Explorations

After the party she had her issues to find back to her room. And Peeves didn't help either. When she finally managed to find the third corridor it was way past midnight. Again she decided it was a good idea to explore the castle and the school grounds the next day. She walked down the corridor the moon shining through the windows and her wand emitting a bit of light. When she was about to pass by the stone gargoyle it swung to the side and Snape stepped into the corridor mumbling "Lumos". The tip of his wand lighted up the moment he noticed Lillian's lighted wand. A sudden bewildered expression appeared on his face and he widened his eyes to then narrow them not keeping them off Lillian. She felt another wave of concern and unease rumbling within her. The moment she finally decided to say something Snape just shook his head in disbelief and rushed down the corridor out of sight.

Lost in thoughts she reached for her room and wanted to open the door, but it wouldn't open. Then she remembered that Dumbledore had put a password on the door. "Magic Mystery" she whispered and the door lock clicked and she went in. The room was almost dark. No fire was in the chimney but the rays of moonlight shone through the windows. She undressed and folded her clothes neatly on the armchair and then got into her pyjama. She touched the curtains with her wand to close them and placed the wand on her bedside table as she crawled into bed. It took her a while to fall asleep even though it was pitch-black in the room with curtains closed. The more she moved around the thoughts in her head, the vague idea of why Dumbledore didn't want her to have potions class became more and more a certainty. Adding the behaviour of Snape towards her only made this certainty kind of sad. And once again she wondered if there was a way to comfort him, before she eventually fell asleep.

As she woke up she didn't open her eyes. It had all been such a wonderful and mysterious dream that she didn't want to let it go. After a few minutes she finally sighed and opened her eyes. It was pitch-black. Did she sleep through the day? She sat up on her bed and felt around with her hands until her heart started to jump as she didn't feel her own bedside table to her right but a small wooden one on her left. On that table was a long and smoothly polished wooden stick. She gasped and grabbed the stick and immediately felt the warmth and the tickling sensation running through her body again. So it hasn't been a dream. She poked the curtains on her left with her wand by leaning out of the bed and they opened letting in bright sunlight. She squinted. Apparently the curtains were bewitched in a way that they didn't let in any light when closed.

When her eyes got used to the light she got up and opened the other curtains as well. She also opened the windows to let in fresh air while she dressed. But this time she didn't pull on the working robes. She combed her hair, what took quite a while, put her wand into the pocket of her black jeans and left her room. The clock on the mantelpiece told her that it was only a quarter past ten in the morning.

She went down into the entrance hall and saw groups of students having late breakfast in the Great Hall. She decided to only have a few slices of toast and some pumpkin juice because in not even two or three hours she would have lunch again. When she had finished she went out into the entrance hall again and wondered where to start exploring. She decided it was best to start looking for the class rooms and so she turned towards the big marble staircase upwards when she heard voices behind her. She turned around again and saw Fred and George and some other people with broomsticks coming from outside.

"Good Morning" said Lillian smiling and examined their broomsticks.

"Ah Lillian. Nice to see you" said George and waved.

"Have you been at the Quidditch field?"

"Yeah – Oliver thought we should start practising as early as possible." Fred made a gesture with his head to a fifth year student who gave her a crooked grin.

Lillian smiled and then turned her head towards Fred and George again. "It must be amazing to fly on broomsticks."

Fred and George raised their eyebrows. "You never..." Fred started and then hit his forehead with his hands. "Ahh of course not...you grew up with Muggles."

Lillian nodded. "Possibly you can teach me someday."

"There will be a flying class next weekend – didn't you see the bulletin on the blackboard in the common room?"

"I apparently didn't have time to pay attention to it during the party."

"Are you on your way to the common room again?"

"No I was about to explore the way to my class rooms so I don't get lost tomorrow."

"If you follow us up to the common room we can show you around." Fred and George seemed to be very eager to spend time with her.

"Oh uhm, sure."

"Great!"

Lillian followed Fred and George up the marble staircase and tried to remember where they were going, what rooms they showed her and even some of the secret passageways they passed by. For some reason she had the impression that Fred and George tried to impress her because they were making jokes and telling funny stories during their way up into the seventh floor. In front of the portrait they fell silent and said the password to go through the hole in the wall behind it. Lillian didn't follow.

"Don't you want to come inside?"

"Nah I guess I will go back the way we've come to make sure I got it all right."

"Ah well. We will meet at lunch."

