Behind the mask

While she was trying to comfort him silently her eyes fell onto a clock on the mantelpiece that told her, that it was half past ten. Obviously almost every room with a chimney had a clock on its mantelpiece.

After approximately ten more minutes his crying ebbed away and he let go of her still sobbing a bit. He pulled out her handkerchief from his cloak and blew his nose to then put it away again. She left a hand on his back.

"If you don't want you don't have to continue. I think –"

He interrupted her with a vigorous shake of his head. "I will continue."

"Okay." She waited until he had breathed deeply in and out several times and then listened closely again.

"After that incident, which was the first thing I never forgave myself, we grew apart, merely because she had chosen her way and I had chosen mine. In our last year I had to watch with bitterness that she started seeing Potter and -" He sighed. "- she married him. She had chosen her way of being with Potter and fighting against the Dark Lord and I had chosen to become his servant. Our fate was eternal separation. Though, as long as she was alive and happy with the way she was following I was fine. I sometimes went to watch her secretly." He paused and let out a deep sigh once again. A few minutes passed by in which he was only staring into the fire, then he eventually continued. "Not long before Harry was born I was spying Dumbledore on order of the Dark Lord. Dumbledore was in the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade to interview teacher volunteers for Divination class. When he interviewed the last of them I heard a prophecy she made. Unfortunately the pub keeper caught me and threw me out of the pub. I reported to the Dark Lord what I heard."

"What was the prophecy about?"

"It was about a boy who would be born at the end of July by parents who have already defied him three times and that this boy would be the one to destroy him for good."

"I see."

"At that time I didn't know what was going to happen and also didn't know I only heard half of the prophecy."

"Did Dumbledore ever tell you the missing pieces?"

"No though he let me know I only heard half of the prophecy. However, Harry was born at the end of July, so was another boy, but for some reason the Dark Lord thought the boy mentioned in the prophecy was Harry."

He gulped slightly and stopped talking. His body started to tremble again and Lillian once again closed one arm around his shoulders and took one of his clenched hands. With a trembling in his voice but as calm as possible he went on.

"He was after them. Mainly after Harry but he wasn't someone acting with mercy. In the end I begged him to spare Lily but..." He trembled harder. "I went to meet Dumbledore on my own account to warn him and to request protection for Lily and her family. In exchange I offered him my loyalty."

"So they were killed under Dumbledore's protection?"

He nodded and fought with tears. "They – they used the Fidelius charm. You – you know how it works?"

Lillian nodded slightly. "I've heard about it."

"They were betrayed by their Secret-Keeper not long after Harry's first birthday and – and..."

"Everyone but Harry got murdered..." she finished the sentence softly and Snape nodded not being able to fight back tears anymore.

"I – I went to see if – if she was still alive that night b-but..." his voice died out under heavy sobbing and crying.

Lillian pulled him over to her and he flung his arms around her and once again cried on her shoulder while she softly stroked up and down his back and over his head.

"I-It's all m-my f-fault..." he mumbled into her shoulder still crying.

"Shh..." was all she replied.

"I-If I...I w-wouldn't h-have h-heard the p-prophecy..."

"It's not your fault..."

"I-It is..."

"They'd be still alive if their Secret-Keeper wouldn't have betrayed them."

He let go of her and looked into her face with a face distorted with grief, guilt and despair.

"Th-They w-wouldn't ha-have needed a S-Secret-K-Keeper if I w-wouldn't h-have..."

Lillian lifted a hand up to his face and softly placed it around his cheek. Slowly she shook her head.

"Forgive yourself..." she said softly and as he opened his mouth again to disagree she placed a finger on his lips with a soft smile again shaking her head lightly.

She lowered her hand into her lap again but didn't take her eyes off his. He said nothing for a long while just sat there, silent tears running down his cheeks looking at her. Finally he broke the silence and spoke with a weak trembling voice.

"Why...why do you do this?"

"Why do I do what?"

He took a deep breath and looked away from her. "Why do you still comfort me?"

"Well..." She paused for a few seconds. "Well I think because you need comfort."

"I don't deserve this."

"So?"

He shook his head.

"I'm not even worth to look at you."

