Chapter 2- The Trouble with Escape Plans
I leaned my hip against the Impala agitatedly, which was currently parked on the side of the road next to my SUV and mr. leather jacket, who was halfway underneath my car making a whole damn lot of ruckus along with slipping out a string of curses here and there.
"Yo bad attitude, you ever hear of a tune up, this car is in damn desperate need of one, you do not treat a vehicle this way seesh you see the way I treat my baby, you ought to do the same." Chided, the asswipe, always with the smart mouth, well I could do better.
"Sorry perv, but most normal people are not in romantic relationships with their cars and don't get freaky with the exhaust pipe on a regular basis like you, and my damn car is just fine pretty sure it appreciates me not attempting to damn molest it, while yours provably feels cheap and violated." I threw back, chuckling a bit at the end with my grin remaining in placing, proud of my own work with English language.
"You are a hell of a piece of work you know that sweetheart". He bit back sarcastically.
"So I've been told."
"A damn handful in a half, feel bad for the poor bastard who falls for ya". He muttered.
"You do know I am still here, and listening tough guy".
"Yeah, yeah don't get your knickers in a twist ain't my fault you're like a viper."
"Only to you, only to you."
"I'm flattered sweet cheeks."
"It sure as hell was not a compliment buddy."
"Oh I know princess, I know." Uh bantering with this genius just it was infuriating. It made my skin tingle and prick and just everything shake a bit, even if I was done and didn't care about the point anymore I had to keep talking, keep debating for the rush, for the thrill it gave me, weird feeling, maybe it was the law student in me, maybe it was the anger he drew out of me. I don't really know, but I definitely had a hard time ending a sarcasm match with this dope.
"just so you know princess, this is going to take a while, so you standing there ain't speeding it up, and I need to work a case, which no offense takes precedent from fixing a chick with an attitude problem's car. So you are definitely stuck with us for at least another night and the car is fine to drive back to the motel, but that's it, or you will blow the engine, so you better listen to me." This cannot be happening, why cant he just fix my car now so I can be on my way, I would even pay him….oh wait, yeah that's right, with what money, I was pretty stone broke at the moment. I sighed angrily, and ran a hand throw my wind matted waves, while biting my bottom lip in concentration. I guess I could let them fix the car and work their case while I dug up so more research on Griffith, I could just chill in the hotel, they wouldn't be around much, that could work for a bit.
"Caroline, hello, anyone home in there!" Dean tried snapping his fingers in my face as he stood up, having rolled out from under the car a few minutes ago.
"Yeah, yeah I'm here cool it ace." He chuckled and then gave me a halfhearted shrug.
"Look I ain't happy about babysitting, but seriously your car needs some time and I gotta finish up this case, so lets go, here are your keys, don't do anything stupid, I've had a long day and it's not even 5'oclock yet."
"Whatever, I don't need a babysitter, and I don't know who would trust you with children, what a joke, I'll meet you back at the motel." He rolled his eyes and nudged me towards my car dominantly, and then jumped into his Impala grumbling under his breath, once again. And he calls me bad attitude, all he does is sulk around, grumble, swear and drink from the empty bottles I observed scattered around their motel room, he needs to reassess his own life, and stop judging mine. Climbing into my SUV I decided to make a run to the nearest pharmacy pick up few things like shampoo, toothpaste, just the basics and maybe I'll grab some easy to eat snacks as well, power bars and stuff so I can stop less on the road.
As I pulled into the motel parking lot a few hours later, I ran a few more errands then expected and then had just hung in a parking lot for a bit wanting to be alone to collect my thoughts, and focus myself on where to continue my search for Griffith, Dean was outside with a cellphone to his ear pacing with a furious look on his face, along with Sam leaning over the Impala looking at the ground with concern on his features. They both jumped at the sight of my car and Dean snapped his phone shut and strung out a long list of choice words I could only imagine, what was the damn problem now. I stepped out of the car to Dean grasping my shoulders tightly, not this shit again, we talked about man handling already.
"Where the hell have you been? Your damn mother called us thinking we had things with you under control, and for the past 4 hours we could not place your whereabouts, and now she's going apeshit on us." Wait what the hell how did my mother even know I was hunting and why was she calling them instead of me, what the actual shit is going on? Then suddenly, Dean roughly pushed past me and looked under my hood, he ain't gunna find that stupid tracking device cause I chucked it into the woods after he left me by my car earlier, hah what a dumbo.
