I tucked my honey blonde strands of wavy disheveled hair behind my ears as Sam rattled off a list of supplies to me that I quickly jotted down on a scrap of paper. Sure I could use my phone, but I was never one for electronics over the old paper and pen, I despised e-books and much preferred running my fingers over pages then scrolling my fingers across a touchpad or mouse, so I guess that translated to my note taking preferences or whatever. Meredith always chided me about it calling me an old geiser who needed to enter the 21st century and some other nonsense she seemed to find important about me not constantly utilizing modern technology.
"Where is Dean? This is really getting ridiculous now, I know he likes to go on his little staycations to the bars and cruise through a few select specimens of the female gender, but he cannot just think in the middle of this he can disappear for two days with merely a phone call here and there. No hunter needs that much time to get his head together…" Sam trailed off clearly frustrated. Yup, Dean had been gone two days, conveniently right after my little slip up, which was strictly us being caught up in the moment, I was shaken up, we both were exhausted, it was just a collision of stress, nerves, and fatigue, nothing more. I don't understand why the moron had to disappear for two days, he was going to make this more awkward then it had to be. I just wanted to chalk it up to nerves and never speak of it again, move on get back to the job, and saving my bacon, so I could refocus on looking for Griffith and Faith.
"Look Sam I really think we should rethink this bring the fight to Crowley Scheme and reconsider my bait idea." I pushed confidently, wanting to move off the topic of Dean, Sam had no idea about our little indiscretion, but still I did not want to give him any reason to suspect anything he did not need to. He already seemed to think Dean took some strange interest in me, however, he was mistaking interest for the fact that Dean was just bored and always searching for his next fix and hey I was convenient and vulnerable, so like the low life he is he figured, why not try his luck, I guess I couldn't blame him, I was being pretty lame acting all damsel and distress who couldn't be alone and shit.
"Caroline for the final time no you aren't going to be bait."
"Personally I think me as bait with the added bonus of a hunter coup d'etat to Crowley's reign would be quite effective."
"It would be expected, don't forget that Crowley's knows we have been working together and will not expect us to just let you show up there alone, that's not exactly Dean and I's MO."
"Then maybe you should do just that". I said suddenly having a more concrete idea that might just be crazy enough to work.
"What are you saying?" Sam looked at me hardly, the disapproval already pulsating off of him.
"I'm saying let me show up alone and at least for a time play along with his little game, do what he least expects." I challenged Sam with my words, knowing he wouldn't like the idea, but also knowing the element of them prepping for an expectation that would not come to pass, could give us an edge.
"Its not merely a game with Crowley Caroline, nothing ever is." Sam wove harshly.
"I know that, but he needs me alive, and I can take what he dishes out, he'll keep me alive, he knows enough about the constraints of the prophesy. I'm a high price good at the auction, I highly doubt he'll just dispose of that type of leverage."
"You're not a commodity. And then what happens where do we even go from you being abducted by the King of Hell."
"Well clearly I'll be searched and sniffed and some other crazy crap, but I had some drastic measures in mind. There are GPS chips that can be planted just beneath the skin, we etch a little demon warding on it and some other crap, get some Doc you know to open me up preferably my stomach or somewhere were there's some meat, throw it in there and patch me back up. Then you geniuses can track me, I can do some inside investigation for a few days, and then you show up ambushing the location with the complete element of surprise. We get information, an edge, and the priceless look on that fire pansy's face when we have him surrounded with no knowledge of it coming or our next move." I finished clasping my hands together smirking, proud of my slightly crazy genius.
"Well great, another suicide mission. If we are even going to consider this, we need a way to convince Crowley that Dean and I are not coming for you, it has to be real and convincing or he will just expect our arrival at some point."
"Betrayal." I shot simply. "Look I'm sure were being watched to a degree and our activities are somewhat known, so if I act as if I have turned against you guys, and was simply using you to get some piece of information and then screw you over, heading to Crowley because I'm all high and mighty and think I have the leverage to find my brother on my own, Crowley just might believe it. And if he truly believes I purposely screwed you guys he knows you wont come looking for me. However, we need to make sure this little play is visible to some higher up Demon though so Crowley considers it reliable Intel." I stated like this was all going to be some stroll through the park.
"Ok." Sam sighed heavily dropping his face in his hands.
"Ok, you're not going to fight me on this?" I drawled slowly and sarcastically.
"We don't have a lot of other options Caroline, and I would rather not pull this stunt, but it might be insane enough to be effective. However, I do have a suggestion." He replied slowly, shifting his stance a bit looking somewhat uncomfortable.
