CHAPTER FIFTEEN

ALYSSA

I sat in my room, staring at the wall. I looked down at my hands and wrung them. The room was dead quiet. The sound of me sniffling was all you could hear. My father found the pictures. The texts. He found out about what I did to Essence. He said I was being a bad girl. I don't wanna be a bad girl.

I kept begging my dad to give me my phone so I could ask Myrah or Derek if Essence was okay. He said no. The suspense is killing me. For all I know, she could be in the hospital. She could have broken her nose or gotten a concussion or something. No way to tell now. I get to go back to school tomorrow. I want to know how Essence is doing. That day, I wasn't alone in my skin. I know it. I felt it. A different presence. A weird new feeling. Like I wasn't safe. Like I wouldn't ever be safe.

I swung my feet back and forth and watched them, boredom flooding my system. My dad only lets me come downstairs to eat or use the bathroom or go to school or whatever. I'll be ungrounded in a week. That's when I'll get my phone back. But who cares?

I hate my life. I keep pretending I'm something I'm not. I keep hiding in an empty shell. I act like I'm okay with who I am, but I'm not. I want to show people I'm not a dumbass, ditzy, innocent little girl with autism. I'm much more than just a diagnosis on a paper and a doctor's record. I'm a person. I'm a force to be reckoned with. I went to bed, fuming. I'll show them all. Everyone.

At school, I immediately started searching for Essence. I was starting to get desperate. When I found her, she was talking with North, Derek, and Myrah at her locker. They looked dead serious, but laughed and joked around occasionally. As I approached the group, Essence noticed me. She started panicking and freaking out and North stood in front of her protectively, soothing her. He set one hand on her hip and kept her back away from me. Myrah and Derek formed a protective wall in front of them, giving me a warning look. Lay a finger on her. I dare you.

"Essence? Are you okay?" I squeaked. Essence grabbed North around the waist and pulled him to her. Derek and Myrah were getting annoyed.

"Leave me the fuck alone." Essence said quietly. Her voice quivered. She started out strong, but faded into weakness. North was about ready to yell at me or hit me or something worse. I deserve it.

"Essence, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." I said. North hugged Essence close. He looked at Myrah and Derek uneasily. They nodded and parted so Essence could come closer to me. That didn't mean North wasn't still hovering right behind her and protecting her and glaring at me. He was really starting to intimidate and scare the shit out of me. I mean, come on. He's slightly taller than all of us, he's been in football, basketball, track and field, soccer, and does shit-tons of archery. Guy's built. He could easily overpower me or anyone for that matter. Essence shuddered and started brushing her hair away from her face.

"Remember the story?" North asked her softly. Realisation dawned on Essence, even though I had no clue what they were talking about. I stood there, feeling clueless.

"I'm sorry, Essence. Could you please forgive me? Can we be friends?" I asked carefully. Essence grunted and huffed out a breath. She was squinting at me.

"Whatever. Just don't expect me to wear a goddamn Best Friends necklace or anything, okay? I'm not into peaches and unicorns and flowers-type friendship shit… I won't go taking selfies or being twinsies or any of that. No. Remember those things and you might survive these next few years as 'friends'. Got it? Good." Essence replied tightly. North covered his mouth to stifle a chuckle. Derek and Myrah stood there, jaws practically on the ground at Essence's sudden sassiness. I was speechless. Essence cocked her hip and sized me up and down.

"Damn!" Derek cried. "I'd like to see what she'd do to you, baby." He said to me. I glared at him. Essence smirked.

"No, you wouldn't." Essence simpered. "It'd be too much for you." North was laughing into his hand, his face cherry red.

"I can't fucking breathe…" He squeaked. Myrah didn't quite know what to do. She kept looking at me. Don't worry, I'll protect you. Her face said. I nodded and pursed my lips.

"We need to talk to her about something at lunch, don't we, guys?" North asks once he stops laughing. Essence shuffles from foot to foot. Derek picks at his cuticles. Myrah ruffles her skirt.

"What? What the hell does that mean?" I ask. Essence shakes her head.

