Authors note: So im finally updating again. Sorry it took so long. And I hope to return to regualr updates, but i wont promise anything. Well here's Bryans interview. It gets into sexual abuse and Suicide a bit, but nothing that says that either is ok in anyway. youll just have to read. And review. reviews make me update faster!
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Bryan
This is doctor Cara Shernavov re-evaluating patient 1277 Bryan Kuetzov after having his sensory chip removed.
Doc: so Bryan how are you doing with everything?
Bryan: (sour look) alright, I guess
Doc: (sigh's) alright. . . so. We didnt really cover much in our last session and theres a few topics I would actually like to cover today. Starting with your family. Did you know them? Or how you ended up in the abbey?
Bryan: (half shrug) I know I was an Abbey baby. Born and raised there. But Borris always used to like to brag about how i ended up there. Said my moms name was Urina, that he found her beaten, bloody and in labor on the Abbeys steps. That he delivered me, and shot her dead. Buryed her body behind the place.
Doc: you seem passive about it. Did you miss her? Or mourn for her when he told you this.
Bryan: I used to cry for her when I was little. But eventually I stopped. It only did more harm to me than good. But I still miss her. She was my mother. (smiles sadly)
Doc: What about your father? Or other family?
Bryan: (shrug) I dont know.
Doc: Alright then, we'll move on for now. Ok, lets talk about the sexual abuse you suffered in the abbey, how and when did it start for you?
Bryan: (sour look) Do we have to talk about this?
Doc: (sighs) Yes Bryan, its important for you to discuss this, in order for you to get over it and recover.
Bryan: Fine. I was 4, 5 mabie when I lost my virginity.
Doc: Was it Borris?
Bryan: No he, (hesitates) gave me to Voltaire. To convince him to invest in his little program.
Doc: Voltaire! (genuine surprise)
Bryan: Yeah, I - remember him coming to get me from my room, and telling me I was going to meet a very important client of his. And that I was to stay quiet and do as I was told.
Doc: What happened?
Bryan: He took me to his office. I dont remember what all they said but when they were finished talking Borris left me alone with him. He picked me up and put me on the desk, and - (sighs) took off all my clothes. (closes eyes) (looks down) I dont remember much after that just flashes. I woke up in the imfirmery.
Doc: How do you feel, about what Voltaire did to you? What Borris made you do?
Bryan: (shrugs) I was young. I didnt know what to feel. And as I got older, I became use to it. Even though I knew it was wrong, It was something that I could do nothing about, and It was easier to pretend like it wasnt happening. Ignorance is bliss after all.
Doc: Bryan I want you to know that what happened to you wasnt your fault. You do know that right? That you were only a child, and they had no right to do that to you.
Bryan: I know that, But It dosent change the fact that they did and there's nothing I can do to change that.
Doc: Tala told me that not all experiences in the abbey were all bad. (hesitates) Were their any time durring your assaults or when you were sold that, (thinks carfully) You learned somthing. Or that shaped you in some way.
Bryan: (raises an eyebrow) I guess - we werent always sold to horrible men who just wanted to hurt us. We were rented out for odd jobs, and stuff like that.
Doc: Any that you can remember?
Bryan: Um- there was once when I was seven. Borris sent me to work for a grocery store owner for a couple of days. On about day two mabie. . . a gun weilding maniac came in demanding all the money. The owner gave it to him, but - the robber still shot him. I remember there was so much blood, it was everywhere. I did all i could. I call the police, even though I knew I could get caught and be punished by Borris for doing so. And I held pressure on the wound, until I saw the ambulance pull up. Then I hid, and stayed his until Borris came to get me the next day.
Doc: Bryan - why didnt you go to the police. Tell them what Borris was doing to you, so they could help you.
Bryan: I was just a kid. I was scared. Borris he. He had a way of scaring you without even being in the same room as you. Just his name was enough to make you cringe. I was afraid he'd hurt Tala or the others if I tried to run away.
Doc: Oh. We their any other experiences that stood out to you?
Bryan: Yeah. I was 12, and Borris sent me to stay with this really classy buisness lady for about a month. You know the type. Much to engrossed with work and power to focus on anything like relationships or family. But she was - uhh, a dominant. Just paid submissives when she wanted them. (hesitates) (adverts eyes)
Doc: Go on Bryan, its alright.
