The Pureblood Prince

Chapter 45

An Unforeseen Change

"Yeh can't stay here forever, yeh know."

"I have no plans to stay here forever."

"Then yeh agree? Yeh'll come to ter Hogwarts!"

Eileen looked up from her lap. She was curled up on one of the chairs by the fireplace back in their Three Broomsticks room. She and Hagrid had remained in the pub area until it had closed, talking and reminiscing about old times… it had felt good to smile again, to sit next to a crackling fire with an old friend, surrounded by people in velvet cloaks and pointed hats: it was like she had stepped right back into her past.

Now, however, the harsh reality of how cold her world was was again becoming impossible to bear.

"I am never going to back to that place." Eileen stipulated as clearly as she could.

Hagrid sat back upon the bed, which was straining so badly against his weight that the springs were almost touching the floor. He grimaced.

"Why?" he asked in a genuine fashion. "Yeh'll be safe. No-one will harm yeh there… Dumbledore will make sure!"

Eileen gave a bitter laugh and pointed harshly to her face.

"Look at me! Look at this! Do you think I have any fear left? Lay me down naked in an alleyway in London and I will be safer than the twenty years I've spent with the man who made me look like this on a monthly basis." Another quick jab at her bloodshot eyes and purple circles around her jaw truly did seal the deal for Hagrid.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times; positively unsure of whether he should continue along the same vein of conversation.

Then apparently he decided he would get no better opportunity.

"Why… why did yeh let him?" he asked as quiet as a mouse. Eileen looked toward him to find his eyes very much averted.

Why did she let him? It was actually quite a valid question from someone who had never been in love with a monster (though perhaps someone like Hagrid might have some idea...). Truth be told she didn't know herself; all she knew was that the love was real, despite everything else.

But she doubted even Hagrid, monster connoisseur, would truly understand that.

"I could never use magic against my own husband," Eileen explained – deciding that this would be the simplest justification. "Not one who could not use it himself. It would be unjust."

Skipping over the fact that I did in fact blast him down the stairs with magic once…

"Unjust!" Hagrid roared, sounding angry for the first time in his life. "Yeh're the one thinking yeh're being unjust? That bastard deserves the worst kind of magic he does! Merlin Almighty I don' think I even hate You Know Who this much!"

His face was now red with rage, and his breathing heavy and riled. She had never recalled seeing such raw emotion in him – and he was quite the demonstrative person.

"Honestly!" he continued in his maddened state, big fat tears now rolling down his eyes and sinking into his wiry brown beard. "If I were with yeh I'd never touch a hair on your head! I'd worship every single strand and I'd tear apart anyone who would dare touch 'em…"

And then his brain seemed to finally catch up with his sentiments, for he clamped his wet mouth shut and shook his head in defiance of himself. Eileen felt something catch in her throat and before she knew what it was or how she felt about this sudden declaration, her already swollen eyes began to sting once more. Hagrid only looked back to her after she had stared him down for a good minute, and upon seeing the intense change of expression on her face he seemed to pluck up courage once more.

"Don't…" she warned, but to no avail.

"I love yeh," he countered in full clarity, standing up to full height so that his head scraped the ceiling. There was no choking, no whimpering this time. She felt a sudden stab of pain in her belly. "Yeh were the only person who understood… I was happy when I thought yeh were happy but then yer son came to school and I knew – I knew yeh weren't and it killed me. And if it killed me, by Merlin, what has it done ter you?"

Eileen continued to study him from the chair, now quite unable to decipher her own feelings. Did she have feelings to reciprocate? Did she love him in the same way he proclaimed that he loved her? Or was this warm fire in her heart the mere product of someone, anyone in this entire world, declaring his or her desire to love and take care of her? All she could picture was Toby in his place… and all at once she felt the happiest and the saddest she had ever been.

