...but that had seemed like forever ago.
It didn't even add up. Edgar was dizzy and flustered and so many indescribable emotions all at once that it made his stomach feel ill just trying to categorize them all, so he stayed on his kitchen floor where the cold marble could sooth his riled state. It wasn't very much help that his kitchen was relatively small and made him feel trapped in with his thoughts. He wasn't claustrophobic, but he was beginning to think that maybe he was developing it, even if it was only psychosomatic.
He traced the bite mark along his collarbone, sending shivers up his spine at last night's reminder, making him so excited and fearful over what would happen now. Would things change? He felt like a little kid talking about his, sure to be fantastic, future; getting wonderfully giddy and slightly hyper at the thought, but the hint of doubt in his mind also made him want to think that it was all just a glorious dream and that things would be as they always have been and he wouldn't have to risk anything: That nothing would change and no one would leave or be angry.
Edgar's stomach knotted up and forced him to crunch over. He convinced himself that it was only because he was hungry.
"Of coarse I'm hungry." Edgar forced himself to smile at his own statement which he uttered out dryly.
"Hungry, hungry Edgar." The words flopped out of his mouth unconsciously, as if saying it enough times would make it true. He was immediately reminded of the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy sang out, "There's no place like home." three times.
Edgar really hated the movie, mostly because Dorothy seemed a little snobbier than she should be and that the characters (not just the scarecrow) were all far too underdeveloped on the "intellect" portion of their personalities. It was more of a mind-numbingly boring musical about candy, witches, and happy stupid people. Dorothy didn't even have the mind to see if her magic boots could do anything magical the first moment she got them. It would have saved her a lot of trouble.
Suddenly, to Edgar's surprise, his stomach gave out a tiny roar in demand for food. Edgar couldn't help but chuckle at the timing. He patted his stomach lightly and reassured himself that he had already made...
Wait, what was he making?
He glanced over at the bowl on the counter as he pulled himself to his feet, peering over the rim suspiciously. A strange looking goop resided within the curvature of the neon green plastic bowl. He dipped his index finger in it quickly before popping it into his mouth. The nostalgically delicious flavor flooded his senses as the substance was plunged across his tongue, eagerly devouring as much as it could get by swirling around the digit.
"Mmm... pancakes." He moaned happily. He was salivating from his new found hunger and almost immediately plopped another mix covered finger into his mouth, repeating the action several times.
Edgar usual always loved the taste of the dough or mix better than the finished product. He found that after heating something up it loses a certain raw edge to the flavor of the food that he craved. This was especially true with cookies, he noted, grinning to himself in his cheery mood.
After he finally convinced himself to start cooking, Edgar had turned on the stove and put a small amount of oil onto his no-longer-non-stick pan. The pancake mix sizzled pleasantly as it spread over the heated surface and Edgar spent the rest of his energy focusing on making the perfect pancake. Not too burnt, but not too gooey.
He focused on each noise the pancake made while it cooked. The sounds of cooking and smell of a child's breakfast filled the air, sinking Edgar in a wonderful feeling of bliss. He wished every place in the world could be as nice as this: quiet, warm, peaceful, welcoming, and smell like pancakes. It would be perfect.
"Hm hm hm hm hm hm hmmm~ " Edgar hummed to the tune of "We're off to see the Wizard of Oz" out loud. I guess it's not so bad if you're in a stupid happy mood and he was definitely happy. No worries. It's all good.
He swallowed his false sense security when he heard a rustle from behind him break through the noise of sizzling pancakes.
"Unng..." Edgar's eyes popped open and he felt himself go completely tense, holding his breath and staying as still as possible, feeling as if he was invisible as long as he didn't move.
Nothing is wrong. Just hearing things. He tried to convince himself, but when the rustling of blankets became more violent it was nearly impossible to deny.
Johnny is still here.
The world stayed silent for a long while, an unbearably long while, and it killed Edgar with each passing moment. He expected, and almost wanted, for Johnny to get up and hit him or say something to him and then run out of his apartment in disgust, but he still clung on to the illusion that he held a special place in the boy's heart. For now, he waited in cruel silence. He could almost feel Johnny building tension from behind him and Edgar began to feel a little unsafe.
Right now would be the perfect time for him to kill me.
Edgar's attention was at full tilt when he heard Nny sniffling behind him, still not saying anything. His breaths were ragged and unsteady, some being drastically longer than the others and - dear lord I made him cry!
That was it! He was a monster for taking advantage of Johnny when he was so vulnerable and he probably didn't even want this and JESUS CHRIST was he even gay?