Bryan: (narrows eyes in confusion) She was surprisingly nice to me. Fed me and gave me clothes. Insisting that I had a hot bath and meal before she tried anything with me.
Doc: And did she? Try anything on you, that is.
Bryan: No. (says quietly) When she was bathing me she saw all my bruises and scars. How tired I was. I remember telling her that I was ok, that - I had my orders that I had to follow. But she wouldnt touch me after that. She still kept me around though. Refusing to send me back to Borris until her full month was up. I know the reason why I was there, and I know her intentions were wrong, but . . . . I was in a hard place then. Borris had already begun the process of trying to strip away all of my emotions. That woman was the only mother figure I ever had. And when It was time for me to go away, she shed tears for me. And told me if I ever needed her, all I had to do was come to her, and she'd be there for me. She helped me keep my sense of compassion for others. So while Borris continued his attempts to break me, I still had that sense. And I'm still greatful to her for that.
Doc: I Understand your agrievences, even if I dont agree with them. And I respect your feelings on the matter.
Bryan: Thank you.
Doc: Bryan (hesitates) I want to talk about your - attempted suicide when your were thirteen. and the events that led up to your decision to want to kill yourself.
Bryan: (Stare's fearfully) No! I cant talk about that. Tala never shouldve-
Doc: Calm down Bryan. I know its hard but-
Bryan: You dont know anything! (Angry) (panting hard)
Doc: Then tell me Bryan. Tell me what happened. Walk me through what you were feeling.
Bryan: (haunted look) I was thirteen and Borris sent me away to some guy for a couple of days. I was used to it. I tried to remain emotionless, and passive about it but - somthing was off. He started to beat me when I got there. And he tied me to a metal pipe down in a cold basement. (voice cracks)
Doc: Its. . . . . ok to cry Bryan. No one here is gonna judge you.
Bryan: (begins to cry softy) He tortured me all night and all day. Heating up spoons and wire hangers, anything metal, to burn me with. He had all sorts of knives, straight edge, seraded, and he cut me. And when he knew I was broken enough not to fight him, he. . . . he raped me over and over, and I didnt even have the energy to struggle or scream. All I could do was cry for help that would never come. I passed out at some point. Woke up on the Abbeys steps, being picked up by a random guard.
Doc: Tala said that Borris was furious for what was done to you. How did he react to see'ing you like that? Do you remember?
Bryan: The guard that found me took me straight to him. He was working in his office, when the guy came in and layed me on the desk. Borris jumped him immediatley about what happened, and the guy got quite a walloping before he sent him after a doctor for me. And when I finally had his attention, I- expected a beating for being weak. But none came. His eyes looked fearful for me, and that scared me even more knowing that I mustve looked pretty bad. (voice turns low) He. . . . picked me up with a gentleness i'd never known from him, and let me cry into his shirt the whole way to Tala's room. He said "Your fine Kuetzov! Your not allowd to die! Thats an order! We still have to change the world you and I!" And as harsh as those words may have sounded to anyone else on the outside. Those were the kindest words ive ever heard from him.
Doc: And Tala took care of you after that. Didnt he.
Bryan: Yeah. . . He stayed with me. Borris let him miss training and everything. For so long i had been everyone else's shoulder to cry on when times were hard. I was their hero. And Tala was mine.
Doc: What changed? What made you decide you wanted to end your life?
Bryan: Laying around in recovery gives you alot of time to think. I thought alot about the guy that hurt me. What an evil person he was. How much evil there was in the world. And how I was caught in the middle of it with no way out.
Doc: And you saw suicide as your way out of all the pain. You know that. . . thats never the way though. You have to get through alot of dark places in this world to see light at the end.
Bryan: I didnt see any. . . . . . . . til that day. . . when Tala came in and caught me with that knife to my wrist. I - tried to make him leave but he wouldnt. Then he did somthing that surprised me. He grabbed me and kissed me. Then I realised somthing. That he was my light. And the good in my dark world. So I dropped the knife and kissed him back. We've been together ever since.
Doc: Were you ever sexually intimate with him, whilst still in the Abbey?
