Core Issues

by Nicolle

Disclaimer: Undertale is copyright to Toby Fox. Gaster!Sans (our lovely narrator) and Gaster!Papyrus are the creations of Borurou. The AU starring in this episode is Shipworks, which is one of my AUs and appears on the Undertale AU Master List. The story is copyright to me.

1. This story is rated T for language and suggestive jokes/themes. One f-bomb, because AI's apparently don't feel the need to keep their mouths clean.

Ep. 4 - The Pearl is in the River

I knocked on the back door of Max's Custom Cars.

"We're closed!"

"It's me."

"Door's open!"

I went in the back office and Max looked up from his daily accounting. "Hey, Bones. Need to borrow something?"

"Nope. I want to talk to you about a custom paint job."

Max sat back. "Really? You usually handle those yourself."

"Yeah. But I don't want to screw this one up."

Max stood up. "I want to see this car."

I smiled. "You gotta see this car." I held the door open and he walked outside.

His jaw dropped. "Am I looking at a 1970 Chevy Chevelle?"

"Yep."

"LS6?"

My smile widened. "SS454."

He looked at me for a minute to make sure I wasn't lying and then sprinted over to the car. He popped the hood, and checked the engine. "This is a thing of beauty." He dug around, checking hoses and wires. "So what color are you thinking?"

"That's the problem. I can't decide. I'm just not fond of the gold."

Max pulled a rag out of his back pocket and wiped off his hands before checking out the interior. He pushed on the padding in the seats and stood up. "Your girl bought this, didn't she?"

I leaned against the hood on the driver's side. "What gave it away?"

"You put an extra layer of padding in the seats. Your boney ass certainly doesn't need it."

"I found it when Frisk called me to come over with the truck to pick up a desk she found while picking. It was just sitting in the same barn. While I was busy drooling over it, she wheeled the guy into all but giving it to her. Get this." I knocked on the chassis. "It ran. I drove it back to the garage."

"No way!"

"Oh yeah."

"Hell of a woman, you've got there. And she just gave it to you?"

I nodded. "She said it was my Christmas and Birthday gifts combined."

He put both hands on the roof and looked at me. "What's her favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Follow me."

I followed him back into the office and he pulled out a paint swatch. "This blue was big on the original Chevelle's."

"That's a sweet blue."

"When do you want this done by?"

I leaned against the wall with my hands in my pockets. "When can you fit me in?"

Max pulled out his calendar. "The booth is open tomorrow. Does that work?"

"Totally. I'll see you then." I tossed him the keys.

He caught them before they hit the desk.

"Hey, before you go, does Frisk have a sister?"

I laughed. "Nope. Thanks, Max."

"Thank you for letting me paint that beauty!"

I headed back out to the car and spotted the front end of a hidden cop car waiting to pull me over as soon as I got on the road. He'd followed me over to Max's and it hadn't been the first time I'd been harassed over my cars. It was strange. I'd expected to be discriminated against for being a monster, but in this country, the police were more interested in the ticket money they could get for pulling over someone in a muscle car. It was hard to defend against a ticket when the car in question was built for speed.

I patted the Chevelle's hood. "I need to come up with a name for you. Be good for Max." My phone buzzed in my pocket and I gave it a look. "Blue. Here we go." I looked over at the cop car. "Sorry, man, no ticket for you." I short cut back to just outside of Frisk's office and slammed right into Papyrus. We both stumbled backwards, me holding my head and him holding his sternum.

"OW!"

"Sorry, Paps!"

"NO WORRIES! YOU DIDN'T CRACK ANYTHING." He stood up straight and adjusted his suit. He was looking very dapper today in a Victorian era brown waist coat with tails, long slacks, a vest with embroidered skulls over a white button down, and top hat. He adjusted his red scarf.

"What's with the old timey threads?"

He smiled. "I AM COMING ALONG ON THE MISSION TODAY! I'M SURE YOU CAN GUESS WHERE WE ARE GOING."

I looked over at Frisk. She had declined a corseted dress in favor of her uniform. Oh well. "What's Steam's problem?"

"I have no idea. Blue got a call from Dr. Gaster for help, but was mum on the details. Fase didn't detect an anomaly." She came out of the office and handed me my mission gear.

I shouldered my bag and looked around. "Are we ready?"

They both nodded. I put my arm around Frisk's waist and Papyrus put his hand on my shoulder. I solved the necessary equations and we landed in the shipyards on the east side of St. Canard City. Majestic air ships bobbed up and down, held aloft by magical engines. We walked across the yard to W.D. Gaster's Shipworks, a large hanger. The door was open and we walked into the bay. A large airship hung in the air just above our heads.

A bleached blonde head of hair with bright pink tips poked out of the bottom of the ship. "Hello! Welcome to Dr. Gaster's Shipworks!"

"Hello, Frisk."

The kid pulled his goggles off, making the film of filth covering his face, super apparent. "Hey, Bones!"

The dark brown head of Chara, Frisk's identical twin brother, poked out of the ship next to him, goggles already in his hair. "Great. Another smiley trash bag."

"Prince Chara! You will not speak so rudely!" Dr. Gaster yelled as he came out of his office. "Honestly, child. You will show better manners or I will not let you apprentice here any longer."

Chara snorted, red eyes rolling. "Yes, Doctor." He and Frisk flipped over, dropping out of the airship to land on their feet.

Gaster drew up to his full height, which made him as tall as Papyrus, and looked down at Chara with narrowed eyes. "Do not think for a moment that my personal indebtedness to you and your brother for opening the barrier means that I will overlook your poor attitude." He looked to the rest of us. "Thank you for coming on such short notice."

"Sure thing," I said. "Where's Sans and Papyrus?"

