Title: Remembrance

Author: Lisa

Chapter: 1

Rating: PG

Author's Notes:

Here's the next chapter of "Remembrance!" Special thanks to GraphicsChyk, mae-E, animegirl73, and Syulai for your kind reviews. Enjoy, and I'd love to hear your thoughts at the end!

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and the others don't belong to me, but this story does.

"I—" I swallowed to rid myself of the sizeable lump that had formed in my throat. In all these years, all those wistful fantasies in which I'd played out the circumstances of our reunion in excruciating detail, never once had I mentally prepared myself for my current predicament. I had expected her eyes to light up with unexpected recognition and nostalgic fondness—had secretly hoped that she'd confess thinking about me with some frequency. I could've handled it even if she'd admitted that I had not crossed her mind in years. Yet to have my existence erased from her memory altogether…

I felt traitorous tears burn the corners of my eyes and blinked them back with a sudden rush of anger. I hadn't cried in years, and I wasn't about to start now in front of the girl who had forgotten me.

"Gomen," I spoke finally, my voice barely above a whisper, "I thought you were someone else. Someone I knew a long time ago."

I was relieved as the fear dissipated from her magnificently blue eyes, now replaced entirely with confusion.

"You mean you know—or knew—someone else named Usagi?" It sounded a bit ridiculous when she put it like that, but she certainly couldn't have been the only Usagi in the entirety of Japan, right?

"Hai," I lied, "what a coincidence, ne?" I shifted uncomfortably under her half-disbelieving gaze. "Anyway, it's no problem. The elevators are to the left and will take you where you need to go."

"Oh…" she said softly, momentarily distracted, and my heart skipped a beat. She shook her head slightly and crumbled the small slip of paper in her palm. "Arigato. Have a good day."

"You too." I dared to take one last hungry glance at Usagi, memorizing her delicate features with frantic speed. "Happy holidays." Ignoring every fiber of my being screaming for me to stop, I reached over to close the door on the one good thing in my past that now proved to be my biggest disappointment.

"Wait." My fingers froze over the wooden frame. "It's silly, but…" She bit her lip in hesitation. I drank in the sight, wondering how the simple gesture could have such a maddening effect on me. "Well, I think it's a bit unfair that you know my name now, and I don't know yours." She looked at me shyly from beneath her long eyelashes, and I chuckled despite myself.

"It's Mamoru," I volunteered.

"Mamoru…" I loved the sound of my name on her lips.

She seemed to toy with the information; how I wished at that moment to be privy to the inner workings of that beautiful head of hers. After the longest minute of my life, she graced me with a smile that blinded me with its brightness. "Happy holidays to you too, Mamoru."

Usagi turned and all but skipped toward the elevator, and I gazed longingly at her petite frame for as long as I could before getting caught. The click of the closing door resounded hollowly about the confines of my apartment. Alone again. My legs carried me mechanically to the couch, and I sunk on the cushions with a groan.

She didn't remember me. She had said always, but apparently only I was foolish enough to take her words to heart. I gritted my teeth as images of her youthful smiling face flashed before me. She had looked at me with such inviting warmth, such pure sincerity that only made the present reality all the more painful.

I jumped up and grabbed my coat. Poor Motoki would have to deal with my gloominess twice this afternoon.

I nodded in gratitude as Motoki wordlessly refilled my cup. My nerves were long shot from over-caffeination, but I didn't care. It was a small price to pay considering the alternative, where I would've likely found myself curled up on my bed in a useless ball of agony.

"So you're telling me she just…didn't remember? At all?" I sighed. Just how many times did Motoki insist on asking me that question?

"Like I said, there was nothing. No recognition…I was a complete stranger to her." My trembling hands clenched the mug.

"Careful there, Mamoru." Motoki eyed his mug nervously, and I loosened my grip with an apologetic glance. "Okay, so she didn't remember. And you're positive it was the same Usagi?"

"How many Usagis do you know, Motoki?" I responded wryly before I closed my eyes tiredly, her face taunting me. "It was her. She's even more beautiful now as a young woman, but her face…her eyes…"

"Mamoru," he said, and I met his green eyes after hearing the worry in his voice. "The way you talk about her, it—it's not very healthy." My eyes narrowed instinctively, and he raised his hands in reconciliation. "All I'm saying is…I know she meant a lot to you, but…there are other girls. Plenty of them, I'd imagine, who'd love it if you'd so much as looked their way…" He trailed off, and I massaged my now throbbing temples.