"Well out with it then Buffy, we aint got all day here." I chided trying to get him to share whatever this suggestion was.
"I think you should be attached to one of us."
"Attached? What do you mean by attached?"
"Uh well romantically, that'll make the betrayal even worse more reason for us to not come after you. Dean and I, we do not really do relationships, but if one of us were to throw that philosophy out and be with another hunter it would suggest some real deep feelings, and if that person claimed to have none for us and was just working an angle, well that's just screwed up, pride and resentment would also keep us from coming for you." Well isn't this just getting better and better for me.
"Seriously, you have got to be kidding me, how are we even going to get them to think it's a real relationship, we only have a few weeks to pull this crap off."
"That's all we need. We bag, a live of course, a highly ranked demon keep him as a captive say were going to use him or her as leverage with Crowley. Let the demon witness, the uhm attachment, relation, relationship or whatever along with the entire betrayal and you let him free in the midst of it and then accompany him to Crowley. I think that just may be pretty damn believable."
"Good, god of course this royally sucks for me, it always does. Which one of you boneheads do I have to be attached to, to use your socially awkward speak."
"I think it should be me, Crowley won't believe Dean as easily. I have always wanted a life outside of hunting, it was never my life or passion like it is Dean's. Sure Dean always talks about a normal apple pie life, but he would always sacrifice his own for mine if he could. I have tried to get out a few times and I was out for a long time and with a girl…so I think Crowley might just believe that I could have fell for you manipulation and what not. I mean you are gorgeous, with a chick like you around most guys are likely to be goners".
"Ok Sam sure" I snorted laughing a bit at his ridiculous compliment, he was probably just trying to bolster my confidence in our plan and the part I would need to play, but then I thought back to what he said and I was intrigued. "Sam where's the girl now?" I inquired softly, reaching out my hand to graze his comfortingly. Sam's gaze grew dark, and his eyes squinted and hardened, maybe this was a bad question, but I couldn't help waiting for the answer rather than backing off, I wanted to know the answer, to know if all people whose life was wrapped up in the hunt were subjugated to the same fate.
"She was murdered by the demon that murdered Dean and I's mother…it was a long, long time ago, I, its how I started hunting again, and I guess after that I never really fully got out again. There were other girls here and there, minor attachments, but she was always the girl, Jessica was my normalcy." He skimmed along the words lightly kind of aimlessly meandering about. Jessica, I always liked that name it was simple, elegant, and innocent. I shot him a look of sympathy knowing all too well what it was like to loose normalcy along with the other half of you I had quite literally lost my other half, with my twin gone, of course Sam's was a romantic attachment, but mine was just as much a part of me, being that it was my twin.
"I'm sorry Sam, I had no idea. Hunting, I don't know, all this crap that goes bump in the night tends to just take things, takes what it wants, or leaves wreckage it may have intended or not intended without even a backwards glance. Its bad stuff, but there has got to be something at the end of all the bad, there has to be some semblance of a future that's better than this crap." I sighed running a hand throw my unkempt waves once again, feeling the grease and frizz, signaling it definitely needed a good long soak in the shower.
"I know, hunting, it's always been the same for me. I never really knew my mother, but Dean did and I know somewhere deep down in that cold guarded place where all those emotions rest, he wishes he did not have to grow up without her. And sometimes I wonder if he blames me for it, for her being gone, if maybe Jessica is my penance from robbing my family of my mom." Sam spoke softly, and instantly I felt the need to protect him, I did not know the exact details of the death of their mother, but I did know Sam was merely an infant when it happened there was no way he could hold any responsibility in his mind for that. I reached for his hand and grasped it tightly in mine.
"Sam, Dean is a lot of things, he's stubborn, hot-headed, hard to talk to, and sometimes appears a bit void of emotion, but I know he in no way blames you for your mom, and would not trade you for the world, you're the Bonnie to his Clyde, I know he would not want it any other way, he just has zero idea how to express himself, except through drinking, violence, and sex with random women." Sam chuckled and gripped my hand tighter, silently thanking me, when Dean finally sauntered through the motel door.
"Oh whoa, I am interrupting the feelings circle over here, oh wait anyone need a talking stick we can use my empty bottle of Jack." Dean rattled off clearly intoxicated, while slipping out of his back pocket a very empty bottle of Jack Daniels and then waving it about in our faces. Sam instantly stood up.
"Dean what the hell, we have real problems and you are plastered!" Sam cried incredulously.
"I am not plastered princess, just got a little buzz to take off the edge of the situation we have unfolding here."