"That would be the problem. They're missing. It's not completely out of the ordinary for either of them to up and be gone for a few days on some adventure or another, but they usually take at least one of the twins along and are back post haste." He sighed. "To make matters worse, my new ship is going to be unveiled three days from now at the Grand Fair and we've already had several attempts to sabotage or steal it." He gestured to the air ship the twins had been working on. Planar Pearl was emblazoned on the bow.

"How long have they been gone?" Frisk asked.

"Almost two weeks now."

"Two weeks?!" Frisk groaned. "That's going to make investigating hard. Do you have any idea where they might have gone?"

"None."

She sighed. "Well, can we see their offices?"

"Certainly. Boys? Take them please."

Chara grabbed Papyrus' hand and pulled him toward the elevator. "Come on."

I looked at Frisk and pointed at the two.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Chara and Papyrus have really been getting along lately. He acts like a total wad, but he's really worried that Paps is gone. Not Sans so much. But, you know, my brother's always looking for a bad time." He sighed loudly. "Come on." The offices were a little dusty, but otherwise looked normal.

My Frisk pulled on a pair of latex gloves and started investigating, carefully going through Steam's desk while Papyrus went through the book shelves.

"AH! FRISK! LOOK AT THIS." He handed her a journal, opened to the last recorded entry. We all looked at the writing.

The Pearl is in the River.

"What does that mean?" Chara asked.

"Planar Pearl is the name of the new ship, right? What makes it so special?"

Chara crossed his arms over his chest. "Sorry. Top secret."

"It's a void traveling ship," Frisk said.

"Idiot! We aren't supposed to talk to anyone about it!"

Frisk smiled. "We aren't supposed to talk to anyone who doesn't already know and I'm standing in an office with Sans, Papyrus, and you. So who am I not supposed to talk too?"

Chara grumbled.

C burst to life on my Frisk's shoulder. "Hey, me! Stop being an ass."

My Frisk glared at the twins. "Moving along. Can the Planar Pearl actually sail in water or is this a metaphor for a river in the air?"

Chara shrugged. "The Pearl is not made to sail in water, and I've never heard anyone refer to anything other than the Milky Way as a river in the sky."

"Did you guys need to dive in a river to get some part of the ship?"

The twins looked at each other.

"Yeah," Frisk said. "We had to dive for the rare materials that make up large portions of the control panel. We did that in the Vasp Run. It's about an hour outside of town."

"Papyrus found a temple underneath the water but didn't get the chance to explore it," Chara said. His eyes got wide. "Oh wait! What if they went back?"

"Without us? No way!" Frisk frowned.

"Well, it's our first good lead, so we'll check it out." My Frisk put the journal back on the shelf and we all headed out the door.

Vasp Run was a good half mile across, but the water was on the calm side thanks to a dam a few miles down river.

"You found the temple here?" I asked. "How did you get into it?"

"We didn't," Frisk said. "We were planning to come back later."

Chara looked at Papyrus. "Can you figure it out?"

Papyrus was already looking around. "WHERE IS THE TEMPLE LOCATED?"

Chara pointed. "Right there."

Papyrus picked Chara up and set him so he was standing in line with where the temple was located under the water. He looked around, noting land marks, and interesting plant arrangements. After a minute he hummed and knocked on a nearby tree. It was metal and hollow. He pulled on a branch and the ground shook. An island and the path to it rose from underneath the water and the temple appeared.

"HOW WAS THAT?"

Chara smiled. "Sweet."

"NYEH HEH HEH!"

Frisk leaned into me. "How much do you want to bet that it's an Illuminati Secret hide out?"

I leaned in to her. "What are we betting?"

"Loser treats on Friday at the drive in."

"I'll take that action. I say it's a secret society of vampires."

She looked at the river and then back at me. "I thought vampires couldn't cross running water."

"That water is definitely not running. That's a mosey at the most." I held out my left hand and she shook it before heading out across the path to the temple. The building looked like your standard Freemason temple, but lacked the appropriate symbols on the front. All in all, it was rather plain. It didn't take Papyrus long to figure out the mechanism to the door and it slid down to reveal a long dark hallway that descended deep underneath the river.

Frisk looked at the assembled. "Bones to the back. Kids in the middle. Papyrus behind me. C? Calculate for stealth and retrieval. Everyone ready?"

"Yeah."

"YES."

"Can we just go already?"

"Watch your mouth, Chara."

"Yes, ma'am."

Frisk looked at me. "If things get hairy, grab the twins and short cut back to the Shipworks."

I nodded and we descended into darkness. Frisk pulled out her flashlight and stepped carefully down the stairs. The stairs were very dry, which didn't make any sense seeing as the river was just on the other side of the walls. Even my boots seemed dry despite having just walked across a wet path. I put my hand up and felt the soft pulse of magic in the walls.

Frisk stopped every few steps to check for potential traps before descending further. After a good thirty minutes, the sound in the stairwell changed and I knew that we were now under the river itself. We finally came to a door and it opened automatically. Inside a brightly lit room were two lines of coffins. Frisk sighed, a look of mock defeat on her face when she looked at me. I smiled as I looked around a room covered in paintings of men and women of such ethereal beauty, they could not have been real... unless they were vampires.

Papyrus examined the room while the twins very carefully opened the lid of one coffin and closed it just as quietly. Chara motioned that it was empty. We checked the rest. All empty. Papyrus indicated that he'd found a switch. The twins moved to stand behind me and Frisk pulled her gun. She nodded to Papyrus and he flipped the switch, revealing a concealed door behind a painting. Frisk went through first, aim steady as she looked around a second brightly lit room. Sitting around a table were three vampires, playing a game with small, colorful pyramids.

And they were arguing heatedly in whispers over the table about who won.

