A/n: Okay, I'll admit that part of the reason I've been so lax with my updating this week is because I've been toiling over this chapter. It was very difficult to write so PLEASE tell me what you think!
"Pwetty Mama!" Freya Kotay exclaimed delightedly, unable to tear her eager eyes away from the mesmerising planet of lilac and aquamarine clouds before her.
Seven of Nine smiled indulgently down at her eighteen month old daughter and joined her at the viewport. As she lifted her daughter into her arms with practised ease, she ran an affectionate hand through the toddler's silken hair; the colour and thickness; not unlike that of a lion's mane, was a chore in itself, and Seven could, quite happily, spend hours running a comb through the delicate tendrils. "It is pretty isn't it?" she agreed, "That's where I'm going tomorrow on my away mission."
Freya's eyes, which according to everyone else on the ship were identical to Seven's own, something she didn't agree with; (they lit up just like Chakotay's when she smiled), shot up to her mother's face. "In a shuddle?" she asked excitedly, bouncing around so much that Seven had difficulty holding on to her.
"Yes, in a shuttle." Seven replied with a soft laugh as she settled down on the couch, Freya in her lap.
"I come?" Freya asked hopefully.
"No baby, you can't come, it's too dangerous." Seven said firmly.
Freya's cheery smile instantly transformed into a troubled frown. "Dangewous?" she mumbled, her lower lip shaking. "You no go Mama!" she said insistently, "Stay wiv me an Papa."
Seven cuddled her close, wishing she'd never said anything. "I'll be fine baby, it's different for me, you're just too little."
Freya wasn't going to let it go that easily, "Why you go?" she questioned tearfully.
"We're going to see if the planet has a special mineral to help Voyager get back to Earth. The Captain asked me, it's important…"
Freya began to cry outright just as her father, Commander Chakotay, entered their family quarters; his handsome face creasing in concern when he saw the tearstained face of his daughter, and the strained one of his wife. "What's wrong angel?" he asked gently as he knelt down beside Freya.
"Mama…go…way…" Freya choked out inconsolably through sobs.
Chakotay shot Seven a questioning look, who sighed and muttered under her breath, "The away mission."
"Ah…" Chakotay breathed in understanding and pulled Freya onto his knee, smiling at her reassuringly, "Freya honey, your Mama isn't going anywhere for long, we'd miss each other too much wouldn't we?"
Seven smiled as she watched Freya calm down and nod slowly. "I'll be back in time to give you lunch my love, don't worry. You and Papa just get to play by yourselves for a little while."
Freya brightened a little at that, looping her slight arms around Chakotay's neck. "Pway kadikot?" she asked with a pleading look and a voice full of anticipation.
Chakotay chuckled and gave Seven a teasing glance over their daughter's head. "Only your daughter would understand and want to play kadiskot at a year and a half!"
"She's yours too!" Seven replied in the same teasing tone before turning back to Freya, "Maybe Papa will read to you instead sweetheart."
"Books!" Freya cheered, tugging impatiently at her father's uniform. "Now Papa, now!"
"After your bath." Chakotay finally compromised after he and Seven had recovered from their laugher.
It was a long, bubbly bath and two books later before the couple were alone again, curled up together on the couch. "Do you think she'll be alright? I do not enjoy the thought of leaving her…" Seven murmured into her husband's warm chest while biting her lip anxiously.
"Her reaction was normal Seven; you haven't been on an away mission since you fell pregnant with her." Chakotay told her gently, his grip tightening around her as he felt her sigh heavily, "You don't have to go if you don't want to. I can speak to the Captain…"
Seven ran her fingers affectionately over his rugged jaw line and kissed him softly, "I am the only crewmember who knows how to properly scan for Mineral 591, it really could assist the engines a great deal Chakotay, sometimes we must put aside our personal preferences for necessity's sake."
"I know." Chakotay replied heavily, "I can't say I like the idea of you flying down to that hellhole, deceptively beautiful though it is, the Doctor keeps saying how radioactive it is down there…"
"Yes, Zeta radiation. The shields of the shuttle have been reinforced." Seven replied tightly, sensing his unease. "We'll take every precaution." She assured him soothingly, shifting closer as the smile of a new, more pleasant thought, spread across her face. "During my maintenance today, the Doctor informed me that my body has recovered sufficiently from carrying Freya, that we can try again whenever we wish."
Chakotay beamed at his wife with an uncertain joy, "Really? Are you sure?" Seven laughed softly and kissed in reply, giggling as he picked her up, bridal style. "I suppose we'd better start practising then." He whispered huskily as he carried her to their bedroom.
It happened suddenly, the insistent beep of the comm. badge which was to herald the end of this bright phase of Chakotay's life. He lifted his head up from where he was helping Freya paint a picture for Seven when she returned; she'd been gone less than an hour. He silently despaired at the state of their living quarters; the volume of red paint and previously discarded crafts paper was getting to the 'alarming' level. Pushing these negative thoughts from his head, he distractedly tapped his comm. badge; "Chakotay here." He said coolly as he saved Freya's hair from being dipped in a pot of green paint in the nick of time.