"Motoki…"

"It's your life," he sighed, "I'm just your rambling best friend. But can you at least spend New Year's with Reika and me? I'd hate to have you sitting in the dark thinking who knows what kind of depressing thoughts."

I laughed a little. Now, more than ever, I was thankful to have Motoki in my life. "Deal."

He grinned, then furrowed his brow no doubt due to some sobering thought. I sipped my coffee and waited patiently until Motoki inevitably spoke his mind.

"Say Mamoru," he said carefully, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what he had to say. "With Usagi…so that's it?"

"What do you mean?" The pain that had temporarily abated now slammed into me with surprising force, leaving me almost breathless.

"I mean, you're not going to try and jog her memory, or at least try and see her again?"

"What's the point?" I asked sadly. "If she doesn't remember, then she probably doesn't want to remember. Why would I force something on her that she doesn't want?"

"She was only five then," he pointed out, and liking that train of thought, eagerly continued, "and how much do we really remember at five? I doubt she's purposely blocking you from her memory."

"You're saying you remember nothing from when you were five?"

He faltered. "Part of it," he conceded, "but you have to admit things are fuzzy from back then."

"I wouldn't know," I answered quietly and saw the color immediately drain from Motoki's face.

"Oh Mamoru, I'm so sorry. That was completely insensitive of me." I didn't begrudge him. It wasn't his fault that I only possessed memories of half my life, after all.

"Don't worry about it," I said as gently as I could. "I've taken up enough of your time today. Thanks for listening." He was still frowning, and I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I mean it."

Having succeeding in depressing another living soul for the day, I decided it was best I made my exit before I could do any further damage.

That was how I found myself fretting over the buttons on my elevator half an hour later. I should have pressed "10," returned to my apartment to wallow in my self-misery, and tried to erase the one streak of light in my otherwise black existence. I should have tried to forget her as she had forgotten me.

Instead, the ding of the elevator signaled my rather shameful arrival on the twelfth floor. As the doors slid open, I hesitated, fully aware that my next actions were likely the ones of a madman. Yet that didn't stop me from walking down the hall, scanning the numbers on the doors until I found my destination: the same apartment number, only two floors higher, which housed a certain "Minako" who I now sought out to further feed into my insanity. I wasn't sure what exactly I was looking to achieve in speaking to Usagi's friend. Perhaps I just wanted some window into Usagi's world, some tantalizing glimpse into how she had spent her years surrounded by loving friends and family.

It wasn't until after I'd pressed the doorbell that I realized Usagi might still be with Minako. It seemed like forever had passed since my chance meeting with her, but a quick glance at my watch revealed that only two hours had actually gone by. Panic shot through my veins like electricity and left me trembling.

"Coming!" I heard a cheerful voice shout from through the closed door and swallowed nervously. I had a few seconds to run. Perhaps I'd still make it to the stairway in time, perhaps…

I came face to face with a slight girl with blond hair and bright blue eyes. Minako bore such an initial resemblance to Usagi that I could only stare with my mouth slightly open as she peered curiously at her unfamiliar visitor. This was a mistake, I thought frantically. I had made a mistake and needed a miracle to get out of this mess with some shred of dignity intact.

"Can I help you?" she asked kindly, and I dearly hoped she didn't notice my quickly reddening face. I took small comfort in the fact that at least Usagi no longer seemed to be with her.

"No, I'm sorry, I…" I was rapidly losing my mind. "I'm truly sorry to bother you." I turned to leave but was stopped by her firm grasp on my wrist. I drew in a sharp breath at the unexpected contact, and she pulled away immediately.

"Please, wait," she said, her eyes searching for answers that I wasn't quite prepared to give. "You're Mamoru, aren't you?"

"How did you—"

"Usagi-chan mentioned that she'd accidentally gone to the wrong floor and ended up disturbing, in her words, 'a drop dead gorgeous guy named Mamoru with stormy blue eyes.' I can only assume she meant you."

