Sorry about the wait, it's been a crazy few days! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek

Cordelia was experiencing jealousy.

"What's her name again?" she asked James, trying to appear casual. They were in his room while she read a book and he tapped away on his PADD. Surprisingly he was doing something productive, searching for new crew members by looking at their files.

"Carol Marcus," he sighed. "Her dad was the one who tried to orchestrate multiple deaths by the hands on Kahn."

"Oh," she didn't look up from the book. "Why are you going to a meeting about her?"

"They're deciding if they're going to trust her," James said casually. "Since she snuck on the Enterprise and hacked into its database. Due to it being my ship, I have to be present to offer my opinion. You know how much I love offering my opinion."

She now looked up to examine his casual features. "What will you say?"

"That she's a genius, who shouldn't be judged for her father's actions, and that I would be honored to have her on the ship. She would be good to have on the five year mission."

"You seem so sure that they'll give you the mission."

"I am in complete confidence." James grinned widely, looking up. "Why do you look like that? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," she answered smoothly. "I'm just feeling tired, so I may head home."

"You are home," James said that it was no big thing. "And you're not alright. That little brush off would've worked on someone else, but not me, so talk."

"What happened to not pushing me?"

"I got bored."

"A character trait of yours."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he looked taken aback. "Are you trying to say something, Cor? Or are you just jealous?"

"Jealous of what?"

"Carol!"

"No," she scoffed. "Why would I be jealous of your interest in another girl? And I wasn't implying anything—

"Them what did that jab at my personality mean?"

"Nothing, Kirk!" she snapped, standing up. Grabbing her book, she quickly found her shoes. "Forget it. I need to go home—to my home."

The last three words made James jerk back like he'd been stung. "You called me Kirk."

"Look, I'm just tired," Cordelia sighed. "I'll talk to you later."

He didn't say anything else, so she left the room. The apartment that normally made her feel so safe suddenly felt like a reminder of all the girls James had taken into it, slept with, and gotten bored with a few days later. It was his routine; find slutty girls he liked to have around for a few days, get done with them, and then find new ones. She knew that it was a cover up. Above anyone else, she knew how his heart and mind worked, and she accepted that. She understood it.

Now though, her heart ached at the understanding. She wanted him, yes, but she wanted to be the only one he wanted. She just didn't know if that would ever happen.

Standing outside the door, Cordelia felt tears spring her eyes. She clutched at the book in her hands like it could control her emotions.

Be like Spock, she thought. Control. Don't stop feeling, just...control.

Control.

)-(

That night, Cordelia got the official call informing her that she would be reassigned to the Enterprise. She wondered if she even wanted to go now, reminded of the possibility of Carol Marcus being assigned there as well. Could she deal with that?

"You're being highly illogical," her Spock voice demanded to be heard, popping up in the back of her heaad. "Officer Marcus' presence should not affect your career."

"But I can't stand the sight of her..." Cordelia's irrational voice replied.

"You've never seen her, how could you have experienced distaste upon sight with your first meeting?"

"Because James likes her."

"Do you know that for sure?"

"I just have a feeling—"

"Truly, that is very little to go on."

"Shut up, Spock!" she snapped out loud. Realizing her mistake, Cordelia bit her lip and looked down with a blush. Ginger and Uhura were visiting Cordelia and Christine that night for dinner, so the two guests, as well as Christine, were shocked out her outburst from the kitchen.

"Should I be concerned?" Uhura asked slowly from her spot at the table. She eyed Cordelia with loving concern. "It's not every day you hear your best friend yell at your boyfriend...who isn't here."

"I..." Cordelia guessed the truth would be better. She finished refilling her wine glass and sat back at the table. "I have this voice inside my head, like my conscience, which tells me when I'm being irrational. I call it my Spock voice, because it says these he would say."

"That's a little strange," Ginger said kindly. "But I know for a fact that McCoy and Jim also have what they call a Spock voice."

"I definitely have one," Unura grinned.

"Does it actually sound like him?" Christine teased. "When you hear it in your head?"

"Yes," Uhura and Cordelia answered at the same time. The other two laughed, making the mood lighten a little.

That was sadly disrupted by Ginger narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "What is our dear Spock advising you about?"

"Jealousy," Cordelia admitted, looking down again. "I...I don't like that James seems to like this Carol Marcus chick."

"Oh honey," Christine shook her head, a small giggle leaving her lip.

"Don't laugh at me!" Cordelia exclaimed. This only proved to make the three other girls laugh out loud. "You know, this is why I don't tell you people things."

"Sweetie, it's just that McCoy is the one who likes Carol," Uhura explained. "Not Jim."

"And Carol totally falls for his southern drawl," Christine pointed out.

"She's so young though," Cordelia frowned.

"She's thirty, Delia," Christine corrected. "I saw her medical files. That isn't much younger than McCoy."

"But James got defensive," Cordelia frowned. "He asked if I was jealous."

"Which you were, by the way," Ginger shook her head. "But Jim probably just wanted to see how you felt about it, or if that crush you used to have in him had grown. His crush on you certainly has."

"Sometimes I think so," Cordelia muttered. "Other times, I feel like he's the exact same person he's always been."

"But you've always known who he is," Uhura interjected. "And you've always loved him for it."

"Love is a bit much."

"Is it, really?"

Cordelia closed her mouth, silencing her own protest. "Maybe not."

"I'm not pressuring you into telling him," Ginger chose her words carefully. "But don't get upset with him because you haven't been able to express your feelings properly. That's not really fair."

"I know," Cordelia groaned, putting her head in her hands. "That's what mind-Spock keeps saying."

"Have you tried talking to the real Spock?" Ginger suggested. "He knows Jim almost as well as you and McCoy do."

"And?"

"Maybe he can offer insight," Ginger shrugged.

Cordelia sat back in her seat and nibbled her lip. Maybe Spock was exactly the person she needed to talk to.