Striding into the conference room that wasn't really a conference room anymore, having long since been abandoned for more updated quarters on another floor, Cragen sighed when he saw the slouched posture of his seated detective.
It was very rare for Elliot to admit his wrongs so readily, and without any fuss, and the elder man knew it was only happening now because the younger man was consumed with guilt.
Despite whatever faults he may have, Elliot was an outstanding detective simply because he cared.
He cared about every victim he came across, he carried their trauma with him everywhere he went until they had apprehended the offender, and even then…he found it hard to let it go.
Whilst this fact was one of the many that made him one of Cragen's top people, it also took its toll on the man, which was what the Captain was looking at right now.
Glancing to the table, he saw that Stabler had obeyed his command, and the paddle that he so hated to use was lying idly on top oak surface.
Sighing once more when the younger man didn't look up upon his entrance, he noisily pulled out a chair across from him and threw himself wearily into it.
Eventually, it became clear that even this wasn't going to draw any acknowledgement or reply from the dejected looking detective.
"Look at me Elliot" the elder man instructed firmly, but allowing a faint note of gentleness creep into his voice.
Taking a moment, but eventually obeying, Elliot tore his eyes up from the floor.
Inwardly wincing at the controlling guilt he knew that the usually alpha-male like man was feeling, Cragen tilted his head slightly as he considered his speech.
Deciding to just go with his gut, he levelled a glare across the table.
"You know why you're here?"
A silent nod was offered immediately.
"Verbal answers Elliot."
This time a glimmer of the man's defiance was shown as he let out an exaggerated sigh.
"Because I screwed up my court rotations, and a victim was left alone because of it."
The defiance quickly receded as the man spoke, and he again dropped his gaze to the floor, his eyes glazing over with guilt.
He had bonded with that victim; he had held her hand and promised her he would be there.
He had let her down.
Swallowing hard, Elliot found for the first time that his mind was completely free of his usual inner diatribe that usually played when he was in hot water with his boss.
He knew he deserved whatever he was about to get, and found he didn't have any will to object.
"How? Just how could you let that happen Elliot?" Cragen continued, letting the disappointment he felt with both his detectives freely colour his voice.
When the younger man didn't answer him, and began to squirm in his chair instead, the Captain sighed.
If Elliot wasn't going to talk, then he would just talk enough for the both of them.
Throwing a stern look across the table, he drew in a deep breath.
He was really getting too old for this.
"You know better Stabler" the lecture began, "you've been doing this for long enough to know you never go a day without checking your rotations. You've been doing this for long enough to know you never turn your cell on silent, and you've definitely been doing this long enough to know you are never to put a victim through any further trauma. Am I correct?"
The mumbled and guilt laden "yes Captain" assured of him of his correctness.
"One set back like this, even one minor blip in the road and you know how easily a victim can decide to throw in the towel. Am I right?"
Another quiet and pensive "yes Captain" was offered, and the elder man pressed on, resolving to get the whole thing over with as quickly, but as thoroughly, as possible.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Looking up, the usually self assured man merely shook his head in woeful dejection.
"Nothing other than I'm sorry Captain, I…I'll never let this happen again."
His voice was unusually soft, but it rang with the frank man's usual sincerity and the elder of the two had no difficulty in instantly believing him.
Forcing himself to remain resolutely firm, he gave a brief nod and heaved himself to his feet.
Reaching across the table for the paddle, he reluctantly picked the thick wooden instrument up and looked at Elliot sternly.
"You know the drill Stabler, let's get this over with."
Rubbing a hand over his chin and biting back a grimace, the younger man nodded and quickly rose from his chair.
Moving to the centre of the table where he had been draped over more times than he cared to remember, he placed two hands on the smooth surface and quickly bent over it.
He closed his eyes tightly shut as he both heard and felt his boss move into the familiar position behind him.
When the warm hand came down on the small of his back, he closed his eyes tighter still.
When the first lick landed, he let out his usual and involuntary gasp.
Biting down on his lip, he strove to hold onto his stoicism. But as the second lick landed directly under the first, he instinctively knew that the Captain wasn't holding back and that holding onto his strong and silent acceptance of his punishment was going to be difficult.
He knew no more words of rebuke would come, and the only sounds that would fill the abandoned and secluded conference room would be the crack of the paddle against his backside, and the yelping he knew he would eventually have no choice but to let out.
