hey peeps! so is the lack of a new episode killing anyone else's vibe or is it just me? thanks for all your lovely reviews and follows/favorites and such! And also thank you for all the people who contact me on Twitter and say such lovely things! :] i pretty much end up having like an hour conversation with all of them who tweet me XD haha #newfriends!

this is a more angsty chapter, and we're gonna get a look at Deeks! :] Don't own, blah blah. as always, shout out to my bro N7sdr93 for editing! and btw i find it awesome that he's had more visitors to his profile since i've been commenting about him XD you guys are awesome! also go check out sometimestheyfindyou, which is one of my new twitter peeps! Got a good new story going and i'm pretty excited about it! she's great!

here we go!

Chapter 17

The next morning Kensi woke up with her arms wrapped around Leo, who was already awake. His bright blue eyes lit up when he saw she was awake too.

"Oh hi." The little boy giggled.
Kensi couldn't help but smile. "Hi baby boy. You sleep ok after you came in here?"
"Oh yea!" Leo nodded. "You scared-ed away dah monsters." He told her seriously.

Kensi couldn't help but feel a little nervous around the boy now. Last night he'd called her mommy; which was something the federal agent was not prepared to handle. She could handle people shooting at her, high speed car chases, going undercover, lots of things.

But when a sweet three year old boy called her mommy, Kensi was thrown completely off balance.

"You hungry?" She asked.
"Yup! Can we has eggs?" Leo asked politely.

Kensi smiled. "Sure. I'll put some clothes on your bed, and then go make breakfast, alright?"

"Otay, Kens!" Leo nodded, sitting up and bouncing slightly on the bed. He giggled and stood up, jumping up and down with a big grin on his face.

"Ok, Leo that's enough; I don't want you to fall and hurt yourself." Kensi laughed lightly; she felt a little more relaxed when he called her Kens instead of mommy.

"But it so fun!" Leo objected, jumping and bouncing to land on his bottom.

Kensi tugged him closer to her. "I know, but you could fall off the bed and get hurt. And I don't want that at all, ok?" She told him.

"Otay..." Leo pouted, but nodded nonetheless.
"I'm gonna go make breakfast." She said, getting out of bed.

Leo crawled out of bed and ran into the living room to play with Monty; within minutes Kensi could hear a little boy's laughter and a dog's happy barking filling the apartment, making her smile happily.

She opened the refrigerator and let out a deep breath. Kensi was doing her best to deal with Leo calling her mommy, but it wasn't working real well; she didn't know what to think or what to do with the situation.

As she pulled out her ingredients, Kensi considered calling Sam and asking his opinion on the matter. But just as quickly as that thought occurred, she ruled it out. This was something extremely important to Kensi, and she knew she should figure it out by herself.

Kensi tried to analyze her feelings on the matter, but it was hard to do when so many thoughts were swirling around her head; she didn't know where to start first.

Leo wasn't her child; that was probably the biggest issue here, Kensi mused. No matter how long she took care of him, how much she cared about him, that fact wouldn't change; and it really bothered Kensi that she couldn't.

She wondered how Rachel would feel about what Leo had said. It shouldn't have mattered much, considering Rachel had given up her rights as a mother, but it did. This woman was still Leo's biological mother, a right Kensi would never have.

But, Kensi argued with herself, if she cared about him, and loved him like she did, could that compete with a biological mother?

Thinking about his mother brought Kensi to his father. As she cooked she wondered what Deeks would think about his son calling her mommy. Would he like it? Would it freak him out? Who knows, maybe he'd like it, Kensi sighed.

She was scared that this would change things; that Leo would expect more from her and she couldn't be what he needed? The poor little thing already had one failure as a mother, he didn't need another one.

But Kensi couldn't deny she'd felt a warmth in a place in her heart she didn't know she had. It'd made her feel special in ways she couldn't describe. It was a very strange feeling to say the least. But not necessarily in a bad way.

Kensi groaned in frustration; why did her life have to constantly be so complicated? She finished the eggs and put them on plates, calling for Leo to come sit at the table and eat with her.