"Most likely." And the portrait swung back as Lillian turned around to go back into the entrance hall. Unfortunately she got lost a few times but found some Hufflepuff students who gave her directions so she finally arrived at the marble staircase. There was still an hour left until lunch and so she decided to walk across the grounds outside to seek the way to the greenhouses.

It didn't take her much time to find out how to get there and so she was back in the Great Hall as lunch started. The tables were already filled with food and half the hall was filled with chatting and eating students. The staff table was almost empty.

When Fred and George showed up she had already almost finished lunch and when she left the table they looked quite disappointed. Standing in the entrance hall she wondered what to do next and decided to visit Hagrid. The sun had vanished and the sky had become cloudy when she stepped out of the portal and walked down towards Hagrid's cabin. The gamekeeper was working in the school garden and his boarhound Fang laid in front of the cabin. The moment he spotted her he jumped up and barked his tail wagging.

"What's the matter Fang?" she heard Hagrid say and then he spotted her as well. He grinned and as soon as she reached for the cabin Fang jumped up her body and tried to lick her face. With gentle force she pushed Fang down and patted his head before walking towards Hagrid.

"Hullo Miss Block." He smiled.

"Call me Lillian." She smiled back and looked around. "Nice garden."

"Hehe – thank you. The pumpkins for Halloween are quite good aren' they?"

"Yeah they are awesome. How are you?"

"Very well and yerself?"

"I'm quite satisfied. Still can't believe most of the happenings. Woke up in the morning thinking it was all a dream and then found out it wasn't."

They sat down on an enormous bench behind Hagrid's cabin and talked about her world, her sorting and under laughs she told Hagrid about her presumption that Fred and George were trying to impress her. The only thing she didn't mention was her curious meeting with Snape on her way back to her room the last night. Eventually they went in and Hagrid prepared some tea and she asked him about the Forbidden Forest and what creatures lived in there and he told her about the Centaurs and Aragog. After a discussion about monsters and fantastic animals she left. The sky was still cloudy but it didn't look like it was going to rain.

It was late afternoon when she decided to go through a passageway in the entrance hall to explore the ground floor and eventually ended up walking down a dungeon corridor. She somewhat had the impression that she shouldn't be here but possibly that was only the cold atmosphere. She marched on sunken in thoughts, not really paying attention to where she was going. She was possibly close to where the potion class room must be located as she turned around a corner and crashed into someone who came from the other direction.

"Can't you pay att..." said a cold, grumpy voice but didn't finish off the sentence.

Lillian rubbed her arm and gasped in surprise as she recognised Snape.

"Sorry..." she said finally and gave him an apologetic smile.

Snape just stood there staring down at her. His black eyes were almost spearing her, his narrow lips were twitching. Lillian wasn't able to tell if meeting her made him feel angry or anxious. He just stood there as if unable to move.

"Uhm – I..." Lillian started to talk but actually she had no idea what to say. In fact she was rather afraid he might do something to her as stiff and staring he stood there.

Eventually he seemed to have gained some speaking powers but he just bellowed:

"OUT – GET OUT OF HERE – INSTANTLY."

Not needing to be told twice Lillian hurried off leaving him heavily breathing behind her. Her heart was pounding like it wanted to jump out of her chest when she finally found her way back into the entrance hall.

During dinner Fred and George tried to talk to her but she was much too sunken in thoughts to pay attention. She barely even ate something and apparently she wasn't the only one. Snape didn't even appear to have dinner. What was the matter with him anyways? Why did he at first run away from her and then frighten her almost to death? As far as she could remember she didn't do anything to him apart from the fact that she was bearing a great resemblance to Lily Evans. Possibly her sudden arrival had completely overran him.

"Are you alright?" Fred nudged her.

"What?"

"You seem to be somewhat lost."

"Eh yeah, somewhat. I remembered something and got carried away." Well that wasn't exactly a lie.

As soon as dinner was over the students streamed into the entrance hall and divided into different groups heading for their common rooms. Lillian stayed at the Gryffindor table until only some spare teachers were left at the table. They seemed to be occupied with discussing something. Slowly she got up and went into the entrance hall that was now empty. She went out of the portal and decided to have a walk down to the lake. Maybe she could watch the giant squib from that place under the beech tree. It still hadn't started raining but due to the cloudy sky it was already somewhat dark when she marched towards the lake though it was still light enough to see without needing the Lumos-charm. When she reached for the lake she saw the giant squid swimming in the middle of it and as she moved towards the beech tree she saw the profile of a person cowering under it. As she moved closer she noticed that it was Snape who had covered himself within his dark cloak and was staring onto the surface of the water. He didn't even seem to notice her as she was carefully coming closer until she stopped being only a few steps away from him. She just stood there looking down on him who obviously was in a rather miserable state of mind. She was about to decide to leave him alone when he suddenly slowly turned his head towards her, his face expressionless. To her surprise he even spoke to her.

