A/N: Just wanted to clarify one thing: At this point in the story, Amy hasn't said she's engaged yet. The mentions of it were peeks into the future, the same as the mentions of them sleeping together. So as this chapter starts, Amy hasn't said it yet. Sorry if i confused anyone.

Maybe you just haven't been looking in the right places

Ash's words kept rattling around inside her head as Karma stared down at Amy. She never once wondered if her roommate was right; she knew she was. Karma knew (and had known all along) that she'd spent her lifetime looking in all the wrong places. It seemed to Karma that she'd spent most every day she could remember always looking for someone else to validate her, to tell her she was special, to prove to her that she was worth it. Always looking and always ignoring or missing or just flat out pretending that the one person who could (who did) do all that for her was right there the entire time.

Karma had known all along where the right place was. And she'd let it (her) slip away.

Bullshit. Totes bullshit, immense bullshit, all the bullshit.

Ashlyn didn't believe it. She didn't want Karma to believe it.

Did she tell you about it? Did she say the words 'I'm engaged'?

Ash was persuasive, Karma had to give her that.

Did she flash the ring for everyone to see and ask you to help her plan and pick out flowers and taste cakes and be her best woman?

The words kept echoing in her head as she knelt on the edge of the bed. Amy rolled back over, so close that Karma could see the blonde's chest rise and fall with every breath. She reached out a hand, the temptation to shake Amy awake, to demand answers, to find out… the truth… she could, she still could because yeah, she'd said it, but Amy hadn't heard her (sleep of the dead and all) and no real damage had been done.

Except that. Except that word. Damage. That's what it was, that's what telling Amy was. Damage. Karma knew that really doing it, and not just whispering it into the dark to be swallowed whole by the night, would ruin everything. It would damage them. It would break them. Their friendship was finally back on solid ground, back on track (and not the one running through Amy's heart cause that one had apparently taken a detour).

Confessing your love to the woman who tried over and over and fucking over again to love you and got nothing but pain in return? That, Karma knew, would be bad enough. Doing it after she'd… said 'yes'... to someone else? That wasn't damage. That was the end.

Karma had lived without Amy once. For three long months. And fuck all did it suck. But it taught her that she could do it. It taught her that she could be just Karma and that was OK because just Karma wasn't so bad. Maybe she wasn't ideal, maybe she wasn't life goals or anything, but she wasn't bad.

She was just better with Amy.

Karma had spent all three of those months convinced that the time apart would be the death of them and no amount of kisses or late night cuddles or slow dances or phony lesbian shenanigans would ever bring them back. And when Amy did finally come back and when Karma was proven wrong, when they were able to rebuild, she made herself a promise. She had played fast and loose with Amy's heart (unintentionally or not) too many times. She'd dodged the bullet and she was never going to reload that gun. Living without Amy was hell and nothing was worth risking that again.

Nothing.

So why, she wondered as she curled herself onto the bed next to Amy, if she knew it was damage and she knew it would leave them in ruins, then why the hell was she even considering it?

Karma knew the answer. It was the same answer to a thousand other questions in her life. It was Amy. And if there was anything or anyone worth risking everything for…

And maybe Ash was right. Maybe there was a reason Amy was wearing that fucking rock around her neck instead of on her finger. Maybe there was a reason she hadn't said anything about it yet, why she hadn't called or Skyped or sent a fucking carrier pigeon cross country to shout the news from the rooftops.

If Amy had proposed to her, Karma knew there wouldn't be a soul in all creation who wouldn't know her joy.

She scooted closer to Amy, watching her best friend's eyelids flutter in dream. It was ridiculous, Karma knew that. It was insane to think that Amy would cross the country and keep such a big thing from her without a very good reason and that reason just could not be some feelings Karma knew had died long ago. Thinking that way was insane. (Incredible). It was nuts. (Romantic as fuck). It was simply delusional.

Unless it wasn't.

She closed her eyes for just a moment, trying to squelch the feeling that rolled through her. It was an impulse, that was all it was and Karma knew if she just… paused… if she just gave it a moment, it would pass. The urge would slip away, it would fall back into the recesses of her mind where it couldn't do any damage.

That urge, that need to do something was dangerous and Karma knew it. She'd known it when that same kind of urge had caused her to lash out at Amy when she thought the blonde wanted Liam. Or when it had landed her in Amy's backyard with her guitar. Or when she'd nearly gone through with the worst threesome idea ever (and considering her first almost threesome that was saying something).

Or when she'd kissed Amy in the deep end of the pool and nearly drowned their friendship forever.

Karma knew her urges led nowhere good. She'd known it all those other times and she knew it then when she moved even closer to Amy and let one leg drape it's way over hers. She brought her hand up and slowly brushed Amy's hair back out of her face and let that same hand slowly trace a path down the blonde's cheek.

She felt Amy's breath, slow and steady and warm against her skin and she wasn't sure if the fog filling her brain was from all the alcohol or the thought of all the places she'd like to feel that breath (starting with against her lips and ending with against her thighs). Karma lingered there, slowly running the pad of her thumb across Amy's lips. She was taking liberties she couldn't imagine, but she was lost. She was trapped in that moment of freedom to indulge in what she'd knew she'd probably never get to do again.

She suspected Maisie might frown upon Amy sharing a bed with another woman, even if that other woman was just Karma.

Especially if it was just her.

Karma moved her hand back to Amy's cheek, her thumb ghosting over the skin. It wasn't the first time they'd been that close (and that wasn't even counting some of Karma's dreams) but it was the first time Karma had ever stayed there, in that moment. Every other time she'd let her eyes close again, let sleep and the warmth of Amy's body next to her slowly push it all back out of her mind. But not this time. This time she stayed.

Karma was still there, curled tight against Amy, her hand against the other girl's cheek when the blonde's eyes opened. "Hey," Amy said as her hand reached up and cupped Karma's against her cheek. "Feeling better?"

The usual answer was 'sort of', the good answer was 'yeah', and the right answer was 'fuck, no'.

Karma's answer was "You're engaged."

It tumbled loose before she could stop it and then all she could do was watch Amy's face, looking for… fuck… she didn't even know what she was looking for. A flicker of confusion or a moment of abject denial? A momentary loss of sanity during which Amy leaned in and kissed her so soundly that the fucking rock dissolved into nothing in the face of what was (obviously) a far superior love?

Karma watched for all that (especially the last part) but what she got was so much simpler. So much clearer. Two words that even hungover, lovesick, regretful Karma could understand.

"I am."