Neighbors Chapter 16

(Depression in this chapter. I want to make another reminder that some of the things said in this fic are not my opinions, but the character's. You probably know what I mean. I hope you guys don't hate me too much for this. Thanks for reading and thank you for the reviews! Enjoy :3)

I thought I had felt pretty well after spending that evening with Marceline. We had fun and acted like an other couple in which two normal people enjoyed each other's company and had strong feelings for one another. But once I was alone again and in my bed ready to try and sleep, the dark feeling came back.

She cared for me a lot, that was obvious. I care for her just as much, but I would never be normal. Not after... I would never be okay... I'm still a mess and I know it. I could pretend everything was fine, but it wasn't. I wanted to tell her, but I just couldn't find the strength to. Telling Pepe was hard, probably one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I was glad that I did, though. It took a small bit of weight off my chest. I knew I should tell Marceline. She probably suspected something was wrong with me.

But how could I tell her? What would she do if I did? How would she feel? What would she think of me for not being able to tell her? Would she think badly of me? Would she do something wreckless and get hurt when and if I did?

With these thoughts and the possible outcomes circling in my head for the hundredth time, I hugged my knees tightly as I sat alone on my bed in my dark room. My head became heavy and it felt like I had fallen into a black hole. I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't. If I kept lying to her and keeping things from her, would it eventually hurt her?

I didn't sleep that night. I tried so hard, but my eyes wouldn't stay closed. When morning came, I stayed in routine. I cleaned up, tried to eat, but to no avail, then left for work. The day went by slowly even though the store was busy. I worked like I normally would, but through the entire day, those thoughts igniting in my head last night kept burning the whole day. It was mentally exhausting and I wondered if I was safe to drive myself home.

I did end up driving after chugging an iced coffee to keep me alert. Driving alone in the dark I wasn't able to distract my mind. I tried to focus on anything but my dark thoughts, but the wouldn't leave. I tried to push back the tears that threatened to flood out of my eyes. But before I knew it, it was becoming hard to see the road. Angrily, I grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears, determined to get home.

When I made it to the apartment building's parking lot I stayed in my car for a while. At least until I could get this stupid crying fit under control. I didn't want anyone to see me. They would be sympathetic and want me to talk. I wasn't in any mood to do that.

With my head resting on the steering wheel, I tried to will the tears to stop. But with every breath they only seemed to come out harder and faster. I felt so weak. Why couldn't I stop crying? It wasn't like I was going through something. It wasn't that big of a deal. People have gone through much worse. I felt so stupid, so weak, like a child. Why wouldn't these stupid tears just stop?

A couple pecks on my window startled me. I gasped and jumped, then looked up to see who it was. I should have wiped my eyes first. Now Keila knows for sure what I was doing alone in my car.

Marceline's friend mouthed for me to roll my window down. After wiping my eyes I did.

"Girl, are you okay? What's wrong with you?"

"Work has been really stressful," I sniffled. Another lie. Damn it.

"That bad?"

I nodded. I was getting angry with myself, but I hid it.

"You want me to walk you inside? I was just about to see Marcy. Left my favorite pick at her place."

I nodded again and got out of my car. I walked beside of Keila into the apartment. As we walked down the hall, Marceline came out of her apartment. When she saw me she immediately frowned and ran up to me.

"Bon, have you been crying? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Her voice was rushed as she quickly scooped me up in her arms and held me in a warm hug.

I couldn't seem to bring myself to hug her back. I didn't want to speak, either. What ever I said would be another lie, anyways. Because I was an idiot and weak.

"Work is stressing her out. Don't you take care of her, Marcy?" Keila said with a suggestive tone. She grinned and eyed the two of us playfully.

Marceline quickly turned red from her forehead to her collar bone. I was only reminded of the time we had tried, and I wanted to, but couldn't because I couldn't get over what had happened. I hated myself for it. I felt numb.

"N-no," Marceline stuttered, "We're taking things slow! Don't say things like that, its none of your business!"

"My bad," Keila laughed. "I didn't mean to make things awkward." She made another cheeky grin at her friend, who seemed to be a little upset with her now. "I'm gonna go get my guitar pick out of your apartment and leave you two love birds alone, then. I don't wanna get in the way of anything," she said, walking away.

"Keila!" Marceline said, turning red again.

Keila only laughed as she entered Marceline's apartment and grinned at the scowling face Marceline made when she left.

When she was certain her friend was out of the building, Marceline placed a soft, careful kiss on my lips. I felt ashamed for kissing her back. She doesn't deserve me.

"So work is stressing you, huh?" She asked.

"So much," I replied.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"All of my friends will tell you about how bad I am at opening up and letting people in," I said.

Marceline furrowed her brow and bit her lip.

"You don't have to shoulder everything by yourself, you know."

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to stop doing that. I want to, but I've been doing it for so long that its hard to just quit."

"You can always talk to me, Bon," Marceline said, wrapping me up in another warm hug.

I began to feel guilty again. I really should talk to her. I should tell her everything. But I can't. I just can't.

"You wanna come hang at my place tonight? We can relax and do what ever," she asked me.

"Thanks, but I think I just need to take a hot bath and go to sleep tonight. I'll feel better tomorrow."

"Oh, cool," Marceline said with a frown. She was disappointed and probably wondering if I would really be okay. "I guess I'll check on you tomorrow, then. Good night." She gave me a peck on the cheek and I walked into my apartment.

As soon as the door closed behind me, I slid down to the floor and sat against the door, breaking down again. I wanted to tell her! Why couldn't I? I'm a mess and a terrible human being! She can do so much better than a weak, lying, cry baby like me. Why does she put up with me? All I'll ever do is worry her and bring her down with me. I can't keep doing that to her.

But I can't stop either. Nothing is getting better. She needs someone other than me. She deserves so much more. I can't keep doing this to her. I have to do something. But what could I do?

It dawned on me like a bolt of lightening. I knew what I should do. It would be for the better. We would both feel horrible, and she would have so many unanswered questions. But I wasn't going to let myself worry or hurt her. I hated this, but it was the only option. It was for the best.