She was underneath me as I held onto her wrists above her head. But she didn't look like she was submitting, with a small grin, she tucked her foot around the outside of my ankle and raised her hips upwards; then rolled to the side taking me with her. She somehow wriggled out of my grip and took her turn on top. The hem of her tank rode up and saw the scar of a bullet wound on her stomach. Absently I raised my hand and traced the scar with my finger, mesmerized by the raised bumpy flesh that marred another wise smooth flat stomach.
"I really do that?" I asked quietly.
"Yes, you really did that", she replied seriously.
"I'm sorry", I told her.
"You've already apologised", she said. She placed her hand over mine and pushed my hand away.
"Let's call it a day", I told her.
"Why because I'm on top?" Natasha arched her brow.
"You're always on top Tasha" I conceded. She smiled suggestively and moved off me. She rolled to the side so that she was lying beside me on the floor.
We lay there for a few moments, getting our breath back. The beginning of our relationship was strained. She didn't like me and that was understandable; I'd worked for HYDRA, I'd tried to kill her friends, I tried to kill her. More than once as it happened. When she first showed me the scar, I didn't believe it but then that memory like the others returned and I knew I'd killed the target through her stomach. But Natasha Romanoff and I were similar. She was a spy, she was an assassin. She told me herself that before Clint Barton found her and brought her to SHIELD she didn't care how she used her skills or who for. She'd walked a dark path and now was trying to make up for. That resonated with me.
"Have you and the technician made up?" She asked me, disturbing the quiet in the room.
"Yes", I replied.
"Have you decided what you're going to do about it?"
"She's just my friend", I told her, the tone in my voice was wary.
"Not the way you look her. You might think you're good at being unreadable but I'm more perceptive than most", she told me, sitting up. I sniffed in derision. "I understand you're trying to protect her by not getting too close. That distance protects our friends from our enemies and it protects them from us. So they don't see who we really are".
I didn't answer her, what she was telling me was the truth. But it wasn't all of it.
"It's hard to let people in. To trust people enough to allow them to see who we really are. But that's what it is to love someone. You trust them and that makes you vulnerable. It's not something people like us can allow", Natasha continued.
"She knows what I am", I told her bleakly, thinking of the times I returned to the vault after a mission and she was there.
"And she's not turned her back on you", Natasha replied standing up.
"Not yet", I said and sat up myself, leaning back against the wall.
"Lucy trusts you", she said handing me a bottle of water.
I unscrewed the cap and took a big gulp of the water. I thought about the weight of the words. Lucy trusts me. In our world trust was the most important thing.
"Do you think we are capable of…love, despite the things we've done?" I asked her, surprising us both with my candor.
"I think that we are", she replied. "You love Steve don't you?"
"That's different. There's a bond between us. It was there before. We were brothers", I explained.
"Do you trust Lucy?"
"Yes" I answered without a moment's hesitation.
"Then you know you are. I think what you're really asking is whether we deserve to be loved."
"Maybe", I shrugged. "What do you think?"
"Oh no, I'm not going there" she grinned and then held out a hand, helping me up. "See you later Barnes, don't forget we've still got some scientists to cross off that list of yours". And Natasha left.
I showered, changed and headed out myself; I was still mulling over what she had said when I received a text message.
Hey! Are you busy? I know I said I was fine but I need an extra guy with super strength x
I couldn't help but smile to myself. I hadn't been happy when she told me she was moving out of Sam's apartment for a place on her own but it was what she wanted. I made my way across the city to where her new house was. Reassuringly just around the block from Sam. When I got there Lucy was standing on the steps to the house; one hand on her hip and one hand clutching a coffee, watching Sam and Steve move a couch into the house. It was sunny today and she was wearing a white t shirt and denim shorts, her glossy hair was pulled up loosely in a bun on top of her head and her cheeks were rosy. Lucy smiled when she saw me and I tried not to focus on those legs.
"Actual Captain America is helping me move in. My life is so bizarre" She told me amused as I stood beside her on the steps.
"Ah-huh" I agreed with her. "Anything else need moving inside?"
