Beep. Beep. Beep.
The little reminder alarm on my tablet had gone off for the sixth time that day and I knew I couldn't reasonably ignore it for any longer. I shut off the alarm and gathered my things together, making excuses to the other electronic communications techs that I had a doctor's appointment to attend. In reality I was swapping one lab for another. I just needed the subject.
Reluctantly I called his cell. James and I hadn't spoken for a little over two weeks since the fundraising dinner and dance, where I had made a spectacular fool of myself. But this was work and I was determined to be adult and professional. There was no answer. I tried Steve's, no reply. I sighed and glanced at my watch. At this time they'd be training.
Sure enough by the time I had arrived at their preferred boxing gym they were sparring in the ring. Natasha Romanoff was there leaning on the ropes watching intently, studying their moves. I couldn't blame her; they were both pretty sweaty by this point. James saw me come in and stopped in his tracks; Steve took full advantage of this and managed to get an unguarded right hook square on James' jaw. I cringed.
"Nice", Natasha said throwing Steve a towel. James leant back on the ropes and rubbed at his jaw. He kept his eyes on me and I stepped forward uncomfortably. There was definitely tension in the room.
"Anything we can help you with?" Natasha asked.
"We have an assessment scheduled", I replied looking between her and James. He acknowledged my announcement with a nod of the head and threw a towel over his shoulder.
"I'll get changed", James said as he stepped out of the ring. He held out a hand to Steve and helped him down too, he'd obviously forgiven him for the punch. When he left the room, I sighed again, some of that tension had dissolved. I sat down on a bench as I waited, sitting on my hands and stretching out my legs. Natasha sat herself down next to me.
"How's the world of electronic communications testing?" She asked me, a smile playing on her lips. I hoped this wouldn't be weird; Natasha and I were so different. The only thing we had in common were Steve and Bucky.
"Nice and boring", I replied. "Hey, how's international espionage now everyone knows who you are?"
"Challenging", she conceded, amused. "Actually I need your professional comms opinion. What would be the best piece of tech to get two people that had this cute friendship thing talking again?"
I took a deep breath and shook my head.
"I don't think we've developed anything like that Agent Romanoff", I replied keeping my face as unreadable as possible.
"That's a shame. It's not that he didn't like it".
"Excuse me?" I rounded on her. I was no longer finding this conversation amusing.
"He said you kissed him", Natasha said, clearly she was fine with the discussion. I could feel my cheeks go bright red.
"You know about that?" I said embarrassed. "Wow, as if I wasn't humiliated enough he wants everyone to know".
"No. That's not what he wanted; he was conflicted and needed someone to talk to. Someone that might understand", she replied.
"Well there's nothing to understand. I made a fool of myself and now we're not talking to each other and I don't want to discuss it".
"Suit yourself", she said simply and got up left.
Two minutes later James left the locker room and stopped in front of me. I looked up. He'd showered and his hair was wet. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt.
"Are you ready?" He asked. I nodded and got up. He stepped forward to take my bag but I ignored the offer and gripped it tighter.
I drove us back to the SHIELD lab and the journey was a silent affair. Neither of us spoke and he turned off the radio enhancing the awkwardness. It seemed to take forever. By the time we arrived I had almost bitten through my bottom lip and he'd clenched his jaw so tight I doubted any cusps on his molars remained.
James quietly and without instruction removed his jacket and t shirt and sat down on the chair. I busied myself, my back to him, setting up the test software, setting out the equipment and I flicked on the solder iron in case any repairs were required. When I turned around he was standing right behind me. He made me jump backwards, my hands flew behind me to brace against the work top and I caught my fingers on the blistering hot point of the solder iron.
"Ow shit!" I called, holding the burnt hand to my chest. "Ow! Ow! Shit!"
James quickly reached over and turned on the cold tap of the hand wash sink. He stood close behind me and I felt the warm presence of his hard body as he held my hand out under the faucet.
"Does it feel better?" He asked huskily. I couldn't speak, I was so aware of him. I nodded, it was stinging a little but it felt better. James turned off the tap but didn't make any attempt to move. He dropped my hand but placed his own either side of the counter top so I was trapped in between it and him. I examined my burnt fingers; they were sore and red but not blistered. I'd had worse burns than this.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you jump", he told me, still not moving.
"It's ok. It's not my first burn. It'll be fine", I reassured him. I felt his body relax and he sighed. I tried to move away but to my surprise he slipped his arm cautiously around my waist.
"No. Don't go. Are we alright?" James asked me.
"Yes" It was barely a whisper. His arm squeezed me tighter. "We should…I should…we need to do that assessment to check on the upgrades".
"That night…" he began quietly ignoring me but I interrupted him.
"We don't have to talk about it" I cringed.
"You don't understand", he continued.
"I understand. Can we just forget it happened?" I pleaded feeling embarrassed all over again.
"I can't forget".
"Well that's kind of ironic for a guy that's used to his memory being wiped". I felt him laugh quietly behind me.
"Thing is; I don't want to forget".
"It's harder to forget if you keep telling people about it. You told her I kissed you", I don't know why I said it the words just fell out of my mouth like I had no control. "Why did you tell her?"
"I didn't know how to process what I felt", James explained.
"Well you made how you felt perfectly clear to me", I told him.
"No. No I didn't. You can't imagine what it is to have done the things I've done. You…you're so good. I liked it. I wanted it…I was afraid", he whispered roughly and then he shifted me around so that I was facing him, our bodies still pressed together. Flustered I kept my head down. His hands slid up my waist and up to hold my face between his palms, making me look at him. His gaze dropping from my eyes to my lips. "I just need time. But be my friend Lucy, please". He dropped a little kiss on the top of my head and on my brow. "Just be my friend".
I was so confused. I nodded, too incoherent to be verbal. My head was spinning, my heart was beating faster, my breathing was rapid and I was really warm. This was the hottest Friend-zoning of all time.
He looked relieved with my nod. His shoulders relaxed and he dropped his hands, we drifted apart naturally. I couldn't tell if I was allayed by his groin no longer being pressed against me or disappointed.
James sighed and sat back down in the chair and I had to look away and shake my head and bite my lip, trying to collect a modicum of composure. What the hell was that? Now I was more confused than ever.
I don't know how I carried out the assessment, Not only was I know working with burnt fingers, I was being watched by James with a new intensity that made my cheeks glow. Once it was done, James threw on his top and jacket and hung around by the door.
"You ready to go? I'll walk you to your car", offered leaning against the wall.
"Sure", I replied, switching the iron off and shutting down the computer system. He waited for me outside in the corridor as I locked the door. We didn't speak as we walked down to the garage and we kept a good distance in between us. If he touched me again I was sure I'd combust.
I unlocked the car and he held the door open for me.
"Do you want me to drop you home?" I asked.
"No thanks. Call me when you get in?" He replied. I nodded and as I got into the driver's seat, he put his hand on my cheek again. My breath hitched. "Thank you".
This didn't feel like just friendship.
I got in the car and James shut the door, when I looked around he'd disappeared. I sat in the car motionless for ten minutes before pulling off. As I joined the traffic on the street, a face in the crowd of pedestrians on the sidewalk caught my attention, shocking me out of the haze I'd been in. A man with dark hair, brushed back on his head. He was leaning against a post sipping a coffee. I knew that man, I shivered. I looked back and he was gone. I shook my head. I was seeing things. There was no way that was who it looked like. Rollins was in jail.