"Son of a bitch! How did you even know it was there and what in the hell did you do with it, I don't have time for this shit, in about 5 minutes I'm sending your ass to Krissy's on lockdown, and you two can duke it out." Oh hell no he is not telling me what to do, or sending me anywhere, I have a hunt to get back to, and Krissy, who the hell is Krissy."
"You seriously think I'm that naïve and wouldn't check my car over, I do not trust you, get it yet buddy, and why my momma does is beyond me! How you morons have not gotten yourselves killed yet is a miracle within itself, and how the hell does my momma know I'm out hunting?" My voice grew hard and hostile as I clenched my fists together, ready to flee, to fight my way the hell out of this screwed up situation.
"Your sister Meredith, she spoke to your mom pretty soon after you left, and then your mom called us, and well, called in a favor, she asked us to find you and keep watch over you cause she knew you would not back down from searching for Griffith." Sam cut in, stepping between Dean, and I, who was breathing hard and leering at me nastily. Seriously, of course she did Mare could never leave anything alone, it did not matter what I did for her or tried to do, she would always throw me under the bus, without Griffith, we just, we were constantly at each other's throats, there was no mediator, I tried so hard with her, but she blamed me for everything.
"Classic Meredith, well I would appreciate the full truth now, what do you know about my mother's trip out of the country?" I bit out, if they were instructed to keep watch over me, my mother must truly trust them and have told them something, Ghostbusters knew something I didn't.
"The prophesy Caroline, she thinks she has a lead on it, not Griffith, that's why she left. She didn't tell us where she was going though, she just said, she had to leave without a trace so she'd have the upper hand…whatever that means". Sam said softly placing his large warm hand on my bony shoulder lightly, but I could feel my blood boil, she wasn't even focusing on Griffith, I could give a shit about the prophesy it could wait till we found Griffith, she was wasting precious time, unbelievable!
"So she's not even looking for Griffith, she lied to me, there's no lead on Griffith, just a lead on that stupid mumbo jumbo Faith spewed out. This is just great, freaking typical, I don't give a damn about this prophesy who even knows if its true, honestly who gives a shit, I don't want to hunt, I don't want to be a hunter, but I will to be, but only to find Griffith not for some stupid prophesy some creature barked out at me." I was seething at this point hurling my words with malice and frustration and I knew there was a hint of heartbreak in them as well, but hopefully neither would notice as I roughly shook Sam's hand of trying to close myself off, throw a tough façade out cause I had too. I turned on my heel, pissed, anger replacing sadness quickly like always, as I started to stalk off though the rough calloused hand, I had become accustom to assaulting me lately, grabbed my wrist.
"Hell no sweet-cheeks, you ain't going anywhere, you've got an engine ready to blow, a pissed off momma, and a demon bounty on your head as of yesterday morning." Demon bounty, what the hell, how is that even possible, demon bounty's were not common, nor did they just go after anyone, this prophesy could not be that important…could it?
"What? Why would there be a bounty out on me?"
"We don't know yet, but we are going to find out, that prophesy isn't a bunch of mumbo jumbo sugar, you better get use to being the main event of some sort of hay day, coming to a theatre towards you damn soon. When the hell is your thirtieth birthday anyhow, Lorelai, I mean your mom, left that pretty important piece of information out." Dean inquired hardly staring me down, uh, I did not need to take this shit from him, not when I had problems like these, all I wanted to do was find Griffith, I had been waiting for him to come home for almost seven years now…I just wanted a damn break.
"It's in about seven months…I was born October 29th and obviously so was Griffith, he's seven minutes older than me." I replied my attitude fading for a moment replaced by pure nostalgia and grief, a grief I could never heal nor fill.
"Jesus, well that's just great, that's pretty damn soon, didn't you think you should warn someone, that may have been just a somewhat of a bright idea!" Dean cried exasperatedly looking at me shocked and annoyed, while ramming a hand through his hair.
"I just told you I could give a crap about the prophesy, Griffith is my concern, not that bullshit, its probably made up."
"Sweetheart there's a damn bounty on your meat suit, I think you should start listening to the friggin prophesy, Christ!" Dean chided with his voice raised.
"You have no idea what it's like to have something like this thrust upon you, I didn't ask for this, I didn't want this, in fact I want no part in it I'd be happy to go on with my whole life never knowing about this hunting crap, I just want my brother back." My voice rising with every word, and Dean's eyes began to burn with an anger and sadness I never had seen before and he laughed hardly.