"Chakotay…you need to come to the Bridge…now." It was the sheer simplicity of the words, in the end, that made Chakotay's blood run ice cold. He was accustomed to the Captain's unceremonious summons by now, and didn't set much store by them. Her tone was strangled, oddly so, and her usual, prim, self control was now all but gone. That was enough to send him surging to his feet, barely having enough presence of mind to ask Icheb to watch Freya before bolting away towards the Bridge.
"What's happening?" he gasped out breathlessly as he rammed his way out of the turbolift and into the centre of the Bridge, having to catch himself as his legs turned to water at the sight on the viewscreen. The planet, that deceptively beautiful gas giant that seemed to effortlessly combine all the colours of the rainbow, was imploding. The sight was so sickeningly hypnotising that it took a few seconds for Chakotay's tongue to regain the power of speech. "Are they back, the away team?" He flinched at how terrified his own voice sounded; of course she was back, where else could she be?
He could feel the crew's eyes burning into his back and could taste the anguish and pity in the dead air around him. The sound of Harry's gulp pounded cruelly into his ears as the newly appointed Lieutenant spoke, "No Commander, there was a catastrophic change in the planet's core; the shuttle is still down there…"
"Well, find it!" Chakotay snapped, unnerved by the brutal, hysterical edge in his voice.
"I'm trying to Chakotay…" B'Elanna forced out through gritted teeth, her body sagging in momentary relief as she read her console. "I found them!" she shouted in relief before a new panic crept into her tone, "Their warp is down…and shields, the radiation is flooding in…"
The Captain's taunt features turned grey with horror. "Beam them up now!"
"I've been trying!" B'Elanna retorted in anguished frustration, but her own feelings faded into insignificance when she saw the unadulterated agony in Chakotay's eyes as he growled wordlessly, slamming his fist so hard into a nearby console she was sure she heard a bone break. As a consequence, she nearly sobbed when a flicker of hope revealed itself. "I've locked onto them, they're in Sickbay!"
The words hadn't fully left her mouth before Chakotay bounded towards Sickbay, ignorant of the worried crowd following behind him. In reality the journey only took a couple of minutes at most, but for Chakotay it seemed like a lifetime, fear sapping all the power from his limbs. The relief of stepping into Sickbay was painfully short-lived; the first thing he laid his eyes on was the Doctor covering two obviously dead bodies with reverential care. "No…" He croaked out before a sob stifled his voice.
The Doctor twisted around to face him, stepping closer, his eyes filled with grief and pity that Chakotay chose to ignore to preserve what little remained of his senses. "Commander…" The Doctor began, grasping his shoulder, but Chakotay's eyes became distant as he finally saw the limp figure sprawled over the biobed furthest from the doorway, so covered in unknown grime that it took the sight of a mangled implant for him to know for certain it was her.
"Seven!" he cried out hoarsely, relief freeing his heart to thud in his ears as he saw her chest heave to take a breath. Blindly he ran forward, his body crashing into an unseen forcefield that surrounded her bed. He glared viciously at the Doctor in disbelief, "Doctor, what are you doing?" He shouted in frustration, "Why aren't you helping her?" He kicked out at the shield, "I'm her husband! She needs me with her!" Hot tears began to blur his vision but he wiped away at them angrily as he met the Doctor's agonised eyes. "Well?" he snarled when the Doctor remained silent for a moment.
The Doctor visibly braced himself. "I've made her as comfortable as I can Commander, there's nothing more I can do for her." He gulped repeatedly, his courage leaving him. "They…They all received a lethal dose of radiation, on top of their other horrible injuries. Only her implants are keeping her alive now and they're damaged beyond repair…" Despite his still professional tone, tears began to stream unhindered down his cheeks. "She's…She's dying Chakotay…"
Chakotay's world began to spin, his organs lurching horribly in his stomach. "No!" He cried out in denial, shoving the Doctor's restraining hands away. "You're lying! You just don't want to try!"
Hurt and anger burned across the Doctor's face but he took a deep breath for Seven's sake, she'd want her husband to be supported right now, it was his last duty to her as her Doctor and friend. "I'm so sorry…" He murmured heavily, his whole body slumping in defeat as he backed away from Chakotay's grief inflamed eyes.
The anger drained away from Chakotay as his eyes flickered desperately between the Doctor's desolate face and his wife's still body, replaced by a bleak hopelessness that tortured his heart. "Lower the shield Doctor, let me go to her." He whispered brokenly, his hand shaking as it rested on the forcefield in wait.
The Doctor shook his head, "No Commander, I can't let you. Any more than a few minutes exposure to that radiation and you'll fall ill…"
"Has she got any more than a few minutes left?" Chakotay retorted, his voice cracking as he realised what he'd just said. The waver in the Doctor's resolute expression gave him his answer. "I won't let her…die alone Doctor!" He choked out, his voice hoarse with a tumult of indescribable emotions. "Deactivate the forcefield or I'll deactivate you and do it myself."
The Doctor sighed. "Three minutes." He muttered in a low voice as he pressed a button and the forcefield dissipated.