"Look. I have a point here and a point right here. You aren't even blocking me!"

"I'm defended here and here!"

"It doesn't matter who has what points. I've won!"

"No, you haven't!"

Papyrus smiled that smile. I rolled my eyes and tapped the twins on their shoulders, motioning them backwards.

Papyrus silently walked up to the table, and leaned over the assembled, eye glowing brightly. "WHAT YOU HAVE HERE, GENTLEMEN, IS A STALE MATE. NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU HAS MANAGED TO SCORE A POINT AGAINST THE OTHER. THIS IS LESS A GAME OF ICEHOUSE AND MORE OF A MESS. A TODDLER WITH A BAG FULL OF BLOCKS MANAGES A MORE ARTFUL ARRANGEMENT. ALL I SEE HERE ARE THREE ANTEDILUVIAN, MISCREANT, TRY HARDS."

All three vampires looked and, somehow, became even paler than they were before.

"Death himself has come for us!"

"Woe be unto us, the Secret Order of the Vampire Illuminati!"

Frisk put her head on my shoulder, barely able to contain her laughter.

I patted her on the head. "Hey, Babe! I guess we both win!"

Papyrus looked back at us. "THAT MEANS THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE TREATING ME AT THE DRIVE IN, CORRECT?"

"We've got you covered, Paps," Frisk managed between muffled whimpers and laughter.

"Hey guys? They're getting away," the other Frisk said.

My Frisk, very lazily, aimed her gun, and fired three foam core rounds at the legs of the retreating vampires. All three hit the floor in a scramble.

Chara pulled on his brother's sleeve. "Remind me to never ever make her mad," he said. "She wasn't even looking and hit all of them."

Frisk wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh geez, Chara. I'm not that good! C calculates and guides my shots."

"DO NOT LIE TO HIM, FRISK. I HAVE SEEN YOU DO EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF YOUR AI."

She smiled at Paps. "Shush." Walking over to the three vampires, she knelt next to one.

He hissed at her and she rolled her eyes.

"We're looking for two of our friends. You can either be useful or I can let Death and his brother over there, have you." She jerked a thumb at me.

The vampire looked at me and I let my left eye activate while winking my right at him. He looked back at Frisk. He nervously brightly, fangs impossibly big in his mouth. "Who exactly are you looking for?"

"Two skeletons who look very similar to them."

The vampire looked at Papyrus and I again and back to her. "You're kidding, right?"

She shook her head.

"No."

"Okay." Frisk reached into her pocket for dissolvent.

One vampire cracked out of the foam core and jumped her, knocking her flat against the ground. Frisk caught him at the shoulders, arms straight, elbows locked, and not the least bit concerned by the dripping fangs hanging over her.

"Sorry. Not into biting." She shrimped to the left, putting her feet on his hips, and letting her hands slide to his elbows. When he tried to pull away, she grabbed his wrists, and kicked him in the jaw hard enough to crack it. She let go and he fell backwards on top of his friends. Frisk rolled to her feet and dusted off her hands. "You know, I was just going to dissolve the foam and call it done. No harm. No foul. But now I think you guys are actually up to something whether it involves my missing friends or not. So you can just start telling me, or I'll have one of the big bad skeletons behind me beat it out of you. Or I can beat it out of you. I think I've earned it."

One vampire let out a little 'eep!'

"We're just involved in regular old world domination! I swear!" The one on the bottom of the pile yelled.

The vampire on the top of the pile stood, rubbing his jaw as it set back into place. "I've never actually had a human hit me that hard before."

"Run, Emery!"

"Save yourself!"

Emery looked down at the vampires on the floor. "Quiet, fools." He turned back to Frisk. "We've not seen anything like your missing friends."

"I gathered that."

His eyes narrowed. "What are those markings on the back of your neck and running up to just the very edges of your face? Is that what gives you your strength and speed?"

I whistled low. That's some good eyesight. Most people can't even make out C's implants anymore.

He reached out to touch her.

Frisk stepped back. "Touch No." She crossed her arms over her chests, hands resting on the knives hidden in her sleeves. "Years of training give me my strength and speed, and you're pushing my patience. What are you up to down here besides arguing over a game you obviously don't know how to play."

His nostrils flared. "There is nothing we are involved in that is any concern of your's."

"World domination wouldn't be a concern?" She smiled. "You know what? You're friends on the floor are way more talkative. Bones?"

Snapped my phalanges, turning Emery blue, throwing him against the wall, and holding him there. He struggled against my magic and I snorted.

Frisk knelt down next to the two on the floor. She picked one at random and lifted him by his hair. "So how are you going to take over the world?"

"OW, OW, OW, OW, OW! We're going to kidnap Princess Asriel and hold her hostage in exchange for a powerful monster soul!"

"What?" Chara barked. His brother grabbed his arm to keep him from running over.

"Idiot!" Emery shouted.

Frisk dropped the vampire. "Well, I wasn't expecting a decent answer to that question." She stood. "You know what? I almost want to see you try. I mean, assuming you got past the royal guard, you'd have to tangle with Undyne. And if you did manage to get past her, you'd have to deal with the King and Queen, neither of whom are slouches." She looked at Emery. "But with just the three of you, and only one who is even vaguely competent, you're going to sneak in and take Asriel by surprise, right?"

The vampire shook his head.

Frisk smiled at him. "Really? Show me your plans."

"Move and I will personally kill you!" Emery shouted from the wall.

"Well, he can't exactly move at the moment. I have to get him out of the foam first." She pulled out a little vial of dissolvent. "Attempt to escape or attack after I let you out and you'll have a bad time." She poured the dissolvent over the foam and the vampire got himself out of it.

He stood up and nervously offered his hand with a nervous smile. "Darius at your service!"

