SOMEBODY CALL THE YAOI POLICE, IMMA GET ARRESTED FOR THIS CHAPTER!
WELCOME TO THE SECOND CHAPTER OF BLACK BUTLER CRACK!
Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER (because I didn't put one on the first chapter ._.): I DO NOT OWN KUROSHITSUJI/BLACK BUTLER. ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR AND FUNIMATION AND ALL THAT S**T.
YOU KNOW.
Chapter 2: I Didn't Know You Were a Stripper!?
Ciel and Sebastian stood over the third corpse they had seen so far in this investigation, this one having their face frozen into a look of pure joy.
"Wonder what she saw before she died that made her so happy..." Ciel murmured.
"Probably my sexiness." Sebastian spoke nonchalantly, then turned up his nose and walked away.
Well okay then X)
It was another regular day at the Shinigami Dispatch Association - Ronald was laying on the main staircase, refusing to do overtime as William repeatedly poked him in the ass with his Deathscythe to try and get him up, Eric and Alan were sitting on the sofa together, reading out the details of their next case together from the ledgers and Grell was doing his nails and hair in the corner, the paperwork that he should have been doing piling up on his desk. He soon abandoned his activity in the corner and waltzed over to Eric and Alan, the three sparking up a conversation.
William retracted his Deathscythe back to its shortest length once Ronald finally gave up and went to his desk. Will looked over to where Grell was talking with Eric and Alan.
"Reaper Sutcliffe." He spoke eerily low.
Grell remained silent, focussing on this conversation they were having.
"Reaper Sutcliffe." William spoke a little louder.
"Not now, I'm doing something."
"HEY." William pulled out a frying pan and smacked Grell over the head with it. The man fell face-first into the ground, and Will picked up his long red hair, beginning to walk away towards the reaper's desk. "There is work to be done, Reaper Sutcliffe, and I cannot have you forcing me overtime." Eric and Alan looked very disappointed that their friend had left in the middle of the chat.
Ronald raised his hands in the air and piped up at the two: "WOAHHOHOHHHHHHHOHHHHHH IT'S MR. STEAL YO GRELL!" He looked around nervously at the rest of his co-workers before sitting slowly back down in his seat and picking up his pink pen.
I loved writing that part so much.
I think I'm on crack myself (=u=)
Sebastian was making his way downtown, walking fast, faces passed, he was homebound as he wheeled the usual metal tea cart through the hall of the manor, Ciel's afternoon tea and scones sitting on top.
The demon reached his destination, knocking softly on the door.
"THIS IS MY OWN PRIVATE DOMICILE AND I WILL NOT BE HARASSED," Ciel spoke from inside. Seconds passed. "BITCH."
"Well, do you want this tea?" Sebastian spoke mockingly.
"..."
"Do you want this tea, Young Master?"
"I want it."
"Do you want it?"
"I want it."
"Do you really want this tea?"
"I want that tea."
"Do you reeeaaa-"
"SHUT UP AND GET IN HERE." Ciel snapped.
"But you told me that this room was your private domicile and I wasn't to harass you."
"Forget about that, I want that tea."
Sebastian walked into the room with the tea tray (cart thingy i don't know) and looked up at Ciel. The boy who usually sat in his desk like a normal person was dancing rather strangely on top of the desk, wearing nothing but a blue ribbon around his neck along with booty shorts and knee-high socks.
"Well, Master, are you going to drink your tea as per usual or are you going to do... this?"
"I'm practicing." Ciel still remained dancing strangely.
"What are you practicing?"
"Being a stripper."
"Why are you trying to be a stripper?"
"Because I can't dance any other way."
"Master... I'm not sure strippers dance exactly like... that."
"What do you mean?" Ciel looked Sebastian in the eye. The boy had been doing something more akin to trying to hold in a gallon of piss than something a stripper would do.
"Well, strippers usually dance more provocatively than that. From here you just look like you really need to use the chamberpot."
"...Well how do they usually do it?"
