A/N: Woah, so sorry for the later-than-usual update, guys! I've been sick and swamped with homework that I've been trying to catch up with. But don't worry- I've been thinking up some awesome ideas for this story. I love the feedback that you guys give! Seems like a few people don't like Sam too much, but remember, he and Blaine are over-protective of Quinn for a reason. ;)
I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and Happy New Year :)
The next few days passed and went with little change. Kurt and Santana returned from Lima, with Kurt feeling guilty if the texts Rachel was sending him said anything. Rachel spent most of her time in her room, watching movies on her laptop when everyone was in the apartment. Santana was actually starting to get worried, and that was something she didn't do very often. She had tried to get Rachel to be rational, to try and talk to Sam, Quinn, or even Blaine and explain what had happened; that it was all a misunderstanding. As far as her roommates knew, Rachel had no interest in Finn whatsoever- she hadn't even talked about him since the breakup. Rachel wasn't giving in to Santana's pleas; deciding instead to ignore the girl every time she tried. Because as far as Rachel was concerned, she wasn't in the wrong. Sam had been irrational with not letting her explain what had happened, so it had to of been his fault.
It was currently New Year's Eve, and Brittany and Jake had stopped by once again with their weekly mail-drop-off. Rachel was still concerned about how the managed to get everyone's mailboxes open, but she was glad that they always seemed to make Rachel's stop their last. She had almost been begging for human contact that wasn't her roommates, but without a job and a lack of auditions Rachel had met a stalemate.
"Thanks again, you guys. Santana always seems to forget to grab the mail when she comes home from work. Something about always being tired after a late shift or something, I'm not sure." Rachel explained, letting the duo into the apartment.
"It's really no problem, Rach. Just a little neighborly thing, you know?" Jake replied, a smile on his face as he handed Rachel the stack of mail.
"Would you guys like anything to drink?" It had become almost a ritual, for her to offer them a drink. If she wasn't there to retrieve the mail, Kurt would do it, or Santana would attempt. She hadn't gotten too good at the talking to Brittany thing, but she was getting better.
"Yeah, actually. That'd be awesome" Brittany grinned, and Rachel led them into the kitchen, grabbing them both a water bottle. She set the mail down on the table and began to sort it out, but she kept hearing Jake and Brittany whispering about something.
Furrowing her brow, Rachel turned towards the duo. "Something wrong?" She asked, leaning against the table.
Jake looked at Brittany and the blonde gave him a look, one that sent chills down his spine. He swallowed and played with the bottle in his hands for a moment before he spoke up. "Quinn's been spending a lot of time with Puck."
Rachel arched an eyebrow. "And?"
"And usually when girls 'hang out' with Puck, it either involves sex, or alcohol." He finished, his eyes falling to the ground. Rachel's heart fell. She didn't want to think about what Quinn had been doing with Noah if it involved either of the things that Jake just mentioned.
"Do you know which is which?"
Jake shook his head. "Whenever she comes by, Puck leads her to his room. I don't hear any talking, so I don't think that it's sex, but like.. I figured if anyone should know, it was you."
"Have you tried talking to Sam, or Blaine?"
Brittany frowned, shaking her head. "Neither of them are talking to any of us. I heard Blaine asking Tina for job ideas when I was helping Mike practice, but as far as that goes.. I don't hear them leave their apartment much."
There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to admit that they were wrong. That the choices that someone makes causes a chain reaction, with either despair or celebration as a result. It leaves people alone and others surrounded by those they love, but for Rachel.. it left her as the prior. Thinking back to Christmas day she realized that what she had done caused the chain reaction that led to her feeling entirely alone, and Quinn being surrounded by her friends. She realized that she shouldn't of answered the phone when she saw that it was Finn calling. Finn was out of her life, for good. Once upon a time she thought of a happy ending with him, where she'd be on Broadway and he'd be in Lima, and once she did so many shows she'd come home to Ohio, walk in to the choir room where he'd be teaching and she'd just say, "I'm home", and they'd live happily ever after with two kids, a dog, and a house in suburbia. It was cookie cutter, where dreams came true and she was happy in the end.
Now.. She didn't know what she wanted.
She knew what Quinn made her feel. She made her feel safe, wanted, and like she was the center of attention, even when she wasn't. Quinn made her question many things, like how she thought what love was, when it was something entirely different. But because of one stupid mistake, she lost that feeling. She lost the one thing in the city that was making her feel alive aside from the city itself. Sure, NYADA and performing gave her that feeling, but how often was it that a person comes along with that feeling as well? Quinn made her feel what Finn made her feel in high school. Like she was someone's entire world.