Frisk ignored the offered hand and shooed him along. Darius walked into another room and Frisk followed. I turned the second vampire on the floor blue and floated him and Emery behind us. Darius pointed to a bunch of plans on a desk.

She stepped up to the desk putting her back to Darius and he jumped her, fangs sinking into her neck. Before anyone could move an electrical charge went through the vampire knocking him to the ground, twitching uncontrollably.

Frisk looked down at Darius with glowing red eyes. "Touch NO." The voice that fell from her lips was a combination of her's and C's. The red faded away and her eyes turned blue again. "Papyrus? Would you mind checking the wound?" Papyrus and the twins hurried over to check on her.

I walked over to the vampire and put a bone through his heart. Darius stopped twitching and turned to dust. I looked over my shoulder at Emery and the other vampire. "So, do I need to worry about my girl turning into a vampire or is the process a bit more complicated than a single bite?"

Emery stared at her with undisguised fear. "She'll be more susceptible to our hypnotism, but otherwise fine." He looked at me. "Though I doubt any vampire's will is as strong as the demon that possesses her."

"What? No come back, C?"

C's voice came over my comm. "Nah. I've meant enough actual demonic versions of myself that I'm not offended."

Papyrus cleaned the puncture wounds and gently bandaged them.

"Thank you," Paps."

He gave her a smile. "PLEASE BE MORE CAREFUL. I'M NOT SURE MY BROTHER CAN HANDLE YOU BEING SO OVER CONFIDENT ALL THE TIME."

She sighed at him and turned back to the desk.

Chara held up a paper. "Look at this. They were going to grab Az tomorrow when everyone came for the grand opening of the fair."

Both Frisks leaned in to look at the paper.

"This operation would take more than three people and would take insiders," my Frisk said. She looked over her shoulder at Emery. "Give us names."

Emery ignored her, starring intensely at the twins.

Frisk crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey! Fangs! Give us the names!"

Chara put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "He's figured out who we are."

The building started to shake.

"We've taken too long," my Frisk said. She gathered up all the papers on the desk and shoved them in her bag. "Let's go. Bones?"

"I've got them." Once everyone was out of the room, I summoned two sharpened bones and staked the vampires. The unnamed one turned to dust while Emery remained, pinned to the wall, dead. I frowned and followed everyone out of the temple. When I stepped off the path over the water, the entire building sank beneath the river.

"Well, we're no closer to find Sans and Papyrus, but this is too important to ignore," Frisk said. She hefted her backpack. "Let's head back to Shipworks and dig through the papers. Maybe we can figure out who the insiders working with the vampires are." She stopped and looked at me. "Did I really just say that?"

I nodded.

"You know, vampires were last on my list of things to see today."

I smiled and short cut us all back to Steam's office. Frisk put her backpack down and unpacked the papers. There was a weird noise in the hangar. We all ran for the door. The hangar roof was opening and four men were on the Planar Pearl, maneuvering it out of the bay.

"No!" Chara screamed. He ran for edge of the top floor platform and jumped, landing on top of a small flyer. My Frisk followed, landing just behind him, and both crawling into the ship's cockpit. The flyer disconnected from its display wires and blasted off after the airship.

The Frisk standing next to me whistled and two GB's converted into motorcycles came up next to us. He pulled a helmet on over his head while he mounted. "Come on!"

We followed the airship on the ground, dodging traffic, while Chara's flyer deftly weaved around buildings. A police bike came up on my left and I cursed under my breath until it sped past me, a familiar red pony tail flapping in the wind.

"PREPARE TO RAMP TO THE BRIDGE!" Undyne yelled. A long series of spears slammed into the ground, forming a ramp. Our bikes jumped, landing on the bridge that would take us over the Riesler building and right up to meet the airship.

Chara's flyer shot past us and my Frisk swung out of the cockpit, hanging upside down by a harness. She aimed for the ships open controls and fired four shots, locking the entire panel in hard foam.

Undyne drove up along side Frisk and tossed him a spear. He caught it one handed and stood up, trusting the GB to direct itself. It came to a dead stop at the edge of the bridge and the momentum threw him right to the airship. Undyne and I followed suit, all of us rolling to our feet. Frisk attacked the hijacker at the controls, twisting him around with the spear, flooring him. He knocked the hijacker out while I grabbed the one coming up behind him and threw the guy into another of his companions.

Undyne pulled her helmet off, revealing a terrifying smile. "In the name of the King, you are under arrest!"

The hijackers still standing dropped their weapons, hands in the air. The airship tilted dangerously to the starboard side.

"Bones! Dissolvent!"

I tossed Frisk a bottle from my pocket and he poured it over the control panel, smashing the foam away. A few button pushes and a turn of the wheel righted the ship and turned it back toward the ship yard. Undyne had all four men in cuffs and ready for the rest of the royal guard to take away when we settled the airship back in the bay.

Chara and Frisk flew back into the hangar, the flyer attaching to its display wires. Chara leaned over the side looking down at us. "Hey! Can we get some help down?"

I snapped my fingers, turning them both blue and floating them to the floor of the hangar.

Undyne ruffled Chara's and Frisk's hair. "Hey punks! Keeping this thing under wraps has been a massive pain!"

"Tell me about it," Frisk groaned.

"This is the fourth attempt to steal the Pearl in a week!" Chara yelled. "I'm sick of it! Where the hell are Sans and Papyrus when you need them?"

Undyne looked at them both confused and turned toward Gaster, who was coming up to check the ship.

I tapped her shoulder. "Hey Undyne, we need to talk."

She looked at me. "Hey, Bones. Whatcha got for me?"

"We stumbled on a plot to kidnap Princess Asriel."

She frowned. "Show me."