Like as if to underline his statement he turned his head away from her even more but she just reached out a hand and turned his head back towards her face to look into his eyes with a soft smile.

"It's my business who I consider to be worth looking at me or to deserve comfort."

"B-But..."

She again put a finger on his lips and shook her head. "No argument." She slowly lowered her hand again. His lips twitched slightly but he remained silent. He took the handkerchief once again, turned away from her and blew his nose and wiped away the tears from his cheeks. After he had stuffed it away again he stared into the fire that was already burning low. She turned towards the flames as well and both didn't say a word, but from the corners of her eyes she saw that he was looking over to her now and then. Finally his eyes met hers when she was turning her head towards him the moment he looked over to her again.

"Err..." He quickly looked away again.

She chuckled but went on looking at him. Slowly he turned his head back towards her with a reddish shimmer upon his sallow cheeks. She smirked as she noticed him gulping slightly.

"Do you feel better?" she asked.

He made a grimace. "Not really..."

"Oh that – that's a pity."

He shrugged lightly lowering his eyes. "Being with you like this feels like being speared up alive but at the same time as if...as if..." He seemed to lack the words to describe what she made him feel but she only smiled.

"I see. So this is the man behind the mask."

He quickly looked at her again with an expression of astonishment and anxiety on his face.

She smiled softly. "A man, who was and is always torn between light and darkness, a man full of worries and bitterness, a man who always longed for appreciation and love, a man –" but before she could say more he had placed a finger on her lips to make her stop talking. She fell silent.

A bewildered expression had crawled onto his face and as he detached his finger from her lips his own lips trembled.

"How...how do you know all this?"

"The story, the way you talked about Lily, your grief, guilt and despair..." She paused for a moment. "You gave yourself away tonight – or at least a whole lot."

Suddenly he grabbed hold of her shoulders shaking her lightly and said with an urgent voice: "Never - anybody may know..."

She smiled. "There is no reason to tell anyone else. Everything including previous happenings will stay between the two of us. If you want I will do the Unbreakable Vow, but I guess we would need a third person for that."

He widened his eyes in astonishment and stopped shaking her. Instead he suddenly pulled her towards him and pressed his lips onto hers again. This time she was only surprised and as the kiss started to become a bit less forceful she eventually closed her eyes and even decided to return it softly. After a short moment the kiss ended and he let go of her, the red shimmer on his sallow cheeks a lot brighter.

"Uhm..." He looked to the side.

"Ehh..." She bit her lower lip feeling her heart beating halfway up her throat.

"Ohh! So late already?" he suddenly exclaimed.

"Eh?" She looked at the clock. It was way past midnight. She got up and rubbed her hands. "Ah well I guess I should leave now." For a moment she looked into the fire and then slowly turned her head towards him. "Well – Have a Good Night...Professor."

"Severus – my name is Severus."

"Okay...Severus..." She gave him a last soft smile her cheeks slightly red and then turned around to leave. She hadn't even walked two steps when he suddenly jumped up and grabbed her arm.

"Shall – shall I accompany you?"

She slowly turned around.

"Err – I mean –" He took a deep breath and then looked at her. "I have to patrol the corridors anyways."

"I see. Well – if you want...Severus."

When she said his name he blushed some more. "Well then."

He walked over to the door of his room, let her out first and then followed her outside and closed the door behind him. On their way up to the entrance hall he also closed the door of his office what they both had forgotten in the heat of the moment. Without saying a word they walked up the marble staircase up to the third corridor, past the stone gargoyle hiding the spiral staircase to Dumbledore's office and then finally reached the door to her room.

"Magical Mystery" she muttered and the lock of the door clicked.

"Your door has a password?"

"Yes. Dumbledore said a password was better than a spell because it would be a bit hard to get inside when having left the wand in the room." She opened the door.

"True."

"Well then. Thank you for accompanying me."

"Not a problem. As I said, I need to patrol the corridors anyways."

She made a step into her room and then turned around to him again. "Good Night Severus."

She was about to turn around to enter the room when he suddenly leapt forward, grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his arms for another kiss and a tight hug. Still not really used to his sudden decisions of kissing her she felt a bit overran for a few seconds and then eventually closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around him and returned the kiss once again.