Note: I'm working with the theory that Dodds, Sr. is involved with the Manhattan Transfer corruption. Of course, I could be wrong, but I'll go back and fix inconsistencies after Unholiest Alliance if need be! Enjoy!
Three.
Tucker sat back in his chair, hands clasped in front of him. It felt good to have his Glock and badge back; he had felt so unnervingly light and unstable without those accoutrements. Cole Draper had been in and out of the office during Tucker's suspension, but everything looked undisturbed. Tucker hadn't bothered to pack his personal items; he felt doing so was a sign of defeat, and Tucker was not one who enjoyed losing. He was defiant. A fighter. Strong. Principled.
A good man.
He assessed the past several weeks, beginning with that awful day when Cole informed him that he had become the target of his own investigation. Tucker had his share of real and metaphorical gut punches over the years, but he could not recall a blow that felt worse than when Group 1 informed him he was being investigated for corruption, sex trafficking, and murder. Making matters worse, Olivia was apparently going down with him. Tucker had never excelled at handling his own crises. He was very good at creating them for other cops, and when the tables turned, he very nearly crumbled. But Benson needed him.
Her devastation manifested itself at first as anger, then as embarrassment when she traded her blazers and slacks for the standard-issue NYPD Community Affairs polo shirt. The two of them spent the first week of her transfer and his suspension on one of their couches with a bottle of something, drinking too much, racking their brains trying to untangle the threads of the case, and plotting revenge. Tucker then walked Olivia back from the alcohol-induced abyss when she accused herself of being a terrible mother, of ignoring Noah, and of being so self-involved that she actually forgot, one time, to give him dinner. It was only Ed's late-night Chinese food craving that made her realize the unforgivable oversight.
"We've probably had enough of the self-destruction, huh?" He had suggested to her that night. After that, their booze-filled sessions ended, but their misery did not abate. Of course, the silver lining was that in such a messy situation, each knew the other was the only person to be trusted, so they turned inward, isolated themselves, and, though individually broken, ended up strengthening their relationship.
"Tucker?"
"Yeah, Cole, come in," Tucker would finish the retrospection later. "What's going on?"
"Benson and Carisi are on their way up," Sergeant Draper cocked his head and smirked a little, "Ready?"
"Yeah, I'll be in the conference room in a minute."
"Have you had a chance to go over the case? Or…"
Tucker knew what Cole was thinking. He figures I know about it already.
"I flipped through their jackets this morning," Tucker chose to not try to guess what Cole was after and instead repeated to him exactly what he had told Benson at her apartment last week. He was familiar with both cops, but there was nothing in either of their pasts to suggest they were capable of something this nefarious.
"It's good to have you back, Captain," Cole was still smirking.
"Ok, what?" Ed asked, unsuccessfully trying to hold back a grin.
Cole looked around the office, "Do you have any pictures of her in here yet?" He joked.
"No…no, not yet," Ed played along, "but soon. I'll let you know."
"Good deal," Cole cracked. "It really is good to have you back."
"You have no idea," Tucker muttered.
….
Benson and Tucker had been seeing one another in some fashion for longer than anyone realized, so they were extremely well-skilled in switching between their personal and professional lives. They knew this, but nobody else did, so there was the added pressure of being under a new, very powerful microscope when, in reality, they had already drawn the line and mastered the most controversial and potentially thorny part of their relationship. The only way to rid their respective squads of any doubt was to jump right in as if nothing happened, but Ed was starting to see some merit in Olivia's proposal to simply take everyone out for drinks and tell them to get the hell over it.
Tucker and Draper were seated at the oval conference table when Benson and Carisi arrived. Carisi was Olivia's safest bet for normalcy at the moment. Why complicate matters by bringing Fin, Dodds, or Rollins?
"Lieutenant," Cole smiled cordially, stood, and shook Olivia's hand, "good to see you again."
She smiled graciously, "Nice to see you too." She turned to Ed, "Tucker," She greeted him with a slight nod. A little bit awkward but not too bad. Ed was soon shaking Carisi's hand, so the moment passed quickly.
"So," Cole began, "what do you have for us?"
"We don't have much yet," Carisi answered, "But it's not looking good." He explained the results of the phone dump and then added, "And we went back through both boys' phones. A week before they went missing? Multiple calls and texts back and forth between both boys and both cops."
"And before that week?" Tucker inquired.
"Nothing." Carisi slid a folder over to the IAB investigators, "You'll see. Jarvis and James went missing on a Thursday night. The weekend before, that's when it started."
Olivia knew it was time for her to do some talking, "They were at a tournament in Philadelphia that Saturday," she said, "something must have happened."
Tucker and Cole looked at one another. "You don't have anything else?" Cole asked. "The texts? Are they incriminating?"
"Not really," Carisi admitted, "but they're cops. They would know better."
Tucker shook his head, "I don't know if it's enough for a warrant for their phones."
Cole agreed, "Find something else," he directed.
"Keep digging," Tucker nodded, "If we go at them now and they have something to hide, it'll tip them off."