As she looked at her friends she chewed her lip, nodding her head which received confused looks from her friends. She knew exactly what she had to do.
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Rachel's heart was beating hard in her chest as she put on the finishing touches of her makeup, making sure that she looked alright. She had been told by Jake before he and Brittany left that Puck was hosting a New Year's Eve party, and if she knew Quinn, Sam, and Blaine, she knew that they wouldn't be passing it up. It was nine-thirty and if the pounding that came from the top floor from bass meant anything, the party was already in full swing. Santana and Kurt had left already, assuming that Rachel wasn't going to join them. The brunette used to be a stickler for punctuality, but when it came to things like this lately, she wanted to make an entrance.
After locking up her apartment she slowly walked towards the stairs, the music getting louder and louder with every step she took. She wiped her hands on the short, black dress that Kurt had picked out for her months ago and knocked on the door, a smile baring her lips as she was met with Jake, drunk already, with a giant grin on his face.
"I didn't think you'd make it!" He shouted over the music, handing her the drink in his hands. "Here, you need to get on this level."
Rachel shook her head, laughing at her friend as she raised the cup to her lips. It was strong, that was for sure. She wasn't really sure what was in it, but as she walked in and saw her friends and a few random people crammed into the apartment, she knew that she was making the right choice.
"It's something Puck made, I wouldn't drink too much of it. Don't want you to get too wasted for when you confront your girly-friend." Jake commented before he walked off, grabbing the hand of a brunette girl around Rachel's height and leading her to the dance area (which was pretty much Puck's dining room with the table and chairs pushed against the walls).
Rachel's eyes scanned the area, looking for someone that she wanted to talk to. Kurt was dancing with Blaine, so she knew that he wasn't an option. As she continued to look she saw Santana talking to Brittany with a smile on her face (which was good- it meant that she wasn't too drunk because she wasn't sobbing). The dance area was crowded full of twenty-something year olds, grinding and drinking and laughing. The strong smell of alcohol invaded her nostrils as she walked further into the apartment, but it wasn't until she saw a familiar head of blonde hair in the kitchen that she knew where she was heading. She was here on a mission, and she had to take care of one thing before she went on to the main event.
Walking up to the blonde, she tapped his shoulder to get his attention. Before Sam could walk away with the worst look on his face, she grabbed his arm carefully. 'Please, let me explain some things, okay?' She signed, and she could see him mentally debating on whether or not he should listen to her. 'Everyone deserves a second chance.'
He sighed heavily and nodded, going further into the kitchen where there wasn't as many people. She knew that in order for them to converse at all it would have to be with sign language, seeing as that the music was so loud Rachel was afraid that she would go deaf.
'What are you doing here?' He asked, turning to set his drink down on the counter behind him. Rachel did the same.
'I'm here at the party for just that, a celebration. I'm here talking to you because I need to admit that I was wrong. I made a mistake, on Christmas eve.'
'You think?'
Rachel huffed. 'I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't of answered the phone, but you're really not entirely innocent here, either. You didn't let me explain myself that night.'
'Why would I need to? You hurt my sister in one of the worst ways possible.'
'Sam, what I was saying to F-I-N-N before you barged into my room was, and I quote, "I'll always love you, F-I-N-N, but it's time for me to move on. And I'm doing exactly that, slowly but surely." I was telling him that I don't love him like I used to.'
Sam frowned, glancing around the room. Could he really trust Rachel? He knew he had been an ass on Christmas Eve, especially since he didn't let Rachel finish. But he really cared about his sister, he hated thinking that she could get hurt in any way. He and Blaine were alike like that. Even in the beginning, Blaine was hesitant to let Rachel get close to his sister, but he had always fought on Rachel's side. The fact that it had all changed because he assumed the worst made him seem like a really huge dick, and not the good kind.
'I'm sorry for being such an A-S-S. I.. overreacted. I just want what's best for Quinn.' Sam explained, a look of regret on his face. Rachel nodded and licked her lips, looking down at her feet. Now that she had explained to Sam, she needed to go find Quinn.
'I'm not going to hurt her, Sam, I swear. I.. I really like her. This is all new to me, and as you probably can tell, I'm a complicated person. I don't want to hurt her any more than I have, but things happen.'
Sam tensed at that, but he nodded nonetheless. 'Go on, you can find her.'
Before Rachel could say any more, Sam had grabbed his drink and walked over to the dance area, leaving the brunette alone in the back of the kitchen. She frowned but watched as he walked away, and after chugging the rest of her drink she began her search. She was going to find Quinn, whether the blonde liked it or not.
