A/N: This is a melancholy "what if it all went wrong?" song, rewritten from Jimmy Buffett's "He Went To Paris", from his album A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean, although I've always known the song as being part of his excellent compilation album, Songs You Know By Heart.
He Went To Brooklyn
He went to Brooklyn looking for answers
To learn how to be a plumber
His 'stache was impressive, he was aggressive
Taking the gigs with his bro.
When the angry gorilla
Kidnapped his girlfriend
His hero's heart did inflame
He saved the girl and they
Cleaned up the sewers then
The Mario Bros. slipped away.
They went to the Mushroom Kingdom and rescued
The kidnapped princess, Peach Toadstool
They had adventures fighting the Koopas
And various other evil doers
And all of the answers, his plumber education
He locked in his basement one day
'Cause he liked the fire, the dangerous living
And twenty-five years slipped away.
Well Bowser took his princess, Boos killed Luigi
Kamek blew away his left leg
The whole land was battered, the Star World was shattered
All the frightened Toads did was beg
While kingdoms were falling, he was recalling
The answers he had once found
So he hopped down a Warp Pipe headed for Brooklyn
Left the Koopa Kingdom without a sound.
Now he lives on the island, fixing the pipe lines
And eats his lasagna each day
He plays videogames but turns off the wi-fi
'Cause he don't care for how most people play
Through too many years off hammers and jumping
If he likes you he'll smile and he'll say
Pauline, some of it's magic, some of it's tragic
Wish I'd stayed a plumber all the way.
He went to Brooklyn looking for answers
And learned how to be a hero.