Chapter 7.5 - The Mirror Darkly

It was a cold morning. the birds were chirping and some of them were really loud and annoying.

Suddenly Minato Sahashi woke up from a really bad dream. He could have sworn he was dead but lol it was just a dream, like I just said. He ran a hand through his long, dark brown hair with red tips at the end and tied it all up into a sick man-bun. Minato sleepily rubbed his handsome face, passing a hand over his perfect nose and his high cheekbones, and wiped the sand outta his stunning hazel brown eyes.

"Minato what are you doing?" Karasuba asked him. She was completely naked as usual and hugging him tightly around his chiseled torso. He of course was unaffected by her rockin bod or her nice tits, having full command of his own sexual arousal. Morning wood was never a problem for him because he could only have erections when he wanted to, avoiding the whole Awkward Boner problem that plagued other regular guys. It was just another perk of his modified half-Sekirei genetics he got from his Mom's experimentation on him when he was a kid.

"I think I just woke up from a bad dream where I was some kind of normalfag without my shredded abs, my rugged good looks, or my big dick."

Karasuba gasped aloud, rousing his other Sekirei.

"Oh my kami that's awful. I can't imagine any other reality in which you have neither shredded abs, rugged good looks, or your big dick."

"I know right?"

After some sleepy grumbling, the rest of his dozens-large flock began to cutely yawn, stretch, and begin their morning routines.

"Good morning, Minato!" They chorused in unison.

If he was a normalfag like the guy his nightmare portrayed him as, he might have popped an uncomfortably Awkward Boner for sure at the sight of all the naked girls in his custom-quadruple King-size (AN: cause he IS a king, duh l0l) mahogany paneled 4-poster bed. He beckoned an imperial-looking finger to his girls and they giggled like birds as they practically floated over to him for their morning kisses.

In order, he kissed Karasuba, Akitsu, Hibiki, Hikari, Kusano (he winged her and her body aged like 10 years so she's not a loli anymore and he wouldn't get in trouble with the authorities, not like he gave a fuck about it anyway), Miya, Homura, Kazehana, Tsukiumi, Matsu, Benitsubasa, Orihime, Hinata, my OC Jennifer Smith Shimazu-chan, his mom Takami, his sister Yukari, fem!Mutsu, fem!Shiina, Android 18, and Chun Li.

"Good morning girls" he said.

[timeskip]

Minato was downstairs reading his paper while Chun Li and his Mom gave him a massage.

"Hey why is Chun Li here again? I thought she's from a completely different fiction universe?" Minato asked no one in particular.

"Oh don't you remember, you baka? the author decided to put an OC in but he was too lazy to make someone up so he copypasted her into our universe at a whim" his mom answered after slapping him in the head hard enough to leave a concussion if he was a normal guy but he wasn't so he was fine.

he didn't konw why his mom and sister abused him so much in the nightmare to make him a wuss but he was happy he wasnt a wuss in real life.

"Hai! You are very baka this morning, Minato. Are you sure you didn't hit your head on something last night during our sex marathon orgy?" Chun Li asked.

"You know, I honestly don't remember, Chun Li. There were too many boobs in my face, that might have happened but I doubt it because my superior half-Sekirei genetics prevent me from taking most phyisical damage if I pass a d-20 armor check."

"Matsu thinks you are correct, Minato-tan."

"Shut up Matsu, you haven't even been official introduced yet."

"sorry"

"It's okay, gimme a kiss."

"okay."

"FORSOOTH! HOW DAREST THOU KISSETH MY HUSBANDO, THOU UGLY WENCH! YEA AND VERILY, THE SUN DOTH SHINE ON MY MOST FOUL MISFORTUNE THIS MORN OF ALL MORNS!"

"Seriously Tsukiumi, no one understands you when you put your particular archaic Japanese dialect through Google translate and it spits out Shakespearean English as if that was some great localizaiton effots." Minato face vaulted, crackign the floor with his face but definitely not cracking his face because of his superior half-Sekirei genetics.

"sorry"

Timeskip

Now the whole gang was sitting in their living room trying to decide what to do today.