Chakotay nodded abruptly and strode up to the biobed, hearing the hiss as the forcefield reactivated behind him. "Seven?" he whispered, reaching out and seizing her blackened hand like a lifeline, as if by holding her he could keep death at bay. He was shocked to find her skin ice cold, for once colder than the implants embedded within it. Nausea overwhelmed him, and not for the first time that day; fear coursed cripplingly through his veins as he realised that he may have arrived too late. Then, as if his touch had pulled her back from the brink, her body heaved in another breath, though he could see it took her as much effort as running a marathon.
"Chakotay…" She whispered, her paper thin lids fluttering open as her bloodless lips moved, curving into a relieved smile, as if she'd been waiting for him.
"Hey…" He breathed softly near her ear as he ran a desperate hand through her hair, only hours ago a youthful, lustrous gold but now strangely colourless, as if a winter's frost had settled upon her. "Oh my love…" He forced the small words past the lump in his throat as he climbed onto the biobed and pulled her gently into his lap, encircling his arms protectively around her.
She shivered against him as she met his eyes, panic suddenly filling her own. "Radi…Radiation…please go…" She pleaded.
Chakotay shook his head resolutely, "No. I'm not going anywhere. The Doctor gave me permission, I'll be fine sweetheart, don't worry."
She relaxed again, her eyes dimming for a moment before tears began to slide weakly down her cheeks, wetting his caressing hand. "I told Freya that…I'd come back…tell her…" She gasped in pain but continued on, "I'm sorry…so sorry…"
"You are back, there's nothing to apologise for, do you hear me Seven?" Chakotay said harshly, sobs beginning to rack his own chest as he bent over her.
She smiled distantly as her icy fingers traced his tattoo. "I love you…" She mumbled faintly, "You…gave me back…my life…"
Chakotay rubbed at his streaming eyes in frustration so he could see her clearly, "I love you too…so much Seven…" The words were barely out of his mouth before he felt her body shudder and fall utterly still.
He collapsed forward, clutching her body to his as he silently begged the soul he knew was gone to return. "Chakotay, you'll make yourself ill, for Freya's sake please…" A voice, he'd never know exactly whose, filled his mind and he let go off consciousness, allowing his grieving crewmates to drag him away to the Doctor's care.
Admiral Kathryn Janeway was so absorbed in sorting out the curriculum for her new Starfleet Academy class that she jumped violently when the doorbell rang unexpectedly. With a small shake of her head, she reluctantly left her cluttered desk and headed out to the hallway, whoever was visiting her at this time of night better have a good reason! Her exasperation faded a little when she peeked through the door's view hole and she quickly opened the door. "Chakotay…" She breathed in shock, he was the last person she'd expected to see, normally after any crew gathering he fled back to the solitude of his ranch in Mexico.
"Kathryn." He greeted curtly, stepping past her and closing the door behind him. "Is Mark here?"
"No." She replied in bemusement, disturbed by the odd look in her eyes. "He's at a conference in Munich tonight. What's wrong?" He frowned at her bitterly and she sighed, "You want to talk about it?"
"No." He replied shortly, looking as her with determined eyes. "I want to know what your plan was."
She flinched, "What plan?" she asked tightly.
His fists clenched as he glared at her impatiently. "You know what plan Kathryn, why didn't you go through with it?"
Janeway sighed heavily and moved back from him, "I decided it was too risky, not to mention highly illegal and unethical. There was no guarantee of anything turning out for the better anyway."
"You believed in it enough last year, when you shielded the Flyer up to the hilt and posted Miral with those Klingons so you could get the machine." He reminded her darkly.
Janeway swallowed, "It was different back then, my perspective has changed."
"Why?" Chakotay asked sharply, "Nothing's changed for the better, things have gotten worse. Tuvok's still ill, Seven's still dead, and now Freya too…" His voice cracked but he quickly controlled himself, his face stiffening. "I'd have thought you'd have more reason to do it now more than ever! Or is it because Mark finally returned to you, you suddenly think everything's fine!" He snapped.
Janeway flinched as if he'd slapped her. "That is not fair!" She stood nose to nose with him, glaring hotly. "If I remember rightly, you told me it as too risky, that it would disrespect the dead, that it would risk the entire Voyager crew…" She trailed off, remembering the pain in his eyes as he'd told her those hard truths. "What's changed your mind?"
"Let's say my perspective has changed." Chakotay flung back resentfully as she threw his own doubts back in his face. He sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. "Look Kathryn, I was wrong to give up on them, please help me create another chance."
His voice was so sincere that Janeway's resolve crumpled and she disappeared into her office returning with a PADD, which she handed to him. "All you need to know is in here. You'll need to get tetrion radiation protection from the Doctor, he'll be suspicious, but just say you're going on a classified mission."
He took the PADD tightly in his hand, smiling at her in relief and gratitude. "Thank you."
She shook her head, wincing in fear as he turned back towards the door. "Chakotay, you know that this would be a one way trip?" she asked tersely, if he really was going to go through with this then she'd better make sure he knew all of the hard facts.
He nodded. "I know, but we all have to go sometime, you and I know that better than anyone." Without another word he walked out, leaving Janeway alone to ponder what she'd just set in motion.
A/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! :D