A.N. Thank you for all your reviews that really surprised me, I've decided to turn this little fic into a three parts' one, hope you like it!
Three days before.
The ticking of the watch against the wall, the slight smell of coffee and the sound of the keyboard in the background told her she was still able to feel something; they told her she was still alive, after all. She felt like suspended in a bubble, nothing could have reach her, not anymore; the apathy she was feeling was just slightly contradicted by the tears still printed on her face. She didn't care to dry them, she didn't care about anything. It has been said something as small as theflutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world; in a few days her life had been literaly overturned.
It had been like a huge typhoon indeed had wiped out all her certainties. She had never been a sentimental woman, at least she had always believed she wasn't, but that building made by light red little bricks, coffee and tea had been her home, her family for more than ten years. In a blink of an eye though, everything had disappeared, as if those years of work, scoldings, tensions, challenges, but also of laughs, jokes, complicity and pure feelings had been a dream, a parallel life. The problem was she was awake now, but the only thing she wanted to do was sleep. Maybe a butterfly had really slammed her wings a little bit stronger than usual in some part of the world after all.
"Agent Lisbon, are you still with us?" A male voice asked her.
She wasn't sure why but she didn't despise Agent Abbott, at least not totally.. there was something behind those professional glasses and that dark voice that gave her a sense of clearness and trust.
"Agent Lisbon?" Abbott tried again.
"I'm here." She replied in a whisper.
"Look, you don't understand how serious is this, you've basically helped a man and his revenge plan to kill another man.. help me to get you out of this because frankly this won't be easy."
"I've stopped him." She replied weakly.
"You've stopped him after you've given your gun to him, you've given your gun to him to make him able to kill Red John."
"It was part of a plan." She blurted out without thinking. Suddenly some clarity mixed with an unexpected audacity reached her mind. "We knew we were close, it was just a matter of days, we had planned everything before, you know, the part in which I left Jane go.. we knew Red John would have never renounced to the opportunity to meet him, alone.. Jane was a sort of bait.. I have trusted him on this, I've thought that I could reach him and that together we could stop Red John, but then your team arrested me and my agents and I've realized at the same time Jane had another plan in mind." She said, surprising even herself with the easiness of her lie.
Abbott smiled, shaking his head and writing down some notes.
"It seems an exasperated plan to catch a serial killer, don't you think?"
For a moment it had been like the bubble around her had suddenly burst, overwhelmed by the anger she was now able to feel.
"You know what I don't understand, Agent Abbott? Me and my team have been treated like criminals, like we were guilty of only God knows what when we have spent the last ten years of our life chasing a sick man who made us sleep with nightmares and double safety locks at our doors.. we have lost people we loved, we have lost the pleasure of the lightness and the positivity of life most of the times, but we have made it at the end, we have caught him, now excuse me if I'm here trying to defend myself for a thing that doesn't even exist."
She ended her speech and removed a tear that had fallen inexorably.
"Do you know the thing that surprises me the most, Lisbon? That you have done all of this, you have ruined your life, your career over another man."
She remembered the same words said by another man though and the memory made her smile.
She looked at Abbott, noticing for the first time the ring on his finger, his tie, an expensive one, maybe italian, a lovely gift for sure and a tupperware container full of homemade food. She smiled again,realizing she was trying to read him like Jane had done during all those years of surrealistic life together.
"Are you married?" She asked him.
He was a little surprised but he decided to reply eventually, "yes, I am."
"Your wife loves you?" She kept asking.
"I really hope she does." He replied a little confused.
"Do you think she would do anything in her power to protect or better, to defend you?" She asked again.
He smiled, looking at her, finally following her train of thoughts.
"That's not the point, Lisbon."
"Believe me, it is." She said, looking directly in his eyes.
He touched his ring on his finger, suddenly feeling lucky.
"Is this your final statement, Agent Lisbon?" He asked more gently in a way.
She nodded, ready to go.
She was about to leave the room when his voice stopped her again.
"Do you want to see him?" He asked with nonchalance, taking the container full of food.
"No." She replied immediately. "Is he ok?" She couldn't help but ask.
"You know him..every single accusation toward him has dropped in ten minutes."
She smiled, a mix of proud and melancholy invaded her.
"He knew you would have said no." He said again.
"What?" She asked confused.
"He asked me to give you this." He answered, handing her a small piece of folded paper.
She reached him and took the paper, then she put it in the pocket of her jacket without opening it.
After a last exchange of looks with the man in front of her, she left the room.
She felt his fingers around her wrist pulling her inside like a magnet, she couldn't resist it, she couldn't resist him. When she was in the dusty room, he took her face in his hands leading her against the table in the middle of the room, the back of thighs hit the surface not too gently, his hands never leaving her face.
"I've spent three days fighting the urge to leave you and never see you again." He said, resting his forehead against hers. "and fighting the need to knock on your door and to not leave your house anymore." He said,wiping the corner of her mouth wet of tears.
"Like now, I don't know if I should send you home right now or.. " He said, dropping his right hand from her cheek and reaching her neck, "or.." he repeated, loosening her messy ponytail and caressing her hair.
"Or what?" She said, almost sitting on the table behind her, feeling suddenly weak.
"Or this.." He answered, unbuttoning the top button of her blouse.
"Jane.." she said, circling his wrist but unable to stop him.
"I think I've made my decision." He whispered in her ear.
"Stop it!" She said, removing his hands from her; she freed herself from his grasp and she put some distance between them.
"What is it?" She asked angry, "do you want to punish me taking me to bed? Do you want to seduce me and then leave me like if I were nothing?" She screamed, sounding almost hysterical even to herself. "I've been selfish, I know, but you know what? I dealt with your selfishness until now but I'm done with it."
"Lisbon.." He tried to stop her.
"No, wait!Let me finish and stay there." She said taking her cross between her hands like it was a sort of talisman able to give her power and strenght.
"I'm sorry if I've stopped you, I'm sorry if you think that I've ruined your plan or maybe even your life but I've decided to protect myself for once because losing you would have destroyed me, totally destroyed me.. only now I've realised I have lost you anyway but I won't leave you play with my feelings and use me, I won't.."
"Teresa.." He said, interrupting her and walking toward her, stopping in front of her shaking body. "Have you read my message?" He asked, taking her hand.
"What message?" She asked, confused.
"Abbott didn't give you a piece of paper?" He asked, massaging her knuckles.
She put her free hand in her pocket, finding the paper, she removed it from its shelter and prepared herself to read it. He looked in her eyes with a sweetness she hadn't seen in days.
"Read it!" He said, smiling at her.
She read the single line of three words written on that small piece of paper.
I forgive you.
And then she burst into tears.
He took her in his arms and hid his face against her neck.
"Why?" She asked, whispering in his year.
"Because everytime I try to save you, you are the one who saves me in the end." He replied, his lips caressing her neck while he was speaking.
She was the one who took his face in her hands now, obliging him to look at her; she touched his face, tracing those lines that made him even more attractive.
"You told me before that you wanted to send me home, why?" She asked, insecure.
He smiled, kissing her fingers. "Because if you stay here, my dear, I won't control myself this time."
Ok, don't hate me! I think last chapter will be a strong T, light M if it's not a problem for you! Let me know if you like it!