"You have no idea who we are and what we have been through, don't talk to me about having things thrust upon you that you never wanted or asked for, Sam and I, all we ever wanted was normal, an apple pie life, you don't know us at all, so don't tell me about not understanding because trust me I do." He bit out with complete and utter hatred stepping closer to me and leering down at me until Sam cut between us.
'Guys, stop, just stop already would you! This isn't helping anything! Caroline look I'm sorry but you are not going anywhere, not with a bounty on your head, normal is over for you, and honestly you need to grow up and deal with it. You will never be normal, hunting is your destiny and your fate and it will never leave you or forget you, this is your life now, cheap motels, research, crappy food, monsters and the open road there is no other option for you. Now you either embrace it and let us train you and help you find Griffith while we work cases, or we carry you kicking and screaming everywhere we go, you can pick the easy way or the hard way." Sam spit out with hard malice for the first time since I met him, I guess I must hit a chord, but I was emotional what the hell did they expect. Great, this bounty just changed everything, as much as I wanted to tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine I knew I couldn't. I mean I knew a lot and I was trained, but they had been hunting for years…with a bounty this dangerous I probably could use the help…if I was dead no one would ever find Griffith honestly and mom would probably never come home. I just, this was the last thing I wanted, but it seemed to be the only option.
"Fine, I have no other choices anyways it looks like I'll hunt with you, but my focus will be on finding Griffith so just know that." I replied simply crossing my arms protectively over my waist trying to hold myself and keep my anxiety and fear at bay, while rocking back on my heels.
"Good, now lets all go inside." Sam replied curtly.
"I'm going for a drive, don't wait up." Dean bit out anger and hate still lacing his words as he stalked off.
"Look I didn't mean to hit a chord, ok, I'm sorry." I muttered looking at Sam with some form of guilt in my eyes.
"Just forget it, let him be, he wont want the apology anyways, Dean doesn't do fluff, just cooperate a bit, that's enough of an apology."
"Aright I'm going to take a shower if that's fine." I said while shrugging dejectedly.
"Yeah sure go on ahead." Sam slapped an extra motel key in my hand and I stalked off to wash away my impurities, the sins I could never scrub away hard enough for just a few moments.
I leaned my wet pruned body against the warm steamy wall of the shower, and as the water roared above me I finally let myself grieve, no tears slipped down my face though, just silent sobs racked and shook my body as fear and darkness overtook me. I gently slipped to the floor my knees against my chest, and my arms hugged my body like a security belt. And I just shook and rocked until I felt that gaping hole in my chest widen and fill with emotion for the first time in a few days. The hole could only be filled by expressions of grief which were far and few between for me and they never healed it or closed it off, just simply filled it for the moment, but not with joy, just with more pain, more hatred, more death. When the shaking subsidized I stood, ran my face under the water one last time, and turned the water off, not wanting to draw attention to my private emotional wreckage, by taking up too much time in the bathroom. I quickly dressed in a simple v-neck and a pair of navy blue baggy sweat pants, which were worn and faded at the bottoms. I slipped a hairbrush through my matted waves, and finally brushed my teeth quickly. I stepped out of the bathroom to find Sam hunched over his computer and no sign of Dean anywhere in the room.
"It's all yours." I muttered softly, I felt uncomfortable, and guilty, and just out of place in general, causing my attitude to fade somewhat, and my shy and softer nature to be revealed to a degree.
"Thanks." Sam shot back, hopping up and striding into the bathroom quickly. I sighed and twirled a wet lock around my finger, I definitely did not want to be alone with Dean, if he came back while Same is still in there, and I was exhausted, mind as well go to sleep can't hurt. So quietly, I picked up a pillow and sheet and once again made myself a bed on the armchair. I curled up into a ball as always, with my back facing the beds the boys slept in and shut my eyes tight. And just like always, images of a blue van and wide blue eyes filled my brain, the breaking of glass, screams, cries of pain, and guilt, pure utter guilt in the color of red and blue lights. My body from exhaustion did drift off though, but of course to the sounds of screams, and the look of terror from wide blue eyes, just as every other sleep began.