"We'll tell you later. At lunch." She says firmly. The bell rings, signaling that first period is about to begin and the group splits up, heading in the direction of their classes. North and Essence have their arms linked together as they walk down the hall. As they break apart, North grabs Essence's face and kisses the top of her hair. He whispers something in her ear. Essence blushes and North smiles at her as they walk away from each other. What have I missed?! What the hell?!

I spend all first period ignoring the teacher and thinking about what North, Myrah, Essence, and Derek could possibly need to tell me. Maybe they want to announce that Essence and North are dating. Maybe Derek's dumping me. Maybe Myrah wants to ask me out. Damn it. I'm stressed. The teacher's voice sliced through my daydream. She asked me something in French and I gave the wrong answer, sending the whole class into roaring laughter. I hid my head and set my head down on my desk, embarrassed.

At lunch, I found Essence, North, Myrah, and Derek sitting at a table in the back of the cafeteria. Essence was waving her arms around and making exaggerated hand motions. She looked dead serious. The others listened attentively. I walk up to them and Derek scoots over, making room for me to sit down.

"So what do you guys need to talk to me about?" I ask, nibbling on my pizza. Myrah mouths the word, Manipulators. I stiffen up.

"We're… We're Manipulators, Aly…" Derek says quietly. Essence looks at North lovingly. Myrah looks pretty laid back and chill.

"We've got this… Plan… For the school… And, yeah…" North says, picking off pieces of his Styrofoam lunch tray.

"What do you mean?" I ask, feeling dumb. Essence slaps a Manila folder onto the table. Inside them, there are sketches in Sharpie and bright pens. Stick figures and lines and a map of the school with notes scribbled across it. Words catch my eye. Ice. Snow. Freeze it all. This hall first. I look up at my friends, eyes wide.

"Sooooo?" Essence chirps. "You in? Or not?" North smirks. Derek and Myrah sing the Jeopardy theme song, waiting for me to decide.

Now this gets me thinking. This is what I've wanted since I was nine years old. Power. Fear stricken into the hearts of my enemies. A sense of control over something for once. I want that. I want to be powerful. I want to show people I'm not an idiot. That I'm actually worth something. I'll show them, goddamn it. I'll show them all. I close the Manila folder and push it over to Essence. She looks worked for a moment till I smile at her devilishly.

"Alright. When do we start?" I whisper. Essence grins and pumps an air fist.

"As soon as we specify this…" Derek starts.

Later that night, after I had packed as much as clothing, bottles of water, batteries, lanterns, matches, toiletries, medical supplies, and perishable food as I could into my violin case, backpack, duffel bag, and Nike sport bag, I went over what my friends had said that day at lunch.

You bring your fair share of supplies. You know, the essentials. Perishables, medical supplies, you get the point. Stuff that all in as many bags as you can carry without seeming too suspicious. Eat extra at lunch. We'll have to save food for meals. We'll take action after fifth period bell rings. We'll hide out in the bathrooms till it's time to launch our little plan. After everything is done, Essence will lead us somewhere safe. She knows a place somewhere that we can live. It might take awhile to get there though. We must be patient.

I pulled out the Manila folder with our plans in it and looked over which sector I was taking care of. I was going solo in the eighth grade wing, the nurse's office, and so on. I stuffed the plans into the mess of folded jeans and stacked bras and such and went to bed. All night, I dreamed of being number one. Ruling over everything I touched. Feeling like I'm actually worth something.

When I woke up this morning and my alarm clock went off, I laughed hysterically. Last time I'd ever hear that sound again. I hit the off button and got dressed in the only outfit not thrown into my bags. I tied my snow boots tightly. The bags were wobbling around on my shoulders and making everything painful. I rushed downstairs and grabbed a Poptart on the way out the door.

"Bye, Daddy!" I called through the house.

"Wait a second, Alyssa…" My dad grumbled. Uh oh.

"Yeah?" I ask, trying not to let my voice quiver.

"I thought we had more food in the house…?" Dad said, groggy from sleep. "And what are you carrying in your bag? Bricks?"

"Books." I said firmly. "Bye! You have to pick me up after dance class!" I called out enthusiastically. I slammed the door and waited for the bus. My mind buzzed. This was really happening. We were really gonna do this.

And I was damn ready for it.