"What do you guys wanna do?"

"let's kill stuff because i'm bloodthirsty and i haven't killed anyhting in a while." Karasuba suggested eagerly. "my 1 dimensional characterization demands it!"

"Uh, we'll add it to the list." minato sweatdropped. "Anything else?"

"Ah. Sex?" Akitsu suggested.

"Defiantly a possibility, I vote for that personally."

"Baka ecchi onii-san-sama-chan!" Yukari screamed as she grabbed Minato by the waist and put him into a German suplex. She climbed to the top of the stairs and did a flying frog splash onto his prone body, waited for him to pretend to stagger to his feet (AN: of course his superior Sekirei genetics made him feel no pain anyway so he had to act like it did), then RKO'ed him into the TV.

Minato peeled the glass shards out of his face as his superior Sekirei genetics instantly regenerated all of the damage to his HP.

"Waht was that for?"

"Your being really ecchi!" Yukari shouted.

"sorry"

"Any other suggestions," Minato continued unperturbed. "if not, I like the sex option"

"Matsu thinks we should finish the sekirei plan now and end this filler arc already. haven't we been in the same routine for like 5 chapters now?" Matsu said.

"True. Man this is really mendokuse (AN: troublesome)." Minato replied. "Okay let's go, we should probably go kick some ass."

"Hai!" His sekirei said.

Timeskip

Minato and his sekirei walked down the street to Higa's turf.

"Hey, Higa, you bitch. Come out so I can kick your ass and take your MacGuffin I mean Jinki."

"Okay." Higa said as he walked out of his limo, dressed in a white Versace suit and white Louboutins and black Versace tie (AN: Do Louboutins match with a Versace suit?"

"Where's your Sekirei, let's do this already" Minato asked.

"You fucked all my bitches, Minato." Higa wept uncoolly. "Remember when you drove over to my building and parked your car in my spot?"

"O yeah," Minato said as he groped Kochou's boob. "They were better off with me anyway."

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY PENIS IS SMALLER THAN YOURS" Higa said.

"Yeah that's true, my superior Sekirei genetics are better than your human ones."

"what what the fuck haven't you been saying 'superior half-sekirei genetics' this entire time?" Higa facevaulted

"Yeah, so what? I decided to upgrade from the trial version to Windows 10 Pro edition, dumbass."

"Fuck."

Minato grabbed Higa by the head and threw him to the floor, then gave him the People's elbow to the face. It completely crushed his head and splattered brians everywhree.

"Aw man, Higa's brains are all over my elbow…" Minato chibifaced. "Now what?"

"that was SO HOT" Karasuba gushed as she jizzed in her pants. "let's have sex"

"good idea" minato said.

Then they proceeded to copulate wildly in the streets.

Timeskip

After quickly disposing all the other Ashikabi in the game, Only Minato was left against Minaka.

(AN: Song is Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C)

"As we go on

we remember

all the times we

spent together"

Minato sang with a heavenly voice gifted to him by the gods themselves and his superior full-Sekirei genetics.

"Why are you singing all of a sudden?" Minaka asked him.

"Just because."

"Oh."

"anyways," Minato said. "I'm here to kick your ass so i can live with my 108 Sekirei harem in peace already. Gimme the Jinki!"

"You'll have to pry these MacGuffins from my cold, dead hands." Minaka cackled like a madman. "Get them, my pretty!"

Natsuo stood there confused.

"I don't have any Sekirei left because Minato stole my bitches, and I only have the physical capabilities of an average human. I dont stand a chance against Minato's superior half-Sekirei genetics!"

Minato ran at him with godlike speed granted to him by 10000 hours of training and his superior Sekirei genetics. He kicked Natsuo up into the sky with a well-placed blow to the chin from below. He did a pretty dope martial arts judo combo while they were falling, punctuating each with a shout.

"SA! HA! SHI! MINATO COMBO!"

"GET HIM MINATO-KUN!"

"YEAH!"