After they'd finished, Leo ran off to his bedroom to get ready. "I'm gonna beat you, Kens!" He yelled, his little feet carrying him through the apartment; Monty running right after the little boy.

A thought occurred to Kensi; what if Leo had been spending so much time around her that he truly thought she was his mother? She knew she couldn't just let him think that, couldn't manipulate his innocent mind like that. He had to know that Kensi wasn't his real mother, and she'd have to tell him.

Steeling her nerves, Kensi took a deep breath and headed down the hall and into Leo's room. She found him bouncing on his bed, Monty watching dutifully beside the bed. Leo gasped when he saw Kensi come in and immediately dropped onto the bed, sitting innocently.

She bit back a grin at the mischievous look in his eyes; the one that was so similar to his dad's. It made her heart ache and flutter at the same time. Kensi loved seeing little traits like that of Deeks' in Leo. His cute habits deserved to be passed on.

But Kensi would never tell him that.

Kensi walked into the room and sat on the bed next to the boy, whose face immediately turned serious.

"I'm sorry, Kens! I won't do again! I pwomise!" He rambled immediately.

The woman shook her head and sighed. "Don't worry about it, Leo. I um... I need to talk to you about something." She told him.

"Did I do somefing wong?" Leo asked quietly.

Kensi shook her head, and brushed the hair away from his little face. "No, sweetie, not at all. It's just um..." She trailed off, looking at his sad little face. "Oh boy..." She sighed.

"Leo, do you remember coming and waking me up last night? When you had that nightmare?" Kensi inquired.

"Yea, you make the scary go way." Leo nodded.
"Do you remember calling me anything?" She asked carefully.

The boy's eyes furrowed before he remembered. "Oh yea. I called-ed you Mommy." He replied.

Kensi nodded. "Yea, you um... you did. That's the thing, Leo... you see, I'm... I'm not your mommy." She said softly.

Leo looked at her quizzically. "Nuh-uh. You is." He said.
Her heart broke a tiny bit. "No, Leo, I'm not; not your real mommy."

"But you's wike a mommy." The boy told her.
"I'm not a very good mommy." Kensi laughed lightly.

"Yea huh! You's pwetty wike a mommy, and you took care of me wike a mommy, and you pway wiff me, and you's a good mommy, Kens!" Leo objected.

Kensi's heart tugged at his words. She shook her head and sighed. "But honey, you already have a mommy." She told him.

"But she..." Leo furrowed his eyebrows, concentrating as if to remember. "She leabed me. I want you to be my mommy." He told her.

Kensi's eyes started to water and she tried to contain herself. How could someone so little and so young be so sweet? She thought.

"I'm sorry baby boy. I'm not your mommy. I care a whole lot about you. I would still like to be around you, and in your life. I really like having fun with you and hanging out with you." Kensi said sadly.

Leo's face was so sad when she told him that. Kensi knew her face mirrored that. He crawled into her lap and wrapped his arms around her neck.

"You not my mommy?" He asked quietly.
Kensi took a shaky break and shook her head. "No." She replied.

Kensi couldn't help but think that it feels all wrong to tell him that.

"One day you'll have a new mommy. When... when Daddy gets married, whoever that lucky lady is... she'll be your new mommy. But you'll always have your old mommy too." Kensi explained, her heart aching as she told him all of this.

The thought of Deeks marrying someone else did not sit well with Kensi. Her heart pumped wildly, as if in objection.

"My daddy wikes you Kens!" Leo exclaimed.

Kensi smiled slightly. "Um, well I don't know about that Leo... it's... complicated." She chuckled.

That was putting it as simply as she could. Kensi figures they passed complicated a long time ago; especially when she was his wife for three weeks.

Kensi still wasn't over that.

"He shares his ice cweam wiff you, Kens. He wikes you." Leo said seriously.

She laughed again. "Well, your daddy is just that nice." Kensi replied.

"And he thinks you're booty-full! He talk 'bout you all dah time. He say you perfect." Leo confessed.

Kensi could feel her cheeks reddening at the thought of Deeks saying that, especially to Leo of all people. She couldn't fight the smile that was growing on her face either. She missed Deeks, and all his little compliments.

