AN: Thanks for all the reviews, I haven't forgotten about this fic, sorry for the delay, really! Some of you wanted a real M rated chapter, I'm afraid I'm not that good to write it, so here we are, hope you like it anyway!
"You told me before that you wanted to send me home, why?" She asked, insecure.
He smiled, kissing her fingers. "Because if you stay here, my dear, I won't control myself this time."
After these words, she felt a weakness she didn't expect; it was like someone or better something had taken away all that small strength that she still had, despite the pain she had just experienced in those last days; as if all the tension accumulated had disappeared with the influence of his words. She bent her knees, suddenly tired of standing and her hands found his shoulders, more to steady herself that to enjoy the pleasure of touching him.
Jane kissed her forehead, not really paying attention to her conditions; when he found her mouth, tracing the contour of her lips with his own, he realized something wasn't right.
"Lisbon, are you ok?"
His words reached her in a distant way, confused somehow and a stubborn buzzing pervaded her ears. She tucked her head under his chin, her hands trembled. Jane took her face in his hands, like he had done before, now with a different intention though; he noticed her pale complexion, tiny droplets of sweat near her hairline and the way she was fighting to keep her eyes open. He spent ten seconds, almost selfishly, to admire how beautiful she was, even in these precarious conditions.
"When is the last time you have eaten something?" He asked sweetly, putting now his arms around her to steady her weak body.
She looked away from him, like a kid escaping from a paternal rebuke and he found it adorable. He tilted her chin toward him, smiling challengingly.
"What about you?" She replied smug.
Without answering, he picked her up like she was a damsel in danger, enjoying her protests and the way she squirmed in his arms, suddenly reinvigorated.
"What are you doing?" She asked while he put her on his precarious bed.
"You need to rest, little warrior."
"No way." She said, trying to get up.
"Lisbon, please.." he replied, stopping her, "you're exhausted, you were about to faint five minutes ago! Now, you're going to sleep and then when you wake up, I don't care what time is it, I'll take you to dinner."
"Jane, I'm not the one who needs a special treatment here." She said, gripping the sleeve of his shirt to gain his attention. He smiled, thinking about her words and realizing he had stopped to think of everything happened in those last absurd hours the moment she had entered in his shelter.
"Maybe I've already found my special treatment." He answered, lowering his gaze shyly.
She bite her lips, feeling the same shyness.
"Stay here." She said, grabbing his wrist. He looked at her and he knew he wasn't ready to leave her, not even for a minute. He had a strange feeling, like everything was happening only in his mind, like ha hadn't the right to live this unexpected and privileged happiness so early. That's why he couldn't leave her, because those pale fingers around his wrist were his lifebelt, he just needed to strengthen that contact.
He lay down next to her, almost scared to touch her. They were facing each other, just a little space between them, none of them dared to touch the other. Jane's eyes never leaving hers, Lisbon's ones fighting the tiredness to make them able to return his gaze. He chuckled, noticing her sweet effort and his hand found her hair, caressing it and lacing his fingers in her soft tresses.
"You can sleep now." He said, closing her eyelids alternately with the light pressure of his thumb.
"Will you be here when I wake up?" She asked, eyes already closed.
"I will" He answered smiling; then he closed his eyes, his fingers still in her hair.
They slept twelve hours, never changing position, reassured and heated by the other's presence; Lisbon woke up in the middle of the night, a little confused, but that sensation left her the second she realized that he was still here, next to her. She watched him in his dreamless sleep, surprised to find him in that state of peace. She closed the space between them, feeling braver somehow and touched his lips with her own. She smiled against his mouth while a contradictory tear left her eye. She knew it wouldn't have been so simple, she knew that he still had to deal with his demons, new and different ones but she wasn't scared this time, because she knew that they were responsible and creators of their destiny; there wasn't an external threat to fight, there wasn't them against the world, not anymore, at least for now.
When they both woke up, she spent ten minutes convincing him she was perfectly able to come home alone in her own car and that she needed a shower and clean clothes if he wanted to take her out.
He led her to her car, kissing her softly on the mouth three times through the open window of her car, then she went home, feeling like it was suddenly spring.
After a long shower, she found herself in front of her wardrobe, hoping to find something to wear and enjoying, for once, the lightness of her thoughts and priorities, at least for that day. She chose a long black floral dress, comfortable but elegant, without being too showy. An hour later she was ready, she looked in the mirror and she realized she couldn't remember the last time she had wanted to impress a man in that way; she fixed her wavy hair and checked her make up for the last time, ignoring the anxiety she was feeling and cursing her stomach that was making strange noises.
