suck up the crumbs left behind on the floor. He picks up the thrown cushion, placing it back on the couch. He flicks the T.V. off and brings the glasses back to the kitchen. Once he's tidied up the mess Oikawa always leaves behind in his wake, he starts checking his phone.

And it's moments like these when Iwaizumi knows he can't kiss Oikawa Tooru.

Because the anxiety of a decade ago comes back, as he refreshes his cell. The familiar paranoia, the dread in his stomach, as nothing changes on his screen, is still incredibly raw. And he doesn't know how to make the feelings go away. And it's obvious in these moments he hasn't forgiven Oikawa for what he did to him.

His screen lights up in his hands.

Made it back! I'll see you tomorrow!~

Iwaizumi exhales, typing out a quick response and feeling little lighter.

Oikawa glances through the racks with a critical eye, occasionally pulling out a buttoned down shirt to his liking. He is in dire need of new clothes for work. He examines the shirt closely, but the texture is unappealing to his fingers so he lets it go.

He continues on in the same fashion, slowly lowering his expectations-because they could never really be satisfied-until he collects a few shirts and new pair of dress pants. Which should have ended his expedition to the department store, but Oikawa loves shopping, so he finds himself lingering.

He makes his way over to the more casual fashion in the Men's wear section, idly looking through the graphic tees. He self indulgently selects a cute alien themed shirt-it promises to glow in the dark-and makes his way toward the cashier.

Or at least that was the plan.

But a sales sign catches his attention, and he finds himself wandering further into the store, towards the children's section. Specifically the little girl's section.

He thinks about the colors Kaede wears, the colors she prefers and the colors that suit her best. He bites his lip, thinking as he goes through the racks. All the items are adorable to be honest, and would suit her perfectly. He wonders if Kaede likes shopping. He doubts Iwaizumi takes her out like this, because the man hated clothing shopping more than anything. The times Oikawa had successfully dragged him to the mall back in High School for a much needed fashion update were few and far between.

Maybe Kaede's mother takes her shopping.

Oikawa suddenly feels very silly, standing among the racks of pink and light blue sparkly shirts. He puts away the one he was looking at, stepping back into the walking path. Still, on his way out at the cashier, there's a little bin of accessories. He sees a set of sparkly blue hair pins, some with little crowns on them, others plain, and others with little stars.

He hesitates a second before plucking one out and quickly adding it to the conveyor belt of purchases. The cashier doesn't question him and Oikawa makes his way to the metro station with a little pep in his step, as if he's hiding a secret.

Oikawa visits the Iwaizumi household that evening, as he usually does, after he's certain Iwaizumi's returned from work. He knocks on the door and Iwaizumi lets him in with little ceremony, looking worn out from the doctor's office. Oikawa notices he's ordered in. He also notices he's ordered more than one man can eat.

"You want some?" Iwaizumi asks, as if the idea had just popped into his head. As if he's just trying to be polite. But Oikawa notices his favorite dish among the array.

"Iwa-chan is so thoughtful." He hums, coming over and taking a seat across from him. He tries to start eating but he's too jumpy and has never been very patient in respect to these kinds of things, "Is Kae-chan asleep already?"

Iwaizumi blinks and frowns, "Kaede's at Koto's this week. Remember?"

Oikawa pauses, "Oh. Right." And he feels quite foolish for forgetting. Iwaizumi nudges him a plate from across the table.

"Why?" He asks.

Oikawa feels his grin return to his face, "Is it alright if I give Kae-chan a gift?"

Iwaizumi snorts, "Now I have to worry about you spoiling her too? She gets enough of that from Daichi and Hanamaki."

Oikawa chuckles, "Iwa-chan, if you're really worried about spoiling her you should look at yourself."

"I do not spoil her." Iwaizumi defends, taking a bite of his meal.

"The minute she starts crying you give in." Oikawa comments.

Iwaizumi glowers, "Shut up." He snaps, because he can't help that. He can't bear to see her cry, "You don't have kids you don't know anything."

Oikawa smiles anyway, "Yes, yes, Iwa-chan. You're the expert."

Iwaizumi huffs but drops the subject. They eat quietly for a moment before he interrupts again, "What kind of gift?"