I was jostled awake to the smell of whiskey and the faint underlying scents of pine and firewood. I heard a grumble above me as someone muttered the word stubborn, but it was a bit slurred, and their movements were labored and clumsy. My eyes shot open to see Dean a few feet away stumbling into the bathroom quite loudly, Sam was nowhere to be found though, great, that means it was my job to check on the drunk. I easily slipped off the armchair and padded towards the bathroom, opening the door without even knocking, to find Dean only clad in his boxers, sitting in the shower with water pouring down on him, he was half asleep, wow he must be nice and bombed, what a moron. Quickly I opened the shower door, and shut off the water, he then looked up at me surprised at my presence.
"Come on, Captain Jack, time for bed." I chided softly at him like he was a child, gripping his firm muscular forearm in my hand, trying to encourage him to stand up as I yanked on him a bit.
"Cann'tt a mann showa in pieces." He slurred at me, clearly still not happy with me.
"I think you meant in peace, but yeah you already did, now its time for bed lets go."
"Sugar, don't tell me what to do ok."
"I'm not, I'm just trying to help you out." I bit out, annoyed with him already, big stubborn mule that he was. He snorted at me.
"I don't need your help, nor would I want it, now go run along, get out of my face." He spat drunkenly.
"Whatever Dean, deal with your own crap then." I said.
"I will when you do smartass." He quipped back and then suddenly climbed to his feet and pushed past me sopping wet.
"Get back here, you are going to soak the room, you need to get dried off." This was like dealing with an infant, he cannot be serious right now! I ripped a towel off the rack and quickly stalked after him.
"Dean come here right now!" I scolded, he was getting water freaking everywhere all over all of our sheets and pillows, seriously.
"You're kinda hot when you're all demanding, if you want me all you gotta do is ask." He slurred suggestively.
"Seriously you disgust me, just take this dry off, shut up, and go to bed already, moron." I cried back disgusted while chucking the towel at him, which he caught quite deftly for a man smashed out of his mind, where the hell was Sam, this was not my responsibility. He waggled his eyebrows at me and winked and I then flipped him off, while climbing back onto my armchair bed.
"Oh no you don't, we talked about this, you sleep in the bed, now don't make me drag you there." He said.
"Just leave me alone Dean." I replied exhaustedly.
"No can do princess, now come on you need your beauty sleep for your attitude and those nice bags under your eyes."
"Shut up Dean!"
"Nope, don't make me carry you!"
"I swear if you so much as touch me, there will be blood." I snarled defensively.
"Hah so scary! Alright lets go." And before I could jump away he had once again thrown me over his shoulder, what the hell, I am not an inanimate object, he needs to stop with this shit. He easily plopped my down on the bed even though he had swayed drunkenly a few times, and grinned down at me, obviously happy with his stupid victory over me.
"Now move over princess." He barked pushing me a bit.
"Seriously I don't wanna share with you, why can't I just take the chair." I complained, sick of this ongoing argument over sleeping arrangements.
" I don't care what you want, you're stuck with me for tonight." He said climbing quickly into the bed and taking up most of it like the ass he was.
"Whatever lard, next motel I'm ordering a cot." I spat angrily turning to my side trying to get comfortable.
"Who you calling lard, this is pure muscle, miss. bony, the other night your freaking hip bone was jutting into my stomach!" He bantered back.
"Whatever, then don't assault me in my sleep, and then maybe you won't have that problem."
"Oh that wasn't all me sweetheart, don't flatter yourself".
"Whatever asshole, where is Sam?" I asked slightly concerned in all honesty.
"On the phone with Garth…outside…can't sleep…now just shut up I'm tired." He replied slow, labored, drunken, and half asleep.
"Gladly." I spat, scooting as far from him as I could without falling off the bed, searching for sleep again.
I woke up snuggled into asshole boy, once again, according to Sam's earlier report. I sighed quietly, I have to admit the guy was pretty comfortable and warm, but he definitely needed a shower maybe I should have left his ass in their last night probably would smell better now. I wriggled against him a bit and I felt him stiffen.
"Cut it out, this is the best sleep I've gotten in a while, now don't interrupt it." He muttered groggily burying his head in his pillow keeping my back flushed against his body tightly. Uh, he was so self-centered my god, too bad for him I was hungry I was getting up. I softly elbowed him in the stomach, well actually it was hard enough to make him retract his grasp on me and curse me out, as I jumped out of bed and was greeted by an amused smile from Sam, who was once again hunched over his computer and a pad and paper, with a cup of coffee in his hand.
