"For he's a jolly good fellow and so say all of us", Sam and I chorused. Steve blew out the candles on his birthday cake and we applauded.
"Thank you", Steve smiled. "Who wants a piece?"
"I will definitely take some of that", Natasha replied holding out her plate. Steve cut up the cake and served it up. I took a piece for me and Bucky and joined him as he sat with his back against the brick wall of the doorway. It was Steve's birthday and Bucky, Sam, Natasha and I were on the roof of their building waiting for the fireworks. Of course Captain America's birthday was July 4th!
"Cake?" I asked him, proffering the red, white and blue paper plate. He didn't say anything but took it out of my hand anyways. I sat next to him on the blanket and stretched out my legs. It had been a really nice day. I usually went home for the weekend but my parents were staying with my aunt and uncle in Oahu, so that left me in DC. But I didn't mind. I was happy to be here, happy and grateful, to be with friends. I sighed, content. I was utterly relaxed but Bucky was stiff beside me. He had discarded the cake on the side.
"Its good cake", I said. "You're not worried about your figure are you? Everyone knows there are no calories in birthday cakes. They get blown away when the candles go out". He didn't reply. He just kept staring at Steve.
"Hey Bucky, what's wrong?" I asked and gently put my hand on his arm. He looks down at the gesture and then at me.
"Nothing", he replied gruffly.
"Doesn't seem like nothing", I pointed out and I caught a flash of annoyance in his eyes. "Fine, forget I asked I'm going to talk to Sam". As I made to get up, Bucky sighed and I he curled his hand around my wrist gently and I sat back down.
"Don't…go. I'm sorry", he apologised.
"Look, I know sometimes you like to be alone and I am more than happy to let you do that but its Steve's birthday and it's a holiday. What's the matter?"
"Just thinking about how many birthdays I have missed. Steve's, mine…yours", he explained sadly.
"You're here now. That's what matters", I assured him gently rubbing his arm. "We can have a party for you next year. How old will you be?"
"100", he replied and my eyes widened.
"A big one. You know if we lived in England you'd be getting a birthday card from the Queen", I nudged him and he smiled briefly.
"It doesn't bother you, that I'm so old", he asked.
"No, I guess I'm just in to older guys", I replied. "Except for when you drone on about how music was so much better in the olden days". I rolled my eyes and then smiled so he knew that I was teasing.
"So much sass from such a little thing", he told me and slipped his arm around my waist pulling me closer slightly.
"It's ok, I don't think they're watching", I pointed out.
"Sam looks at me like he wants to kill me and I don't want Natasha thinking I'm going soft", he smiled and dropped a little kiss on the top of my head.
I knew how embarrassed he got about displays of affection in front of the others, always feeling like he was being judged. He was usually at pains to keep a distance between us. I didn't mind most of the time, I understood. Besides when we were alone he was becoming more and more attentive. Except when he was looking out for me. The evening after I spent the night in Bucky's bed, he came home with me. I expected that he would be ok with sharing my bed and we'd snuggle and do the things that couples do but he hadn't. I had turned down the offer of having a SHIELD security detail outside of my house and told Bucky I had wanted just him. He told me he couldn't keep me safe and sleep beside me at the same time so I had gone to bed alone, slamming the bedroom door as I went and Bucky had stayed on the couch. I had learned my lesson and most evenings I agreed to agents watching the house. Thankfully Rollins hadn't shown up, he'd disappeared and I was convinced that he wouldn't reappear. Soon this would all blow over and all I had to worry about was Bucky going on missions for SHEILD.
The sky lit up with color as the fireworks started and I snuggled even closer to Bucky. A year ago he was a terrifying piece of weapons tech and I wouldn't have even dared to dream that I would ever be this close him. But now he was everything to me and I loved him. Even though he had never admitted it, I felt sure that he felt the same. I felt it in the way he smiled at me, the way he brushed the hair out of my eyes in the morning and the way he touched me reverently at night, never rushing always gentle.
As the displays petered off, Natasha wandered over to where we were sat. Self-consciously Bucky removed himself from me and I did my best not to let it bother me.
"Any more beer?" She asked, Bucky.
"In the apartment, I'll go get it", he said getting up. "You need anything?" He asked me.
"A blanket?" I asked and he nodded and disappeared through the door.
"Is he alright?" She asked me and I nodded in reply.
"Seems pretty quiet", Natasha said sitting cross legged on the gravel.
"I guess birthdays are just another reminder of all he's missed", I explained.
"How are things between you?"
"Good".
"It's nice he has someone", Natasha told me and it felt genuine.
"Do you have someone?" I asked her feeling we were having a nice female bonding moment.
"Oh, I dispense relationship advice to spies and assassins, I don't necessarily take it", she laughed.