Back in Steam's office, Frisk poured over the papers with Undyne.

"This is bad," Undyne said. "This is the route the royal family will be taking to the grand opening of the fair. Only a few key people know this information."

Frisk handed her a piece of paper. "We suspect that they intend to grab the Princess en-route. Do you recognize this handwriting?"

The fish woman stared at the paper. "Son of a... I don't need to recognize the hand writing. The man writes exactly the way he talks. This is Hubert Gaskell. He's a human hired on to the guard three years ago. We haven't even had a breath of anything like this out of him. I would not have pegged him for betrayal."

Frisk looked at her. "Has he been covering his neck recently?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"The group running this operation is the Vampire Illuminati. One of the vampire's said that being bitten would make you more susceptible to their hypnotic powers. He may just be a pawn and not actually in league with the group. Looks like they intend to hit the convoy here." Frisk put her finger on the map. "Where the least amount of guards are available."

"I'll leave the security as is and put our secret service agents here. That will keep these guys from being tipped off." She pointed at Frisk's neck. "You look like you've been bitten."

"C is sure he can counter act whatever they try on me."

"Somebody is keeping an eye on you just in case right?"

"I've got four eye sockets right here. That enough?"

She looked at Paps and I, and smiled. "Yeah. The skelebros are usually good at keeping their Frisks in check."

"You know? You're one of the few Undyne's who knows who we are and what we do," I said.

"That's probably because you guys visit so often! Why is that?"

"It's a nice place you've got here and neither of the boys turn into Gaster," Frisk answered.

Undyne got up in my face. "That's really a thing?" She laughed. "That has to be hilarious!"

I groaned. "Only for everyone else. And only when that dimension's Gaster isn't evil."

She jerked her thumb at the door. "That guy has evil versions of himself? Are they all as absent minded as he is?"

I shook my head.

She pursed her lips. "Are there evil versions of me?"

I nodded.

"Woah." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I can't imagine not being a hero. Come by the royal guard's offices tomorrow morning around ten. I could use you for the Grand Opening." She looked over at the twins. "And make sure the boys are cleaned up. They need to be in the procession with their sister."

"Can do," Frisk said.

Undyne headed out.

"Do we want to stay at the usual place tonight?" Frisk asked.

I put a hand on her hip and stepped up to her. "Sure. Want to share a room?"

She smiled. "You can share one with your brother. I'll have one of my own."

"REALLY, SANS!"

I shrugged. "Doesn't hurt to try."

"IT WILL IF SHE DECIDES TO FLOOR YOU."

"I'm not going to hurt him for bad flirting, Papyrus." She turned to the twins. "You two get bathed before bed tonight. It'll be less for me to think about in the morning."

They both saluted sharply before running off toward Gaster.

"SANS! I SHALL NOW DEMONSTRATE HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN." He held out his arm to Frisk. "SHALL WE GO, DEAR LADY?"

Frisk took his arm with a smile.

"NYEH HEH HEH!"

They headed for the door. I sighed and followed.

The Autumn Estate Hotel was located south of the shipyards, just at the edge of the city. Its balconies had beautiful views of Rushing Run and its in house restaurant was delicious, if a little fancy for my liking. You can tell you've been some where often enough when they leave bottles of hot sauce in your room.

Frisk was cuddled up under my right arm, looking over the papers we'd found. Paps was buried in a book. I was watching the boats on Rushing Run light up as the sun set, lazily running boney fingers up and down Frisk's arm. Music drifted up from the phonograph in the lobby below the room.

"Find anything new in the papers?"

She shook her head and dropped them on the coffee table. "No. Even if I did, I probably wouldn't notice." She rubbed her eyes. "My eyes are all blurry. I'm going to bed." She kissed the lower edge of my mandible before heading into her room in the suite.

"WE SHOULD GO TO BED TOO, SANS. IT WILL BE AN EXCITING DAY TOMORROW."

"Yeah." I stood. "Do you want me to read you a story tonight?"

He looked at me suspiciously. "DID YOU EVEN BRING ONE?"

"No. But I have 'One Tiny Turtle' memorized, so I thought I'd go with that."

"GOOD ENOUGH."

We went into the second bedroom. Paps snuggled in under the covers of his bed while I laid on top of my bed's quilt, arms behind my head. I started reciting the book from memory, my voice sinking into a low and hypnotic tone. Papyrus was asleep before I got to the part about the turtle climbing up on the beach to lay eggs. I could still hear the phonograph from the lobby, the music winding it's way through the room. My eye sockets drifted shut.

"Sans?"

I opened my eyes. It was dark, the glow from my eye giving the only illumination.

"Sans?"

It was my comm, C's voice barely a whisper. "Yeah, C?"

"Someone just teleported into Frisk's room. I can't get her to wake up."

I stood and using magic, floated silently to the door. "What's the guy doing?"

"It's a chick and she's standing there, holding a cape over the lower half of her face."

I stopped dead. "Are you kidding me?"

"No. I think we've taken the train to vampire tropes-ville."

I peeked in Frisk's room.

"Word of warning. If Elvira over here attempts to bite, I am taking control of Frisk."

"Your funeral," I whispered. I short cut into the room behind the vampire.

The vampire leaned over Frisk. "Rise, my pretty slave! Come to your master!"

Frisk's eyes opened and glowed a bright, blood red. C's voice fell from her lips. "Fuck off, bitch."

The vampire stepped back quickly and I grabbed her. "Hey, Fangs! Where ya going? Stick around for a bit. We've got some questions to ask you."

Frisk sat up, legs swinging over the side of the bed, eyes still a deadly shade of red. "How did you even know to look for us? Your friends are dead."

She smiled, fangs evident. "Not all dead."