Sebastian raised his eyebrows for a moment before snapping his fingers, causing a tall pole to appear from nowhere, and the song "Troublemaker" by Olly Murs started playing.
A wild Stripper Pole appeared! What will Sebastian do?
Sebastian discarded his tailcoat to the floor and rolled his white sleeves up as he raised his right leg onto the pole. His knee was bent with the ankle wrapped around the smooth pole quite tightly, and he raised his head up to Ciel. "FIRSTLY! Act as if there are a crowd of attractive men watching you!" The butler raised his arms to the sky and grabbed the pole, spun several times around it, and wound up bent back slightly on his knees on the floor, which was now a disco dancefloor.
Sebastian used Hypnosis!
Ciel found himself staring as the demon held the pole tightly, jumping up onto the pole and locking his legs together at the ankles to hang without using his hands. "SECONDLY! Have no fear of falling off because it WILL be your doom!" He blew a kiss just for show.
Sebastian used Attract! The foe Ciel became infatuated and is unable to attack!
The foe Ciel used Double Slap - but it failed!
Ciel was going to strike the demon with his rings on for being so informal and misbehaved, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just stared as Sebastian wrapped a single leg around the pole and let the rest of his body hang freely.
Sebastian used Flash!
"THIRDLY! Get the attention of your audience in any way that you can! Remember, you are a stripper! Clothing means nothing to you!" Sebastian swung around the pole as he slowly undid all the buttons on his waistcoat and shirt, exposing the porcelain skin underneath. His tie hung, undone, from his neck.
The foe Ciel is paralyzed! He is unable to move!
Ciel dropped from his standing position on the desk and sat on the edge, staring at what was being presented to him.
"FINALLY!" Sebastian spoke as he slid down the pole and slowly rose up to his full height, standing. "Your main objective should be to seduce and/or arouse your audience!"
Sebastian used Charm!
Sebastian slowly waltzed up to Ciel, reaching his right arm across his chest to pull on the left side of his tie, and he slid the thing off of himself. He grabbed each end and swung the tie around the back of Ciel's neck, making a motion with his shoulders that caused the silky fabric to rub back and forth across the other's neck. Sebastian took a step closer each time the tie moved across his younger superior until he ended up with his face a mere few inches from Ciel's.
Sebastian kept eye contact and used his teeth to slowly remove his left glove, and used his now bare hand to stroke Ciel's cheek.
Ciel's heart beat faster. Wha-what is this..?
Sebastian tilted his own head to the side, letting ebony tresses fall over some of his features. He leaned in closer to the other's ear.
"Give me the word," he whispered ravenously. "and I will put on any show that would please my Lord." Sebastian pulled the tie away from Ciel's neck and tossed it away behind his back.
Ciel watched, wide-eyed as Sebastian pulled his head away from his ear, and his heartbeat sped up tremendously.
Sebastian let his eyes narrow as he leaned in to the younger's face once more and he lifted a leg to sit around Ciel's waist, pushing himself closer to the Earl. Sebastian couldn't help feeling satisfaction as a drop of blood found its way out of his petite nose.
It's super effective!
Sebastian let a smirk grace his features as he pulled himself away from Ciel, turning away and picking up all of his clothes, putting them back on in a flash and wheeling the cart over to Ciel's desk.
"Now THAT is how you dance like a stripper. And drink your goddamn tea. I'll be back to collect the cart in an hour." He walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly.
Ciel stared at the place where Sebastian had just been. "But..."
"THE POLE IS STILL IN HERE!"
Ciel took the cup of tea from the cart and walked back to his desk, sitting in the chair and slumping down to rest his head on the desk.
The foe Ciel has been defeated!
WELL! This chapter was sooo much fun to write and I would like to thank all of you guys, being my loyal readers and all, for taking the time to read all this stupid crack. I actually originally intended for this chapter to end in a completely different way involving footstools, but at least now I have content for the next chapter.
Please R&R, and if you would, please give that Favourite button a tap! It really helps!
See you in the next cracktastic chapter!
-xXxNaru-LovexXx