The REAL Nightmare Begins Here
(And her name is Graham's Cookies Ashtray)
Our fair-haired wanderer gained access to the church's fanatics though he wished he could put on a protective suit. Making his way among the benches he made sure not to touch anything, he wasn't sure if their religious obsession was contagious but he didn't want to find out. Kennedy had just finished the unexciting color puzzle when he opened the door to where Ashtray was imprisoned. As soon as she saw the man, she hid her face screaming, «NO don't look! », and threw a piece of wood his way. Leon expertly dodged, only to whack his head on the shelf behind him. With no concern whatsoever, the whiny girl kept on the same train of thought, «I look horrible I haven't been in a salon for the past two hours! »
He rubbed his head mumbling, «Oh then it's an emergency…»
«Beg your pardon? », right after asking that she ran into a corner and whined some more.
Leon eyed her suspiciously before walking her way slowly, «Alright then I think we're past the presentation. »
She snapped, «Who are you!? »
«Or, maybe not. My name's Leon S. Kennedy, I'm here to-»
«What does the 'S' stands for? »
Taken aback, the not-so-sure savior looked around then back on her. «Scott? »
«Oh. »
«Satisfied? »
«Why, yes. »
«Good. So I was sent here by your father. »
Upon his words her eyes grew much bigger than they already were, and it was terrifying, «My father!? »
«Yes. »
«Sent here by my father?! »
«….that's what I said, yes. »
«Oh alright. », she seemed to immediately calm down.
Kennedy took a step back; you never know in that line of work, plus her body proportions looked weird…might be infected, least he hoped that was the explanation to it…. «Are you alright? »
«Did you come here just so you could mock me? », she spat.
«…obviously yes, since I can't have anything else to do with my time…. »
She turned an arrogant nose away from his face, «Despicable. »
Never did he meet such a pesky female before, hell even despite Sherry BirdKin's young age she'd been way much less a burden than this teen here. The little girl didn't even care to have malodorous zombies puke all over her, she would never even cry as her eyes stung so painfully from the acidic substance and felt like they were melting out of her sockets.
With his mouth closed, Leon ran his tongue on his teeth trying not to lose his cool; «Listen little girl-»
«I'm a woman. »
«…yeah, ok, listen we have to go now.», he motioned for her to get up however she remained right where she was, now her mocking eyes back on him, «So you're alone? He sent just one man? No way, my father would have sent an entire group of handsome muscled men with bazookas to save me! They would also bring wine. »
«That'd be called a battalion and a pretty stereotyped one at that, but since I'm here then I think it's safe to assume he didn't. Can we go now I don't have all day, plus I haven't eaten since I arrived and no way am I touching any of that suspicious red meat they chow down on here. »
«Actually it's pretty good, tasted it myself. »
They stared, and Leon's hand slowly but noticeably went for the gun on his thigh. «…then we might have another problem, but, you seem almost okay so far. »
«Almost? »
«Come on, we haven't much time to lose, not that we had any to begin with, so get up. »
When she finally did, Kennedy noticed a spot of humidity where she had been seating. He closed his eyelids hard and thought; "Great, now not only am I stuck with her but the smell of urine will follow me around as well.", never had he been one for babysitting. Opening his eyes he crossed the door, sighing.
Sucks to be him, damn; sucks to be that floor.
The unwilling duo was about leaving the cathedral when Leon descended a ladder to survey the surroundings. Something was different this time around though as for he heard a loud 'thud' immediately followed by more complaints. He turned around fast only to spot Ashtray sprawled on the floor holding her ass.
«What the—»
«You were supposed to catch ME! », his ear drums almost exploded at that.
«Don't you know how to descend a simple ladder on your own? »
«I'm the president's daughter! »
«….okay? »
«Next time WAIT for me and CATCH me! »
He glared at her, «No you listen, next time you can just process thoughts like others would and use your own limbs to descend said possible-next-ladder instead of just randomly jump off a ledge then break my balls some more with your prepubescent whining, got it? »
Ashtray looked horrified, «You despicable man….! »
Leon looked as if he was about ramming his face at the brick wall but managed to turn around and walk away, he had a job to do and the sooner he accomplished it the better. Thus being in a hurry he ran through the church and got surprised by the cult leader. His face was much worse in reality, though his eyes weren't pierced by bullet holes.