"Where did you get the coffee?" I inquired excitedly looking to quench my caffeine addiction.
" The diner, next door, I'll come with you." He replied easily.
"I can go on my own its fine."
"I would prefer it if you didn't, under the circumstances." I groaned, I would never get a moment alone again would I, this demon bounty shit was really stomping on my personal space quota.
"Fine, let me just change." I replied and headed for the bathroom to just fix my face to a degree and brush my teeth, maybe I'd even get creative and change my shirt.
Sam and I walked back into the motel room in an easy silence him reading over some documents while I stuffed half of an egg sandwich down my throat at once, yeah, yeah I ate like a guy I inherited that from Griffith, he may be my twin, but he was still seven minutes older, and that meant I spent my whole life following his lead and example like it was the holy bible or something. We were greeted by Dean, who was sitting on the bed pulling on his boots, and jamming to "heat of the moment" on the radio.
"Sammy, Fido, please tell me someone brought me something to eat." I stopped chewing for a moment and Sam awkwardly scratched the back of his neck and shrugged, his face contracting into a guilty smile.
"Come on guys, not even some pie, seriously you went to a Diner and got me nothing."
"You snooze you lose." I said threw mouths of egg not really caring, about the train wreck in my mouth, just continuing to eat and smirk at Dean.
"Really attractive Fido, now come here." He chided, what the hell, in two seconds he grabbed me from behind and wrapped one arm around my waist, and held me in place as he stole the rest of my sandwich, hell no this dork was not going to mess with my food now too, and stuffed the rest of it into his stupid face all at once, seriously! I elbowed him hard, in anger.
"Hey watch it I'm eating, sugar."
"My Sandwich you ass-hat!"
"Speaking of your things or whatever, let me have a sip of your coffee I need to wash that down." He replied reaching for the mug in my hand.
"Hell no, you definitely should not be messing with my food, but if you mess with my caffeine I literally will dismember you, stay the hell away!"
"Easy Fido, I just want a sip." He quipped still reaching for it and holding my waist in place, so I couldn't move.
"Don't make me bite you, dumbo."
"Like you would ever." He smirked and rolled his eyes.
"You wanna make a bet, cause I could really use the cash, bud."
"You're on princess." He replied winking but since he already had my waist on freaking lockdown, before I could react he spun me around jacked my coffee out of my hands, but he wasn't quite fast enough, because in a smooth swift reaction my boot heel came down on his foot not clad in a boot yet, and he jumped up howling in pain, cursing as usual at me, and I ripped my coffee mug back from his hands and strode away in victory, towards the small table Sam sat at shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
"Seriously Dean just stop messing with her it's enough already." Sam replied entertained.
"Son of a bitch, I'm so damn sick of babysitting that little piece of work, Jesus Christ that hurt, what the hell is the bottom of your shoe made of." I chuckled.
"I just put all my weight into it, why does wittle baby hurt, does he need a band-aid?" I teased with malice, and Sam laughed.
"Look who got beat up by a chick now." Sam goaded happily.
"Shut the hell up Sammy, and princess this ain't over, far from it in fact."
"Well then bring it, I look forward to months of whooping you ass on the side."
"Sugar keep that attitude, it'll be good for you when you are waving that white flag."
"Well just have to see."
"Alright children, that's enough, lets discuss the case." Sam called trying to round us up back in line.
"Yeah yeah, just know Fido, you owe me a drink, I won the bet."
"How so!?" I chirped back.
"You didn't bite me, that was the bet."
"Who cares, Caroline you owe Dean a drink, now back to the damn case!" Sam cried clearly annoyed at us. I grumbled and muttered under my breath a bit, but sat down across from Sam nonetheless and gave him my attention, as Dean strode over and leaned over the back of Sam's chair.
"Glad we can all be present and aware for this…so there has been a string of suicides in town, all cuts to the wrist, but here's the thing, the cuts to the wrist are not just typical slashes, no they're a type of marking." Sam spoke with determination and speed.
"So we thinking spirit, killing the victims, and leaving some sort of brand like a serial killer perhaps, something that has to do with the way they died?" Dean spun off Sam quite easily.
