I was comfortably positioned on Steve and Bucky's couch. Steve wasn't home, Bucky was very vague about where he was, I figured it was more unofficial SHIELD business. My head happily resting against Bucky's chest he put his arm around me, holding me there. We were watching an old black and white movie, he said he remembered seeing it when it first came out. He lazily ran his fingers up and down my arm. Our friendship that felt so much more than friendship was continuing to delight and frustrate me. But right now, I was content. Utterly content. I sighed and snuggled closer.
"Hello Natasha, I didn't know Steve gave you a key" Bucky said, making me jump. I turned around and sure enough she was hovering by the door. I didn't even hear it open. I instantly back away from Bucky, feeling embarrassed at being caught so together. I know I'm blushing furiously and Bucky bites his lip in amusement.
"I water the plants when he's away", she smirks.
"Agent Romanoff", I greet her. "I'll leave you both to it" I get up off the couch, believing that she wishes to speak to Bucky about a mission.
"Actually Lucy, this concerns both of you", she replies stepping towards us. She's holding something in her hands which she deposits on the coffee table in front of Bucky and I. It's a photograph and the image startles me. I inhale sharply. The person in the photo had dark hair, brushed off his face, sunglasses perched on his head. I thought I had imagined him before.
"I thought you'd remember him", she remarks folding her arms.
"He was a member of the STRIKE team", Bucky informs her, leaning forwards on the couch. "He was with us in the vault". He throws me a concerned look. I know the color has drained from my face.
"Rollins", Natasha confirmed his name. "He escaped custody last month. With SHIELD still rebuilding that information has only just filtered down to us".
My heart is beating rapidly and I begin to feel dizzy.
"Are you alright?" Bucky asks standing up.
"I saw him" I croak. "I saw him".
"What?" He asks surprised.
"When was this?" Natasha asked me at the same time.
"I don't know. A few weeks ago", I reply anxiously. I look down at the photo again. He'd been in DC.
"And you didn't tell me?" Bucky snapped, he was angry.
"I didn't think. I didn't think it was him, I thought I was imagining him", I shook my head, looking at the floor trying to recall the moment I drove by him. Bucky was in front of me now, he held onto my upper arms firmly.
"Did he see you?" He asked, I didn't reply. I just remembered Rollins' face; he was drinking coffee. "Hey! Did he see you?" Bucky shook me.
"I…I don't know. I don't know" I shook my head some more and tried to shrug off Bucky's hold.
"Lucy, it's ok", Natasha was now beside me, I didn't miss the warning look she shot Bucky and he dropped his hands. "Just relax, try to remember. Where did you see him?"
"Florida Avenue. I was on my way home. I was in my car. I don't think he saw me. He was drinking coffee. I thought I was imagining it".
"You should have said something", she said gently. I nodded. I should have.
She asked more questions about the sighting and I answered them the best I could. All the while I could see Bucky was getting more and more agitated. He paced up and down the carpet as I told Natasha everything I could.
"Why do you think he came back here? It's risky isn't it?" I asked her.
"I wouldn't come back here unless it was absolutely necessary. But I think its safe to assume that he didn't come back to take anyone out", she replied and I knew that she meant me.
"How could you know that? He could be waiting", Bucky interjected.
"If the first mission I were given, straight after escaping prison, was to eliminate a target in the city where I had been captured, I wouldn't wait over three weeks to complete it. Would you? No, you'd go in, get it done and get out. Clean and precise."
"He's not like you and I. He's not an assassin".
"He might not even still be here", I offered quietly.
"No, he might not. But we need to know why he was here in the first place". Natasha said. "I'll have a team check out his old address, his old local haunts".
"Do you actually believe he's stupid enough to hang around his old apartment?" Bucky scoffed.
"He's not like you and I. He's not a spy", Natasha countered.
"We should start with his old base of operations. You think you could take a look?" Natasha asked Bucky.
"The vault?" I couldn't disguise the revulsion in my voice. Bucky nodded to Natasha and both ignored me.
"Anything comes up, you call me", she told Bucky as she made her way out of the room. "Oh and Bucky. Ideally, we need him breathing".
"No promises", he told her ominously. She arched her eyebrow disapprovingly and left.