«Welcome to our majestic house of worship! I'll take the whiny little girl. », he paused for a second with a false air of concern, «or have you any objections? »
Kennedy was really tempted to just shove the teen his way and be done with, but then he'd have to forget about that ton of cash the president offered him, along with that dream of his…to actually have a dream. Well at least with money he would be able to afford several dreams. Ashtray did what she does best; she hid behind her savior and started crying. The ex-cop stepped forward. «Who are you? »
The grim-looking man smirked, «IF you must know; my name is UsMundane Sadder…»
«That's indeed a saddening name. »
The cult leader ignored the remark instead just kept talking with his voice always fluctuating between normal and a bizarre tone, like being in some trance or profound unreserved delight. «…I am the grand, great, spiritual guide of this really fine and plain just remarkable, religious community…! »
Leon found it disturbing. «Sounds more like an alien invasion if you ask me! », he felt proud about that one, chuckled and looked back at Ashtray. She was too preoccupied drooling at his ass to notice. He slapped her behind the head, «Hey! »
She flinched, «What!? »
«Pay attention you pervert; you just missed one of many of my painstakingly-superior cheesy monologue! », Kennedy turned back to Sadder, who was busy petting his slimy stick; Leon's lip twitched, «What do you want anyway? »
«I want nothing more than to govern the entire world, zof course! But first I need to inquire the president with his filthy money; my fantastic religious view requires more attention than his pompous progeny does. May I also remind you that you can make a donation, near the front door or on this altar? In fact, empty your pockets this instant, I'm sure you got greedy while adventuring through our», he leveled his eyes and seemed to be in utter bliss again, « excellent and hygienic continent!»
Leon scoffed, «Pff, faith and money will lead you nowhere, 'Saddle'! » He stood there, chest swollen and feeling quite important.
The wind blew outside, everyone stared, the only audible sound was the wet noises Sadder's stick produced; it soon became really awkward. Leon frowned, the leader sighed, «Anyhow it's not like you can escape, and soon you'll do everything I will command you to. You see, I've injected you two puny humans with a little participating gift; no need to thank me you're quite welcome. »
Leon shrugged, «…Yeah? What's that? »
UsMundane grinned, «I believe it'll be quite clear soon enough…»
Ashtray then yelled, «NO! » Leon turned to her with a questioning glare; she looked up at him with tearful eyes. «I chipped a nail! »
Kennedy kept staring, he was deeply torn between the need to strangle her savagely, shoot her in the head quick; or abandon her here. Sadder interrupted his dilemma, «Now if you'll excuse me, I've got better things to do. », his stick squeaked in approval, «After having gone to the lengths to bestow you with our perfect present, now I will order my minions to execute you. »
His retarded subordinates leveled their weapons; Leon grabbed the girl's wrist and ran off, hurled her through a window first, then jumped over it himself now that it was safe to. She spat glass and blood, «Leon, what are we gonna do? », she looked at him from below with puppy eyes and a bleeding forehead.
Not at all moved he grabbed her by the collar and dragged her towards the exit, scratching her knees on the ground as he went, «I survived the Raccoon incident, no doubt I can endure this. »
She wondered what kind of raccoon he was talking about while struggling to get up.
Sure he survived 1998 but could he tolerate the girl? Perhaps this incident will indeed surpass Raccoon and it'll be the AshLay-incident instead that he'll never forget thereafter. Being stuck with her was quite trying for his sanity, much worse compared to every horrible thing he witnessed back then. He swung the door open and started shooting everything in sight, wishing Claire was around instead of that burden clinging to his back like a tumor.
Leon thought, ''Claire was always cool, athletic and strong; useful.'', he recalled the occurrence when she was being followed by the invincible Mr. X, she devised a cunning plan and once the monster was stunned, Claire relied its nipples to a battery and threw the switch. Good times those.
A yell interrupted his thoughts, the kind of which makes you wish you were deaf and suddenly turned you homicidal.
«LEeEEeeeOOooOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN!»
Kennedy wheeled around and almost shot the wrong target but eventually refocused his hatred unto the mutated resident who was holding her atop his shoulder. Leon shot the man in the head; its content exploded all over her. He gave her no time to complain as he yanked the girl on her feet and forced her to run towards an exit; she now stink vomit.
The president would definitely have to garnish his paycheck with more digits.
X++++++++++++++++X
Kennedy and his most-regrettable cancer had just ran into another shitty place, as soon as they got in the soon-to-be-murderer man rammed the door closed and turned around when another called his name. A piece of wood was thrown his way hitting him in the throat. «Well thanks for that….», he chocked and hissed as he bent to pick it up.
Luis was too busy drooling like a retard on the girl's breasts in order to remotely care, «Seems like the president equipped his daughter with ballistics too…. »
Her face turned disdainful, «Comparatively to your balls, yes. »
«Touché», chuckled Leon, right before he got smacked in the face this time by another wooden plank; he tripped backward holding his nose. Certain comments then were mumbled between clenched teeth; mainly about how Spaniards are evil fuckers and considering the whole crazy brainwashed village they were stuck in, it's all true: but Leon had just found out how much of an ass Sera could be. At least Ashtray had not thrown a second plank at him back there… not that anything else was in her favor anyway. Luis then finally unglued his eyes from the spherical extremity to look at Leon, «Is she….? »
He trailed off for what seemed like an eternity so Leon gave him a questioning glare, making Luis reply with an evasive, «Well, you know…. »
The ex-cop looked around quick with exasperation before darting his eyes back at him, «No I don't, what Luis? »
«Well y'know, is she….? »
«What? Is she what? »
«Well…. »
«What's the matter with you, spit it out. »
«Forget it. »
Leon stepped forward, «No, NO, no fucking around like that just fucking say it! »
«No jus—»
Kennedy started to move his arms about, «Is she what, vegetarian? An alien? A secret spy working for Wesker although not dressed in red? »
«…wha…»
An annoying voice broke upon their discussion, «Hey guys, there's a horde of unsavory creepy men closing in on us; holding torches, pitchfork and all, they look pretty mean….plus they're unfashionably dressed. »
Leon cleared his throat and nodded at her, «Thanks for the unimportant details that could have been easily overlooked for time's sake. »
Both men parked their rears near a window, then Luis voiced his deepest concern giving the dire situation they're stuck in, «Did you send all those invitations?! I told you no more than fifty people! »
The blond man slowly turned his glaring eyes towards him, whispering something under his breath that made Ashtray livid with fright as she took hold of the nearby table so as not to fall, «….I can feel my last meal ascending ….! »
Too bad we won't know what those words were as for there was no microphone there…. but sure seemed gruesome. Sera then decided to point the obvious, one more time, «Alright we have to hold fort here. »
Kennedy reloaded his Red 9 hastily, rather annoyed, «Glad you finally figured that out…. They're surrounding this damn shack. »
«It's a house. »
«Where I come from houses are bigger than shacks. »
Ashtray clapped her hands on her hips, «Especially my father's. »
Leon turned his head back towards the window and whispered, «Can't wait to get out of here…. she's worse than all those zombies…. »
The girl got closer to where Luis was, making the man sniff the air, «What's that smell…? »
Ashtray didn't look aggravated, point is she didn't figure out the odor was emanating from her. Leon only clenched his teeth and said, «Just focus on these damn fanatics…. ». He eyed Luis' Red 9, «I hope your aim is much sharper than your brain is. »
The next couple of hours were packed with endless firing, decimating, decapitating, reloading, kicks to the face, knife to the balls, avoiding getting shot by Luis or cut open by mutated idiots. If Krauser would have been there he'd say with pleasure ''Now we're talking…!'', but he's not therefore he'll miss this good quality time.
The two men were assuring their survival; the useless girl stood in a corner and pied her underwear, again. It flew down her leg and flooded her right boot but hush, it's okay, no one will notice; she certainly didn't. If only Jill or Claire were here….Sera exploded some more heads and tossed a carton of ammunition at Leon's feet, «Here, use this! »
Kennedy bent then glared his way, «…It's empty.» he shifted his aim between windows and scored some more before throwing a flame grenade outside, granting his nose with the sweet aroma of burnt mutated flesh.