"What about that guy, you know, the one with the arrows?" His name was on the tip of my tongue, I just couldn't recall it. Steve had mentioned it to me once. Natasha smiled but ambiguously didn't answer.
"I always knew you were important to him. From that night I found him in your hotel room", she continued ignoring my question.
"You pointed a gun at him".
"He shot me once, I wasn't taking any chances", she shrugged. "He would do anything for you. That's quite a power you have there".
"I feel guilty because it's like he feels responsible for me. I don't want him to feel like he's always saving me", I confessed suddenly.
"The way I understand it, is you've helped save him", Natasha pointed out.
I didn't have time to mull it over because Bucky returned through the roof door with some more beers and a blanket slung over his arm. He passed the beers to Natasha who took them with her over to the others, offering Sam one. Bucky knelt beside me and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders but he didn't sit beside me. He went over to the others and bumped beer bottles with them. Being sociable. He cast a concerned look over to me but I just smiled proudly. He had come so far.
With the displays over we withdrew inside. Natasha and Sam said their goodbyes and I yawned in tiredness.
"Do you want me to drive you home?" Bucky asked. I replied with another yawn.
"Why don't you stay here", Steve offered.
"Are you sure you don't mind?" I asked. Bucky looked a little uncomfortable with the idea but I knew he'd be happier with me here. In the same apartment as two souped up soldiers.
"Of course. I'm 97, I'm a modern man", he said, his hands on his hips but he was blushing. I smiled in thank you and Bucky nodded to him before gently nudging me to his room.
He closed the door behind us and I flopped down on the bed exhausted. Bucky undressed, leaving only his boxers on, he pulled his hair out of his band and it fell forwards as he leaned over me on the bed. I smiled and quietly tucked it behind his ears.
"I remember the first time you did that", he whispered. "No one had touched me so gently before".
"Bucky", I said sadly.
"Ssh", he hushed me. He began to undo the zip on my shorts. "May I?" He asked, ever the gentleman.
"You may Sergeant Barnes" I agreed and allowed him to remove the navy linen shorts I had on. His hands slid up my waist pushing the tank I had on off, he raised me off the bed as he pulled it over and off me. He carefully laid me back down on to the mattress and kissed me on the lips. Like always it began slow and tender until it deepened and need and want took control. Bucky always withdrew first, like he was afraid he'd do something to hurt me. I was disappointed when his lips left mine but it didn't last long, he trailed little soft kisses along my throat. I noticed that this was something he liked to do, I wondered if it was because I told him about the dreams I had where his hand crushed my neck and subconsciously this was his way of countering them. He dragged his lips further down, a flurry of kisses on the curves of my breasts, I could feel the roughness of his stubble and delighted in the sensation; he slid the straps of my bra down past my shoulders and with fumbling fingers unhooked the claps, tugging the bra off altogether. He knew I would try and cover myself and so he caught my wrists in his metal hand, pinning them above my head, gently but firmly. I caught him licking his lips and then biting his lower one, I felt his hardness pressed against my belly and I wondered if this would be the night he wouldn't stop. I arched in to him and he kissed me again.
"Please", I sighed into his mouth. I didn't even know what I was pleading for, I just wanted it. His free hand roamed all over my waist and breasts, cupping them and feeling the weight of them in his palm. By the time his lips met their peaks I was like putty in his hands. Bucky released my wrists and my fingers instantly wound themselves into his hair as his kisses trailed further and further south until his lips were upon the most intimate of places. He didn't move them until my pleasure was complete. He pulled me with him to the side, taking me into his arms. I was pressed up against him and could still feel him. I looked up at him and my hand moved between us, I slipped my hand inside his boxers and he jumped.
"Lucy", he hissed. His hand covered mine. "You don't have to do that".
"Don't you like me touching you?" I asked hurt.
"I shouldn't. I don't deserve it".
"Yes you do. Show me how, show me how you like to be touched", I sighed. He hesitated and then curved his hand around mine and we moved together. He buried his head into my neck and he came quietly, his teeth scraping against the skin of my collar bone, breaking the skin.
"I'm sorry", he apologised quietly horrified at the mark it left. "I didn't mean to do that".
"It's alright", I assured him, kissing his cheek. He was blushing and his eyes were wet. "Oh James, it's alright".
He looked utterly ashamed of himself and looking like a lost little boy he sought comfort in my arms. I held his head against my neck and stroked my fingers through his hair.
In the morning, the light pooled in the bedroom from the half open drapes. I rolled over in the huge bed that was suddenly empty. On the nightstand was a cup of coffee that had gone cold and a note.
Called in on a mission. I'll see you soon. B x ps. Merriweather's keeping tabs on you.
My heart sank with worry.