Chapter 7
Authors Note: I know right? TWO chapters in two days :O. I feel so productive. I would honestly have written this yesterday but i was unable to due to an english essay. Anyways i hope that you will enjoy the story as much as i enjoyed writing it.
Seven days spent in the wilderness, without any of the luxuries we had gotten used to in Beregost, had completely drained everyone but Jaheira. From the first day she had been completely calm and looked like she was enjoying being out here to the fullest. She had gone four days without speaking a word. Whenever Khalid had tried to start a conversation she would give him a harsh look and he would stop. It seemed like he was used to this as he just began talking with us instead. Neera apparently didn't want to talk about her past, so we all left it at that. Didn't really seem fair to be so inquisitive. After all, it wasn't our business and she seemed like a nice enough gal. Besides the stuff concerning her, blowing up her entire class and teacher, she had been a nice addition to our group. Getting back on the task at hand I slid my whetstone from the base of my sword to the tip. Repeating this until the sword was sharp enough to cut flesh, armour and bones but still solid enough to not break when used roughly. I smiled. It would probably break no matter what with the so called "disease" which had hit the mines in the area. I felt lines grow in my brow as I silently sheathed my sword. Jaheira had asked us to set up camp for some time. She hadn't said anything about what she was doing or where she was going on her trips but I was beginning to get annoyed. We were supposed to trust each other, and damn, I was sure I had told these people all that was necessary for them to trust me. Actually that wasn't really true. I hadn't told them about the mischief that me and Imoen had caused back at Candlekeep. The raids on the kitchen. The pranks we pulled off at the quartermaster and the librarians. I was pretty sure that I wasn't able to count the amount of days me and my sister had spent, hidden under some of the loose boards in the backrooms of the inn.
"What's up with that huge stupid grin". The familiar playful voice reached my ears and I slowly looked up, unaware of the smile that had crept unto my face. As my head levelled with my shoulders my eyes noticed her standing up against a tree a couple of meters away. Neera stood, leaning against a tree, as she eyed the smile that had stayed. I noticed her smirk before she quickly tore it off, replacing it with an open smile.
"You know, Neera, it really isn't that polite to sneak up on people. And even less to comment on their face". I looked at her, waiting for a reaction. Expecting her to take what she said back and apologize she began.
"Well you should know by now that I don't care about politeness. That happens when you spend almost your entire life with people who don't really care about formalities. So shut up and tell me what has gotten your mood to lighten this much. Seems like just yesterday you were brooding and angry"
I looked at her with surprise. Had I really been letting it shine through? The last weeks had been taking its toll on me. Never had I done anything but training within the walls of my home. This had changed quickly when we left. Everything I found familiar had been torn away from me without mercy. The one thing I had left as a reminder of my friends and foster father was Imoen and the last couple of days she had begun to grow distant. And my hands weren't clean. Not anymore. Not after those three assassins. The ones in Candlekeep had never been a real threat. Their bodies were almost only made up of bones and skin. Their strikes had been weak and predictable and I hadn't realized until afterwards that they were probably nothing but poor people trying to better their lives. If I hadn't killed them, we could probably just have talked to them. Convinced them to go home. I was pretty sure that Gorion would even have spared food for his travel. Now they were dead at my hands and it was slowly tearing at my soul. The other guy at the Friendly Arm Inn had been different. I had seen the killer-instinct in his eyes. His thirst for the gold that someone apparently would pay for my head. I had no regrets about that death.
I looked up at Neera again. A sad smile crossed my face and I asked her to sit down. Neera complied and found a small stub to sit on.
"Ok. Neera you have to understand this. I hadn't known anything but the safety of the Candlekeep halls. I was isolated and happy. But… I killed those people. Two young men. One in the barracks and another one in the storehouse. Starving souls looking for nothing more than money for food. I remember it still. Their faces, one had a brown nest of hair and a couple of grey eyes. I remember the fear in his eyes as my sword found its way into his stomach. And the other one. He was only a couple of years older than me, but was clearly nothing but a farmer. He cried. When I did it"
I looked down in the ground for some time, continuing. "The reason I was smiling before was…. I was just remembering it all. Me and Imoens childhood together. Before this. Before I did it. And I was happy. But I have to come to terms with the fact that those days are no more. I will have to take more lives. Maybe innocent ones, maybe not. But I will take more or mine will be taken. But it will take time before I am able to. And that is what I'm also worried about. What if I'm not ready when she needs me? What if I can't protect my sister? The gods know that she will get in trouble at some point! What if I'm not ready" I ended louder than I had meant to. I apologized with a low voice.
"You know Thantalas, you don't have to do this alone. I've seen the way you look at your sister. You do really love her and I know that you want to protect her. But you aren't alone in this. Jaheira and Khalid will help you for sure. And, gods help me, you are my only friends so I will be there as well. You don't have to do it alone. And, those people you killed. I did blow up my entire class. I might be able to talk to you about some of it" she smiled grimly.
My head remained stationary between my legs as I blinked the tears out of my eyes. A nod slowly moved my face and I quickly stood up and turned around. I couldn't be seen like this. I might be able to share some of the protection with the others, but I was sure as hell not going to let my friends see me cry.
"Thank you Neera. Really, it means a lot to me" I said in an indifferent voice. My ears heard someone get up and I expected it to be a sign of Neera's departure. As I turned around I was proved right as I found myself alone once again.