Luis ducked from under Leon's aim before tossing him another object, «Take this! »
Kennedy frowned over the small pack of Kleenex and almost yelled «Shit Luis are you getting senile!? »
Sera's sole answer was to say «Upstairs! » while running up the steps on all fours like a retard.
The ex-cop kicked a villager in the face which brilliantly made it explode, and ascended to the second floor where he found Sera being assaulted. Leon shot the man in the knee, then while Luis screamed in pain the blond actually shot the enemy next.
Sera stabbed his attacker in the eyes with a fork, «This is loco! It never ends! »
Leon pushed a ladder off and tossed two grenades outside, «I think this dire time requires more optimistic vocalizing than that. » He played it brave though twice during this hell he nearly told Luis to just hand them the girl so they could save their asses, the thought of having a dream sustained him however.
When it all finally did end, they had to walk over hordes of corpses trying not to slip in all the blood, and other unspecified bodily fluids. Well at least this time around Sera had been of some help; Leon doubted he might have survived that insane sandwich reunion without his assistance. He was about voicing his gratitude when Luis suddenly ran out of the house, «I forgot some unspecified things, you guys go on ahead! » lost foot in the mud cursing then disappeared in the dark scenery.
«Luis! », Leon ran to the door and stood there, «…what the f-….? » Well if the foolish man preferred to try his luck by himself, so be it. Kennedy heard Ashtray walk to him; that's when he knew that being alone wasn't as bad as it seems…
X++++++++++++++++X
At some point, the survivor and his neatly-dressed parasite ended on a lift unsteadily balancing over an endless pit, Ashtray vomited overboard during the whole intrepid crossing down while Leon shot many men in the face; they all fell down like swimmers simultaneously diving in a pool. They eventually disembarked, Kennedy continued on with making this continent a better place AKA shooting more morons in the eyes and exploding their kneecaps. He walked past the merchant again who stared at the duo with his newly-red eyes. Leon disapproved and shot him too; to hell with supplies he could never afford.
A path led them to another decrepit shed; Leon sensed danger so he gave her a quick look, «Do like you always do. »
«…Huh? », saliva dripped from her chin.
His voice got lower with impatience, «Go hide. »
She ran to a bush and hid her face in, the rest of her entire body protruding out. Kennedy figured she'd still be safe knowing that the villagers were as smart as her. He opened the metallic door and got in, his nose being assaulted yet again. You'd think it would have gotten numbed by now with everything he was forced to breathe; but each new atrocious stench was like a punch in the stomach still.
He had been busy with searching the dump for anything useful when he heard the door squeak. He got closer in time to see that oversized man getting in, and he was now bending the handles in a knot; obviously Mendez works out. The huge man turned around, his mismatched eyes locking unto Leon like a programmed robot made to annihilate. Kennedy did feel a tad uncomfortable then, but just a bit.
«I warned you», the strong voice filled the space, «You've become unpleasant to our cheeseburgers. »
His accent made the last word all the much more hilarious, Leon tried to mute a chuckle but Mendez caught on it. «Si, savor these seconds as they will be your last. », in one step of his long leg he had crossed the distance between the door and his new toy. Kennedy choked on his saliva then sped up a ladder, knowing he could take aim at the barrel below and cook the ogre.
The implacable eyes followed his ascension, didn't even seem to bother as if he knew how futile it all was; that outsider was trapped and he would die here. Then he'd eat his tender flesh raw with paprika, but for now let's just concentrate on the battle at hand.