Oikawa smiles sheepishly, pulling out the little pack of accessories from his messenger bag. He slides it across the table, "I saw it at the store earlier and I thought she might like them."

Iwaizumi picks up the package and looks at it. Oikawa holds his breath in anticipation but soon Iwaizumi is grinning at him, "She'll love these."

Oikawa feels his heart hammering in his chest. He squeezes the chopsticks in his hands a bit too tightly. And he wants to kiss Iwaizumi. It's not like its a particularly romantic moment, nor are they even seated close together. They're simply alone in a small kitchen eating take-out together. But Oikawa's heart squeezes so tightly and he wants to take Iwaizumi's hand and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him.

His phone buzzes and he looks over at it, sees Ushijima's name flash on the screen, feels his heart fall into his stomach and puts his phone back into his bag and out of sight.

Iwaizumi starts talking about his day at the clinic and the moment passes.

The doorbell rings and Iwaizumi moves over to open it. Before he can even react, Kaede is rushing into the home shouting about all the things that had occurred during her week away. Standing calmly at the doorstep is Hamasaki, Kaede's luggage beside her.

"Hey." She greets with a smile.

Iwaizumi smiles back, "Come in. What's the update?"

Hamasaki steps into the home, leaning against a wall by the little kitchen, "She started drawing recently. I got her a big box of markers and she hasn't stopped doodling since. They're all over my walls so expect some new artwork."

Iwaizumi grins, "I'm excited to see the artist at work."

Hamasaki laughs lightly, "They're actually really good. Like, she draws all these details you wouldn't expect. Like the pupils and eye color. And that weird little indent between your nose and upper li-"

"Iwa-chan! I messed up and my computer won't connect to the wi-fi anymo-"

Oikawa blinks. He stands in the doorway, headphones slung loosely around his neck in his casual wear. He had been working on an assignment in Iwaizumi's study and hadn't heard the doorbell ring. He hadn't realized they had company.

Hamasaki looks surprised, shocked even. Iwaizumi can't help but flush a bit, as if he's been caught doing something wrong, even though he hasn't.

"Koto, this is Oikawa Tooru. Oikawa, this is Hamasaki Kotori, my ex-wife." Iwaizumi hurriedly introduces and he wonders if the tension in the air is just his imagination. He hopes it is.

"Oikawa?" Hamasaki repeats, nodding her head toward him politely, "The Oikawa?"

Oikawa can't help how his heart squeezes knowing that Iwaizumi's talked about him before, "I am quite famous." He teases a bit, trying to lighten the tense air. He flips his hair back for added effect.

Hamasaki squints, "He is just as you described." She states after a moment.

"Dashing?" Oikawa prompts.

"Obnoxious."

Iwaizumi lets out a bark of a laugh. Oikawa wilts. But he isn't really able to say much before a tiny child barrels into his leg, "Kawa-san!"

"Kae-chan!" Oikawa greets easily, lifting her up, "How are you?"

"Kawa-san! Look! I did my hair myself today!" She says, showing off her collection of hair pins she's stuck into her hair. It's a bit much, Oikawa thinks, but is smart enough not to mention it. Though, he soon realizes a few are the sparkly blue pins he'd given her a week before. He feels his heart swell at the sight.

"You look so pretty!" He gushes, and she giggles at him.

"So you're Kawa-san." Hamasaki thinks aloud, slowly piecing the world together again.

Iwaizumi squeezes his hand at his side. Because this is all a bit too much for him. It's not like the interaction is going poorly or anything, but it weirds him out to see Oikawa and Hamasaki in the same room, in the same time, in the same space. He looks for a distraction, settling on his daughter, "Kaede, why don't we get your stuff to your room?" Oikawa obediently places the girl back down on the floor. Kaede pouts as her father takes her hand and leads her up the stairs alongside her luggage.

Hamasaki moves over to Oikawa, her eyes critical. Oikawa forces a smile. She's pretty, he thinks. Very pretty. He supposes Iwaizumi has always had good taste. With her staring at him so intently, however, he wishes Iwaizumi had explained to him exactly what he had told his ex-wife about him.