"I can't believe you're willing to go back to that place", I said incredulously as I followed him in to his bedroom. I realise as I stand inside just by the door way that it is the first time I've ever been in here. It is sparse and tidy. The bed is made immaculately, remnants of his old military life. By his bed there is a cabinet with an old black and white photo in a frame. The picture is of Bucky and Steve, taken sometime in the war. Both are smiling. Beside that there is another picture, more recent, of Steve and I taken at the Veterans charity dinner. When he sees that I have noticed he discreetly turns it the other way. Bucky opens his closet and selects some black items and lays them out on the bed. He removes his white tank and puts on a black t shirt and sits down on the bed. He takes a Velcro strap contraption, fixes it around his ankle and slides a dangerous looking knife in the pocket before rolling down his pants.
"You shouldn't go back".
"It's just a room Lucy", he replied.
"Where you were brainwashed and tortured", I pointed out, fully aware of my own role in that shameful history. "What if it brings back it all back, you've been doing...good, I don't want that place to knock you off course".
Bucky pulled out a gun from the cabinet beside his bed. I watched him remove and inspect the clip before reinserting it and holding it in his hand, checking the feel and aim.
"I'm fine. I've been working on those issues", he told me with a darkness he couldn't hide. I knew that he was referring to the work he was doing with SHIELD, ticking HYDRA operatives off the list.
"I'll come with you", I told him, still leaning against the bedroom wall.
"Absolutely not", Bucky replied seriously. He got up off the bed and slipped on a black holster and placed the gun in it. "You're staying here".
"No, I'm not", I didn't mean to sound as whiney as I did and I moved to stand in front of the door. Bucky put on his black tactical jacket and he looked all kinds of dangerous standing over me as I blocked his exit.
"Move out of the way Lucy", he said in an exhausted voice, as if he couldn't tolerate me anymore.
"No", I told him.
"Lucy!" Bucky warned.
"No. I'm coming with you. You're not going there alone", I insisted, my voice firmer this time. Bucky put his hands on my shoulders.
"You're not coming", Bucky shook his head.
"Think about it. I know that place just as well as you. If not better, all the little labs and offices, the storage rooms. I know them", I argued. "I won't go off on my own, I'll stay with you, I promise. We'll look around together and at the first sign of any trouble I'll do exactly what you tell me to do".
Bucky sighed and his eyes dropped to the floor as he mulled it over.
"Look, the vault is the last place on earth I want to go, alright? But I don't want you to be there alone. You don't have to go through that alone. I want to be with you, to help you", I placed my hand on his cyber hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He finally looked up at me and he sighed in resignation.
"You do not leave my side, do you understand", I nod furiously. "You do everything I tell you and you don't argue".
"Everything. No arguing. I swear", I tell him.
"Come on, lets get this done", Bucky said taking me by the hand and leaving the apartment.
By the time we had pulled up on the street where the old bank was located I knew I had made a terrible error in judgement. I actively avoided this part of town so I never had to confront the reality that this place existed. In all honesty I liked to tell myself that SHIELD had blown the place up but no, sure enough there it stood, more dilapidated than ever but very much still in existence. I followed Bucky's lead as we broke into the building. The main electricity was unsurprisingly off and we cautiously made our way through the dark corridors with only the aid of the light mounted to Bucky's gun. I had to keep burying the waves of nausea as I recognised the path we took to the main vault. The security on the door was now defunct. No locks nor door scanner nor fingerprint register. Just a door that SHIELD agents didn't feel the need to secure after they finished examining the vault. The gun light shone on the metal gate and the deposit boxes in the background. We were here. The vault door was hanging off its bottom hinge, no longer attached to its top, no doubt it had been blown open. Bucky went first and carefully lifted me over it. It was pitch black. But I knew how to make things a little clearer.
"Bucky, could you shine the light over here, to the right?" I whispered. He did and I followed the light to a big pull down switch on the wall. I tugged with all my might and there was a splutter, a crackle and a flicker. Then the lights came on. And there we were. Back in the room where we met.
"Back up generator", I shrugged nonchalantly. I managed to bite my tongue before I added that I knew he'd need me.