Kennedy aimed and fired, the bullet pierced the metal and…. beans spilled on the floor. Leon eyed the scene as Bitorez glanced at the container then at him, saying «We use this barn to store victuals, fool. »
The blond clenched his teeth then tossed three flame grenades down at his opponent, the place immediately got warmer. The ex-cop tried to decipher something through the blaze, «He didn't even scream, hopefully his brains splattered all over the place. » Leon's faint hope got swept away when he heard skin being torn apart, wet sounds and grunts emitted. Suddenly Mendez's head was over the second floor, glaring at him. He had mutated rapidly, discarded his skin to grow this thick spinal column with multiple tiny arms protruding from it, his head swinging from above. Leon thinned his lips, «Well...you looked better before, and that's saying something... »
The fiend had also oversized limbs protruding from his back so he used them to sweep the second level trying to grab the human. Leon slid down the ladder, ran to the door then turned around before started firing. As the brute got closer Kennedy took his shotgun from his magic endless pouch, aimed and fired. When Bitorez got where Leon wanted him, our soon-to-be-devoured hero ran-dove in between the man's legs, got closer to the barn's rear and threw some more grenades.
A second explosion sent debris flying; Leon coughed, half-closed eyes searching. Gurgling sounds were heard from beyond the fumes, «…where are you, freak…», his eyes glanced from the ground to the planks near the ceiling upon hearing something move over there. He took aim even before seeing his nemesis, what was left of him. Leon opened fire immediately as his eyes sent the information to his brains. The bald man had no legs anymore, he was just some twisted creature made of large arms, a head and a torso; his grand beard had somehow been spared.
The monster was too swift, grabbed him easily; he could have ripped him in two if not for Leon being able to still rationalize and take aim. Shotgun shells were delivered to the hideous face, making his grip falter. It had done damage but it was far from being enough, unfortunately our fighter ran out of ammo. As not-a-man-anymore-Mendez rolled on the floor and was about getting up, Kennedy tossed his last two grenades his way. The bloodied monster was about regaining balance when he exploded in multiple pieces; his red eye flying right into Leon's face. The ex-cop felt the urge to throw it away plus take a bath but halted; this could come in handy…
All that remained was bloodied chunks but the beard had survived, it lay there among the fire like a badass. The place was burning from every angle now so in wanting to escape Kennedy hurled a leg in the half-destroyed wall, only managing to get himself trapped. He fell backward hitting his head, now coughing as his feet protruded outside. Until something grabbed it and started pulling him free, although not pain free since it helped debris and burning materials to scrape his entire backside, also allowing a plank to hit him in the balls on the way out.
He blinked a few times with teary eyes though had leveled his pistol in alarm until he recognized the girl; still, he kept aim just in case. She could have asked if he was alright but started complaining right away, «You were gone a horribly long time, I was so scared. I heard crows and I thought they would pick at my eyes until I died from it, in fact I'm pretty sure some of them were laughing at me! »
He coughed some more, passed a hand in his hair while getting up before shoving Mendez's eye in her face. She screamed and fell on her ass, «EWwhatisthat!? »
He held it to her, «This is an extremely evil eye, every time you'll complain I'll shove it into your face. So unless I'm not being transparent enough; you behave and keep quiet! »
Without further commotion, he left while putting the sticky eye in his front pocket.
X++++++++++++++++X
After defeating additional hordes of mad bastards, both blonds got back on that lift, the man enjoyed the view while Ashtray still puked. You'd think she'd have emptied all of her stomach's content by now, who knew she had all these secret resources within her…? Leon eventually had to use Mendez's Sacred Eyeball to open the grand doors, and judging by the height of the retinal scanner, the sky-scrapper-of-a-man would have had to bend in half for it to be inspected. They crossed the door and now faced a hill, three retarded villagers awaited them on top of that road hoping to ambush the outsiders though standing in plain sight.
Well they're the ones who got the surprise as a truck appeared behind them, driving over each with complete disregard; Leon had readied his sniper rifle and watched the hilarious scene through his scope though he did not have to pull the trigger. The lunatic driver was laughing maniacally but turned the wheel abruptly which sent him flying over the edge into a canyon, they heard him scream as he disappeared for ever. Leon lowered his rifle, «Well that takes care of it…»
The two crossed a bridge, Kennedy then realized that the merchant was endowed with the capacity to revive; if the hero would have been as pro as he claimed to be though he would have known that the mysterious man did not come back once killed. Anyway since Leon had been forced to donate to the church hence there was nothing that he could afford, not even plasters.
Though duct tape was more interesting right now….