"Be good to him." Hamasaki says suddenly, and Oikawa doesn't expect it. "Or you'll have to answer to a lot of people." He doesn't respond at first, his normal gift of gab lost to him. Hamasaki keeps going, "You broke his heart."

"I know." Oikawa says immediately, as he finds his footing, "But I'm here now." He says firmly, staring her down, "And I'm going to do my best."

Hamasaki squints at him but her lips quirk up into a smile, "I can see why he likes you."

Oikawa blinks, suddenly disarmed. He was expecting more of a fight. He's used to being petty, but the woman before him sheds off a commanding aura. As if she doesn't have the time to be petty.

"Also, I should commend you on your tastes. Kaede won't stop talking about her new hairpins or you for that matter."

Oikawa feels a grin blossom on his face and decides maybe the petty route is unnecessary, "Well, I know that Iwa-chan isn't the one putting her in those cute outfits. Thank god she has you, or she'd be a walking fashion disaster."

Hamasaki laughs into her hand, "Did you know," She begins, looking at him slyly, "He once tried to leave the house in socks and sandals."

Oikawa's eyes widen in horror, "No."

Iwaizumi returns, then, oblivious to the gossip, but keenly aware of the bright smiles on both his exes faces. It's a weird thing to see. Iwaizumi isn't sure how he feels about it yet, "Sorry, for leaving you both here." He quickly murmurs.

"You worry too much," Hamasaki and Oikawa brush off, almost identically, if not for the iwa-chan Oikawa tags to the end of his remark. They look at each other in surprise. Iwaizumi fidgets, feeling heat creep up his neck towards his face.

"It's time I head out." Hamasaki continues with a look at the clock, "It was nice meeting you, Oikawa-san." Oikawa sends her a wave. Iwaizumi walks her to the door as Oikawa quickly retreats back to the study. When he's out of earshot Hamasaki begins again, "You could have told me that your boyfriend resurfaced from the abyss."

Iwaizumi grimaces, "We're...not dating. And I wanted to. I just, didn't know how to phrase it right." He responds, "It's all still so surreal."

She doesn't look convinced and reminds, "You're allowed to date people, Hajime."

Iwaizumi reddens further, "I know."

"I'll see you in a week." She waves.

Iwaizumi lets out a breath as he watches her go, I know.

"One more!" Kaede begs, clutching at the couch cushion she has in her lap, "One more movie!"

"It's time for bed, Kaede." Iwaizumi says sternly, as he tries to pick up his daughter. She shoves the cushion at him and dives sideways on the couch for freedom-landing right onto Oikawa's lap.

Oikawa lets out a grunt, not expecting the sudden attack. Kaede wastes no time scrambling for purchase, trying to climb over the arm rest, but Oikawa grabs her around the waist, pulling her back down, "Where are you going, Kae-chan?"

Kaede looks like she's about to cry, and sniffles at him, "Please Kawa-san! Don't you want to watch another movie? Don't you want to play with me?" She pleads, her eyes big and watery. It's enough to make Iwaizumi wilt and consider pushing her bed time a whole hour. He can't stand that look. He can't stand her tears.

Oikawa pouts at her, "Sorry, Kae-chan. But Iwa-chan's words are Law in this Kingdom." He smiles at her and she stares at him, utterly betrayed. He hands her over to Iwaizumi, limp and defeated. Iwaizumi blinks at Oikawa before disappearing to put his daughter to bed. He doesn't want her to start again.

Iwaizumi comes out twenty minutes later, finding Oikawa lounging on the couch, glancing through his phone. He's got his glasses on, Iwaizumi notices. He wears them more often then he did back in high school. Sometimes he forgets that they're old now, adults, aging.

"How do you do that?" Iwaizumi asks, coming over. Oikawa draws his legs back to make room for him on the couch. Iwaizumi pats his lap after sitting down. It takes a moment, because Oikawa is hesitant, but then he unfurls his legs back over Iwaizumi's thighs.

"Do what?" Oikawa asks, sitting up, so his back rests against the arm rest rather than his neck. He puts his phone down beside him.

"Resist her 'I'm-about-to-cry-because-of-you' face." Iwaizumi clarifies, looking over at him critically.