"I'M SO MOIST BECAUSE OF ALL THIS ASS KICKING THAT MY 1 DIMENSIONAL CHARACTERIZATION SAYS I SHOULD BE SEXUALLY AROUSED BY"

After saying "combo," Minato kicked him into the ground where Natsuo promptly died, his normalfag body unable to handle the full force of Minato's enhanced Sekirei-like superior Sekirei genetics.

"I've got full superior Sekirei genetics, you flaming homosexual." Minato gloated.

"Fuck." Minaka said. "You've ruined my plans of seeing a marvelous game unfold."

"Gotcha, bitch. I run this game now." Minato said. "And after I kill you, I'm going to go have wild unprotected sex with my harem. INCLUDING my mom and sister cause why not?"

"SYKE!" Minaka said with a cackle, pressing a button on his hidden remote in the sleeve of his tailored white Hugo Boss suit jacket.

A bright light flashed and suddenly Minato fell to his knees, completely drained of his superior Sekirei genetics. No longer did he have a ruggedly handsome face, or shredded abs, or a big dick. He was decidedly average in every way all over again, as if no author had decided to self-insert into his character without explicitly saying so and completely supplant everything that made him Minato Sahashi.

"Arghhhh," Minato screamed. "I feel weak, I feel… normal! What have you done?"

"I can explain that," a new, spooky voice suddenly said.

"Mr Skeltal?!"

"Yes, it is I, Dr Skeltal." Mr Skeltal said. "I gave my old friend Minaka the tools he needed to defeat you because you scrolled past my picture on an online forum and never thanked me for the good bones and calcium I gave you."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Minato shouted in pain. "I thought that was a stupid meme with no basis outside of dank updoots and superstition!"

"Think again, bitch." Mr Skeltal said.

"That's right, Minato. I am your father." Minaka sneered.

"What the fuck, how? Mom never told me about that!"

"I knew it already, dude." Yukari screamed, punching her brother in the face and breaking his nose this time because he didn't have the superior Sekirei genetics (AN: or was it just the good bones and much calcium from Mr Skeltal this whole time? xD) anymore.

"What?"

"It was pretty obvious man, his name even sounds like yours."

"shit"

"Yeah, son." Takami said, rubbing her nipples at the sight of her son on his knees in utter pain. She was an incestuous sadist after all, why else would she abuse her son all these years? "My bad."

"What were you even thinking when you fucked him?! And twice?" Minato yelled in frustration and pain.

"I was a slut in college, oops."

"well shit." Minato said, facevaulting with his face like in the xD emoticon.

"This farce has gone on long enough," Minaka said suddenly. "Omai wa mou shindeiru" (AN: Your already dead)

"BAKANA (AN: Impossible)" Minato said before he exploded in a shower of blood.

Minato gasped aloud, bolting upright in utter terror. His heart pounded wildly with the sudden surge of adrenaline pumped into his veins from whatever he had just woken up from. He winced in pain, his body still very sore all over from his recent ordeal.

"Minato, what's wrong?" Karasuba asked, instantly awake with no trace of groggy sleepiness in her voice.

"Karasuba? I… think I had an awful dream. A nightmare, really." Minato replied, rubbing his temples gingerly.

To his great displeasure, a mild headache was beginning to form. Luckily Karasuba was the only one with him in the bedroom at the moment. She had chased all of his other Sekirei out, demanding they give him his space and insisting that she was enough to take care of his needs.

"What was it about?" She asked him.

"Well, it's hard to remember. You were in it, and the others too…"

"Uh huh…" Karasuba nodded, prodding for more details.

"You were very… err…" A random flash of the No. 04's very seductive body popped into his brain. "Never mind."

She raised a curious eyebrow. Most of the alarm from his sudden waking had faded by this point, replaced by a more relaxed ease that nothing had happened to her Ashikabi.

"You don't want to know."

AN:

Happy belated Halloween! I was supposed to have gotten this little omake of sorts (as well as the actual Chapter 7) out well before this and in time for the holiday, but real life got in the way a bit. Nothing like a little harmless spooks and fun to take the edge off of the harder stuff.