"Ok." Carisi said, "Then give this case back to the two-eight? This isn't really an SVU case."
"It is now," Cole declared. "Use the guys at the two-eight, but SVU stays on. Keep them in the loop, but this is your case, Lieutenant Benson."
Olivia nodded her acceptance. When she looked up, she noticed Tucker gazing at her curiously. I know I haven't said much. This is too weird. Everyone knows. Everyone is waiting for one of us to screw up.
"We'll keep you posted," Olivia said with finality, in a hurry to get out of there. She turned to Carisi, "Let's go."
Tucker stopped them, "Lieutenant, actually, do you have a few minutes?"
Olivia glanced from Carisi then to Draper, who was already on his way out of the room. She couldn't say no, but what the hell, Ed?
"I'll wait for you downstairs, Lieutenant," Carisi told her nonchalantly, kindly, with his usual buoyancy.
"Olivia, what's the matter?" Tucker appeared genuinely concerned. He looked at her like he did the time he wished her luck after the Lewis case.
"I don't know if I can do this."
"What?"
"Every time we're on a case now we're going to be second-guessed, judged. And then you ask me to stay? What's Carisi thinking we're doing?"
"I don't know, maybe you should ask him, he seemed normal to me," Tucker was trying not to sound like a smart ass, but he couldn't help it. He immediately felt guilty. "Hey," he held her shoulders firmly, keeping her at arm's length, "just one case. That's all it will take. You'll feel better after this one. If you stop being the Lieutenant Benson everyone knows, that's when people will start talking. The Lieutenant I know would never come down to IAB just to say two sentences."
He was right, but wrong about the statistics. "I said more than two."
He cocked his head, "I think it was two," he teased. "Maybe one and a half actually."
She screwed up her face, feigning annoyance, "I'll see you later."
"Have a good day, Lieutenant," he bid her farewell in his best IAB voice.
Olivia smiled as she walked to the elevators. She admitted she was jealous of how easily Ed walked back in, unruffled by a few weeks' suspension, and how could he be so confident? If the shoe were on the other foot, both he and she would be skeptical of two cops' abilities to do their jobs credibly if they were involved with one another. Or maybe his implication was right. Maybe she was the only one with the problem.
….
Luckily, Dr. Lindstrom had an opening that afternoon. Prior to the scandal and her transfer, she cut her sessions to once a month, but she was now back to once a week, or in the case of this particular week, twice a week.
She usually chose one of his armchairs, but today she collapsed on the couch, head on the armrest, legs splayed in front of her, getting the complete shrink experience.
She first went on a rant about her squad who seemed to be distant and standoffish at the precinct. The camaraderie was gone. Rollins was too sanctimonious. Carisi was too nice. Fin pissed her off because if he'd just taken the damn sergeant's exam when she asked him to, then Dodds wouldn't have been assigned to SVU and his corrupt-to-the-core father would not have been so quick to jettison her so his son could climb the NYPD ranks.
Then it was Ed's turn. How could he just flip the switch like that, saunter back in to IAB, be all buddy-buddy with his partner, interview her and Carisi like the good old days? And then to ask to see her after, like they were going to go back to his office for a quickie? She was glad she hadn't taken Rollins or even Fin. If Dodds would have been with her, she hoped Ed would have had the sense to just let her leave. But who knows? For him, everything was perfect. It was like he just pressed "play" after pausing a movie for a few seconds.
"Fuck." Olivia rarely used that word, but she was beyond exasperated.
Dr. Lindstrom raised an eyebrow, "Olivia, why do you think you're reacting this way?"
"I don't know, that's why I'm here," she snapped.
"You said you and Ed agreed not to apologize to anyone. Why?"
"There is nothing to apologize for. We didn't do anything wrong."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you disclose your relationship with Ed sooner?"
"I don't know," she replied, "it got serious really fast," she rubbed her temples and closed her eyes.
"And? Why else?"
She knew what he was getting at. She was afraid of her squad's reaction. As long as they disclosed, there was no problem as far as 1PP was concerned, but she didn't know how her team would react, particularly Fin and Rollins. And Barba. She had imagined all of them cringing, slack-jawed, wondering why in the world she would choose Tucker of all people. And then she'd have to explain why she chose Tucker, and then it would get too personal, and then…whenever he came around she would get those looks, they would snicker amongst themselves, look at each other in astonishment. Tucker?
If they only knew.
"Olivia," he coaxed, "Just get it out. Are you embarrassed? Being with Ed?"
"Of course not."
"Then why not be with him? You let him into your life already, maybe open the door a little more. Why pretend it's still a secret?"
"It was never a secret," she grumbled, "we were out, dinner, drinks, we even went to a movie once, it wasn't like we were hiding."
"Then why didn't you go into that bar on Valentine's Day? The one you told me about. When you saw the chief?"
Busted. Good one, Lindstrom.
Conceding defeat, she said nothing.
Dr. Lindstrom changed course. "Is it possible you have, right now, everything you want? Does that make you uneasy?"