"A little buzzed, Dean you reek of about twelve different kinds of alcohol and gross bar food, oh and wait, what a surprise cheap perfume. And how many hickeys do you have on your neck, is that a lipstick mark….on your ear, seriously Dean, pull it together."
"What can I say women flock to me. Also if you want to see some more hickeys I can play show and tell, they are just in some more discrete places."
"Good, god no Dean just cut it out! Go take a shower and sober up Jesus."
"Yeah ok mommy, I'll be out in a bit." He replied swaying into the bathroom, he had not even acknowledged me.
"I have no idea what's up with him, but now is not the time to work out weird emotional baggage, he always is telling everyone to stow it, well right about now he needs to stow it." Sam quipped clearly aggravated. I sighed and resigned myself to a quick cat nap, so I could then shower when Dean stopped drunkenly hogging the bathroom, and start digging up some research on Crowley's right hand men or should I say Demons with Sam.
…
"No." Dean shouted firmly pounding both of his hands on the table in the corner of the motel room, while leaning right up into Sam and I's faces as we barely finished recounting our plan to him. The vein on his neck was straining out and his eyes were darkening with anger.
"Well too bad it's two against one, Sam and I agree upon it, majority wins." I challenged crossing my hands over my chest defiantly while standing and getting right back up in his face, but he did not take a step back, as I expected.
"This is not a democracy Fido, there is no majority rules here." He challenged me, getting closer up in my space, trying to intimidate me, bringing out the full girth of his shoulders and sneering down at me.
"And you are not the dictator or the leader Van-Helsing, so step down." I bit back.
"I will not take orders from a bony amateur with an attitude problem."
"I am not an amateur, you arrogant, stubborn, hot-headed asshat." I cried, poking him firmly with my index finger, while propping my other hand firmly on my hip, the electricity was rolling off of him, some type of tension or spark, had to be from the anger, from the challenge of it all, no one ever challenged his stupid unfounded authority, well hah I was and would continue to.
"Or you'll do what Fido, poke me again? You are all bark no bite." He spat with malice, what the hell was his issue.
"Enough!" Sam shouted stepping firmly in between the two of us his height bringing a semblance of balance into our verbal sparring, that might have just turned physical, if I had the chance I was about to flip the jackass on his back.
"We need to get a grip, and Dean you need to cool it and actually just consider the plan rationally, you have come up with quite a few suicide missions, you just are upset you aren't bait this time."
"This is not a rational plan Sam, don't you see that. Sending an amateur chick into the ring with the king of hell, why don't we throw a bunny to a lion while we are at it and see how that goes?"
"I am not an amateur, and me being a chick, so help me god, has nothing to do with anything you sexist chauvinist, and do not compare me to some god damn likeness of the Easter bunny or peter cotton tail hopping down the friggin bunny trail, my life has never looked like any god damn bunny trail since Griffith disappeared, I can handle Crowley, it isn't the first time." I bit out and in anger of course I revealed the dealings I did not want or need these morons to know about or share in….balls.
"What?! When did you tango with Crowley, why and how, you make a deal, you that stupid!" Dean shouted at me roughly pushing Sam to the side who scoffed at him angrily also trying to get to me and question me.
"My past dealings with Crowley are none of your damn business, and you two have made plenty of deals in your lifetime, so I would pipe down."
"Oh see that's where you're wrong we do need to know about your little rendezvous with the big man downstairs because it will affect the way this game plays out sweetheart, and you will tell us, so make it easy on everyone and just spill now."
"What are you, interrogating me now, oh I'm so scared big bad Dean is going to force the truth out of me, fat chance go screw yourself, wanna be James Dean, James Bond, asshole." I trailed off sarcasm and anger lacing every syllable.
"Sorry Sam I know you wanted me to play a different way, but she's done now." What the hell was this stupid gorilla talking about now, and suddenly like always I was being man handled by Dean, what the actual hell. So with no regrets or remorse I took the simplest course of action and kneed him square in the family jewels and then placed my knee in between his shoulder blades to keep him on the ground, after he had landed flat on his stomach from the pain and shock.
"Try that again, and you won't be able to make use of your equipment again." I thought Sam would be angry, but when I turned to look at him he was stifling a chuckle in the corner and shaking his head, like he knew Dean and I had to work out our own power dynamics.
"God dammnt, you little stuck up, prissy, diva!" Dean roared clearly in pain still, hah serves him right.
"You were about to hold me captive over my own private information." I spat at him.
"I never would have actually harmed you, you pain in the ass!" He groaned, and I smirked, still pressing all my weight down on him through my knee.