"I was considering that at first, but get this, the marking, I did some research on it, its not our normal symbol stuff, no ancient mumbo jumbo or mythology, its actually local and fairly new about fifty years old, maybe, it's a cult symbol. A cult that was founded here about sixty to fifty years ago, so I'm thinking our spirit was a member of the cult and the cult had something to do with their death." Sam bounced back easily, I recognized an effective dynamic between the two the way they rolled ideas and conclusions off on another, and filled in each other's gaps it was actually similar to Griffith and I, and suddenly I felt the whole, I felt it pulse, and widen, but I knew I couldn't focus on it or fill it now, so instead, I threw my head into the case.
"So what type of cult are we dealing with here, is it religious, strictly social, black magic, deity, what's the focus?" In inquired before Dean could and out of the corner of my eye I saw him smirk, yeah, yeah, I could fit into this lifestyle pretty easily I knew that, but this would not be my destiny as Sam said…would it?
"Well here's the thing, it was based in religion, Catholicism to be exact as it was deemed the order of Saint Michael, but from what I could dig up it went pretty social, becoming a social society for a group of men, all some part of the church or church community. I have not really started digging too much up on their characters, but I'm pretty sure it's the holier than thou type of guys. And even more interesting is twenty years ago there was a string of murders with these guys, who were members of the cult, as prime suspects of them, they got off on reasonable doubt, but most hold them responsible. Funny thing is the murders were not random either they had a type. The victims were either atheist, not religious, history of infidelity or some sort of public offense in the eyes of a catholic." The gears in my brain turned and I started to easily piece something together.
"So what if they were some type of vigilantes, especially since they took the name of Saint Michael the archangel, who is known for striking down sin, killing those they thought were tainted and committing some type of wrong, and what if they killed one of their own who they thought went off the grid, or went rouge or something, and now it wants it revenge, what do your suicide victims have in common?"
"That's exactly what I was thinking, and each of them had some sort of link to the cult either they had a friend or family member in it or they were in it themselves, so it seems pretty likely the cult did something screwed up to someone, and now they want to swipe the town clean of the cult." Sam replied excitedly clearly fully into the case and Dean nodded, his form of approval at my work.
"So lets dig up some dirt on these members."
"Yup, see if we can find one with affiliation to the cult in that string of murders or maybe even just a member with some sort of foul play detected in his death." Sam replied easily.
"Well lets get cracking then." Dean called already half way out the door spinning his keys in between his fingers again and again.
After a good long day of research, we had located a few leads, but no perfect fit yet, and Dean had spent most of the time complaining and badgering Sam and I who were actually trying to get stuff done, until he left to interview some people we had dug up as possible connections. Sam and I trumped into the hotel room pretty tired and drained, we had resolved to turn in for the night and try to connect the rest of the dots early tomorrow morning and hopefully locate the right bones and torch them. Dean was already passed out in our shared bed taking up most of it, and Sam sighed and looked at me seriously.
"You can share with me if ya want, I don't think you'll be able to make a lot of room for yourself with the way Dean has himself situated."
"Nah its fine I'll just push his fat ass over, don't worry about it." I wasn't crazy comfortable about sleeping next to Dean, but I was somewhat use to it now and jumping into bed literally of course, with the other brother really wasn't that appealing to me. At least I knew Dean could be a bed hog as well as a suffocating cuddler in his sleep, Sam was a wildcard at the moment, and I would rather stick with what I knew, creature of habitat thing, I guess.
"Suit yourself, good luck moving the grump, I'm going to take a shower." Sam replied chuckling, leaving me to deal with lardo. First I changed into usual pair of sweats and v-neck and whipped my hair into a low loose ponytail as I trudged exhaustedly over to the bed.
"Dean." I said, while shaking him lightly, "Dean, come on, wake up." I shook him again and he grunted and rolled towards me.
"Your back." He grumbled gravely.
"Yeah, move over fatty."
"Who you calling fat, bony."
"Dean enough, I'm so tired just move over ok."
"Ok baby if you wanna get in bed with me, all you have to do is ask nicely, but the demanding thing is hot, as I said before." His voice was gravely and thick with sleep.
"Seriously! Dean I'm way too tired for this shit."
"So does that mean no hanky panky tonight." He joked suggestively.
"That means never asshole." I cried disgustedly slapping his arm.
"Ow princess, so unnecessary now come here I need to get back to my beauty sleep, its not easy being this handsome." He swiped his arm out and pulled me by my waist down into bed next to him, cuddling me close.
"Now no complaints about this position, this is a small bed and we both sleep better this way, its strictly business, now shut up and sleep before you start running your mouth, I'm not in the mood." What an asshole, typical Dean.
