A/N: Cryptidking requested a song from the musical Avenue Q, and after much careful consideration, I decided to go with "It Sucks to Be Me" sung (or spoken – in italics) by an ensemble cast of Mario characters who get the short end of the stick in some way. Lemmy was chosen to represent the Koopalings because of the unfortunate ponytail that's been stuck on behind his mohawk – seriously, what's the point of that? Anyway, I also worked a Wreck-It Ralph reference in there, because that movie's awesome, so keep an eye out for it!
It Sucks to Be Mii
Pauline: Morning, Luigi!
Luigi: Hi Pauline.
Pauline: How's life?
Luigi: Disappointing!
Pauline: What's the matter?
Luigi: Mario left me out of another RPG.
Pauline: Oh, I'm sorry!
Luigi: Me too, I mean, look at me! It's been decades since "Mario Bros." came out and I always thought… Ugh.
Pauline: What?
Luigi: No, it sounds stupid.
Pauline: Awww, come on!
Luigi: When I was little I thought I would be…
Pauline: What?
Luigi: A big gaming star of my own series.
But now I'm thirty-one and as you can see
I'm not.
Pauline: Nope!
Luigi: Oh well, it sucks to be me.
Pauline: Noooo!
Luigi: It sucks to be me.
Pauline: No!
Luigi: It sucks to be player two
And scared of Boos
Saving my bro only.
I sucks to be me.
Pauline: Oh you think your life sucks?
Luigi: I think so.
Pauline: Your problems aren't so bad!
I'm really pretty and real business smart.
Luigi: You are.
Pauline: Thanks!
I like romantic things like amusement parks.
And as you know I have a voluptuous… heart.
So why, did I lose my boyfriend,
Peach? It sucks to be me!
Luigi: Me too.
Pauline: It sucks to be me.
Luigi: It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be Luigi…
Pauline: And Pauline…
Luigi: To be overshadowed!
Pauline: To have been replaced!
Both: It sucks to be me.
Luigi: Hey, Koopalings, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?
Junior: No, buzz off.
Pauline: Whose life sucks more? Luigi's or mine?
Junior and Lemmy: Psh, ours!
Lemmy: We live together.
Junior: We're as close as Koopas can get.
Lemmy: We've been the best of brothers…
J: Ever since the day we met.
Lemmy: So he knows lots of ways to make us really upset!
J: Wh-
Lemmy: Oh, every game is an aggravation.
Junior: Come on, that's an exaggeration!
Lemmy: You replaced us as King Dad's favourite mini boss.
Junior: Oh yeah? You filled up the roster in that new "Mario Kart" cut – I lost!
Lemmy: You make that very tiny Clown Car we share a hell.
Junior: So do you. That's why I'm in hell too!
Lemmy: It sucks to be me!
Junior: No, it sucks to be me!
Pauline: It sucks to be me!
Luigi: It sucks to be me!
All: Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!
Daisy: Why're you all so happy?
Junior: Because our lives suck!
Daisy: Your lives suck?
Am I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I came from Sarasaland for opportunities
To become well-known in spinoffs
Screaming, "Hi, I'm Daisy!"
I'm hot and spunky but they're all sick of me!
No more starring roles!
But I'm not a palette swap!
But no one kidnaps me!
Just got Super
Cleaning Lady Luigi
And fanboys who're – all – so – damn – pervy!
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to be me!
I say it
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucks!
It sucks to be me.
Waluigi: Hey you!
Luigi: Hey Waluigi.
Waluigi: Normally I'd ignore you singing weirdos, but I'm looking for a place to crash.
Daisy: Why, did Wario finally kick you out?
Waluigi: No! I'm just sick of watching him roll around in all that "WarioWare" doe and never invite Waaaluigi to be in his stupeed games, and this place seemed far enough away to escape his nasty, farty, garlic stench…
Luigi: If you wanna stay you need to talk to the super. Let me get him.
Waluigi: Super? Better not be Mario…
Luigi: Yo, DK!
Donkey Kong Jr.: I'm comin'! I'm comin'!
Waluigi: Who the Underwhere is this guy?
DKJ: Glad you asked!
DKJ: I'm Donkey Kong Jr.
From the game "Donkey Kong Jr."
I was the first heroic Kong
But my dad hogged all the fame
And "County" stars his grandson
So I'm not in that game
The only thing
I have to hold on to's
My carbon-copy name
All: It sucks to be you.
Pauline: You win!
All: It sucks to be you.
Luigi: I feel better now!
DKJ: Try having people stopping you to ask you
If you're your dad or your kid
I'll show you Cranky…
All: It sucks to be you.
Like the Satella Q
Sucks to be me
Like the N64DD
Sucks to be you
Like the CDi too
It sucks to be us
But not when we're together
We're together here on the Internet!
We live on the Internet
Those Shines can't get!
No good roles from Nintendo
We live on the Internet!
Waluigi: This is gonna suck!
All: We live on the Internet!
Junior: Get used to it.
All: We live on the Internet!
Donkey Kong Jr.: Here's your password!
All: Welcome to the Internet!