"Shit. Emery." I frowned. "Let me guess. I had to cut off his head to finish the job, huh?"

She frowned, silent.

I raised a brow bone. "Let's move on. So you thought you could use my girl here as your unwitting pawn in the kidnapping tomorrow, right? Well, change of plans for you. You're going to tell me your entire plan or I teleport you to the sunny side of the Earth."

"You're bluffing."

I teleported us to the other side of the world just long enough to get a scream out of her and teleported back. "Spill, Fangs."

She struggled, panicking. "It's not my plan! It's a plan from the higher ups! We gather a bunch of bitten pawns to kidnap the Princess and hold her ransom in exchange for a powerful monster soul! If the plan failed, all we would lose is cannon fodder!"

I smiled, big and mean. "And it never occurred to anyone that if they were successful, you would have the problem of keeping Asriel under control? The demure, little ball of princess fluff is a facade, lady. Asriel's not someone to be toyed with."

"The back up plan is to grab one of the adopted twins."

My smile fell and my eyes went dark.

"Oh that was a bad idea," C said. "You should never threaten a Frisk in front of a Sans. It just doesn't go well." C's smile blossomed across Frisk's face. "And didn't she refer to your Frisk as canon fodder earlier?"

"Where are your higher ups located?"

She fell completely silent.

"One vampire, extra crispy, coming up!"

"Go ahead. Teleport. My master would kill me if I revealed his location to you."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I shoved her toward the door. "Leave."

She bolted into the living area and jumped from the balcony.

The red in Frisk's eyes faded. "This is beyond taxing," C said. The red was suddenly gone and Frisk fell backward onto the bed.

I followed the vampire, short cutting to keep up with her. "And the last little piggy went 'wee wee wee' all the home," I muttered under my breath.

She ran down an alley near the royal gardens where the fair was to open tomorrow. She pushed on a brick in the wall opening a hidden doorway. I followed her, eye black to hide the glow. She ran into a posh room falling at the feet of a Dracula wanna-be sitting on a throne. Emery was standing behind him, looking little worse for wear.

"Master! I found the interlopers! Emery was right. The demon possessing the woman is very powerful. It was able to control her entire body. There is no way we can use her for our plans."

Emery leaned forward. "Master? I believe that the demon is connected to her via some sort of device in her neck. Did you see the strange lines?"

She shook her head. "Not from the position I was in."

Drac-baby raised an eye brow.

"One of the skeletal men grabbed me."

"And you escaped?" Emery asked.

She said nothing.

The master turned the wine glass in his hand. "You were let go and likely followed. One or more people may even be here with us now." He looked toward the stairwell where I stood hidden in the shadows. "Not that it matters. None can oppose me and even if by some miracle I could be defeated our plan would still go on. The Secret Order of the Vampire Illuminati will rule this world."

Oh wow. This guy really knew how to tickle the funny bone! I felt a jab to the back and knew I'd been caught.

"Hands up and move forward."

I sighed and did as told, relaxing into the stride and giving my captors my best smile.

The woman quickly hid behind Drac-baby, standing cautiously next to Emery.

"Ah, come on, babe? Don't you miss me?"

She hissed at me, fangs bared.

I put a hand over my chest. "I'm heart broken."

"Do you even have a heart?"

I lifted the bottom edge of my turtleneck and showed her my empty rib cage. "Tibia-honest, you can see right through me."

I was poked in the back again. "Hands up, monster."

I put my hands back up.

"Who are you?" Drac-baby asked.

"The name's Sans."

He frowned. "Sans? The engineer at Gaster's Shipworks?"

"Nah. I'm not a mechanical engineer. I'm a quantum physicist."

"In a fur lined bomber jacket? I doubt it."

I shrugged, letting my right eye socket close completely. "Want a demonstration?"

The assembled gave me a round of odd looks and I smiled, letting my hands fall to my pockets. I opened a rift behind me and fell backwards on top of the guy behind me, pushing us both into the rift. While the vampire fell into blackness, I planted my feet in the void and stepped back out of the rift, closing it behind me. Another rift teleported four of my GB's into the room, flanking me on both sides.

"Since you guys have been so uncommunicative about yourselves and your plans, I really don't see a need to keep you around. And I'm pretty sure complete obliteration by my pets here means I never have to see you again."

The GB's fired. Emery and the vampire lady were completely destroyed in the blast. Drac-baby disappeared only to reappear in front of me and grab my neck, lifting me up. I grinned at him and snapped my phalanges, turning him blue. I tossed him backwards and he had the presence of mind to hold on to me so I would go with him. We crashed into the wall and he let go of me. I jumped back from him.

"You're a smart cookie."

He said nothing and disappeared again. I jumped backwards from his strike, staying just out of his reach. He wasn't teleporting. Just moving super fast. I short cut to the other end of the room, giving myself some space. He came at me and I summoned a bone attack out of the floor, shredding his pants and a bit of flesh as well. He stumbled to the floor. His legs healed as fast as I'd injured him and he came at me again, this time looking for and avoiding the glow of my attacks. I whistled for the GB's and they flew toward me. When the vampire reached me, I short cut to just outside the blast zone and the GB's let loose. He crumbled in the blast.

The GB's vibrated happily and rushed me, looking for affection. I spent a little time petting them before sending them home and looking around the vampire hide out. It was empty of undead but they were kind enough to leave their papers out in the open on a desk. I felt a twitch in my eye, a sign that I needed to go back to sleep. I picked everything up and short cut back to the hotel, dropping the papers on the coffee table.

I looked in on Frisk. She was curled on her side on top the bed's quilt and shivering. I gently pulled the blanket over her, tucking it around her shoulders. I went back to my bed and fell on it face first, hoping that it was still early in the night and I would at least be getting four or five hours of sleep.