Oikawa grins, "Oh Iwa-chan, those faces can never work on me." He explains easily, "I invented them." Iwaizumi scowls at him and Oikawa chuckles, "You've always been weak to them. Don't feel bad."

Iwaizumi slaps the calf on his leg and Oikawa lets out a squawk, pouting at him, suddenly teary eyed. Iwaizumi feels himself soften-but then he realizes whats happening and glares at him. Oikawa laughs.

"I hate you." Iwaizumi snaps, and Oikawa hums, but his eyes seem a little duller, as if he half believes it. Iwaizumi licks his dry lips and looks down at his lap. He runs an idle hand along Oikawa's smooth bare calves-Oikawa's wearing shorts today-up to the fabric at his knees. He pushes it back, ignoring the tremble he feels beneath his touch. He'd always been a fan of Oikawa's legs, he remembers, but then pushes the thought away.

He pushes the fabric back to reveal the white brace covering his knee. He pulls it down carefully, and Oikawa still hasn't said anything, but Iwaizumi can feel his eyes boring into him. He looks at the reddened skin, but the swelling has gone down considerably since his check up a few months ago. Iwaizumi swallows.

"How is it?"

"It only hurts when something pushes against it." Oikawa answers, in a whisper. As if he's hyper aware any sharp movements could upset the moment.

Iwaizumi finds himself touching it lightly, tracing the tendons with his index finger. He feels Oikawa shudder underneath him.

He shouldn't be doing this.

"And you're doing the exercises?"

"Of course." Oikawa breathes out shakily.

Iwaizumi nods, and that should have been the end of it. But his hand lingers, fingers ghosting along the skin, entranced.

He shouldn't be doing this.

Oikawa takes his hand and stops him. Iwaizumi looks up.

Oikawa has his eyebrows furrowed deeply, and there are tears gathering at the corners of his big brown eyes. He's biting his lip tightly, "Iwa-chan..." He chokes. And it takes everything inside Iwaizumi not to react. Not to hold him. To just wait and hold still. Oikawa takes in a shaky breath, "I want to kiss you so badly, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi inhales sharply. He can feel Oikawa's fingers digging into his hand. He leans a bit closer, close enough for Oikawa to feel his breath on the skin of his neck, "You can kiss me."

Oikawa stares at him, and it feels like a lifetime before he makes his move.

To let go and get off the couch. Iwaizumi watches him, disbelief trapping him onto the couch, "Why?"

"Because we can't." Oikawa insists, keeping his back turned, "It's not right. It's not...It's no good for you." I'm no good for you.

Iwaizumi gets up, "It's ok, Oikawa-"

"It's not ok!" Oikawa whirls around, hot faced, "What I did to you will never be ok."

"I want to start over." Iwaizumi tries to reason.

"How can we start over when that hovers over us? I can never take back what I did. It'll always be there, festering. I'm not dragging you down with me anymore. I won't make the same mistakes again. I won't." Oikawa continues insistently, the words bubbling out of him in a sudden fit.

"Oikawa-"

"I want you to be happy." Oikawa pleads, and his voice is cracking. Because it's what he wants more than anything.

Then let me kiss you again, Iwaizumi thinks. And he struggles to find the words to assure Oikawa that it's ok. That he's been thinking this through for months now, ever since he reappeared in that cafe almost a year ago.

But Iwaizumi is terrible with words, always has been. So when he tries to say I forgive you all that comes to him are the college nights staring at his phone, the miserable mornings with no news, the aching of loss and the whole in his heart. And the words just don't seem true on his tongur, because the resentment continues to cling to him.

Oikawa sees it, in his eyes. And Iwaizumi knows this because Oikawa soon takes a deep breath, "I should go home." He murmurs, making his way out quickly, quietly.

Iwaizumi doesn't say anything. Simply watches as Oikawa heads for the door and closes it behind him. The click of it closing echoes in the silent home and Iwaizumi groans into his hands and wipes at his eyes. He realizes in that moment that he needs to find a way to forgive Oikawa, and a way for Oikawa to forgive himself.

Because Oikawa was the best he ever had.

And he wanted him back.

woooooo

i move back into my dorm room tomorrow so updates probs wont be so fast

still! this story is almost finished! :0

thanks for sticking with me

reviews make me smile

see you next time!