She knew that Quinn wasn't in the kitchen, because that was where she was. She walked out of the kitchen and slowly scanned the area, searching for any blondes that wasn't Brittany or Sam. With no luck, she was about ready to give up and head to the roof when she heard something. Laughter, coming from the back rooms. As far as she knew, nobody was going back there because the actual party was in the main part of the apartment, so she was intrigued. Doing one last once-over around the apartment, she noticed that someone else wasn't in the apartment, either. Nowhere in sight was the tall man with the mowhawk, Noah Puckerman.
Rachel felt her blood begin to boil as she walked down the hallway and pushed past the curtain, standing in what she could only assume was Noah's room.
There comes a time in every person's life when they have to gain the confidence that they don't want. They know that they need to stand up for their friend, or walk into the business offices to quit their job, or even face their fear of skydiving. Rachel had done that many times. She had stood up to Finn's girlfriend in high school when the cheerleader accused Finn of cheating on her with Rachel, had defended her theater club when the inevitable Sue Sylvester had tried to get it disbanded, and even denied her birth mother's advances to try and start a life with her. Rachel had to gain confidence on many occasions, but nothing topped the moment that she saw Quinn and Noah being all cuddly on Noah's bed, a bottle of alcohol between the two as they seemed rather cozy.
Every inch of the girl was telling Rachel to run away, telling her to go back to her apartment and cry. As her eyes ranged over the surprised man and woman, her body was telling her to turn around, go back to the party, and tell her roommates that she was going home. But she knew she had to fight it. If she wanted Quinn, she was going to fight for the blonde. She had to. She couldn't just leave Quinn like this. So she stepped forward towards the end of the bed, her eyes focused on Quinn and not Noah.
'I need to talk to you.' She sighed, a stoic look on her face. She knew that if she showed any emotion it would give Noah the benefit of the doubt, that she wasn't upset about all of this. Quinn only nodded at her and slowly removed herself from the bed, and the two of them went into the next room, presumably belonging to Jake.
'What is it you want?' Quinn asked once they were behind the other curtain.
'I wanted to talk to you. I.. F-I-N-N and I, we aren't.. I'm not..' She huffed, shaking her head. 'I don't love F-I-N-N, okay?'
Quinn just stared at her. 'Okay.' She crossed her arms, watching Rachel carefully.
Rachel felt like she were an animal at the zoo with the way Quinn was staring at her. It was a look of boredom, like she didn't want to hear, or see, anything that Rachel had to say. It was quite underwhelming, and Rachel was quickly beginning to get irritated. Especially when she smelled the alcohol on Quinn's breath.
'Are you drunk?' She asked, her eyebrows raising.
'So what if I am?'
Rachel sighed and took Quinn's hand, leading her over to the bed and sitting her down. 'I had this whole elaborate plan about how I was going to tell you that I actually really like you and that we could spend time with you after Sam forgave me for my idiocy, but now you're off drinking vodka with Noah!'
Quinn watched her, and soon after Rachel finished, burst out in a soft fit of giggles. It was a strange sound to Rachel's ears; she had never heard the blonde laugh before. She assumed that it was the alcohol taking over, but Rachel didn't want to think about that. Now her plan was being ruined because of stupid Puckerman. Shaking her head she walked out to the kitchen, grabbed a water bottle, and walked back. She opened it and all but shoved it into Quinn's hand, encouraging the girl to drink.
'I want tonight to go quite well and that can't happen if you can't look at me without seeming like you want to be somewhere else.' She stated simply, watching as the blonde drank. Once the bottle was gone Quinn grinned and stood, taking Rachel's hand and leading her out to the dance area. Hoping that the exercise would help Quinn sober up, Rachel followed.
The way the blonde moved was similar to how she was dancing on Halloween. It was all fluid, albeit a little clumsy due to her indulgence, but it was all Quinn. Her back was up against Rachel's front and they moved together, and Rachel felt her own intake of alcohol begin to settle. Sure, it was a light buzz because she only had one drink, but it was making her confidence rise. Something that really needed to happen. Her hands moved to Quinn's hips, holding her close but not close enough to consider it sexual. It wasn't particularly innocent, but it was a lot more innocent than how Blaine and Kurt were dancing not too far away. Quinn's hands moved behind her, one moving up to place against the back of Rachel's neck and it all felt right. Being with Quinn like this, on a night of partying, it felt like they were together, even though she knew that Quinn had yet to say the words "I forgive you". She tried not to think about that part, and hoped that Quinn would become sober before the ball dropped. The TV in the lounge had the Rockin' New Year's Eve program on mute, just so everyone knew when the ball was actually going to drop, but Rachel didn't care for that. She was really, really just hoping that Quinn would be sober by that point.