Bryan: (blushes) No. I could tell Talla wanted to. To show me that, "that" could be turned into an act of love. And I told him I would if he wanted. But I think he could tell I was scared. He always had a sixth sense when it came to how each of us were feeling. Then came that night. . . . . it was right before worlds. And i was finally ready to be with him. But it was wrong. Borris came in and caught us. He pulled Tala off me, and started to hit me. But Tala jumped in the way. He told Borris that he initiated contact, and that I told him no. And then Borris started to beat him and he wouldnt stop, until Tala was a bloody mess on the floor.
Doc: Im so sorry that happened Bryan.
Bryan: He was in a coma for a week when Borris told us we could see him. But it was a lie. A trick so he could put those chips in our heads. (growls)
Doc: Bryan, Ive shown you the tape of your self from the world championship. Your battle with the Neko-jin. How you hurt him. How did you feel watching yourself like that? Hurting someone while you had no control.
Bryan: I felt sick. I still feel sick. I been hurt alot in my life. But I always vowed that I would never hurt someone else for the sake of myself. And I failed in that promise. He had never done a thing to me and I hurt him.
Doc: Bryan I have a question for you and I want you to answer it truthfully. Do you understand?
Bryan: (nods)
Doc: If you wouldve been in your right mind durring the tournament. And Borris ordered you to hurt that boy, to save yourself or your team would you have follow that order.
Bryan: For myself no. I wouldve taken anything Borris dished out to me, like I always did. If he'd ordered me to hurt someone. I wouldve told him to suck it. I wasnt doing it.
Doc: And if he'd of threatened the lives of your team?
Bryan: (hesitates) I honestly cant say what I wouldve done. I may have tried to hurt that boy. Or I might wouldve tried to find a better way to protect Tala and the others.
Doc: Thats not an answer Bryan. I wont judge you over the truth.
Bryan: If I had no other choice. Then yes. I wouldve done anything to protect them, to keep them safe. Their my team and my brother in arms. Were one being, them and me. You cant tell where one of us begins and the other ends. Were a single unit. Always have been, always will be.
Doc: And what if someone tried to hurt them now. Would you hurt someone to protect them, now.
Bryan: No! (glares) We "will" face anything the rest of our lives throw at us together. What ever challenges, dangers or heart aches life dishes out. We'll stand against it as team and family just like it should be.
Doc: And if Borris came back. How would you react to that. He was all you ever knew despite all he's done. Would you go back to him?
Bryan: No I wouldnt. He's a monster. He tried and suceeded in turning me and my family into a monster once. I wont let him do that to us ever again.
Doc: Bryan - when you were removed from the abbey. Borris had already fled. Bryan - Where is Borris Balcov?
Bryan: (smirks) Oh there's quite an interesting answer to that conundrum doc.
Doc: (smirks) (raises eyebrow) Oh let me guess, he went to pursue his dream as the sugar plum fairy on broadway?
Bryan: (laughs heartilly) No! now thats just silly! But he did have pretty big dreams though.
Doc: So then. . . Where is he?
Bryan: He's in Australia living in an old hut on beach. Hanging ten and having a narly time. (smirks) (eyes holding humor)
Doc: (shakes head) (sighs) Alright Bryan, I think Its time for you to go now. You did well today. Im very proud of you.
Bryan: (blushes) Thanks doc. I (hesitates) ive never heard anyone say that to me before. Its. . . .kinda nice.
Doc: Your welcome Bryan. Go on.
Bryan: Se'ya Doc!
Notes: Patient 1277 Bryan Kuetzov seems to be adjusting very well to haveing recovered full use of his emotions. He talks openly about the abuse he's suffered, and reacts accordingly to mentions of his past. He has had a hard life, but has also learned as much as possible from it to become stronger. He feels a strong brotherly bond to his team, and would do anything to protect them. Though I no longer feel he is a danger to others in any way. He wishes to stand with his team and brothers through his life and support them in what everway he can. Which is a very positive outlook to percieve. I believe that with more time and therapy he can overcome almost anything life throws at him. And can honestly say that he will recover, mabie not as fast as the others. Or even just durring his stay here. But with love and support from his team. His recovery is possible.
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Authors note: I would like to say personally, that writing this chapter made me think deeply, about a lot of things hard in my life. And how mabie the problems i have arent squat compared to what some people are going through. I surprise my self somtimes. And can still do some learnin.