Lisbon had never thought to find Patrick Jane speechless in front of her the moment he saw her and this absurdity made her laugh slightly.
"You're.." He said, playing with the single red rose he had brought to her.
"Jane, you're ruining it." She said, pointing at the rose.
He looked confused for a moment and then he put the flower on the table of the kitchen.
"I thought it was for me." she said teasingly.
"Oh that? Yeah, well it's nothing.. only a rose, nothing big." He answered, starting to make that strange dance with his fingers he did sometimes.
"We should go now." She said, taking his arm to encourage him.
"Teresa?" He said, looking at her.
"Yes?" She replied surprised.
"You're stunning."
Her infinite smile was his favorite answer.
That evening together was amazing, they seemed a normal couple, enjoying each other's company with a lightness that really didn't belong to them. In the middle of the dinner, Jane left his place in front of her and took a seat on the little wooden bench next to her, finding an absurd excuse to justify the need to be closer to her somehow. Lisbon laughed, secretly thanking the wine that had made them both more relaxed and brave.
While they were at the dessert, he removed a bit of ice cream from the corner of her mouth and licked his thumb afterwards, never leaving her eyes. The intimate nature of the gesture made her close the distance between them and she kissed the same spot on the corner of his mouth, mimicking him. When he didn't move, she kissed him again, on the mouth this time, caressing his lips lightly; she was about to give him another kiss when she felt his hand on her shoulder stopping her.
"I.. I need to take some air." He said confused and left the restaurant in a heartbeat.
Lisbon froze, the ice cream suddenly seemed colder somehow.
Jane reached his car, resting his back against it, breathing in the air and cursing himself at the same time.
He hated himself for his reaction, but he couldn't stand the thought of another second next to her like that. He was scared of the power she had over him, he was scared because a few days ago he had left everything for her; everything because until some days ago his need of revenge was the only thing that had kept him alive, the only thing that mattered.
At least, he had wanted to tell himself this, knowing that he didn't deserve to think of her the way he wanted. He had hidden his feelings for her even to himself, they made him weaker, less careful, he had always thought she was his biggest distraction. It had been easy, the day before in his attic, to drop his mask, easy to be affectionate with her.. to kiss her even if not in the way he wanted.. easy to pretend everything was right. He had had the sensation to be in a dream, locked up in those four walls able to keep the spectrum of the reality out.
Now it was a different story, now everything was real. The strong attraction he had felt the second her lips had kissed him, so sensually, was real, the intoxicant scent every time she moved her hair was real; even the ring around his finger seemed more real, tighter somehow. He looked at it and the truth hit him once again. He had basically chosen another woman over his wife and he felt guilty about it, especially because he had always thought to give his wife and his daughter a closure somehow, and this had not happened. He wasn't surprised when he saw her walking toward him.
She reached him, without saying a word and copied his position, resting her back against the car next to him. They stayed in silence for a while, none of them finding the right words, then Jane started to talk.
"If I had killed him, you'd still want me?" He asked, out of the blue.
"You can't choose who you love." She replied without thinking, then she added, "You've already done it in the past, anyway."
"It was different." He replied.
"The first time, yes..the second, I'm not so sure." She said.
"You deserve better." He whispered, still not able to look at her.
She moved from her spot next to him and faced him instead, waiting for him to look at her, then she started to talk.
"Everyone has some dark parts, I think it's quite impossible to really know a person, you know.. we all try to hide something inside us, having fear to not be understood or maybe to be judged.. with you it's different though.. I fell in love with your dark parts, every single one, you know why? Because I've always found something good even in them.. maybe I'm hopeless, I don't know, but don't tell me what I deserve because I know what I want, I know who I love and you know what? I've always seen transparency in you, even in your lies, behind all of them."
Her words hit him like a ton of bricks, he could barely think of something to say.
"Is it wrong wanting another woman?" He said, touching his ring. She took his hand in hers after his question.
"It's not.. I know it's hard for you but you've already done everything for them, it's over Jane.. you need to stop to hide behind them, live your life, do it please." She said, almost pleading him.
He didn't say anything, he just kept staring at her, his gaze travelled across her body, his eyes huge. She decided to try another approach.
"You know what, Jane? I'm tired! Tired of being rejected by you.. it's the second time, you've basically done the same in the attic.. maybe you don't find me attractive, I've always thought I'm not your type of woman anyway and I-"
Her words were interrupted when he took her and trapped her body against the car.