"Yeh deserve to be loved, Eileen." Hagrid continued earnestly, foregoing childish nicknames now. "Yeh may think he loves but any man who tortures yer mind and yer body like he did don't love yeh enough. I can't give yeh all the love that yeh need after all them years of agony, but I can damn well try –"

"You have some nerve, standing there assuming you know what I've suffered and sacrificed!" Eileen finally found some sort of voice in all the heavy air. "Not to mention you have never actually met my husband…"

"I don't need ter meet him!" retorted Hagrid defiantly. "In fact, it'd probably be best for his overall health that I don't – mark my words on that."

"You'll never understand."

"Not understanding don't stop me worshipping the ground yeh walk on."

The utter ache for her that radiated from him was now too much for love-starved Eileen to bear. Upon seeing her rise from her chair, Hagrid sat himself back down so that they remained at approximately the same height (he would always be at least a few feet taller regardless); without even thinking and with no idea how she managed to get his face level with hers – she kissed him. She kissed him very, very hard. She wanted a piece of that love so badly that she willed herself to be consumed by it. For a half-giant, he was extraordinarily tender in his technique… much more so than Tobias ever was. His hands cradled her body like a warm blanket as their lips moved together in a delicate dance.

The salty tears coming from the both of them begun to sting the small gash in her lip and her jaw began to ache, which made her inwardly curse. She didn't know if she hated Tobias for creating these weaknesses that would soon force her to stop experiencing such a tender moment, or whether she hated herself for allowing it to happen in the first place… As if sensing her growing discomfort, Hagrid parted from her and instead cupped her tiny head in his saucepan-sized hand. Their foreheads rested upon one another for a moment or two, and Eileen could not bare to look at him.

"Come back with me…" he whispered gently. "Please. Yeh'll never be safer than with me."

"I can't." she replied just as gently. "I need to find Severus. My son's safety is paramount."

Hagrid had now parted himself completely from her embrace. He nodded solemnly and wiped a tear from his eye.

"O'course it is…" he said almost proudly. "I'll come with yeh."

"No…"

Hagrid's hand blanketed hers once more; he gently squeezed it.

"It's not that I wanna force my presence on yeh so much as I need to be with yeh…" he explained with a soft smile that flickered in the firelight. Eileen stared at him, her eyes full of simultaneous tears and astonishment. Her sore lips ached to be kissed again.

"Can't yeh… well… heal it?" Hagrid questioned further, tracing one of his huge thumbs over her cheek so gently that the sensation barely registered. The fact that she could barely feel it made it all the more pleasant, and Eileen closed her eyes as he mapped her. As his fingers reached her lips she kissed the crevice between his thumb and his index finger.

"I could… if I had a wand to speak of."

"Lost?"

Eileen sighed sadly.

"No. It ended its life in similar terms to your own: it was broken by another. And I had no wandless magic left in me to repair it…"

Hagrid looked positively stunned. "Who…?" he began before realisation dawned on his face.

"Not him?" he growled darkly, hatred radiating from his usually kind eyes. Eileen could not foster enough energy to reply, and so she merely nodded.

"Really did a number on yeh didn' he, this Muggle?" Hagrid continued dismally, wringing his hands. He stood up to his full height once more and made his way over to the corner of the room, where Eileen spotted the same pink umbrella that she had concealed his wand in all those years ago. "Well," he said, picking up the umbrella and handing it to her. "If yeh can't use yer own wand, yeh can use the one yeh crafted for me… here…"

She took the object from him tentatively, caressing it with her snow-white hands and examining every inch of it. She recalled every painstaking moment of piecing his wand back together, it had been so many years but she could still smell the smoke coming from the sparks of her own wand as it trailed up and down the handle of the umbrella, melding his wand into it and intertwining the two woods as one. Eileen had been up all night doing it - curtains drawn upon her dark blue Ravenclaw four-poster bed as the other girls slept, their deep breathing mingling with the sounds of her various spells. It had been a true labour of love. Perhaps that was where Hagrid had gotten the wrong idea about her intentions…

"Thank you, but no," she finally piped up, handing him back her greatest material masterpiece. "Morbid as it sounds, I like to live through such experiences. If I used magic to heal every single ailment and injury the second I sustained them then I wouldn't be half as resilient as I am today."

