Neighbors Chapter 14

Depression warning. You guys are gonna like this chapter. Tell me what you think! Thank you for reading!

The following week was slow and difficult. I had avoided seeing and talking to Marceline all too much. I was feeling so guilty and I felt like I didn't deserve her time or patience. I would tell her I was tired from work and she would understand and not press the matter any further.

The sleepless nights returned, as well. So did my loss of appetite. It was harder and harder to get out of bed and drag myself to work. I knew my productivity at my job was suffering. My co workers noticed, it was clear by the looks in their eyes when they spoke to me, but they never vocalized their thoughts about my obvious depression. I preferred it that way, though. Talking about it would only lead to visible emotions and conversations about them and that was not something I was up to.

I often wondered how long I could keep this up. How long until it went away? Would it ever go away? Surely if I gave it enough time my problems would go away, right? But how long could I pretend that my problems just don't exist? Would the negative effects it was having on me lessen or would they get worse? I wasn't sure but it was seeming to only become more and more painful. Unintentionally closing myself off from everyone I know wasn't really helping. But I was telling myself otherwise.

Thursday evening I was trying to work up the will to eat a dinner when I noticed that I had a text message from my mother, reminding me that she wanted me to come home for the weekend. I had forgotten that mine and Neddy's birthday was on Friday. How could I forget? I never forgot anything. I hadn't even told anyone or bought a present for my brother. I would have to leave early tomorrow because I was so focused on myself that I couldn't remember to buy my only real family member a present for the birthday we shared. I felt so selfish for that and beat myself up for it that night probably more than was necessary.

I was awake with the sun that morning. I had really slept but an hour to be honest. Another nightmare had woken me up when I just dozed off and the terrible thoughts in my head kept me awake the rest of the night. I sent a text to Marceline telling her what I would be doing for the weekend and left. On the way I bought Neddy a giant stuffed dog, a candy bar, a card, and the newest Mario based game for his Wii U console.

As I drove onto the street where my adopted parent's house was, I took deep breaths and told myself to relax. An empty cup of extra strong coffee was sitting in a cup holder and I had an energy drink for later. I focused on the happy memories of previous birthdays, especially our childhood ones. I would need to pretend to have myself together in one piece all weekend. The last people I wanted worrying about me was my family. I could pretend for one weekend. It would be easy, so long as I didn't think of anything or be reminded of anything.

When I walked into the house a calm nostalgic feeling came over me. I could smell cookies being baked and my brother was waiting in the living room. When he saw me he jumped up with a big smile on his freckled face.

"Bonnie! You're finally here," he exclaimed, squishing me with his arms.

"I'm happy to see you, Neddy," I said, playfully messing up his red hair.

"Happy birthday," he said with a wide grin.

"Happy birthday to you, too, bro," I smiled. I held up the bag holding his presents. "Check it, got you some presents, bro," I said, playfully using a rapper's accent.

He laughed and happily took the bag. We he saw what was inside his face lit up and he gasped.

"Its such a cute doggy! Thank you, Bonnie!"

"You're welcome," I laughed. I braced myself for another bear hug, which he delivered strongly.

After the long hug he realized something and dissappeared, then came back with a box.

"I hope you like it, Mom helped me pick it out."

I smiled at my brother tenderly, then opened the gift. It was a pink sweater with a tiny cat that had a head much too big for its body. I cooed and hugged Neddy again.

"Its adorable! I love it, thank you Neddy," I said.

"I'm glad you like it," he said nervously, as if I wouldn't. "Oh, Mom and Dad are in the kitchen making our birthday dinner," he said.

He led me to the kitchen, where I was happily greeted by my parents. My father was a tall man with brown hair, a beard, and glasses. My mother was a little on the short side and had strawberry blonde hair. They both looked back from the stove they were working on to smile at their twins, who were finally together again. Mom was the first to leave as my dad took began to take the cake out of the oven to cool.

"Bonnibel, I missed you so much!" she said, hugging me tightly.

"Me too, Mom," I said, looking down at her. She was under average height.

"Wow, you look tired, honey. Are you not sleeping well? Or is someone keeping you up at night," she asked with a raised eyebrow.

I blushed, knowing well what she was suggesting.

"Mom, dude, what the hell?"

"Well, is there?" She asked.

"Can we please change the subject?" I asked, feeling more flustered than I was prepared to handle.

"Pepe told me her name was Marceline," Neddy butted in.

Damn it. What else had Pepe told? That big mouthed nerd.

"Oh, so is it serious? Have you, you know?" Mom said.

I covered my face and tried to hide my embarrassment. I was glad it went over well, though.

"Knock, knock," Finn said as he and Jake entered the kitchen.

Thank glob for the distraction.

"Bonnie!" The brothers exclaimed, hugging me between them.

"Happy birthday, dudes," Finn said.

"We almost forgot to buy presents so we stopped at the drug store on the way," Jake added.

He handed Neddy and I each one present bag. Inside of Neddy's was a stuffed animal. Inside of mine was a bottle of wine. I frowned at the brothers who knew very well that I didn't like to drink. They shrugged apologetically and I rolled my eyes. I was fine with it though, I was just glad to have my friends celebrate with me.

