"No Dan!" Phil raises his voice.
"But Phil-" Dan starts, softly.
"I said no." Phil turns away. He hates yelling at Dan, it hurts him. Dan grabs his arm and pulls him back to face him.
"Phil, stop and listen, please." Phil sighs and crosses his arms, letting Dan talk. "Look, it wouldn't hurt to do it, it'd even give us more subscribers. I know that that doesn't matter really. But I mean, then we won't have to hide, and imagine how our phans would feel, they'd support us all the way, and those who hate, let them. It'll make us stronger."
"Dan, no. Don't you see all we would be is the gay YouTubers, nothing else. Some of our phans don't want us together." Phil shakes his head.
"Phil please, I don't want to hide anymore I want to shout my love for you to everyone. I was to send out tweets with pictures of us together saying that I love you. I want to kiss you in front of everyone. Please, Phil." Dan is on the verge of tears.
Phil sighs. He wants to give Dan everything he wants, but this? This seems too much. He has come to crossroads and he doesn't know what to do. So much of him agrees with Dan, but he's scared. His past was too much.
Memories flash in Phil's mind and he feels nauseous. He runs into the bathroom away from Dan and pukes in the toilet. Dan runs in to see what's wrong. "Oh shit, Phil, are you okay?" He kneels down next to his boyfriend. Phil has tears streaking his face. "Oh Philly, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset you like this.." Dan feels tears choking him but he forces them away. Phil just shakes his head.
"Its not...not you, Kitten." Phil wipes his mouth and then flushes the toilet. He pushes Dan out of the bathroom, assuring him that things are okay. He cleans himself up a little before turning on the hot water to take a shower.
Later that day, everything was forgotten, the idea of showing the world their love, the fighting, everything. They lay on their couch in each other's arms that night. Dan was lying on top of Phil with Phil's arms around Dan and Dan's under Phil's back. They were watching a movie, close to falling asleep.
Phil slips into the dream world quickly, in Dan's arms. He usually dreams about Dan, them going to America for TATINOF, going to Japan again, but not this time. This was a nightmare.
Phil's on his knees pleading for Dan to stay, crying, stuttering. "P-please, Dan! Don't l-leave m-me!" Dan turns around, his hand on the doorknob, his eyes are dead. Lifeless. His voice is low and soft, barely there.
"I can't believe you wouldn't ever tell me this. I thought all of our secrets were in the open, especially since we are-" he stops himself. "were together." He turns the knob and steps out of the flat, his suitcase in hand, closing the door behind him. Phil cries harder, repeating the same words over and over quietly, rocking back and forth on his knees.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." then darkness closes in.
Phil wakes up with tears streaming down his face while Dan lays sleeping on top of him. His grip on him tightens, pulling him as close to him as possible. He's still here, he thinks to himself. One last thought slips through his mind before he slips back into sleep, soft and quiet.
Not for long.