"There's a bunch of boxes in the van", she pointed out and sat down on one of the steps.
"Hard work is it?" I asked, I could feel my lips curling up into smile and she returned it coyly.
"She roped you into it too huh?" Steve asked as he stepped out on to the front porch.
"What's the point of knowing enhanced super soldiers if you can't get them to do the heavy lifting?" She shrugged.
"I guess so" I agreed as I passed her on the steps with a couple of boxes in my arms.
We made a few more runs from the van to the house until everything was inside. Lucy disappeared and came back with donuts and coffee for us as a thank you and we sat in her new kitchen polishing them off. I had to keep my eyes on the kitchen counter, catching Lucy lick the sugar off her lips was incredibly distracting. Sam had to leave for a counselling session and Steve left too, saying he had some grocery shopping to do, when I knew full well he was going to a tactical meeting. We were alone and I had to carry on working to keep my mind off something else. We unpacked box after box and put her things where she wanted them to go. As the day drew closer to the evening Lucy left me to unpack the boxes in the kitchen whilst she made up her bed. Once I was alone I began to look around the single storey house looking for potential security risks and began mapping escape routes for her in my head. She caught me scrutinizing the front door.
"What are you doing?" She asked me, her hands on her hips, standing right behind me.
"I'm...uhm..." I began.
"You're assessing for threats aren't you?" she rolled her eyes.
"Its second nature to me", I shrugged. "Did you consider security when you put a deposit down for this place?"
Lucy sighed and squeezed by me in the hallway. I could smell her warm skin. I fought the urge to push her back up against the wall and trap her between my arms. I didn't know what I'd do with her, I just wanted to feel her body next to mine. Maybe see if there were any traces of sugar on her lips.
She picked up the door chain and slid it across the track.
"There", she replied satisfied. "Security".
"Oh well I feel better now", I deadpanned.
"I'll be ok", she said. She sighed again and walked by me, leaving me alone in the hallway.
We went back to unpacking and tidying until it was well past 10 o'clock in the evening.
"I don't want to look at another box", Lucy said as she threw herself on the couch and kicked off her converse, she looked exhausted. "Thanks for helping".
"Not a problem", I perched on the arm of the easy chair opposite her. "I think I unpacked some cocoa earlier. Do you want me to fix a drink?" She smiled and started laughing. "What's so funny?" I frowned.
"I'm sorry I just can't imagine you making cocoa that's all".
"It's one of my more secret skills", I told her smugly and folded my arms.
"You're just a big softy".
"I am when I'm with you", I confessed and I saw Lucy's cheeks flush pink.
"Bucky..." Lucy began.
"You never call me Bucky", I interrupted. I was surprised to hear her call me that.
"Do you mind?"
"You can call me what you like but Bucky sounds nice when you say it".
"Alright", she smiled. "Bucky, I would love a mug of cocoa, thank you".
It was my turn to blush and I went over to the kitchen. By the time I had located the cocoa, heated the milk and found the mug, I came back to find Lucy asleep on the couch. Her arms above her head in surrender. She needed the rest but she didn't look very comfortable on there. Without thinking about what I was doing I slipped my arms underneath her and lifted her up. Lucy's t shirt slid up as my hand curled around her waist to hold her and I found my fingers gently smoothing over her soft warm skin. She made a soft whimper of complaint at being moved but then she nestled herself closer to my chest and I carried her in my arms to her bedroom. Once inside I reluctantly laid her down on her freshly made white bed. As I moved away she reached for my hands.
"No. Stay", she fussed sleepily.
I hesitated.
"Please Bucky".
"Alright", I replied huskily. I carefully lay on my back beside Lucy on the bed. She sighed and I felt her edge towards me, her little foot poked at my legs until it found a comfy spot to hitch a leg over mine; her hand grabbed at the material of my t shirt, bunching it together in her palm and then she rested her forehead on the side of my cybernetic arm, just where the red star was. I could hear her exhale in a steady, contented rhythm. Lucy trusted me, even in her slumber.