A/N: So here we are with another chapter. I told myself to get one up at the beginning of the month... Mission accomplished.
Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Eater in any way, shape, or form.

34. Defensive Peppercorn and Persimmon

Clownfish

"Don't even think about taking another step, you monochrome, icy-eyed punk!"

Death the Kid blinked, lowering his raised foot that had been in the process of moving forward and stared at the black-blooded creature who'd snapped at him. His vocabulary expands with every insult. The shinigami thought, somewhat fascinated and dismayed by the revelation.

Ragnarok was resting across his meister's shoulders, same as ever, pupils shifting back and forth between the pink-haired teen and the grim reaper standing halfway across the threshold. With a snort, the demon blade shifted so he was positioned on Crona's right side and nodded sharply at Kid.

"So, what does the fledgling reaper want, huh?" he demanded. "Have you come to pick on Crona? Perhaps you've come to interrogate her about Lady Medusa's whereabouts."

"No, that's not it," Kid responded with a calm smile and a shake of his head. "I just wanted to know-"

"Wanted to know how long until the little weakling breaks, is that right?" Ragnarok interrupted, patting his meister on the head. "I'll have you know it's two and one third of a second! The record so far is five!"

Kid stepped into the room, ignoring Ragnarok's hiss of disapproval. "I'm not here to hurt-"

"Oh, sneaky, sneaky!" The black-blooded weapon showed his teeth in a wide grin. "Lower Crona's defenses and then when she least expects it—Bang! You've socked her in the nose!"

"What? No," Kid protested indignantly before clearing his throat and repeating more calmly, "I'm not going to hurt Crona, okay? I was just wondering-"

"What Crona's actual gender is?" Ragnarok inquired, tilting his head to the side and looking over Kid with consideration. "Fancy boy like yourself, asking that of a defenseless soul? You've got guts, I'll give you that. However, do you have what it takes to flip her skirt and give the downstairs a peek for yourself?"

Kid felt his face grow warm and cursed his pale skin for showing it like a stop sign. After attempting a few words that turned into a stammering mess of gibberish, the reaper snapped his mouth shut.

"You seem like a good guy, despite my earlier accusations of you being a punk," Ragnarok mumbled in resignation, waving a paw-like hand in dismissal. "Fine, fine, I'll just tell you." The weapon's pupils slid lazily in Kid's direction as one eye stretched alarmingly farther than the other. "Clownfish."

Kid frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

"You're a smart little reaper." Ragnarok leaned over Crona's head, ignoring his meister's mortified expression. "Don't clownfish switch businesses when their original jobs begin lacking? They upgrade the faulty machine, as it were..."

Kid stared at the demon blade, mouth partially open while his brain tore itself apart looking for a suitable reply to the absurd statement.

"All clownfish are born male and the most dominate will turn into a female to lead the school when the leading female dies," Kid finally explained in a slow, hesitant tone. "If you're suggesting Crona is-"

"A fish? A skinny-boned, big-eyed fish?" Ragnarok exclaimed, reeling back in horror. "So you are here to verbally abuse my meister! Well, you want to know something, you fishy god? I won't let you say another word! I'll stun you into silence, whether with my own harsh words or my high frequency wails! Crona, prepare for Screech Alpha!"

Crona released a squeak, turning her head up to look at her partner. "But he didn't do anything wrong, Ragnarok!"

"Shut up! He insulted you! He called you an afro-dite!"

"Hermaphrodite," Kid cut in, earning a sharp look from Ragnarok that exiled him into silence once more.

"You're the one that started talking about clownfish in the first place," Crona pointed out.

Ragnarok threw his short arms into the air, waving them about and releasing a shrill cry. "Oh, so now you're going to be on his side? The perverted, clown-accusing reaper? Think of everything I've done for you, Crona! Don't think for a moment I'll let you join him peacefully! You're my partner! Mine!"

"Ragnarok, you mentioned clownfish first," Crona protested. "That doesn't mean I'm on Kid's side. Please don't yell at him anymore."

"And now you're defending him?" Ragnarok's pupils rolled angrily and he released an impatient snort. "Just wait. Next you'll be trying to find that perfect wedding dress, but don't forget I'll still be there, far between your shoulder blades and cringing to the sound of that cheerful organ tune." The demon sword folded his arms. "So make sure you've got a slit in the back I can ooze out of, okay? No lace on the collar either or it'll tickle me."

"Ragnarok, I can assure you I'm in no way about to verbally or physically abuse your meister, violate her, accuse her of being a fish, or ask for her hand in marriage," Kid hastily broke in before the black-blooded weapon could proceed with his rant. "The only reason I am here is to see if Crona needed any help studying for the exam tomorrow. Professor Stein has a habit of making too many trick questions and I thought I'd give her a hand."

Both Ragnarok and Crona looked at the grim reaper, faces stripped of expression. Slowly, Crona glanced down at the books and notes spread out before her, frowning thoughtfully. With a quick look back at her weapon partner, she turned to Kid with an almost apologetic look.

"Sorry, little reaper," Ragnarok snapped, folding his arms across the top of Crona's head. "I'm the only one who can help Crona study. We have a system, yeah? So why don't you run along and ponder the mating habits of fish."

Crona raised her hand in a wave and turned back to her books, mumbling softly, "Ragnarok, can I have a tug?"

Immediately, the demon sword pinched a lock of Crona's hair between his paws and gave it a slight yank.

Crona inclined her head. "Thank you."

Kid blinked at the two, looked out into the hallway behind him, back at the two studying their textbooks, before finally retreating into the hall with his own dubious wave.

The next day, Crona finished her test with a score of ninety-seven. She received a pat on the head from her weapon partner who stated he was quite proud, even if the praise was snuck into one of his usual insults.

-/-\-|-/-\-

A/N: This one was an idea from AutumnMobile12 who thought it would be cute if Kid tried to help Crona study but Ragnarok got defensive, saying he was the only one who could assist her.

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