Kensi was dying to have him back in her life.
Just as much as she was dying to be able to tell Leo she could be his mommy.

Deeks made his way into his LAPD safe house apartment late that night. He let out a deep breath he always seemed to be holding when he was anywhere else but that apartment. He quickly checked for bugs or anything suspicious, before letting his guard down slightly.

He made his way to the refrigerator and cursed at the lack of food in there; almost everything he had was some type of alcohol. This only served to disgust him about his alias even more.

To say that Deeks was miserable would be an extreme understatement.

Being away from Leo was horrible. Then he had to add being away from Kensi right when they were getting somewhere. And to top it all off, he had to be Max.

Deeks constantly felt disgusted with himself. Walking through his apartment to his bathroom he noticed a bra on the floor from a one night stand one of the gang members' had set up for him.

That only added to his repulsion of himself.

There was no way out of it, and this girl was one of the gang's groupies; so she would've told if he'd ended up taking her to his apartment and not going all the way. Which would've raised questions for a guy like Max Gentry.

The only thing Deeks had felt was guilt.

He felt like he was cheating on Kensi; betraying her somehow. It made him want to drink away his sorrows, do something, anything to get rid of this alias.

But drinking away his sorrows wasn't an option.
He was already close enough to being his father.

Deeks had decided as soon as he'd left the mission that he was going to think about Leo as little as he could manage. Not only would it hurt his cover, make it harder to be the hardass Max Gentry, but Max didn't deserve to know such an amazing child as Leo, and Leo sure as hell didn't deserve anybody remotely like Max anywhere near his life.

It made Deeks nervous about when he'd go back.

What if he couldn't shed the alias this time? What if he drowned in being Max and couldn't be Deeks anymore?

His only saving grace was Kensi.

Kensi was safer to think about than Leo. Kensi could handle Max –not that she deserved to- and she'd met him before.

Deeks stripped off the stupid "Max Gentry Jacket" and his other clothes and stepped into his shower, immediately scrubbing at his skin. He constantly felt dirty, and he hated the way he'd had to treat people.

Especially some of the girls that hung around the gang; he'd had to talk to them and about them like they were worthless. Deeks would never in a million years talk to anyone like that, and he sure as hell would never talk to or about Kensi like that.

Deeks leaned against the small shower wall and let the water run over him; washing away the constantly building sins of Max. As he did, his thoughts returned to the girls that hung around the gang.

One in particular stuck out, but not in any sort of romantic way.
Only Kensi held that spot.

But there was a girl in the gang, Samantha, who was different than any of the other members. Deeks had figured out she was the key to him getting the information he needed to get the hell out of this case and this alias and back to his loves.

Samantha wanted power, and hated her position in the gang. She'd complained to Deeks on more than one occasion about how if she was in charge things would be different. Of course, Deeks encouraged her, hoping to gain her trust.

It was going pretty well, but Deeks was afraid that he'd have to step it up. He planned on working her more soon, using his charm to finally get what he needed.

The gang had been somewhat cautious of Max when he first came back. He'd had to let them beat him up in an alley, but that was how things rolled with this gang. After that, they'd lightened up somewhat.

As Max helped do some favors for the gang –doing some mediating with possible buyers, helping keep the lesser gang members under control, small stuff- he'd regained their trust, and was now back in with the top members.

Samantha had –for some reason- taken a liking to Max. She'd told him that she could see something different in him than the rest of the gang.

The water turned cold and Deeks shivered, quickly getting out. He looked in the mirror and, as usual, he hated what he saw. His eyes were darker, full of darker emotions than normal and he had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. He was thinner than he had been; the LAPD didn't exactly supply him with a lot of cash. What stuck out most though was the bruises all over his body. Things constantly turned violent in the gang, and when being Max fighting was option number one.

Kensi was not gonna be happy when she got a look at the bruises, Deeks mused. Kensi...just the thought of her name lifted his spirits.

Deeks walked through the small, ratty apartment and put on some different clothes. He hated them; they all smelled like Max. Which pretty much smelled like alcohol.