Hagrid seemed to be frozen in his place – umbrella in hand. He was smiling.

"Philo'sophical as always," he said with profound affection. "Shouldn' doubt the Ravenclaw in yeh, no way. Severus is definitely yours - "

He suddenly looked rather uncomfortable and, instead of continuing the conversation, became preoccupied with finding a new home for the umbrella. He turned his back and busied himself in the wardrobe.

"I'm not so sure of that anymore…" Eileen whispered sadly. It was clear that Hagrid had not expected her to continue, for he did not reply. She toyed with one of the teacups in her hands as she watched him fumble around, packing up her things. "What are you doing?" she asked eventually.

Hagrid was halfway through shoving her depressingly Muggle-esque wardrobe back into her suitcase before he replied, "I thought yeh wanted to leave?"

"Well…" Eileen started, blowing out a deep wisp of breath. "Yes. But… God, I don't even know where I'd start." It was the first time that the harsh realisation of the hard task ahead of them had truly sunk in. Obviously she would have to go to her mother's house first which was torture enough. But if he wasn't there… she couldn't even think about the possibility of tracking down Death Eaters. She could barely handle the possibility that her only child was a Death Eater in the first place. Eileen's eyes closed from behind her hands as she sunk into them. "Everything is such a mess…"

Soft but determined footsteps radiated behind her, and she felt herself in his arms again.

"Perhaps don' worry about it fer a few days," he said kindly, his breath caressing the exposed part of her neck. "Recover for a bit. I'll do whatever yeh need me ter…"

"I wish I could be afforded that luxury," Eileen couldn't press her hands against her face for long as the bruises were beginning to ache once more, she released herself from Hagrid's embrace and walked over to the bathroom; she undid the tie at the base of her neck and let her breast-length ebony hair fall upon her chest and back and face in waves. She looked back at Hagrid who appeared to have been watching her in a mesmerized haze.

"Yeh're beautiful," he simply stated. "Mysterious… the best kind."

Eileen almost laughed. The idea that anybody in their right mind considered her beautiful was so derisory that she was almost certain that there was another person in the room to which he was referring. Tobias had made it perfectly clear over the years that he was the only person on the planet who was capable of valuing her certain kind of attraction, and that no other man could appreciate someone who looked like "Morticia Addams on a very off day" as he often put it. But instead of retorting, she merely said: "I need to sleep. Tomorrow I shall be paying my mother a visit, and believe me, I need all the strength I can muster."

"O'course" said Hagrid sympathetically. "I'll come back in the mornin'."

Eileen opened her mouth to begin to ask him to stay again. But considering the sudden and unexpected change in their once strictly platonic relationship, she thought it best not make it even more uncomfortable.

"Stay in your warm hut, with your dog and your pets…" Eileen advised with a smile. "I do not need you to fight my battles. Besides, mother would sooner open up a corner kebab shop before she welcomes you into her home."

"Well I ain't fighting yer battles, but I'll come with yeh," Hagrid replied stubbornly, his hand resting on the doorknob. Upon seeing her disagreeable expression he added: "I'll wait outside, out o' sight."

"Dumbledore?"

Hagrid gulped.

"… He won't know. I'll tell him I've gone ter get some supplies."

Eileen pondered for a few moments, and then she turned away and opened the bathroom door.

"Sleep well," she said. And left him to make his own way out. Moments later she lay suspended in the peaceful warm cocoon of the bath, encased in her thoughts. What if the fear now implanted into her by Dumbledore was true? What was Toby doing? What would she do after all of this? What would he unleash upon her if their paths ever crossed again? Would she ever see her son? Had her sick love for his father single-handedly destroyed his life?

Eileen ducked her head underneath the water and let the muffled stillness wash over her. It took all of her strength to surface and take a breath… she could have easily remained submerged, but Eileen had decided that she had hidden herself from this world long enough. It was time to be seen.