Edgar could feel his own conscience pushing out tears from his eyes and he whipped around to face Johnny and tell him that he was sorry and that he would understand if they never talked to each other again, but Johnny was the first of the two to say anything. He sniffled some more and peered over the back of the couch to look at Edgar, who realized that Johnny didn't look upset at all, but merely said, "Whatever you're cooking, it smells delicious!"
Edgar just blinked back at him a couple of times, trying to see if the boy was joking or not, but he looked serious. Well, not serious, but happy... pleased- Christ, no. He was content. Not pleased. Edgar mentally slapped himself for thinking that while Johnny just gave him a charming little grin as he slung his arms over the back of the maroon couch.
"I'm not entirely pleased that I fell asleep." Johnny continued, and for some reason Edgar could feel some sort of blame being put on him.
"...but, I think I could let it go if you gave some of those... waffles?" The boy motioned towards the stove and it took Edgar awhile to comprehend what was happening. He stayed still for a moment, staring at the now awakened Johnny, before finally kicking himself back into the real world.
"Um... They're a-actually pancakes." Edgar said sheepishly, looking down a little bit.
"Oh."
Edgar glanced upward and felt slightly heartbroken to see that Johnny seemed disappointed at the lack of waffles. Were they his favourite? He would have probably been so happy if Edgar had just made waffles and it would be the perfect time to re-confess himself to the boy. Everything would be wonderful and Johnny would be overjoyed with his new waffle-making partner and... Ugh, no more imagining impossible scenarios. But if he survived today, he was definitely buying a waffle maker. It was settled.
"Pancakes are fine." Johnny continued with a little less energy in his voice.
Damn pancakes. Edgar murmured in his head. Ruined the moment.
"Okay. I hope you don't mind too much."
Edgar winced slightly after a few moments of not getting a response and returned to attending to the pancakes. He had to throw one out because it had burnt while he was staring at Johnny, feeling a pang of guilt as he tossed it in the compost. He could never throw food away without thinking about starving children. It depressed him too much.
His thoughts were distracted when he heard Johnny stir a bit more on the sofa and suddenly a string of guitars filled the room. The sound was so sudden that Edgar had missed the first line of the song, but he already had a good feel for the beat. Where was it coming from?
"Don't mind me." Johnny said, as if reading his mind. "Just my iPod."
Edgar vaguely wondered how Johnny figured that playing music randomly at a moment like this was appropriate and continued to flip the pancakes, but he could feel Johnny observing him from his post on the couch before the words suddenly seemed significant.
"I take back the secret, I want you to know"
Edgar peered over his shoulder at Johnny, who remained as he was, and took note of what he was doing. He was certainly observing Edgar, and not just his method of pancake cooking. He was looking for something else... a reaction? Edgar kept cooking, trying to ignore the suspicious feeling in his gut and focus on the task at hand.
"Are you scared of me, Edgar?" Edgar flinched and almost dropped a pancake he was transferring over to a plate.
"Bright lights and dark screens won't save the last scene"
"W-why would you ask something like that?" Edgar's heart fluttered faster than usual. He wasn't scared.
"Maybe next time I see you won't be in my dreams"
Johnny stared at him, as if trying to open up his brain and have a peek inside, and for a moment, it felt like he really was. The blunt analyzing feature his eyes possessed had taken a scalpel right through Edgar.
"No reason." The monotony of his voice irked the older man, but he said nothing, instead he brought the pancakes over to Johnny and took a seat on the chair to the left of him. The two ate without saying another word, still silently looking at the other.
"I wish that I had a chance to get to know you."
"Edgar..."
"Um... yes?" Edgar felt the pancakes he had just eaten turn into rocks.
"What the hell was last night about?" Wow. No subtlety there. Just straight to the point. And honestly, Edgar didn't know what to say, or if he should even say anything at all. He thought he explained what he needed to last night, or did the situation make his words less believable? If he said anything to make Johnny feel awkward, he wouldn't want to be near Edgar ever again.
'I'm in love with you' just screamed out "desperate" and multiple other synonyms and unpleasantries. What to say...
"Everything turned red the first time I saw you."
"Do you remember the first time we met?" Edgar began softly. Johnny's eyes widened with interest and he nodded his head slowly.
"I was going to kill you." He said, waiting for Edgar to continue.
"Full of affection to get your attention"
"Well, yes... that's true, but..." Don't go down this road Edgar, you know how dangerous what you're saying could be. Don't ruin it.
"...we started talking about, well, life, in general and it was great. You told me about your views on the world and, as dark as they were, I found myself en captivated by you articulation and intellect."