"It seems to be fate we meet up wherever we go..." His voice was low but frighteningly calm. He then turned his head towards the lake again.

Lillian was lost for words for a moment and just stood there looking down on him. Then she turned towards the lake, sat down into the grass and pulled her legs up to her chest and closed her arms around them. She still was lost for words and so they sat there in silence until he eventually said something again.

"Leave me alone..." He obviously tried very hard to not let his voice tremble but she noticed it anyways.

"I won't" she just answered in an almost toneless voice.

"Get lost!" He sounded irritated.

Slowly she let go of her legs and turned her head towards him.

"There is space for both of us."

Snape took a deep breath and narrowed his lips before he slowly turned his head towards her once again.

"Don't dare me."

She turned her body towards him reclining on one on arm her legs lying bent on each other. "Is that a threat?"

He looked away from her quickly. This was apparently not leading somewhere pleasant. He finally got up leaning against the trunk of the beech tree crossing his arms in front of his chest staring at the lake. "Just leave me alone" he repeated trying to suppress the trembling in his voice.

She got up but instead of leaving she walked one step closer. "What is the problem?"

"No problem!"

"We both know that that is a lie." Her voice was calm but with a hint of reason.

"Whatever."

"I won't leave before you didn't answer me one question." He didn't react so a few minutes trickled off before she again said: "Well?"

He took a deep breath again and muttered something to himself. She understood that as a sign.

"Why do you always act so nervous or irritated towards me?"

Again a few minutes trickles off in silence until he eventually turned his head back to face her.

"That is none of your business."

She walked another step closer and noticed how he was pressing himself against the trunk. "Well then I guess I will have to stay."

He snorted and marched towards the lakeside. She followed him with her eyes while walking towards the tree trunk to lean herself against it. Another bunch of minutes in silence trickled off.

"Why..." he suddenly mumbled quietly and before she had time to answer he turned around to her a hint of misery on his face. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I actually wanted to watch the giant squid and – "

He interrupted her shaking his head. "Why are you here in Hogwarts?"

She shrugged. "I really don't know." She didn't take her eyes off him.

He breathed deeply again and walked another few steps towards her. She gulped a little. She wasn't able to tell what he was thinking or planning. She felt her heart beating faster and tried to look as brave as possible. But he didn't seem to want to come any closer yet. He just stood there looking at her in a way she wasn't able to decrypt, though it gave her a feeling of being x-rayed and speared up at once. A wave of unease came over her again and she hoped that she didn't look as nervous as she felt. Eventually he walked closer once again until only a few steps were between them.

"W – Why is...is it so important t-that I'm here?" she asked not being able to suppress the stammering completely.

"You make me sick."

"Then – why don't YOU leave when I'm apparently so disgusting?" She noticed the irritation in her voice and her hands clenching to fists. She even felt a wave of tears, gulped and looked away.

"I wished you WERE disgusting" he muttered.

"Then...then why do you treat me like this?" She couldn't help the choking voice.

"Because..." He fell silent once again and she turned her head towards him again still fighting back the tears. "Because you remind me of something I hate myself most for" he eventually finished.

She was lost for words once again as she stared at him who was staring down into the grass.

"I...I'm sorry" she said once again knowing that it wouldn't change anything. He only shook his head slightly.

She detached herself from the tree trunk and walked a few steps towards him but then turned to leave. Before she was able to make another step away from him he leapt forward, grabbed her shoulder, turned her towards him and pressed his lips against hers. She widened her eyes, half in shock half in astonishment, her body like petrified being unable to move. It felt like ages had passed when he finally detached himself from her breathing heavily. Then he suddenly moved one hand to his mouth, his eyes widened in shock. With no further word he fled up to the castle, as if a swarm of Acromantulas was behind him, leaving her alone feeling totally overran. She sunk down on her knees into the grass, her eyes still widened. Slowly she let out a gargling noise and tears ran down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands and cried silently.