CHAPTER FIVE
MYRAH
I've always felt just a little bit different from everyone. Being in the locker room in gym class always kinda turned me on. The internet has always lead me to inappropriate material, but I've enjoyed it with no shame. And there's always been something about the female figure that has made me feel aroused. I sorta denied it before… But I had seriously considered it in sixth grade.
My name is Myrah Aspen. I don't deny the fact that I'm a lesbian anymore. I proudly embrace it. Outside of my house, I don't like to say much about it because kids are jerks. I will talk to my aunt when I need help, considering the fact that she's lesbian too. She helps me out when I need it the most.
All of these feelings came through in fourth grade. I kissed my best friend Christin on the playground during recess one day. She never told anyone, but also never talked to me again. From then on I knew that was what I wanted to be. It defined me for a while.
Alyssa has always been in my life from kindergarten up until now. We're best friends, naturally. But I feel we could be more than best friends. I love her. I really really love her. If she wasn't dating that jerk Derek, I would swoop right in and ask her to be my girlfriend. Derek doesn't love Alyssa, he just wants her for her body. He just wants to be able to say he has a girlfriend. He doesn't fucking care. I love her for her thoughts, not her body. It helps, though.
Nothing about me would really say lesbian. I have designer clothes and fancy oils to take care of my hair. I wear makeup and I gossip with the other girls and go to Starbucks. It's not like I totally dress weird or I'm suffering from depression or anything. I guess it's not how you look that makes you lesbian. It's who you are on the inside or who you want to be. Okay. Cool.
My mother and father left for vacation when I was six. They left me with my aunt and said that they would be back a week later. We got the news that the cruise ship sunk two weeks later. Aunt Leah adopted me and ever since then, she has been raising me as her own child. Aunt Leah advises me on love, loss, and how to do well in my life. She's pretty damn cool. She's one of my closest friends.
Speaking of my closest friends: I hang with the popular crowd. A kid named North, a few other girls and two boys nobody knows the names to, Alyssa, and Derek. Together we rule the school. We've got the world in our hands. Derek's got a rich family, North's got a pretty amazing life, and Alyssa is always very cheerful. You need those kinds of people in your life in case suddenly your life sucks. Believe me, I've had my moments.
My life mainly sucks because I'm a Manipulator and nobody is supposed to know. Aunt Leah knows because only your family can know. She's a Manipulator, too. She's taught me how to control my powers and how to expertly hide them. She taught me what to do when my powers get out of control. She told me when my powers would get stronger. That happens when the freaky 'having children' talk is given I guess. I really didn't pay much attention.
I wish I wasn't so confused about being myself. It's pretty complicated. You try to be like everybody else and everything that's different about you compared to them is the stuff you try to get rid of. I love being me. I wouldn't wanna be anybody else. I'd just like to have a better understanding of why I'm so ashamed all of the sudden.
I don't care if I'm a lesbian. I don't care if I'm a Manipulator. I just want to be happy with myself. I want others to be happy with me, too. I will come out when I'm ready and if people don't accept me, then I will find new friends.
Where can I be accepted? How can I be happy?