We stood in silence as we looked around the vault, nothing from our time here remained. It had been gutted. But I didn't need to see the lab chair in front of us to be reminded of Bucky screaming in pain as they wiped him. I didn't need to see the solder iron to taste it in the air, nor hear the sparks of electricity in the room. This room was ingrained in me. In us both.
"Come on, we need to look around", I followed Bucky as we went over the place, checked every room, every store cupboard, examined everything but it was clear no one had been here. But Bucky hesitated in front of one door and I shivered thinking that he had heard someone behind it.
"What is it?" I whispered instantly chastising myself, in case he suspected someone was there. I didn't recognise this door, I certainly had not been in whatever room lay behind it.
"This is where they kept me in Cryo", he told me quietly.
"Oh Bucky", I said quietly. My heart ached for him. He twisted the handle and leant on the heavy door busting it open. I didn't expect to see anything in this room either, I imagined it would have been emptied like the others but no, there it was opposite us. The Cryogenic chamber they kept Bucky in. Instinctively I reached for his hand. Slowly Bucky made his way over to it, his face unreadable. He placed his fingers on the glass and then his face twisted in pain.
"They stole my life", he spat angrily. "I should have died. I would have died for something, I'd have died a good man. They stole that from me".
"Bucky", I tried to reach him. My eyes already swimming with tears, the compassion for him was overwhelming. And so was the guilt.
"They turned me into a weapon. A monster! They did that! They did that!" Bucky punched at the glass on the chamber and I jumped back with fright.
"Bucky stop!" I said as he pounded his metal fist into the glass. "Stop!"
He stopped pounding and threw his arms around me and buried his head against my neck.
"It's alright. Hey, it's okay", I soothed as we sank to the floor together. I held onto Bucky, gently rocking him in my arms as he calmed down, my hands stroking up and down his back. We stayed sat on the cold floor together for sometime, I would have stayed for as long as he wanted but something niggled at me. That familiar feeling of being watched. I looked up anxiously and in the corner of the room I was reminded of what had always unnerved and frightened me during my time here. The security camera pointing as us.
"Bucky?" I whispered into the top of his head. "Bucky, do you think the cameras are working still?"
"SHIELD would have cut the power to them", he replied, his voice raw.
"But I turned the back up generator on. What if they have some sort of back up too? They could be accessed remotely", the fear in my voice was evident enough. I felt him stiffen in my arms and then he lifted his gaze to mine. He nodded.
"Let's go", he said pulling me to my feet. "He's not been here. No ones been here".
I was even more afraid on the way out than I had been coming in, intensely aware that HYDRA could be watching us right now. It creeped me out beyond all measure. In the lab area Bucky killed the generator switch and again we journeyed to the exit in darkness. Outside the relief was so palpable I could have wept. The journey in the car was silent. It was a mistake to go back. For both of us. I didn't even have the courage to speak when I realised he missed the turning to my house. So I stayed silent all the way to Steve and Bucky's apartment. Nor did I say anything when he took me by the hand and lead me in to the building. Inside the apartment, with the door safely closed behind us, Bucky broke the silence first.
"I'll call Natasha, tell her there's no intel. You'll stay here tonight. You shouldn't be alone".
"Ok", I agreed quietly.
"Ok? No argument, no protests? Are you alright?" Bucky asked. I saw him curve his lips into the briefest of smiles.
"I don't want to be alone. That place..." I trailed off. Bucky crossed the room and held my hand.
"It's done", he assured me.
"You're not going to point out it was my idea to go with you?", I asked half joking.
"No, you were right. I needed someone with me. I'm glad it was you", Bucky squeezed my hand and disappeared into the bedroom. I heard him talk to Natasha as I sat on the couch, hugging my knees. When he returned he had a t shirt in his hands and held it out for me.
"I figured you might want something more comfortable to sleep in", he shrugged.
"Thank you", I said and stood up went into the bedroom. I undid the button and zipper on my jeans and wriggled out of them. I tugged off my own t shirt and as I slipped the t shirt Bucky gave me over my head I sensed I wasn't alone. I turned around and Bucky was there, watching me, biting his lower lip.
"Bucky?" I gasped surprised.