Olivia pondered the questions for a few minutes. What a whirlwind the last twenty-four hours had been. It was just about this time yesterday that she and Ed left his apartment. He carried a freshly dry cleaned suit, shirt, and tie. He had everything else he needed at her place; during their dark week of drinking and loathing everyone on the planet, he'd purchased a second toothbrush and razor and kept bringing over extra sets of clothing without taking them back home. Olivia eventually sent his laundry with hers. It now sat, perfectly folded, in a plastic bag in a corner of her bedroom. She wasn't quite to the point of making room for his things in her closet or bureau just yet.
They picked up tacos and ate dinner with Noah in front of the television. Ed sipped a beer. Olivia poured a glass of wine, but she didn't drink much of it. She was happy cuddled up with Ed on the couch under a blanket, simultaneously watching Jeopardy and Noah, who was diligently removing every toy from his toy box, apparently searching for something in particular.
"Last night," Olivia finally piped up, "Last night we were in my living room," her voice started shaking, and she swallowed hard, trying to postpone the tears, "Ed and I were on the couch, and Noah was playing on the floor. He was throwing things around, looking for something. Like, he was really wanting to find it."
"What was he looking for?"
The tears ran down her cheeks now, but she was smiling recalling the sweet moment, "A book. A Day at the Police Station. Ed bought it for him last week," Olivia reached for a tissue, "Noah brought the book over to us, and, well, he doesn't talk much, we're working on it, but he said," her voice was really wavering now, she could hardly get the words out, "he said 'Tuck. Tuck. Read. Please.' But, you know, he says 'peas' instead of 'please.' And then he climbed up with us so Ed could read it."
Dr. Lindstrom smiled, "Olivia, it is time to let go. Let go of this idea that you do not deserve to be happy. It is time to accept contentment in your life."
Sitting up now, Olivia dabbed at her eyes, sniffed, and pulled herself back together.
"Go home and enjoy the people you love," Dr. Lindstrom said, "and be unapologetic about accepting the love they give you."
…
Olivia almost physically ran into Lucy as the babysitter left the building on her way to her Monday night class at Hudson University.
"Hey, Olivia!" She said brightly.
Olivia returned Lucy's warm grin, "Hey…I'm sorry I'm a little late today."
"Oh, no problem. My class doesn't start for another hour. Plenty of time to get coffee and go over my notes."
"Great."
"It was good to see Captain Tucker in a suit again," Lucy remarked kindly. Not even the babysitter had been able to avoid being sucked into Ed and Olivia's temporary misery.
"I know," Olivia agreed, relieved after all, "It was a tough stretch."
Lucy oozed with cheer, "Well! All over now!"
"Yes, the suits are back," Olivia announced.
Lucy chuckled, "I'll see you tomorrow. Day care pick-up right?"
"Right."
….
Ed, still in his navy suit, light blue shirt, and striped tie sat on the couch. Noah was on his lap. He held Tucker's badge, turning it over and over in his little hands, examining it closely.
She went over to greet them without removing her shoes or her coat.
"Hello, my love," she sang the words to Noah and kissed him on the head and the cheek. "Whatcha got?" Noah held out the badge for her to see.
"Tuck's badge?"
He nodded.
"Thank you for relieving Lucy," she caressed Ed's face. When she bent down to kiss him, he cupped his hand around the back of her thigh, sending an exhilarating shiver up her spine. "How was the rest of your day?
"Good," Ed reported, "After you left, Cole and I went out to lunch, which lasted two hours, by the time we got back, the day was almost over."
"Must be nice," she joked. She removed her coat and boots and sat next to him. "You were right. About today. I was the only one in the room with a problem."
"That's not what I said."
"But that was your point."
"Maybe," he conceded. "I don't want to pressure you. It's easier for me, I'm sorry to say. I wouldn't want to have to explain us to your squad after…after all…all the animosity," he forced a laugh, "I win a lot more points admitting I'm seeing Olivia Benson than you win saying you're with Ed Tucker."
Olivia laughed. It was not forced. It was a genuine and rarely used Olivia Benson laugh, and Ed Tucker made it happen. Again, he surprised her with his insight…and humor? Where did that come from?
Tucker shifted Noah from his lap to hers. "I have to go. I'm meeting Cole to watch the ballgame. It's opening day."
"Yankees?"
"No, they played this afternoon, which is why lunch lasted two hours. Cole's a Dodgers fan, they're on tonight." He leaned in for a kiss. She held Noah with one arm and curled her other hand around the back of Tucker's head flirtatiously, momentarily preventing him from pulling away. "I'll get a hold of you after."
"Ok."
Ed snapped his fingers, a thought popped into his head just then, "Do you want me to take those clothes home?"
Olivia looked at him adoringly. Those eyes. "No," she answered softly, "no, I don't."
He nodded and shot her a mischievous grin. "Bye."
"Bye."
Ed's hand was on the doorknob when he heard Noah's toddler voice drift from the living room, "Bye, Tuck!"
"Bye bud!" He called back.
Tucker smiled all the way to the bar.