"Get the hell off of me already, Caroline, fine you don't wanna talk about Crowley don't, but I really suggest you do, because it could be important to how the meeting goes and how things will turn out. It could help all of us, but if you wanna chance everyone's asses on your own pride then you do that princess." He lectured me sternly and condescendingly and I retracted my knee sighing knowing he had a point. But I, I could not relive that time in my life it was so low, so wretched, so screwed up, and I could feel the bile and memories rising up in my throat.
"I need to get a drink, I'll be back before tomorrow, just let me go." I spoke softly, my eyes pleading with Sam.
"As long as you swear no Houdini shit, you can go." Sam replied, he knew something was up, that my dealings with Crowley held a lot of shit, and that was I battling some internal crap, and that if I ever was going to give them any information about my past I needed space to work it out, Sam was intuitive in that sense, Dean not so much.
"No she isn't going anywhere Sam, we've wasted enough time on search and rescue with this brat. So she is going to sit tight, and in our sights." Dean barked angrily, Jesus before we seemed to at least be friends, but now I felt like, I don't know the dipshit despised me or something, his eyes were blazing.
"Dean what is your issue!?" I cried incredulously. "If we are going to be any kind of team you have to find some trust and some respect for me which you seem to have none of!"
"Don't talk to me about respect Fido, you do not know the first thing about respect or honesty! You too Sam, what were you just going to hide your weird ass relationship from me forever, like you did with Ruby, we walking down that road again Sam!" Dean shot out hardly, and my mouth dropped, Sam and I, relationship, what a joke, is he out of his mind.
"What are you talking about Dean!?, Caroline and I are friends Dean, nothing more, you do know you can be just friends with a girl right." He said looking at Dean pointedly, with a strange expression, and a hint of humor to his tone.
"You two sissys have been condoling with each other for days now clearly something is friggin up, and everyone needs to be aware of shit in this group or things could go bad real fast, with demons and angels and the rest of the crew that lives under the bed exploiting stuff like that." Dean stated exasperatedly throwing his hands up.
"We have not been condoling Dean! You disappeared for days, we had to come up with a plan, we've been planning and yeah maybe we bonded a bit, but as friends, if you wanted to bond too numnuts you should of stuck around." I said crossing my arms over my chest and kicking back the heel of my boot, Sam chuckled.
"Ew no bonding not my thing, no thanks carebears. Come on Caroline, lets go get you that drink, that's more my language."
" I wanted to be alone Dean, that was kind of the point." I responded back harshly.
" Well I guess that's too bad for you, if someone is having a cold one I'm coming like it or not." He teased, his mood springing in another direction rather quickly, while dangling his keys out of his pocket and shaking them at me like some cattle bell.
"I am not cattle Dean I do not respond and come to sounds, jackass."
"Sure, sure." He replied sarcastically as he tried to lead me out and I elbowed him hard in the rib cage.
"Wow, Fido I think you're getting a bit stronger that was more like getting hit by a pillow than a feather." He laughed, and I sighed angrily stomping ahead of him like always as his languid heavy footsteps followed.
….
"Dean seriously what was that back there, what's your issue?" I asked frustrated while spinning my empty shot glass of tequila around on the sticky bar of the local dive we found a few miles from the hotel.
"No issue, I just need to be in the loop, Sam has hid stuff from me before and it has never ended up well." Dean replied gruffly, taking a swig of his beer easily.
"Well you did not need to be all fired up like that a simple inquiry would have done."
"Once again Sam, has lied to me on multiple occasions, and you well I really can't say I can trust your word face value, we haven't been buddies for that long sweetheart."
"Well Dean, you are going to need to in your own words, stow that, because if you don't trust me this whole ship will sink and fast."
"I trust your abilities as a hunter, that's enough." He replied sharply.
"No that's not enough, Dean, in these kill or be killed scenarios I need to know you have my back and you need to know that I have yours because we are on the same team, the same side, even when things go bad, that's the only way this works."
"Do you have my back, Fido?" He asked simply, no sarcasm or hidden meaning lacing his words.
"Yeah I do, Sam's as well."
"Well I know Sam has yours and I don't turn on other hunters, so its safe to say I have yours too."
"Even in worst case scenario?" I inquired.
"Even when the gates of hell burst wide open, and angels rain from the sky."
"Fair enough, I think that deserves a toast." I drawled raising my now full shot glass in the air. Dean laughed clinking his beer bottle with my glass lightly.
"To the worst." He stated confidently before taking another sip of his beer, and as his words settled and I threw back my fifth shot of the evening, I began to feel some type of foreboding aura following me signaling the nature of the events we were all about to face together and apart.