He missed smelling like the ocean; missed surfing and being at the beach. Max didn't go to the beach, so he had to stay away. He missed NCIS; cursed Bates every single day for sending him on this case. Deeks wished he had his team back; he felt better when they were backing him up.

Deeks had noticed one day last week his alias suddenly had new information; he'd checked it just to see what all there was, and was shocked when he saw only a driver's license. Deeks had checked again, thinking surely the LAPD wouldn't send him in with only that. There had to be more. He'd gotten a phone call and had to wait on checking twice, but when he did it was different.

When he'd dug around in his alias again, he'd been fully backstopped. It had taken Deeks totally by surprise at how in depth it was, and he immediately knew this was not of LAPD's doing.

This had Nell and Eric written all over it.

It'd touched Deeks that the Wonder Twins had taken the time and made sure he was fully backstopped.

It gave him another reason why he needed to sign that paperwork.
As if he needed another.

Deeks had fully made up his mind; as soon as he got back to NCIS, he was staying there. First of all he couldn't handle being taken away from his child like this, but career wise he couldn't handle being away from his partner.

The thought that he wasn't there to back her up, and she wasn't there to back him up, absolutely tortured Deeks. He was constantly worrying about her safety, and a lesser part of him worried about her drawing away back from him.

They'd just started to work their thing out; they'd had that amazing night out with Leo, and then that amazing kiss. Deeks could tell in her eyes that she hadn't regretted it. And he damn well knew he didn't either.

He crawled into bed and pulled out his phone. Eric had rigged it for when he needed to go undercover when he'd first joined the team, so he could put in different passcodes for different things. One passcode gave him all of Max Gentry's phone stuff. Another gave him his usual phone stuff.

Deeks put in his old passcode –Leo's birthday- and a picture of Leo and Kensi popped up as his background. A smile grew on his face as he relaxed into his horribly uncomfortable twin bed.

This picture had kept him grounded, kept him compartmentalized in this case. Deeks wasn't fully becoming Max Gentry. For a little bit each day, he allowed himself to look at this picture and think about Kensi, if only for a few minutes. He was always very careful to keep his guard up, and it felt good to have a few moments where he wasn't Max.

Deeks flipped through some of his old text messages with Kensi, smiling and chuckling lightly at some of them. It made him miss her more, but it eased his mind and his aching heart.

All he wanted to do was hold her.

But he was afraid when he got out of this case, out of this alias, she wouldn't want him; and how could she, with all of the things he'd had to do? Deeks was horrified at himself, but he couldn't dwell on it; it made it harder to stay in the alias.

Deeks worried about how Kensi would take it. He hoped she'd be able to forgive him.

He wondered how she and Leo were doing together; if they were getting along, hoping Leo wasn't giving her too much trouble. Deeks also secretly hoped that her spending time with his son would help bring some of her walls down.

Deeks wanted her to be part of their family. As far as he was concerned she already was. His entire world revolved around Leo and Kensi, and he just wanted them to be a family together.

It was getting harder and harder to be without Kensi; not only just on this case, but in his regular life as well. Deeks hated having to say goodbye to her at the end of every night, when he just wanted her to stay with him.

Deeks glanced at the time when he started yawning and sighed deeply. As tired as he was, he didn't want to go to sleep. Because going to sleep meant waking up and waking up meant another day of being Max.

He wasn't sure how much more he could take.

Deeks rolled over and looked at his picture of Kensi and Leo again. He let a smile come to his face and he promised himself he wouldn't be gone much longer.

He had a family to go back to. Or at least he hoped he did.
Because being away from Kensi and Leo feels all wrong to Deeks.

there we go! hope you guys liked it! I'm really excited about these next few chapters! hope you guys are too! if you would be so kind as to leave a kind review, i would be much appreciative :] or if you would like to send me a PM or a tweet if that's what you prefer i'm pretty much good with anything!

(i seriously stalk my story on Twitter, like i search Daddy Deeks and see if anyone's talking about it XD i don't wanna creep people out so i never end up like, responding but i wanted to lol XD)

bye guys! Hey, at least tomorrow is Friday!

xox