I woke up to a gentle touch along the upper most crack in my skull. I opened my left eye and was treated to the vision of Frisk, still in her nightgown, bathed in sunlight from the window.

"C tells me you had an adventure last night."

I rubbed my skull. "Yeah. Did I sleep through my alarm?"

"I turned it off so you could sleep in a little. Your brother is getting us some breakfast. I promised him I would have you up by the time he came back."

I smiled. "So, what's your plan to get me out of bed?"

She sat on the edge of the bed. "Well, I was just going to flip you out of it by lifting the mattress. But I've decided on a gentler approach." She leaned down, placing her hands on either side of my skull. She trailed a line of kisses along the cracks in my skull. She stood with a smile and started unbuttoning her night gown as she walk back toward her room. I jumped up to follow her... and got the door to her room slammed in my face.

I rubbed my skull. "I really should have seen that coming." I sighed and leaned against the door. "Are you ever going to stop teasing me?"

"Not for as long as I live, Bones!"

I rolled my eye and went back to my room to wash up and get into a fresh turtleneck. I looked at myself for a minute and wondered why I started wearing them. I didn't remember caring about it before. I shook off the thought and went back into the living room where Paps was setting out breakfast for us. Frisk was already in uniform at the table looking over the papers I'd found.

I sat down next to her, grabbed a bottle of hot sauce, and poured it into my tea. "Anything new in those?"

"Yeah. The plans here are more detailed and names the pawns."

"Did C fill you in on my adventure last night?"

"Up to about half way through the vampire fight. That's when he lost contact from exhaustion. Did he really take full control of me in my sleep? That's really hard for him." She took the hot sauce from me, poured some on her eggs, and handed it back before taking a bite. "It's way easier for him when I'm conscious."

"You two have experimented with it?"

"Of course. He said that he doesn't like to do it because the other facets of me in my head mess with him."

"What does that even mean?"

She put her fork down. "I'm not sure and when I ask, he's not sure how to describe it." She reached for a tea cup without looking and I pushed mine into her hand. She took a sip and spit it out. "Sans!"

I laughed. "That's for teasing."

She narrowed her eyes at me, but couldn't hide the smile when she pursed her lips.

"IF YOU TWO ARE DONE WITH YOUR MORNING COURTSHIP RITUAL, WE REALLY NEED TO BE GOING. WE STILL HAVE TO RETRIEVE THE TWINS BEFORE HEADING TO UNDYNE'S OFFICE."

I downed the rest of the bottle of hot sauce and stood. "Let's go."

After Frisk had determined that the twins were properly dressed for the Grand Opening, we hoofed it to the Royal Guard's offices just outside the palace. The boys waved at us as they were ushered inside the palace gates. Princess Asriel waited for them on the other side, a mischievous smile on her face. Inside the offices, Undyne combed through the new papers while grilling me about my midnight adventure.

She whistled and a bunch of secret service in plain clothes came into her office. She put down a map. "Each of you will take the positions marked on the map. The first objective is to protect the royal family. The second objective is to round up as many of the vampire's pawns as possible without killing them. Use deadly force only if necessary. Remember that these people don't know what they're doing."

Each agent checked their place on the map and headed out.

Undyne looked at us. "You two will stick out like sore thumbs in your uniforms, so I had one of the juniors dig up royal guard uniforms for the both of you. You'll both switch with the on duty guards at the midway point and escort the carriage front right and back left. Papyrus, you and I will actually be in the carriage. Provided no one's been dilly-dallying the royal family should be at the fair grounds before we even leave with the convoy."

"Nice," Frisk said. "C? Calculate for bodyguard duty."

C's voice came over the comms. "On it."

Undyne smiled big and toothy. "Let's get you guys suited up." She led us to a supply room and handed us the uniforms she'd pulled.

I sighed as I shrugged out of my beloved jacket. I touched the pocket with the picture gently before folding it and laying it on the shelf. I turned and changed with my back to Frisk.

"Is there a problem?" Undyne asked. I sneaked a peek over my shoulder.

Frisk was rolling her shoulders, getting a feel for the uniform. "The armor placement is different. I'll get used to it."

Undyne nodded. "You'll need leave your weapons behind or conceal them in a different way. They are different enough from what we use here that it'll tip someone off if they're smart."

"Are your spears standard?" Frisk asked.

"Yeah." Undyne smiled. "You want one?"

"Magical spear for the win!" Frisk said.

Undyne conjured one and handed it to her. Frisk tested it's weight and spun it a few times before standing to attention and saluting Undyne.

"Nice." Undyne looked at me. "Ready, Bones?"

I nodded once and we headed out to the convoy. Undyne and Papyrus headed onto the palace grounds while Frisk and I short cut to our positions. The royal guards pulled us into their ranks, a few taking the time to hug Frisk or comment on how lucky they were to get to work with a boss monster. The streets were quiet but for normal traffic. When the convoy came around, we switched seamlessly, and continued to the fair grounds.

A strange crowd started gathering around us at the part of town the abduction would take place moving in the direction of the fair grounds, pressing in on all sides. I stepped with the royal guard, pushing the crowd away from the carriage. Someone from the crowd threw a strange device in the air, arcing it over the carriage. It stopped mid-flight, putting down a barrier around us, trapping us inside with a large chunk of the crowd. The crowd turned to us, eyes hazy, angry red marks on their necks.

There were way more people here than in the original plan.

Frisk threw the spear and smashed the device trapping us. The barrier fell and the crowd pushed in en mass trying to break over us with numbers. There was no way we were going to be able fend them all off without deadly force.

"STAR BLAZING!"