Sure enough, when the swats began to fall in a steady tempo and the raging sting began to rise in his rear, it took all his will to remain completely silent and to remain completely in place.
Biting down hard on his lip once more, he dropped his head into his arms and thought about how the victim must have looked in that courtroom, with her abuser, and with him… nowhere in sight.
It was then that he removed his bite on his lower lip, and allowed the pain that seemed to suddenly ignite into a fiery furnace across his backside, to wash over him as he began to lay limp over the table.
Cragen for his part was fighting a battle of his own.
Seeing how quickly his detective's torso had lost its rigidity as he laid down swat after searing swat reaffirmed to him how guilty the younger man felt.
Wishing he could throw the paddle down out of his hand and pull Elliot up from the table, the elder man bit his own lip as he continued to dish out the well deserved punishment.
If he didn't…if he let Elliot up without him feeling like he had atoned for his screw up, the younger man would self destruct.
He had made that mistake with him once before, that had resulted in binge drinking and self loathing, and he wouldn't do it again just because it was hard to watch one of his people in pain.
With this in mind, he reluctantly began to bring the paddle down his detective's sit spots, and wasn't surprised that the hard licks on the tender area drew the first loud and instinctual yelping from the tangle of arms.
Closing his eyes briefly, and wearily, he applied another quick but intense layer of stinging licks across the man's backside.
It was as he brought his arm back once more, that he heard the sound he was waiting for.
The sound that always let him know when he had gotten through to Elliot, and when the younger man had completely succumbed to his punishment, and began the process of letting whatever indiscretion he had committed go.
It was the small and quiet gasping that he knew preceded the younger man's quiet weeping.
Elliot never cried out loudly during a punishment, or whined or hollered.
He always kept up a strong and silent front, until he could keep it up no more.
That was then the elder man knew that he had had enough.
Dropping one or two last and perfunctory swats across what was sure to be an enflamed backside, the elder of the two gratefully threw the paddle down out of his hand and instantly moved closer to the still bent over Stabler.
Placing a warm hand on his shoulder, he gently squeezed it and waited patiently for the younger man to regain composure of himself.
They were both men of little words, but he knew the simple squeeze was enough to communicate to Elliot that it was over and that his slate was wiped clean.
A few moments passed before the younger of the two pushed himself off the table, and quickly swiped a hand across his red eyes.
Looking up with his hallmark rueful smile, he shot a sincere look at his boss.
"I'm sorry Captain, won't happen again" he murmured, his voice slightly hitched.
Smiling his rare and crooked smile, Cragen nodded instantly.
"I know son, I know. You ok?"
Snorting somewhat in an attempt to regain his outwards persona, Elliot nodded.
"Sure. Your swing ain't what it used to be, you're getting old Captain."
Rolling his eyes at the man's incorrigible cheek, the elder man quickly stepped forwards and pulled the younger one into a hug.
It was rare for Elliot to need any kind of affection, but they both knew it was something he needed after any kind of meaningful punishment.
Cragen would take it to his grave with him…but well, so did he.
Breaking apart, the Captains heart sank when he realised he still had Olivia to deal with.
Clearing his throat, he slipped readily back into boss mode.
"Ok Elliot, go and wash your face and take a few minutes and then get back to work, ok?"
Nodding immediately and offering a "yes Captain", Stabler began to make his way from the room.
Painfully.
"Oh and send Olivia in here" Cragen called out, wincing as he did so.
Turning back immediately, Elliot frowned.
"Captain. About Liv…she's real torn up about this as it is, can't you just leave it at that?"
Shaking his head sadly, whilst wishing he could agree, Cragen remained firm.
"No Elliot, I can't. You know that. Send her in please."
Groaning, but knowing it was futile to argue, Elliot nodded miserably.
This time he got as far as nearly opening the door, before the elder man's voice rang out again.
"I want you sitting at your desk by the way Stabler."
Growling obscenities under his breath, much to the amusement of the Captain, Elliot nodded briskly and swept from the room.
Feeling a whole lot sorer, but a whole lot lighter.
When the door snapped shut, Cragen threw himself back into his chair and murmured sadly into the room at large.
"Alright Don, one down…one to go."
…..
TBC
…