He was definitely running his mouth now. Not nearly thinking about what he was saying as much as he should be, but he kept going.
"I remember telling you that some people were worth all the hurt and pain and you thought that I could be right. Before I know it, I wanted to keep talking to you."
Ah, well. It was nice knowing you. Edgar shifted in his chair uncomfortably and pushed his glasses up his face a bit more. Johnny looked less than impressed with his answer.
"You read me your lines then I gave you this song"
Johnny's expression was the one that Edgar had been dreading; the sudden change in mood was evident and he couldn't fully comprehend the reasoning for the anger that filled the boy's eyes now, but Edgar couldn't help but feel a little angry himself that Johnny didn't seem to be getting the message.
"You messed up this one, I better move on"
"Listen!" Edgar said, yelling suddenly.
"When it seems like we're heading in our separate ways"
Red had filled the man's cheeks as he forced himself to continue speaking.
"I've never had anything interesting in my life happen! I had a regular family who all died in a car crash, went to a normal school and otherwise lived a normal life. I never felt anything more than the monotony of just being up until I met you! If you believe in fate or whatever, that's fine, but I figured that my entire life was created just so I could meet you!"
He calmed down when the clashingly cheerful song buzzed back into the background of his mind, along with Johnny's less angry and more pleased face. Yes, he did look pleased with himself.
"I wish that I had a chance to get to know you"
"So, you're purpose in life was to meet me?" The boy asked, almost mockingly.
Edgar could feel his face burning up, but he replied, feeling that the mood was shifting for the better.
"Essentially. I haven't been able to do anything significant other than when I met you." He let out a quiet sigh.
"Everything I've tried to do, I could spend hours on, but it would only turn out average. Not even note worthy. You're the only person that seemed to acknowledge my presence, no, my existence. You're the only person I've actually enjoyed being with."
"Everything turned red the first time I saw you"
Edgar sighed even louder, mostly because everything he said had been completely true which made him upset. How many years did he spend wasting away, only to find that his place was here?
Johnny seemed to be considering what Edgar was saying and nodded his head as if in agreement.
"Those pancakes were amazing." He said suddenly, smiling at Edgar, who couldn't help but smile back.
"That's definitely a first." He replied, laughing at the random change in topic.
"No surprise there." Johnny laughed back. Edgar just looked at him quizzically.
"I mean, after all, you're purpose is to be with me." Edgar was flashed a devious looking smirk, as though Johnny was trying to intimidate him, but ended up choking on his own giggles and soon they both ended up bursting in laughter afterwards.
I guess it wasn't such a random thing to say after all.
"To make you happy, you mean?" Edgar said through his laughter.
"You better!" Johnny tried to force out through his gasps. They both clenched at their sides in pain, but kept laughing anyways. Their pain just made it funnier, seeing each other scrunch up with cramps or have tears streaming from their faces. The fact that there was nothing that funny to begin with just made it more amusing and they kept on laughing until they literally exhausted themselves from the action.
As he glanced over at the big smile that covered Johnny's face while he lay sprawled over the couch, Edgar finally understood why Dorothy had kept the shoes on her feet without even bothering to try them out through the whole movie. The best part about having magic red shoes is the journey that they take you on and the emotions they make you feel. Even the hurt is worth it in the end. Hadn't he told Johnny that?
"Everything turned, everything turned red the first time I saw you"
Meanwhile, the angst ridden adolescent stared through the windows of the cozy apartment window from atop an old tree, hatred glaring through his eyes as he stared through the binoculars. His dark striped shirt fell loosely across his thin body and his black hair contrasted his pale skin. Normally, he took immense joy in watching his idol and inspiration, but today, it felt like his heart was going claw it's way out of his chest and start tearing shit apart! That man was so dead... Who did he think he was, taking Nny away from him? Why did Nny think he was so special? He had done everything to be just like his idol and he worshipped the ground that Nny fucking spat on! Whatever Nny did, so did he. Whatever Nny wore, so did he. Whatever Nny had...
So did he.
Sooo, I'm back!
Sorry it took so long to write this, but I've been getting crazy sick (blood tests and everything)
but I'm all good now. Just wanted to say,
EVERYONE'S FAVOURITE HOMICIDAL RAPIST! If you don't know who it is...
N008
Other than that, I will definitely try so hard to post, it will scare you; the posting will!
By the way, the song is Everything Turned Red by Useless I.D
.com/watch?v=aP4L7pq8x4Q
I looked it up specifically for the chapter... OTL
it took an hour to find... ENJOY IT OR SUFFER!