Massive stars rained down from above, breaking into little stars as they hit buildings, covering the crowd. All the humans hit by the stars were knocked out, hitting the ground in jumbles. Frisk deftly dodged the barrage.

She turned to look at the carriage. "I swear to God, that child..."

The agents converged as Undyne and Papyrus stepped from the carriage. Princess Asriel caught my eye from inside and waved as the door was shut.

"All right, everyone! Agents! Get the vampire pawns into custody! We'll sort them out at Precinct Eleven! Convoy continue to the fair grounds!" She patted me on the shoulder. "See you guys in a bit."

At the fair ground, Princess Asriel daintily stepped from the carriage and put up a parasol to block the sun. She smiled demurely. "Thank you for your help, Frisk. Bones." She nodded to me.

Frisk crossed her arms over her chest. "That was dangerous, Asriel."

Her smiled went wide and devilish. "For whom?"

I scratched her behind her left ear and she giggled. The twins ran up and dragged her off, complaining about her getting to have all the fun. Two of the royal guards quickly followed after them.

Undyne caught up to us. "Thank you for your help. I'm sorry about Asriel being there. She's really good at wheedling her way into what ever she wants."

I shrugged. "It'll be a useful trait when she ascends the throne."

Undyne nodded with a sigh. "That it will." She handed us our bags. "I brought your things along. Feel free to use the guard tent over there. Papyrus is in there waiting."

After a quick change, I checked the photo. It was still safe in the pocket. The twins met us outside the tent.

"So now what?" Chara asked.

My Frisk sighed. "Let's head back to Shipworks and see if we can hunt up any other clues."

"We'll come too," Frisk said. "Mom and Dad don't need us for at least two hours."

I looked up and found Asgore and Toriel striding toward us.

Asgore picked my Frisk up in a big bear hug. "Thank you for your help, Frisk."

She hugged him back. "It's no problem."

Toriel hugged her next and while Frisk returned the gesture, I could see that look strange look she had when interacting with any Toriel. Goat Mom wasn't a part of our world and some part of that echoed in Frisk like a deep loss.

"Do you mind if the boys come back to Shipworks with us?" she asked.

"Go on you two," Toriel said. "Just try not to ruin your nice clothes before coming back for the ceremony."

Both boys saluted their mother smartly before coming over to me. A short cut got us to the Shipworks hangar.

Frisk looked in on Dr. Gaster and found him hard at work on the ship. "Hey, Dings? Can I look around your office for a bit?"

He nodded absently. "Yes. Yes. Just don't touch the papers on my desk."

She and the boys dug around in the office for an hour and came out empty handed. She huffed and sat next to me on a bench in the hangar.

"We stopped an evil secret society and saved the Pearl, but we're still no closer to figuring out where Sans and Papyrus are."

The bell over the door rang as it opened. Sans and Papyrus walked in, bags in one hand and fishing poles in the other. They both stopped and looked around.

"*did we miss something? was there an anomaly?" Sans asked.

"WHERE WERE YOU?!" Chara yelled.

"*on vacation. we went fishing on rushing run in our boat, toriel's pearl."

My Frisk blinked twice and fell to her knees laughing, arms wrapped around her stomach.

Gaster had the decency to look embarrassed. "You were..." He pulled a calendar out of his pocket and rapidly flipped through the pages. "Oh..."

Steam's brother put his hands on his hips. "HAVEN'T YOU TWO LEARNED YET THAT IF THE DOCTOR NEEDS US AND WE ARE NOT AROUND, TO ASK UNDYNE? SHE KNEW WHERE WE WERE AND EVEN JOINED US FOR A DAY."

"I wondered why Undyne gave us that weird look earlier." My phone vibrated and I looked at the text. The Chevelle was done. "All right. Time to go home. I've got to pick up my car at Max's."

Frisk wiped the tears from her eyes. "What color did you pick?"

"You wanna come with me and see?"

She nodded before exchanging hugs with the twins and promising Steam and his brother that we would be back to visit at another time.

Paps put his hand on my shoulder. "THIS WAS QUITE AN INTERESTING ADVENTURE."

"Would you like to do it again?"

"HERE, YES. OTHER DIMENSIONS... NOT SO MUCH."

I smiled and patted his hand. When Frisk stepped up to me, I put my arm around her and took us home. After stowing our gear, Frisk and I took a short cut over to Max's garage. I knocked on the back door.

"Come on in, Bones!"

I held the door open for Frisk and followed her in.

Max stood up and shook her hand. "You must be Frisk. Is that a family name?"

She shook her head. "I'm named after one of my dad's army buddies."

"Nice. You guys ready to see the car?" He led us out to the show room. "I took a little liberty with the job and added some racing stripes."

My jaw dropped. The Chevelle was a beautiful dark blue with a long racing stripe over the roof on the passenger side and a short one on the hood coming down from the driver's side.

Frisk covered her mouth with one hand, smile wide. "Oh my God! That's awesome!" She turned to me. "It looks like you!"

Max looked at me, waiting.

"Oh man. I love it!" I shook his hand. "Let's settle up so I can drive her home."

After paying and grabbing the keys, I held the door for Frisk and she slid in, buckling while Max opened the show room doors so we could drive out. Frisk waved to him as I pulled the car out and pulled onto the road.

"So have you thought of a name for her yet?" Frisk asked, her hand running over the leather.

I smiled. "I'm thinking of naming her Dana Skully."

She swatted my arm.

Author's Notes:

1. Icehouse is a real game and you can check it out at Looney Labs. I almost had them play Binary Homeworlds, which is another pyramid game, but it's only two player and Icehouse can have up to five players at a shot.

2. "She shrimped the the left." The Shrimp is an actual self defense move and if you take rape self-defense classes, you will be taught how to do what Frisk does when the vampire jumps her.