"Asshat". I muttered angrily, shifting into him making myself comfortable, whatever if we had to sleep this way, I was going to be damn comfy!
"I heard that wiseass."
"Yeah, Yeah."I grunted out, closing my eyes, bringing to my mind the images of the blue van, which made my body tense under his grip.
"Hey loosen up, that's super uncomfortable for me too princess, what's the deal?"
"Well it's the way I fall asleep, so you'll have to deal." I muttered.
"Bad memories?" I didn't answer, my business wasn't his, and bad memories didn't even begin to cover the guilt, emptiness, hatred, and anger that lied behind my eyelids, not even close.
"Just breathe fido alright, in and out, just focus on your breaths not images, just breaths." He spoke in the most compassionate tone he had ever used on me, and suddenly I felt him drawing circles with his fingertips on my back, and my first instinct led me to try and wriggle away and kick at him in an effort to escape.
"Caroline, stop, I'm not assaulting you as you would say, I'm just trying to get your body to relax, you'll sleep better that way and so will I, just relax I'm not trying to be weird or anything alright." He continued to draw circles in silence and my squirming and kicking grew less frequent and less forceful and eventually exhausted I stopped all together, my body felt less tense, but the images they remained, they still were there, but the tension was to a lesser degree and finally I felt myself drift, but the blue eyes were still my last thought.
I woke with my head buried in Deans chest and for once in my life I did not wake up with a stiff stress ridden body instead I was looser more relaxed just as Dean had claimed I would be, I guess he could be useful for something at least. All of sudden I felt him softly run his fingers through my hair in a comforting motion, and for the first time I leaned into his touch like a normal girl would, for a second I kept my walls at bay, but just for a moment I told myself. Then his lips grazed the top of my head and that's when I tensed felt it had gone too far, past the line of comfort and support and into territory I never wanted to visit with someone again.
"Shh princess, relax, I'm not going to hurt you." Dean used that same compassionate tone with me again, he must want in my pants or something, he must not be getting enough on the road lately or something and I was convenient. I wanted to get away to run, to escape, to drive, to leave like I was known for with any relationship except for the ties to my family in my life, but he kept me anchored to him with his arms and something else, something I could not place or understand. My eyes fluttered open and I peered up at him frightened, but ok with knowing this was just a temporary means of comfort, a way to fill that hole for the moment until it widened and gaped open again, honestly I was using him too. His green eyes gazed down at me, they were still as captivating as when I first connected with them hooded and full of depth and feeling.
"Your eyes are gold." He rumbled gravely, maybe truly noticing me as a chick for the first time, who even knows, but my eyes did change color I guess it was a fair statement to a degree.
"Yeah they change, sometimes their hazel, sometimes their greenish, and sometimes their gold." I muttered looking down, uncomfortable from his heated gaze on my face. I did not need to be objectified and made into some asses sick fantasy, but at the same time I just did not want to struggle and escape away from him at the moment, I just wanted to stay here for a few more moments. Where was Sam? I hope to god he wasn't witnessing this, I'd never live it down, so frantically I tried to wrench my head around in search of him, but Dean stopped me, pulling me closer to him.
"He's out, back at the library I think, said he think he found our guy last night, relax ok, you're as skittish as a stray dog." He joked shaking his head. Well yeah maybe I was, I had some trust issues to say the least and I liked distance and space and walls.
"Dean." I whispered in a childlike manner.
"Yeah". His replied gruffly.
"I'm sorry about the other day for the stuff I said." And he immediately tensed.
"Don't go all soft on me now alright, this is not the feelings circle, I thought you weren't into that stuff either." He shot out pretty defensively.
"I'm not I just thought I hit some serious chords and should try to make amends."
"Well I don't do fluff and its already forgotten don't worry about it, its fine." He replied curtly, appearing to want to drop the topic quickly.
"Well I don't like fluff either so lets make a no fluff pact, we can watch each others backs whatever, but no fluff between us alright."
"Yeah sounds good, Sam's got enough fluff for the both of us, trust me pretty soon he's going to want to have a damn sharing and caring day and you are on your own then cause I'm getting lost."
"Oh hell no don't you leave me with that!"
"If your real good maybe I'll take ya with me."
"You better asswipe."
"Well at least we can agree on one thing." He chuckled loosening his grip on me running his fingers through my hair softly once more, well at least now we were on decent terms although they were blurry ones.