After awhile of sitting at the kitchen table and catching up with each other, Pepe eventually showed up, and Roseabelle, Jake's girlfriend, arrived fashionably late. My family and my closest friends all sat and enjoyed a lovely meal and a home made birthday cake for desert. I forced myself to eat at least half of the meal so that no one would say anything. It caused me to feel a little nauseous afterwards, but I ignored it. After the food was gone my parents left the room to busy themselves with other things.

I listened to my friends talk as I tried to fight off drowsiness. Eventually we moved to the living room where I sat on the couch as everyone conversed. I ended up dozing off at some point scared myself awake after having another chasing nightmare. I managed to keep myself from making any sounds as I rose up and looked around.

The living room was empty and the lights were dimmed. I had a comfy fleece blanket around me, probably placed by my mother. After calming my heart beat I got up to use the bathroom. The house was quiet and it was dark outside. I guessed everyone must have left. I wish I could have stayed up and talked to my friends. I really wanted to.

I mindlessly walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. I spotted my bottle of wine that Finn and Jake had bought me. I figured I might as well try it. It wasn't like I had anything better to do. After I finished one glass, I was already light headed and I tried not to let it show just in case someone were to walk in.

Sitting there alone, I was stuck with my own thoughts. I thought about the dream I had again and what it meant. I was avoiding telling anyone and I was pretending nothing was wrong with me. I was lying to everyone. I began to feel depressed again. Distancing myself from Marceline made me feel even worse. I laid my head on the table and tried to hold back sobs.

"Oh hey, Bonnie. Its about time you woke up. I was playing video games with Neddy," Pepe said as he walked in. "Oh, Bonnie, are you crying?" He asked with a concerned voice.

"No," I lied.

Pepe sat down beside of me and put a caring hand on my shoulder.

"Wanna talk about it?" Pepe asked.

"No."

Pepe sighed and rubbed my back, something he knew would usually calm me down.

"Bonnie, you never cry. Something must be bothering you a lot and talking about it might help. I might even know how to help if you tell me."

I hid my face. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't need people worrying about me. I didn't need any help or sympathy.

"Bonnie," Pepe begged, putting an arm around my shoulder.

"I can't," I sobbed.

"Can't what?" Pepe asked calmly.

"I can't," I sobbed again, "I can't stop being like this."

"Do you mean being depressed, Bonnie? Are you depressed? Why?"

I cried in silence for a moment. I had said too much. But the fog in my head was making it hard for me to filter what I said. He knew something, now though. He would only keep pressing me if I didn't tell him. I had to think of a way to say it without him knowing too much.

"Its just... I thought I would be okay if I gave myself some time. But I'm not," I decided to say.

"Is this about you and Marceline?" Pepe asked, rubbing my back again.

"No," I replied.

"Is it about work?"

"No."

He waited as I cried in silence for another moment. I started to think that I knew how I couldn't keep something from Pepe for long. He and I have been friends for a long time. He would either find out or bug me until I said something. I couldn't keep lying to him, either. I felt bad enough for lying to Marceline. I would only feel worse for lying to my best friend. So I decided. It was going to be hard to say out loud though.

I kept my face hidden as I tried to work up the strength to say it.

"Pepe, I've been... Keeping something from... Everyone," I said between sobs.

"What happened, Bonnie?" He asked. He sounded relieved that I was finally talking.

"I was," I took a deep breath, "I was raped, Pepe." I felt sick when I said it out loud for the first time. I had to suppress the urge to vomit. I tried to hold it back, but I began to cry even harder.

Pepe's hand left my back and I heard the chair slide loudly against the floor, then fall with a loud bang.

"You were what?" Pepe yelled.

I didn't move up, but I nodded. Pepe tugged at my arm and pulled me until I stood up. I couldn't look at him. But he wrapped both arms around me and hugged me as tightly as he could. I allowed it, but I didn't hug him back.

"Bonnie, you should have come to me. We could have gotten you help. We could have caught that fucker and made him pay!"

I thought he would say that. I knew I should have. Why didn't I? It would have made me feel a little better knowing that Ash was paying for his crimes. I felt so stupid.

"Maybe we can still do something. Do you know who did it?" Pepe almost shouted, shaking me by the shoulders.

"This happened a while ago, Pepe. I have no proof. What could I do?" I said. I was right, though. The cops wouldn't be able to do anything. They probably wouldn't even believe me.

"We can break his legs and cut off his,"

"Pepe," I interrupted, "That would just put you in jail."

"I have my ways," Pepe mumbled. "I'll really do it, just say the word."

"Pepe," I laughed.

"You should have told me sooner, Bonnie," Pepe changed his tone into a more serious one. "You can't keep everything to yourself. Let someone help you."

"I know," I said with an ashamed frown. "Its just hard."

"Keeping it in is harder."

"Yeah," I mumbled, wiping my eyes.

"Does your girlfriend know?"

"No. I've been hiding it from her. You're the first person I've told," I admitted. I was ashamed of myself for that. Actually, that's a small part of the reason I've been so depressed.

"I'm not gonna say you should tell her, but you should get help," Pepe said with a frown. "Go to therapy or something. I know it might suck but I think you need something."

I nodded, knowing he was right. Maybe it would be a good idea after all.

Pepe hugged me again, then looked up at me and smiled.

"I can come stay with you for a while if you like. I think I can get some time off work or something," he said.

"No, its okay," I said. "Telling you actually made me feel a little better."

"Good. No more secrets, though. Okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded.