Neighbors Chapter 17

Sleepless nights, nightmares when I did, no appetite, the world around me moving in slow motion, and that constant rain cloud sitting over my head. I was used to these things and could handle them perfectly fine on my own, even if the symptoms were getting worse

When Marceline had knocked on my door that morning to check on me, I didn't answer. She would probably assume I slept in. I knew her schedule and made sure to avoid meeting her in the hall. But I was lucky I didn't bump into her randomly. It was strange that only one good force in the universe was on my side and that was it. Maybe it was a sign that I was doing the right thing.

I don't know how I managed to make it to work every day and pretend like nothing was wrong, but I did. When I was there, I was able to distract myself by focusing everything I had on my job. My boss didn't have any complaints, and it certainly fooled my co workers.

The nights spent alone weren't so pleasant. With nothing to steer my thoughts in a different direction, I would often find myself sitting in the bathroom floor, face soaked with tears. I didn't know it would hurt so bad. I wondered if maybe Marceline was going through the same thing. Probably not, though, considering I'm just an emotional wreck. She was probably angry with me, which was understandable. Maybe she even hated me. I ignored all of her texts, phone calls, and every time she knocked on my door I would pretend not to hear it. I wanted her to move on and this was the easiest way. She would get the hint eventually. She would believe I dumped her and go on with her life. She would find someone better and have a happier life.

When the weekend came I knew we would both be off work. In order to avoid her even more, I left the apartment early. I needed to find somewhere to hide from her. Pepe's place was the easiest choice. He would welcome me without being rude or judge me. He wouldn't make me do something I didn't want to and he would support me in what ever way he could.

I drove below the speed limit all the way to my home town. I arrived at the small house Pepe shared with his goofy room mate, a guy everyone knew, Cedric. But he was better know by his nick name, Cinnamon Bun.

I didn't go directly into the house when I pulled into the drive way. Instead I sat in my car, trying to compose my thoughts. What would I say to my best friend? I ran through every possible out come of what he might say when he saw me and came up with a decent reply. But before I could properly finish mentally preparing myself to go up to the front door, I heard a rather loud voice.

"Pepe! Looks like Bonnie is here!" Cinnamon Bun yelled into the house as he walked out to meet me.

I cringed. I wasn't up to talking to this guy. He was foolish and never took anything seriously. Everything was some kind of game to him. But he was walking over to greet me. I wanted to put on a polite face and pretend that I could stand his presence, but I just didn't have the energy. I opened my door and got out of my car so that we could properly talk.

"Hi, Bonnie. What brings you here?" He asked with that unaware look on his face.

"Hey, dude. I just figured I'd come see my best buds, is all. Is Pepe here?"

"Yeah, he's inside. Hey, something looks different about you, have you been dieting?" Pepe's room mate asked.

I was shocked that this guy actually had an observation skills at all.

"I'm gonna go see Pepe," I said, walking passed him and avoiding the question. I really didn't want to open up to this guy. I barely even knew him. He annoyed me, as well.

Inside I found my best friend shirtless, hair a mess, trying to rub his still sleepy eyes open. I moved my fist like I was about to punch him in the gut, causing him to flinch away. I chuckled at his reaction. I've never actually punched him, he's just a timid person. He acts tough around other people, but he's actually a big softy.

"Nice to see you, too, Bonnie," he grumbled. He threw himself down on the couch and yawned loudly. "Wow, you look terrible."

"Thanks," I said, rolling my eyes. I hadn't put on make up or done my hair, leaving it wavy, but he didn't have to comment on it.

"No, I mean, you look worse than on your birth day. You're pale and you've lost weight. Just what in the world is going on with you?"

I sighed and sat beside of him with my arms crossed.

"Cinnamon Bun noticed it, too. Is it that obvious?"

"Yep," he replied. "Are you okay?"

I sighed again and looked down at my feet. He knew the answer, already.

"I've been avoiding her. Its for the better, really."

"You moron," he mumbled to himself. "Do I need to go talk to her myself? Because I will."

"No," I quickly said. "I just... Its probably for the better. I'd rather it be this way."

"How does she feel about this?"

"I wouldn't know. I haven't talked to her."

"How do you feel?"

I wrapped my arms around myself even tighter and sucked up tears. I hated this. I didn't want to do it. But it was the best choice, wasn't it?

"You're letting that rapist destroy your life, Bonnie," Pepe said, grabbing my chin in his hand and forcing me to look at him. "You let him win, you know."

I hated that he said it. I wanted to push him away and jump back into my car and just drive as far away as possible. I knew that already and I didn't need to hear it from someone else. I just couldn't help it. What was I supposed to do?

"I'll just go in my room," Cinnamon Bun said as he slipped by, interrupting my thoughts.

"I'm sorry for being so blunt, Bonnie. But I think you needed to hear that," Pepe apologized, suddenly feeling ashamed for being so forceful. "You were so happy with Marceline. Why let him destroy that?"

"I thought I would be okay, but I'm not," I sobbed. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even function as a proper girl friend. I don't deserve her."

"Everyone deserves happiness," he said in a low voice.

"I can't even... I can't even have sex without having these terrible flash backs, Pepe," I said quietly, speaking through the lump in my throat. "Ash took everything from me."

"Ash?" Pepe repeated.

My eyes grew wide. I had accidentally said his name.

"Stupid, white mo hawk, wears black, hangs with a bad crowd?"

I didn't answer. How did he know him?

"Finn was telling me about a guy who tried to pick a fight with him when he went up to see you. It didn't turn out to well, though. This isn't the same guy, though, is it?"

I looked at Pepe in horror. He had actually tried to fight with one of my friends? What had he been doing? Was he trying to mug him? Where could he had been when this happened? Finn and Jake didn't know the town I was living in too well, so they probably only came to my house. Marceline didn't mention it, so it was probably just as they were coming to see me for the first time. Has Ash been stalking me? How often was he around the apartment building?

"Bonnie, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied. "Can I stay with you this weekend?"

"Sure, but why?"

"I just feel like I shouldn't be alone is all," I replied.

Pepe and I sat around the house and talked for the whole day. He got me to talk about everything I had been going through since the tragedy had happened to me. He was supportive and caring like a friend should be. I had to admit, talking did make me feel a lot better. He was right, I finally decided. I couldn't let one thing ruin my whole life. I shouldn't stay so closed off from everyone. He even convinced me that it would be better to talk to Maceline than to dump her. I didn't want to leave her. I cared for her a lot. She was so nice and loving and patient with me. How did I ever get lucky enough to find someone like her?

That night I slept on Pepe's couch, even though he kept insisting I take his bed. I stared at my phone screen, wondering if I should contact Marceline. I really wanted to. I was finally ready to explain a little to her. Maybe not all of it, but she at least deserves to know about my struggles with depression. She deserved some sort of explanation, at least. But I didn't contact her that night. It would be better if I did it in person.

I ended up sleeping a little that night, which was better than what I had been getting. When I woke up it was early, and I left my best friend's house to drive back home. I was determined to talk to her today. I hoped she would listen. I would understand if she was mad with me. I would be if the shoe was on the other foot.

My heart pounded and I was nervous from the time I left Pepe's to the time I got to the apartment building. I wanted to hyperventilate as I walked up the stairs. When I made it to Marceline's door, my confidence started to waver. What would she say? What would she think of me? She would probably be mad. Maybe she hates me and never wants to speak with me again. I did probably hurt her, after all.

Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I knocked on her door. I could at least talk to her, even if she did hate me. This way we wouldn't part on bad terms. But what if she didn't want anything to do with me? I'm a horrible person. She has every right to break up with me. I don't know if I could handle it if she did. I need Marceline. I love her.

What?

"Bonnibel," Marcline said in a dead pan voice. Her eyes were swollen and her hair was sticking out everywhere. She looked aggrivated by my very prescense.

My heart jumped into my throat.

"Marcy... I'm sorry," I somehow managed to say.

I waited for her to say something. She looked me up and down, then rolled her eyes. "For what? Ignoring me all week? Are you here to dump me?"

"No!" I quickly interjected. I felt a stinging throb in my chest. I hurt her. She thought I didn't want to be with her any more. How could I be so selfish?

"Could have fooled me," she said with crossed arms as she rolled her eyes.

I wanted to cry again. What had I done to her? She hates me.

"That's not it. I'm really sorry. But, I understand if you don't want to talk to me." I exhaled slowly, trying not to let out the tears threatening to come out of my eyes.

I chanced taking another look at Marceline, who I imagined was ready to yell at me and tell me to leave, then slam the door in my face. But instead I was met with a frown and a worried expression.

"No, Bon, please don't cry," she begged. "I'm sorry, I was being mean. Please, just don't cry."

I was surprised when she took me in her arms, but I was glad she did. I hugged her just as tightly. I missed being in her arms. I missed the feel of her light brown skin and the way she smelled. It made me feel safe and wanted.

She pulled me into her apartment and when the door was closed, she kissed up and down my face, causing a few giggles to escape my lips. When she was done I smiled up at her and rested my head on her chest. The steady beat of her heart calmed my nerves. She let me enjoy the silence for a little while before asking me any questions.

"So, what happened?" She asked, pulling me over to sit down on her couch.

I took in a few more calming breaths. This wouldn't be easy.

"I've been struggling with depression lately," I admitted.

I watched her frown again and almost lost my will to say more. But I had to tell her something.

"Its been really hard and I thought you might be getting fed up with me. I thought you would be better off without me. I went to Pepe's house, and he talked me out of it."

Marceline looked away from me and I wondered how she was taking all this. Maybe I should elaborate a little more.

"I mean, I didn't want to break up with you, but I thought I should. But my friend talked some since into me and I'm glad he did. I really do like you, Marceline. I hope you're not mad at me."

Marceline sighed and scratched the back of her neck, then looked up at me with a half smile. I smiled nervously back at her.

"Bonnie, you can talk to me, too, you know," she finally said. "I'm not mad, but I wish you would tell me when stuff like this goes on."

I exhaled as if I was holding my breath. I was glad we were still on good terms.

"Remind me to thank Pepe," she laughed.

I made an overjoyed smile and threw myself onto my girl friend, squeezing her tightly. I wanted to cry again, but not out of sadness. I held back the tears, though.

"I don't know anything about depression, Bon. Promise you'll talk to me from now on, okay?"

With my head buried in her chest, I nodded. "I promise," I whispered.

Marceline laughed nervously again and I felt her heart speed up. When I realized she was in fact wearing a tank top and I had been breathing on her skin, I rose up, feeling flustered.

"So, what caused you to be so depressed?" She asked out of nowhere.

I wasn't expecting her to ask that, but I should have known she would. I wanted to tell her, I just wasn't ready yet. What could I say?

Before I could think of an excuse to change the subject, there was a knock at the door.

"Who could that be?" Marceline wondered, standing to answer her door.

"Oh, good, Bonnie's here," Pepe said as soon as the door opened. "I was worried about her. Why didn't you answer my calls, woman?"

"I forgot to charge my phone," I admitted.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, walking in as Marceline stepped to the side.

"Yeah, everything's good, now," I answered with a smile.

"Good," Pepe grinned. "I guess I'll leave you two alone, then."

"Oh, here, stay in my apartment if you want," I offered, throwing my friend my keys. "I'll be over in a little while."

"Oh, okay. Take your time," he said, then left us alone again.

As soon as we were alone, I did something that I had missed the most. I joined lips with my girlfriend as we sat back down on her lumpy, red couch. We passionately kissed for a long time. I was happy to be back with her and I was so glad she still wanted me. Words couldn't express how thankful I was to her for having me.

I wanted to stay on that couch all day with her, feeling every inch of her body and taking all of her in. But before long, the severe exhaustion that had been building up in me for so long finally took hold of my body. I ended up falling asleep in her arms at some point and when I woke up I was in my bed. My room was dark but dim lights came in from my partially opened door. I could hear faint voices, too.

"I'm glad Bonnie found someone like you. She usually struggles making friends because of how she is. But you're different, you understand," I heard Pepe say.

"I suspected something might be wrong. It was killing me that I couldn't figure it out. When she stopped talking to me, I actually thought it was me. I feel bad about that, now," Marceline said.

"Most people would. But I'm glad you guys worked it out," Pepe said.

"Me too," Marceline admitted, sounding like she might be embarrassed.

There was a pause.

"Well, I guess I'll drive home. Tell Bonnie to take better care of herself."

The door closed and there was silence again.

I watched as the lights darkened one by one, then my head was caressed by a gentle hand. I turned into the hand and smiled. She carefully joined me in bed and held me tightly to her body. Blissfully, I drifted back off into sleep.