After dancing for at least an hour Rachel had had enough of being close to sweaty adults and grinding, so she removed herself from the cluster and went to get herself a drink of water. She was almost entirely sober by this point, the little alcohol she consumed having dissipated from her body and she was glad. She didn't want to drink a lot that night anyways, knowing that once the morning came she'd have to begin preparing for returning to school. As she sipped from her water she saw Quinn leaving the group of people dancing, and she sauntered her way towards the brunette. Rachel couldn't hold back her laugh as Quinn came up to her, took her water, and began to sip from it. Rachel didn't mind.
'How're you feeling?' Rachel asked, smiling at the girl.
'Better.. Not totally sober, but better.' She replied, setting the drink down and taking Rachel's hands so they could dance in the spot they stood.
"I don't want to dance, Quinn." Rachel said quietly, enough so Quinn could tell what words she was saying.
'Technically we're just swaying together.'
Rachel just rolled her eyes. As much fun as she knew her friends were all having, she really just wanted to talk to Quinn, alone. Not in the comfort of Jake's bedroom, but in a place where they could really have a conversation without other sign-readers potentially eavesdropping on them.
'I know you want to talk. Just give me about fifteen more minutes and we will, okay?' Quinn asked and Rachel couldn't help but nod. She really wanted the second chance with Quinn; the chance to explain herself and tell Quinn how she felt. So she complied.
They stood together in that spot, just swaying and dancing and talking about random things that had happened within the days that they hadn't spoken, all while avoiding the topics that they really wanted to talk about. Quinn wanted to become a little more sober, but she also knew the perfect place to talk to Rachel. She had a plan of her own, but she wanted their talk to occur closer to midnight.
At eleven thirty, Quinn took Rachel's hand and led her towards the door. Rachel followed, and she smiled to herself when she realized that Quinn was taking her up to the roof again. Maybe her hopes weren't for nothing, maybe she wasn't about to get her heartbroken. Hopefully, she was about to get the second chance that she so desperately wanted.
Once on the roof Quinn led them over to the corner closest towards the city, where they could see the Empire State Building and Rachel could hear the faint music coming from Times Square. It was a breathtaking sight, and while Rachel really wanted to spend her New Years with the hoard of people in the heart of the city, she knew she'd have another chance to do it. Besides, she really needed to talk to Quinn. They sat in silence for what seemed like forever, with the wind slowly nipping at their bare arms, raising goosebumps on the both of them. It was cold, really cold, but for some reason, Rachel wasn't bothered by it. And from the looks of it, neither was Quinn.
"I meant what I said earlier, you know. About not loving Finn." She finally said, looking towards the blonde.
'I know.'
"And I want you to know that the conversation I had with him was me telling him that. Sam just misunderstood, but he knows what's up now. I.. I told Finn that I'm trying to move on."
Quinn only nodded.
Rachel checked her phone, five minutes to midnight. She had to make this quick.
"I.. I really like you, Quinn. I like spending time with you, I like being around you. I like signing to you, and laughing when Sam corrects what I misinterpret. I want to be able to learn to sign the way you do. I like watching movies with subtitles with you, and I like watching you, Sam and Blaine argue about which superhero is better. I want to be able to go on dates with you, walk with you through Central Park while holding your hand.. I just want to be with you, Quinn. But above all, I.. I want to see your colors the way you see them, Quinn. I want you to teach me."
Rachel waited patiently as she saw Quinn take in what she had said and signed. It was a lot, she was surprised that she even managed to get it all out at once. When Quinn didn't say anything she started to panic, even more so when she heard the faint chanting of the countdown to the new year. What if Quinn misinterpreted what she had said? What if she said something entirely offensive? She couldn't deal with it if Quinn hated her because she messed up a few words. As the countdown got closer to one, Rachel was about ready to accept her fate when she felt it. She felt something that she didn't think she'd ever get to feel.
Rachel felt the feeling of Quinn's soft lips pressed against her own as the New Year was rang in with cheers and laughter and without a doubt, couples kissing on the streets of New York. Fireworks burst around them, shooting lights and sparks into the late night sky, but fireworks also sparked inside of Rachel's chest. As their lips moved together languidly, Rachel felt a warmth surround the both of them that she only hoped was a result of finally, finally getting to kiss the blonde. Quinn's hands wrapped around Rachel's waist and Rachel's hands moved to Quinn's hair. Rachel felt like she was in a dream, but when she felt the light coldness of snow against her shoulders and Quinn's teeth grazing her bottom lip, she knew for a fact that this was a reality. And she'd be damned if this new, bright feeling of joy wasn't her favorite color of all.