Minako grinned, and I no longer cared what shade of crimson my face had become as my battered heart beat wildly in my chest. Usagi didn't remember me, but at least she didn't find me disgusting. That was something, I suppose. "So how can I help you, Mamoru-san?"

"I—"

Perhaps it was the way she spoke, with such openness and empathy. Perhaps it was her uncanny resemblance to Usagi, with those sparkling eyes that drew me in inexplicably. Likely it was her closeness to Usagi, an intimacy that I would have given anything to have. Whatever the reason, the words soon spilled from my lips like a waterfall that had been dammed for too long. Over steaming cups of tea (luckily for me, Minako wasn't a coffee drinker so I was spared from the lure of that intoxicating substance), I recounted the accident that left me a memory-less orphan, the initial days at the hospital, my brief time with Usagi, and the last decade that I'd spent dreaming of my tiny angel.

Minako turned out to be a great listener, who'd kept silent throughout my pitiful story save for a few well-placed sighs and gasps. At the end, she wordlessly put a warm hand on mine, and I was oddly comforted by her simple touch.

"If I have this right, then, you've loved Usagi-chan for the better part of a decade. But it seems that she…doesn't remember you exist," Minako surmised bluntly.

Love…all this time, I'd never once admitted even to myself that I loved Usagi. I couldn't deny it. In the beginning, perhaps, I had loved her as a friend, someone to whom I could share my darkest fears. Over the years, however, I grew from loving Usagi to being in love with her, fueled by those few precious memories that I clung to with startling intensity. Yet in confessing all this to Minako, I came to the sad realization that I knew next to nothing about the girl that I pined for. I wanted to know more, was desperate to know more, to know her…but was that fair to her?

"Has she ever—has she ever mentioned anything about me? I mean, anything about her time in the hospital?" Any trace that she remembered those few days which had permanently shaped me would suffice.

Minako shook her head slowly, and I couldn't help my sigh of disappointment. "We've been friends for a couple years now, but…no, I don't think she has. Gomen..."

"It's probably better that way," I said quietly. "I'm not…I'm not the most cheerful person to be around, if you haven't noticed already."

She laughed, and I caught myself wondering if Usagi's laugh also sounded so carefree. "I think Usagi-chan's cheerful enough for the both of you." Her eyes grew serious as she considered her next words. "I think you should tell Usagi-chan. She'd like to know, I'm sure of it."

"No," I cringed at the desperation that dripped from my voice, "please don't. Please. I didn't tell you any of this so you could…" I ran a hand through my tousled hair in frustration. "I don't know, force her to remember or anything like that. I just…"

"Mamoru-san, I won't say anything if you don't want me to." Minako fortunately silenced my nearly incoherent speech. "But the way she talked about you earlier, you'd think she was half in love already."

I held my breath, not daring myself to hope.

"Even if she doesn't remember your history…is that any reason to not give her a chance now?"

"Minako, it's me that doesn't deserve her, not the other way around."

"You're impossibly stubborn, you know that?" She crossed her arms in annoyance.

I smiled bitterly. "My best friend Motoki tells me that all the time."

"Then will you see her again?" At my silence, she scratched her head thoughtfully, then her eyes lit up like a flame of blue fire roaring to life. "Tomorrow Usagi-chan, some other friends, and I are all going to a new arcade downtown. Our old spot closed down last month, so we were going to give the Crown Arcade a try."

I could hardly believe my ears. Was Minako now trying to set me up with Usagi? Did she really think it was that simple, that somehow we'd meet, somehow I'd convince her to love me, and we would live happily ever after? Couldn't she see by now that I wasn't some prince charming come to sweep my angel off her feet?

"Motoki works there," was all I managed to say to her ridiculous proposal, "but Minako…"

"Perfect!" She seemed mightily pleased with her plan, and I bit back a retort before I cast a dark cloud over another person who only wished me well.

"I have to go." I stood up and flashed her my half-hearted attempt at a smile. "Arigato for the tea and…for your time."

"See you tomorrow then?"

I shifted uncomfortably but couldn't bear to lie to her outright. "We'll see."

I just had maintain my resolve not to step foot into the Crown tomorrow.

Chapter 1 complete! I'll work on getting the next chapter, along with a chapter to "Shipwrecked," out soon. Until then, have a very happy New Year!

This story was written and posted January 2015.