"Shut up." He said and then he kissed her like he had always wanted.
He kept kissing her, feeling the warmth of her tongue against his and biting her lower lip lightly. She moaned in response, trying to bury her hands in his curls but he took them and trapped them over her head against the car. He kept them in one hand, the other went on her knee over her dress. After a few seconds, he started to raise the hem of her dress, slowly, enjoying her reaction. He caressed her bare knee and then he went up, tracing her thigh.
"Do you really think I don't find you attractive?" He asked, biting her earlobe and drawing small circles on her skin, dangerously near the lace of her underwear .
"I was kidding." She replied smugly, trying to free herself from his grasp. He pushed her against the car once again and chuckled in her ear, "you're so smart, Lisbon." He said, toying with the hem of her panties. "I love lace." He added, making her push lightly against his hand, wanting more contact.
"Take me home." She said, finding his lips again; he kissed her and cupped her, feeling the lace under his fingers. Then he separated himself from her, like nothing had happened, "yeah, let's go home." He said. She cursed him a little and entered in the car.
A strange silence fell between them, a silence full of expectations; sometimes their eyes met during the travel and those gazes made Jane drive faster. Once arrived at Lisbon's apartment, Jane found impossible not to touch her. He started to caress her exposed back and shoulders while she was trying to open the door, thing that seemed almost impossible in that moment; his hand went under her dress finding the lower part of her back and Lisbon for a moment stopped to fight with her keys and leaned against him, exposing her neck. Jane kissed it lightly and in the meantime took the keys from her hand, opening the door. When they was inside, Lisbon tried to turn around but his strong hands around her waist stopped her.
"Don't move." He whispered in her ear, then he raised her long dress and hr removed it from her body; she remained in underwear and she could feel his eyes on her the whole moment. He kissed her left shoulder, the right one, then he started to trace her back with small little kisses until he was on his knees behind her; he caressed her buttocks and then he turned her, bringing her core at the level of his face. "I imagined to give you pleasure in so many ways.." He said, moving his lips against her belly, then following the contour of her panties with his lips, she interlaced her fingers in his hair.
"…that I don't know where to start." He looked at her and found her eyes full of need. She made him stand and took his face between her hands, "This is not just about me." she whispered and then she kissed him and he pulled her body fully against his.
That night Patrick Jane learnt new things about Teresa Lisbon; her unselfish devotion, even in bed, that made his pleasure more important than her own, the way she buried her fingers in his hair during a particularly wave of pleasure, how she was always looking for his eyes the whole moment to be sure of his presence and commitment and that hint of shyness made of slight, almost inaudible moans when he had given pleasure to her with his mouth.
The moment their bodies met for the first time though, he didn't discover anything new; he wasn't surprise what he felt, it was confidence, familiarity, a sense of belonging; now, in her bed with her stubborn pretty head on his chest, he reflected on the way Teresa Lisbon had always been home to him; her honesty made of rebukes, jokes and anger had always made her authentic in his eyes; she didn't need to pretend with him or to approve everything he did and this loyalty was more precious than everything else to him. The second their bodies met, he felt like that sense of belonging was finally complete.
She said to him that evening she couldn't choose who to love, he wasn't agree though.. he had chosen her between everyone else because with her he could be free somehow; free to be weak, free to be haunted by his demons, free to love again and free to accept to be loved again and most of all he could feel free to deserve that love. He kissed her forehead, noticing that her eyelids were starting to open.
"We haven't payed the bill." she said aloud, staring at him. After some seconds of silence, they burst out laughing.
"I'll go tomorrow morning."
"Will you come back here,then?" She asked, insecure.
"Where else should I go?" He answered, making her smile.
"What's next, Jane?" She asked worried.
He took a strand of her hair and put it behind her ear.
"You know what, Lisbon? For once, I have absolutely no idea."
"I want my job back." She said, looking at him,"will you help me?"
" Of course I will." He replied immediately.
"Jane?"
"Lisbon?"
"Do you love me?" she asked, meeting his eyes. He pretended to think carefully about it and she almost hit him with a pillow in response.
"I sure do." He replied, smiling, she looked at him for some seconds and then she hit him anyway.
And he realized that, from that moment, he would have given to her everything she wanted and needed.. she had just saved his life after all.
FINE
I could write a sequel of this fic because I've loved writing it, or maybe I could add more chapters in the future! Anyway, I hope you liked this fic, let me know and thank you for reading.